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Foster Care Services - Bair.org

Adoption through foster care  adopting an older child o Recently, I read a leaflet from a missionary whose work I admire. They said when they were first called, they were scared to step out and move far away from all that was familiar. They finally did go in faith and have had a successful ministry overseas since then. The story made me wonder how many people feel the call to missions but never overcome the fear. That led me to the thought that the mission field is all around us, right where we are. Some people are truly called to go to certain countries, but for those who aren’t given a specific assignment, I have a suggestion that will satisfy that yearning to do God’s bidding. Become a foster parent.

 Matthew 25:31-40 says:  “When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit on his glorious throne. All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate the people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. He will put the sheep on his right and the goats on his left. “Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’ “Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’

“The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’

 These verses describe what foster parents do. I cannot tell you how many times I have heard of youth being taken into a foster home literally hungry and thirsty, with no clothes other than what they are wearing. They need shelter and foster parents provide it, inviting these young strangers in. So often Biblical passages have to be interpreted in light of symbolism but this parable is pretty clear. And it describes being a foster parent.

If you feel like you might have a call to missions, or have a general “Gee I wish I could help someone, but I just don’t know what to do” feeling, call the nearest Bair office and find out how to become a foster parent. Go to www.bair.org then click on the Locations tab for contact information. Bair provides training, ongoing support and reimbursement for each child’s expenses. More importantly than that, God has promised, “Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world.”

Foster care  Adoption  Agencies Harrisburg  PA, Foster care  Adoption  Austin Lubbock  TX, Bair Foundation - Adoption,Christian Foster Care Services, Adoption through foster care  adopting an older child

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The Issue of Trust

When a child is suddenly taken from his home, and from his family, and placed in a home against his will, there are bound to be issues of trust.  Many children in foster care have never had an adult in their life that has not betrayed their trust; why should they trust you?  Indeed, when a child in foster care first moves into your home, he is bound to be suspicious, as he is now living in a stranger’s home; your home. One way to combat this is to create a trusting and nurturing environment within your own home.   Let your foster child know as early as possible that he is welcome in your house.  Keep in mind that your home is very likely the last place he wants to be.  Despite all the pain, difficulties, and perhaps even abuse your foster child may have faced in his own home before coming to live with you, you are still not his parents, not his family, and not his home. He probably will want to be with his own family, and will resist opening up to you.  These first initial days and weeks are essential in regards to building trust.  Try to be as warm, as compassionate, and as understanding as you possibly can.  Your efforts in this area will be recognized by your foster child, even if he does not show it or acknowledge it.

Along with this, you will want to let your foster child know that your house is a safe one, and that he will not come to harm in your home.  Not only do you want to let your foster child know this when he joins your family, it is just as important to remind him of this as often as possible. Treat him like a member of your family. You want to show your foster child that you value him as a person, and that he is important.  What he says, what he thinks, what he believes; your foster child needs to realize that all of these are important.  For some children, this might be a new experience, as they have never been shown value before.

Trust can also be built by showing your foster child that you care for him.  Building a trusting relationship means showing your foster child that you are concerned for his well being, physically, emotionally, and mentally.  Showing compassion for your foster child is an important part of building a healthy relationship, as he needs to know and feel that you care for him.  After all, close relationships between children and adults is a central part of avoiding further risky behavior.

You may find that your foster child will try to test your trust, your love, and your dedication to him. He may lash out verbally, throw temper tantrums or throw items in frustration, may lie to you.  On the other hand, he might also withdraw, refuse to talk, or not engage in the family in a positive way.  After the so called “Honeymoon” period has elapsed, he may try determine how far you trust him, and how much a part of your family he is. When this happens, remain consistent in our values, your rules, and your consequences.  Indeed, this also helps to build trust, as he will see that you will not waver in your rules and consequences, as well as your love for him.

Trust does take time, and for some foster children, it may take a very long period of time. Remember, you are planting seeds, here, that you may never see come to fruition.

Foster care Adoption  Lexington KY , Foster care  Adoption  Asheville Raleigh  Wilmington  NC

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Foster Parents and Birth Parents… Working Together As a Team

Okay, let me be honest with you. My wife is much better at this than I am; working with the birth parents of my children in foster care.  You see, there are times when I am not as welcoming as she is.   There are times when I am a little frustrated with the birth parents, due to the abuse and neglect they may have inflicted upon the children from foster care living in my house, and a part of my family.

When a child from foster care is placed into my home, that child becomes a child of my own; a child that I love unconditionally, and one that I will fight for with all my strength and resources in an attempt to protect him from further harm and trauma.  With this in mind, I sometimes have a difficult time getting past my own judgmental nature, and that is so very wrong of me. I know this, and I work hard at getting past this weakness of mine.  As I noted above, my wife is much better at this, and is a very loving and caring person; more so than I am, and this is one of her strengths. Yet, I understand the importance of creating a healthy and positive working relationship with the birth parents of my foster children. After all, the end goal is that of reunification between the child and the parent.  As foster parents, we want to ensure that we do the best we can with the birth parents so that the child has a happy, healthy, and safe home to go back to. It can be difficult enough having a foster child in your home.  He may have been placed in your home because of abuse or neglect from his family.  Perhaps he was in danger from parents who were abusing themselves. Whatever the reason for his placement into the child welfare’s custody, your foster child has most likely come with some emotional problems, and is struggling with the loss of his family. As a foster parent, it is part of your job to help your foster child deal with these issues, and help him adjust to his new environment, as well as develop a positive and loving relationship with him.

What can be more difficult, though, is another part of your role as a foster parent; Co-Parenting.   When a foster parent shares the nurturing of a foster child alongside the birth parents and caseworker, reunification tends to happen at a quicker and more successful rate.  Co-Parenting sees you, as a foster parent, working alongside the biological parents of the child living under your roof, and with your family. This may be the more difficult part of your job.  To begin with, these may be the people who abused or neglected your foster child. Helping them might just be the last thing you wish to do.  Therefore, it is important that you do not prejudge them before you meet them. Indeed, your first inclination may be that these are people who do not deserve to have their child back.  What is important to consider, though, is that many biological parents of foster children were abused themselves, and know of no other way when raising children.  Also disturbing is that some birth parents were foster children, as well, and are just repeating the cycle they went through as a child.  Certainly, there are reasons why their children are in care that we may never understand.  What is best for your foster child, though, is that you work alongside your caseworker, as well as the birth parents, and try to determine what is best for your foster child’s future, as well as how to best meet his needs in the present.

It might not always be easy. It might not always be pleasant. Yet, your role as a foster parent is not only to help the children in need, but also work towards reunification. This means, as you know, the reunifying of the child with his family. Does this always happen?  No. Should it always happen?  Well, I have seen occasions where the child was placed in harm when returning to his family and to his home, and with him being better off with another family.  A tragedy on many levels.

As foster parents, we have the opportunity to help bring families together, to help children heal, and to help biological family members be better parents and care takers.  Through our actions and our words, through our questions and our answers, and through our compassion and patience, we can help in the healing process for all involved.  As a foster parent, you are a role model not only for the child, but for his parents; not only for your friends and family, but for society.  As a foster parent, you have the ability to give words of comfort and love to both the child and his family.  As a foster parent, you can teach life lessons and help both child and parent learn new skills.  What a great opportunity, and at the same time, a big responsibility.  I know you are up to the task!  I know you will do a great job!

Thank you for what you do. Thank you for being a foster parent and caring for children.  Sadly the need is strong, as there are so many children placed into care each year. Yet there are so few willing to be a foster parent, as it is not an easy task. Truly, it is the hardest job you will ever come to love.

Foster care  Adoption  Austin Lubbock  TX , Bair Foundation - Adoption, Christian Foster Care Services ttp://�x*,

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The Bair Foundation Child Family ministries  is a Christian, nonprofit family services Agencies specializing in foster care, adoption and family services  in altoona, erie, pa.

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Helping your Child in Foster Care Feel as if He Belongs

Looking at me with tears streaming down his face, my teen aged foster son was upset with his birth mother after a recent visitation.  My wife and I were planning on taking him to Disney World over the holidays, yet she was standing in the way of it, not giving us permission to take him out of the state for what surely promised to be an incredible opportunity for the young troubled teen.  My wife and I did not want him to stay with another foster family while we were away, as we consider all of our children from foster care part of the family. Yet, we had purchased and paid for the tickets long ago, well before he came to live with us.  We were simply happy to pay the additional fee for his tickets and accommodations.  As the current placement was one that was emotional and physically exhausting for our entire family, we were all looking forward to a little vacation time, especially during the holiday break.

This young teen in particular was most eager to fit into our family, and had informed his birth mother as such numerous times.  Perhaps it was because the environment he had come from before living with us. Perhaps it was due to the many sad experiences he had grown up in. Perhaps it was because my wife and I immediately welcomed him into our own family, and treated him as an equal to our own six children, as an important member of the family, and as one who is loved as such.

 Like all children, your foster child wants to feel like he not only belongs to your family, but that he plays an important role in your household.  If your foster child does not believe that he contributes in a meaningful way in your home, he may seek someplace else to do so.  This “someplace else” may not be the place where you want your child to be associated with.  Thus, it is vital that you encourage good behavior in your home.

 Find your foster child doing something well, and notice him for it.  Tell him that you appreciate what he has done, thanking him for it. This can be as simple as cleaning up a room, taking the garbage out, playing quietly in a room, completing homework, hanging up a bath towel, or a number of small details that normally may go unnoticed.  No matter how small the action is, it is essential to your foster child’s well being that he feels recognized and that his actions are significant.

When a child is acknowledged for a behavior or action, no matter if it is negative or positive; he will more often than not repeat that same action.  Therefore, it is necessary as a foster parent to quickly recognize the positive ones and focus upon it, however brief.  Good behavior deserves recognition, in all areas of life.  As an adult, you appreciate when someone recognizes the work you do, whether it is at your work, in your church, or in your house. You, too, enjoy it when someone notices all the hard work you put in.  It makes you feel good.  Your foster child needs this positive encouragement even more than you do. After all, the self esteem of your foster child is most likely at an extremely low point

 Probably like you, I have had many children from foster care come through my home who have had very little sense of worth; children who have been abused in many ways, including verbally, and who have been beaten down by words from those who were supposed to love them most.  It is part of our role as a foster parent to bring a sense of self worth back to our foster child.  We can do this through our words and our actions.  May we love our foster children this holiday season, and every day of the year.

 Dr. John DeGarmo is a foster and adoptive father.  He has been a foster parent for 12 years, with over 40 children coming through his home. He is the author of many books, includingThe Foster Parenting Manual, and the upcoming foster children’s book A Different Home. For more, purchase Dr. DeGarmo’s training book The Foster Parenting Manual: A Practical Guide to Creating a Loving, Safe, and Stable Home.

  Foster care Adoption  Lexington KY , Foster care  Adoption  Asheville Raleigh  Wilmington  NC

Foster care Adoption  Cincinnati  Ohio