bagel-boy-sama - Tumblr blog

[bagel-boy-sama]

“POTS is when you get dizzy when you stand up” and scoliosis is just bad posture. and endometriosis is just bad periods. and -

[bagel-boy-sama]

[bagel-boy-sama]

This one is arguably very personal because I have no idea if other aros feel the same – but I've seen too many stories about a character being rejected where the person doing the rejecting is (accidentally or not) implied to be some sort of "bad guy" or "the one who has it easier", so I guess I had an itch to show my side.

Aromantic people and alloromantic people have such different views on what "true love" is that it's not about one or the other being "in the wrong" – it's just one big compatibility issue. All I can say is – as an aromantic, being confessed to romantically IS what leaves me heartbroken, for such reasons. Hopefully there will be a broader understanding of this in the future.

[bagel-boy-sama]

"But all the abusive people in my life have had a cluster B disorder!"

Okay, and all the abusive people in my life have had either autism or ADHD, yet if I decided to coin the term "autistic abuse" or "ADHD abuse", I'd be hauled over the coals for it (and rightly so!)

[bagel-boy-sama]

People always say stuff like "you can do it" or "you can get better" or "you won't end up homeless you will get a job"

It's never "it's okay if you can't do this" or "it's okay not to be able to get better" or "it's okay if you aren't able to do work"

So it really does make me feel useless when I genuinely can't do anything, I'm supposed to be able to do things and everyone thinks I can so I should. If I can't, nobody will care to help me and it's my fault and I should die

[bagel-boy-sama]

When I say "I can't do that" what I'm not saying is:

I don't feel interested in doing that

I don't care enough to

I'm too good to be doing that

I don't think you deserve that of me

I'm not in the mood to do that

Not now, I'll do it later

Maybe

If that's what I meant, that's what I would say

What I am saying is:

It will negatively affect me in ways I can't afford

I simply can't physically fucking do that

I can't risk the potentially severe consequences I may experience if I overestimate my ability to do that

And if I explain that I am unable to do that, it is not an invitation to:

Tell me how much my disability hurts your feelings

Ask if I'm sure

Interrogate me because you believe yourself to be the judge of how unwell is unwell enough

Put words in my mouth ("why don't you care?")

Tell me how easy it would be

Remind me of how many other things I've been unable to do. I keep the score more than you do

Accuse me of exaggerating or faking to avoid doing it

Ask me again shortly

Make assumptions about additional explanations. (I must be mad at you, I must not care about this)

Offer compensation in return ("I can pay you" "we can do something you want to do after" "I'll get you something you like")

Ask what it would take for me to suddenly be capable of doing it

Tell me how you do things you have to do when when you're tired and then you can just rest and recover. I am not like you

Remind me of a time I was able to do that. Either I had more spoons or was less severely disabled if at all.

Say that if I was well enough to do X today, I should be able to do this as well. Energy doesn't work that way. Are you capable of running 8 miles right this minute just because you were okay to work a 10 hour shift today? That's what I thought

Suggest simply doing it a certain way ("take your time", "do it sitting down", "we can stop and take breaks", "just take your painkillers", etc)

But it is an invitation to:

Leave me the fuck alone about it 💕

[bagel-boy-sama]

Tell your stories in the tags, if you want to share!

[bagel-boy-sama]

An asexual and pansexual become room-mates and have wacky adventures

The show is called ‘All or Nothing’

[bagel-boy-sama]

hey as a local aroace, i want to specify something.

were no strangers to love. you know the rules and so do i (do i). a full commitments what im thinking of. you wouldnt get this from any other guy. i just wanna tell you how im feeling. gotta make you understand. never gonna give you up. never gonna let you down. never gonna run around and desert you. never gonna make you cry. never gonna say goodbye. never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

[bagel-boy-sama]

hashtag friends

[bagel-boy-sama]

[bagel-boy-sama]

not my meme but you all do know about this right? It feels like it's getting buried right now and I feel like its proponents are trying to take advantage of that.

[bagel-boy-sama]

"brutalism needs to be solarpunk in order to look any good or have any value" - person who would hurl if they saw the kinds of buildings i want to fuck.

[bagel-boy-sama]

here's the thing. "ace people can still have sex" and "aro people can still be in relationships" are objectively true statements. this is because people can do whatever the fuck they want forever regardless of their label/orientation. however some of you have GOT to get your shit together and stop using those statements to undermine larger conversations about aspec identity. following up "ace people don't owe you sex in a relationship" with "ace people can still have sex in a relationship though!" is not fucking helpful! yes it's true. yes it's a reality for many people. however if we used our fucking brains for a second and thought about how following up "people don't have to conform to societal expectation" with "but people can still conform!! don't worry they can still conform!!!!" is counterproductive and very frustrating for a lot of people then we could get back to the actual point which is not "aspec people can still have sex/be in relationships" but "aspec people can do whatever they want with their relationships and their bodies". which they can, by the way. they can do whatever they want forever. and you should give them 200 dollars every time you see them for dealing with this shit

[bagel-boy-sama]

the start of salt snow arc is still unbelievably funny to me because you have this setup for a story about how humanity rebuilds their own home after transcending finality for the first time in history and also about the grey serpents, what it means for them to be a collective vs an individual and what is the cost of independence. but then a wild misteln appears and the arc takes a sharp turn into a completely different direction. the grey serpent storyline is never touched on again