fillorianhedge-blog

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#we all need Julia Wicker smiling on our blog

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✰  SCANDAL SENTENCE STARTERS

‘  a lady never gets drunk.  ’ ‘  and yes, i do love you. no matter what. i have always loved you. no matter what.  ’ ‘  are you still getting married?  ’ ‘  as long as she’s alive, well, she’s your flaw. your achilles heel. which makes her my weapon.  ’ ‘  buying into the delusion that there’s any way to live together, to get through an entire life together, that’s… well, that’s the fantasy. that’s pretending.  ’ ‘  call my bluff. i dare you.  ’ ‘  come back to me. forgive me. i love you.  ’ ‘  do not tell me what i have to do. you don’t get to do that anymore.  ’ ‘  do you not understand that when the monster gets hungry, he will turn around and eat you?  ’ ‘  do you want me to get married?  ’ ‘  do you want me to thank you? thank you for saving me from my sad little suicide attempt?  ’ ‘  does it bother you at all? all the lies and pretending? and that’s not an accusation cause i do it too and i do it well.  ’ ‘  don’t insult me by lying to my face.  ’ ‘  don’t patronize me like i’m some hysterical teenage girl at the beginning of my cycle.  ’ ‘  for a screw up, you’re actually very bright.  ’ ‘  frankly, it’s embarrassing that you still haven’t realized, after all this time, that if we were together – actually together – i would tear right through you.  ’ ‘  girls like to be kissed first, right? romance them a little before you dive right into their pants?  ’ ‘  go screw yourself. and when you’re done with that, you can go straight to hell and screw yourself there.  ’ ‘  he has a weakness. if i exploit it, maybe i can get information out of him.  ’ ‘  he is who i choose. he is who i will always choose. you are just a lesser version of him, a sad reminder of who i truly deserve.  ’ ‘  how does someone as brilliant, as accomplished as you, not know what you are, who you are?  ’ ‘  i am better than you.  ’ ‘  i am not some man acting out of rage and then thinking later. i am a woman.  ’ ‘  i am not some toy you can play with when you’re bored or lonely or horny. i am not the girl the guy gets at the end of the movie. i am not a fantasy. if you want me, earn me. until then, we are done.  ’ ‘  i am sick of smiling. i am sick of acting like we’re happy.  ’ ‘  i am spectacular, but i can’t compete with religious fervor.  ’ ‘  i am tired of doing everything myself! i am alone here!  ’ ‘  i asked you to save me… and you said no.  ’ ‘  i can’t be with you. it’s not that i can’t – i don’t want to.  ’ ‘  i can’t breathe without you. i can’t sleep without you.  ’ ‘  i can’t do this… be with you. i can’t be with you. i’m sorry.  ’ ‘  i could tell you five minutes from now that i want to be with you, that i want to save you… you would crawl back to me and forgive me every single time.  ’ ‘  i don’t want to marry her. i want to be with you. do you want to be with me?  ’ ‘  i don’t want us to fight anymore. if you don’t hurt me, i won’t hurt you.  ’ ‘  i exist for you.  ’ ‘  i got here because i managed to escape you.  ’ ‘  i have never left your side. you left mine, but i never left yours.  ’ ‘  i have spent all this time feeling guilty, feeling like a monster, feeling like i broke us! but it was you!  ’ ‘  i haven’t had this much fun spending the night with a woman in… hell… ever.  ’ ‘  i just got you back  ’ ‘  i lie in bed every night and i play our relationship over and over again in my head like a movie. we meet. we fall in love. we can’t stop ourselves. we’re meant to be. i give up everything inside of me and then it stops. the movie just stops. i don’t know how it ends.  ’ ‘  i love you. i’m in love with you. you are the love of my life.  ’ ‘  i love you. i’m in love with you. you are the love of my life. my every feeling is controlled by the look on your face. i can’t breathe without you, i can’t sleep without you. i wait for you, i watch for you. i exist for you.  ’ ‘  i may not be able to control my erections around you, but that does not mean i want you.  ’ ‘  i think you believe that i will never choose you.  ’ ‘  i thought, hey! let’s get some estrogen in here and see what happens!  ’ ‘  i wait for you, i watch for you.  ’ ‘  i want us to stand in the sun together.  ’ ‘  i wasn’t thinking about you. i don’t think about you.  ’ ‘  i will open up our closet and i will pull out our dirty laundry to the world. i am that tired.  ’ ‘  i will slit his throat. if he learns that i’m the one who made you break his heart, that too will force me to slit his throat.  ’ ‘  i wish we’d never met, but we did. and i tried… i tried and failed. and tried and failed again to hide – to stop loving him. but i couldn’t. i was weak. i hated myself.  ’ ‘  i would never try to kill you.  ’ ‘  if i only went where i was welcomed, i would never leave the house.  ’ ‘  if you knew the sacrifices i have made, the things i have given up, and the pieces of myself that i have given away for you… and you treat me this way? you declare war on me and you shame me and you make me beg for scraps when i have done nothing but fight for you.  ’ ‘  if you want me, earn me!  ’ ‘  it hurts until it doesn’t. you think it’s going to break you, but it won’t. you may not sleep as well at night, but you will be fine. numb, but numb and fine are the same.  ’ ‘  it’s a gesture. it means i’m sorry. people get coffee when they’re sorry… i can get you tea instead.  ’ ‘  it’s because you found your precious (name here) doesn’t have the secrets of the universe tucked between her magical thighs – that she’s just a person like everyone else and that she’s capable of using you like everyone else.  ’ ‘  it’s my turn! he suffers. he hurts. he burns. i’m tired of carrying the cross. let him pick it up now.  ’ ‘  it’s you and me.  ’ ‘  it’s you. you’re difficult.  ’ ‘  i’d lose… our little war. i’d lose.  ’ ‘  i’m damaged. she doesn’t like to yell at me.  ’ ‘  i’m done. i told you we’re done. we’re over.  ’ ‘  i’m just a twisted sociopath who gets what she wants no matter who gets bulldozed along the way.  ’ ‘  i’m playing the game and i’m playing it better than anyone.  ’ ‘  i’ve gone from being his bitch to being yours.  ’ ‘  leave me be. leave me be!  ’ ‘  let’s not pretend we’re something we’re not.  ’ ‘  life is unfortunate. random. coincidental. bad things happen to good people all the time.  ’ ‘  marriage can wreak havoc on a person.  ’ ‘  mediocrity is not an option for me. i don’t want that and neither should you.  ’ ‘  monsters eat people. it’s what we do.  ’ ‘  my every feeling is controlled by the look on your face.  ’ ‘  oh, look. it’s the girl who can’t shut her legs or her mouth.  ’ ‘  one, i am not a hen. two, i am not a prize at a state fair. you cannot win me!  ’ ‘  please stop. please stop getting my hopes up.  ’ ‘  pretending is what’s real. every married couple alive pretends.  ’ ‘  put another glass of scotch on top of it and just deal with it.  ’ ‘  screw as many whores as you want. i wouldn’t expect anything less.  ’ ‘  she’s not my mistress anymore, so buck up. you won.  ’ ‘  she’s perfect, but she’s not you.  ’ ‘  she’s perfect. but she’s not you.  ’ ‘  so cheers, baby. drink up. i live to fight another day.  ’ ‘  so, you can cheat and i can’t? is that it? well, that is one hell of a double standard.  ’ ‘  stock your damn fridge. if i’m going to be your fake boyfriend all day, i’m going to come home at the end of it and drink real beer and eat real food.  ’ ‘  the only difference is that i’m in love with you. some people would call that a defect.  ’ ‘  the plan is to find him, and when i do, i’m going to look him in the eye and put a bullet in his head.  ’ ‘  the truth of the matter is that i will never love anyone as much as i love you.  ’ ‘  the truth of the matter is that i will never love anyone as much as i love you. you have never chosen me. we’ve done horrible things to one another, but for some reason, i still end up here in front of you… looking at you. wanting you. in love with you.  ’ ‘  there is a famine in my lady bits. my vagina is beautiful, she is welcoming, but she is being treated like a murder house. i can’t get anything in there.  ’ ‘  there’s no gratitude in parenting. i don’t know why we do it.  ’ ‘  this is amazing. she has actually managed to go from being a slut, to being an every-woman, to being your sister-wife in under 48 hours. i didn’t even know that was possible.  ’ ‘  time’s up! we’re coming for you!  ’ ‘  we should’ve locked ourselves in a room together and gotten drunk years ago.  ’ ‘  well, guess what? you’re alone! the path that you walk is not my path. the shoes that you stand in are not my shoes. we are not equals, nor will we ever be. you are alone.  ’ ‘  we’re in this together, okay? we have to be in this together because i don’t have anybody else. i don’t. you’re all i have.  ’ ‘  we’re not ever going to be over. i am never going to be over you.  ’ ‘  we’ve done horrible things to one another, but for some reason, i still end up here in front of you… looking at you. wanting you. in love with you.  ’ ‘  what does it feel like to be so hot for someone, to be so turned on by them that you would put everything you ever worked for at risk? does it feel good? is it an amazing high?  ’ ‘  what, did you think you’d find me drunk and playing russian roulette?  ’ ‘  what’d you call me? ornamental? not functional? i am a rose dying on a vine here.  ’ ‘  what’s wrong? what’s wrong? what is wrong? this is my life! that’s what’s wrong!  ’ ‘  when i was faced with the chance to cheat, i kept my knees together and said no.  ’ ‘  when you walk in here, you make me hope.  ’ ‘  you always did know just the right way to hurt me.  ’ ‘  you are a measly little troll and i don’t like you, and i do not respect you, and i think you’re pathetic.  ’ ‘  you are the biggest bitch i know. don’t tell me you can’t do this.  ’ ‘  you are the one i like to ride, but no one will ever ride you like i do.  ’ ‘  you declare war on me and you shame me and you make me beg for scraps when i have done nothing but fight for you.  ’ ‘  you do not summon me!  ’ ‘  you don’t have to love me, but we are in this hell together and the flames are burning both of us with equal intensity, baby, so the least you could do is be my friend.  ’ ‘  you have never chosen me.  ’ ‘  you have no idea how my world works.  ’ ‘  you love me. you love me!  ’ ‘  you missed out on your happy ending today.  ’ ‘  you own me! you control me! i belong to you!  ’ ‘  you put your tongue in my mouth and now i deserve to live? that’s a thing? that’s how it goes?  ’ ‘  you ruined me. i’m ruined!  ’ ‘  you should know – i hope you know – i did my best for you. i take tremendous pride in who you have become.  ’ ‘  you should never apologize for being you.  ’ ‘  you should’ve never given me someone to love. monsters eat people. it’s what we do.  ’ ‘  you took in a wild monster and you groomed me and petted me and trained me to sit at your feet, but that doesn’t mean i’m a puppy. that just makes me a very loyal monster. so i don’t go too far. i went exactly as far as my leash allows and yo hold the leash. you went too far.  ’ ‘  you were never an option for me.  ’ ‘  you! you ruined our relationship! you shut me down. you locked the door. you killed us.  ’ ‘  you’re an escape, someone to toy with. you’re a yo-yo, a booty call, a side piece.  ’ ‘  you’re complimenting me. is this some new, genuine way of putting the screws to me?  ’ ‘  you’re not good enough for me.  ’ ‘  you’re not ready. and you never will be.  ’ ‘  you’re not you anymore. you know who you are? you know who you’ve become? you’re your father.  ’ ‘  you’re one creepy bastard, you know that?  ’ ‘  you’re ornamental. not functional. so don’t come in here and try to use your brain because no one cares.  ’ ‘  you’re scared of what we have. of something real.  ’ ‘  you’re the only one who has always been honest with who you are.  ’ ‘  you’re weak. you need me too much – need me to tell you what to do and how to feel. you were never an option for me.  ’ ‘  you’re wrong. i’m not scared. i may be horrible because i’m abandoning you, because i always abandon you, but i’m not scared. not the least bit.  ’

(  my original version of this meme can be found here.  )

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                       IT’S THE TERROR OF KNOWING                          WHAT THE WORLD IS ABOUT.

                             watching some good friends______scream let me out.

                      NONRP BLOGS DO NOT REBLOG. YOU WILL BE BLOCKED.

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What did it feel like (physically, mentally, whatever) the first time Julia performed a spell and had physical proof that magic was real?

✶ ✶ ✶ CHARACTER META // always accepting ✶ ✶ ✶

@manichaeisms

           first, to fully understand how julia felt when she did perform magic, i think we need to unpackage what having magic taken AWAY from her felt like. here we have a girl who has excelled her entire life. being good at something is the very CORE of who she is. julia wicker is the girl who has taken a sadistic class load since day one. she killed herself over ap classes and prep courses. there was never a test that she DIDN’T ace. and perhaps the worst part is that she does it with ease. at least on the outside. julia wicker has made her EXCELLENCE seem like something she just woke up with one day. but she’s obsessive. always has been. she was good at HIDING it from james, until brakebills. like she’d finally claimed control of her life until brakebills.

        ( here’s the thing: the scene with julia telling james she’d been going to narcotics anonymous meetings –– that alibi was so EASILY admitted and he just took it. no doubt, no questioning. this WAS NOT the first time this subject had been mentioned. under the facade of perfection, julia has struggled with demons. obsessive behavior, addictions, destructive behavior. james saw bits and pieces of it, but i think he CHOSE not to see it. only see the version of julia he wanted. quentin: quentin KNEW that julia had used adderall in a few times in high school, more seriously during their time in undergrad. he knew that the addiction was not so quietly shelved and replaced with cigarettes after some SERIOUS discussions. he knew that julia had an eating disorder early on in high school. look at quentin’s face when julia shows him her arm and says i wouldn’t let myself forget. there’s not a trace of SHOCK there. julia has done things like this before. where quentin focused on magic and fillory to break up the troubles of the real world, his own mental issues, julia threw everything into being PERFECT. being the best at anything she tried to tackle. )

      hearing that she FAILED was not an option. maybe some people are able to go on and live mediocre lives, but there’s no way that she’d EVER accept being less than something. at first, trying to rediscover brakebills was just because she knew there was a mistake. she NEEDED to get in contact with them, they needed to test her again. THEY WERE WRONG. but discovering that she had failed at something and QUENTIN HADN’T, that was the start of the trip down the rabbit hole. there was NO WAY that he was better at her, that there was something he could do and SHE COULDN’T. 

“no, you know that you don’t want to fail.”“what? it’s not about that!”“are you sure, jules? because you can do everything else it’s really okay if this is not your thing.”

      it kills her when he says that she just doesn’t want to FAIL because he’s not wrong, though she would never admit it, but he’s also WRONG, they’re ALL WRONG about her. and that tiny little spark, that one little spark that she showed him behind the bar on her birthday had meant SO MUCH. it was her proof. hours of not sleeping, not eating, not looking at anything other than her computer screen. there was a MINISCULE voice in her head, a voice of reason and sanity, that told her she was being crazy. but QUENTIN hadn’t come back and she had and that meant there was something BIGGER THAN YALE out there. something greater she could accomplish. and THAT SPARK. fuck, that spark gave her hope and life again. no one understood–– how could they? how could she tell james what was happening? quentin was SUPPOSED to understand. to see that she was just as good as he was. that she could be BETTER THAN HIM. julia can feel magic in her SOUL. it’s in her. she can’t just let quentin tell her that her life is in new york, that her life is at yale. 

     the FIRST TIME she’d made that spark, it was like waking up. she tried everything she came across, refusing to stop until something happened. refusing to accept that maybe she wasn’t magical after all. she sat on the couch and CRIED. exhaustion, stress, physical pain, none of it really mattered anymore because there was proof. she sat and cried and did the moves again and again until her fingers just KNEW what they were supposed to do without her even thinking about it. magic was real and she COULD do it. 

      the moment in the bathroom, that was remembering how to BREATHE. there was no killing herself to get finger positioning, there was no scrunching up her nose and concentrating hard there was just a REACTION and it was magic. PURE MAGIC. it was the sudden realization how much her body ached. she’d been deprived oxygen all this time and now here she was, breathing again. 

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The quest is supposed to change us. I’ve sacrificed everything that it want me to up to this point and I- and I can’t…

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i just finished s3 finale. i need a minute. a minute to just scream like a banshee.

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i am out of town so i probably won’t get much writing done, but i will be around for plotting. don’t hesitate to drop me a message here or on Discord 💜

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NBC Universal Upfronts 2016

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send me a topic to write a meta about my muse on

I might write anything from a paragraph to a whopping essay, but send me something you’ve noticed about my characterisation or just something you want to know about my muse and I will write what I can!

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HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER SENTENCE MEME [PART I]

“My friend just got dumped, so tonight all men are “the Enemy”.”

“Son, a piece of advice, never use the words “smurf penis” on a first date.”

“I think I’m in love with you.”

“At every New York party there is always a girl who has no idea whose party she’s at.”

“Kinda don’t wanna wear my shirt any more. Or my underwear. Oh, that’s right, I’m not wearing any.”

“We’re having a party next Friday if you’d like to swing by.”

“Like, let’s fall in love, and get married, and have kids, and drive them to soccer practice.”

“Because you’re my best friend, all right? You don’t have to tell me I’m yours. But the way I see it, we’re a team. Without you, I’m just the dynamic uno.”

“My friend does this thing where he goes to the airport and leaves fake luggage in order to meet women.”

“Look, our forefathers died for the “pursuit of happiness,” okay? Not for the “sit around and wait of happiness.” 

“Guys are like the subway. You miss one, another comes along in five minutes.”

“Desperate please-don’t-leave-me sex is amazing.”

“There are only two reasons to date a girl you’ve already dated: breast implants.”

“Wow. Who knew being in a committed heterosexual relationship could make a guy so gay.”

“You dumped a porn star?”

“Everyone thinks they’re a good kisser.”

“I’m done being single, I’m not good at it.”

“So you chickened out like a little bitch?”

“See that girl? I’m gonna marry her someday.”

“I’m crazy about you. I think we should be together. What do you say?”

“Come on. I know it didn’t work out between us, but we did have a relationship.”

“Hit me? Please! This guy can barely spank me in bed for fun.”

“You are forcing me to be the voice of reason. And that’s not a good look for me!”

“You are the love of my life. Everything I have and everything I am is yours. Forever.”

“We always said we’d be there for the big moments.”

“Settling down is for losers and kids who never go out anymore.”

“Just be cool, Lady. Damn.”

“I don’t want to see you for a while.”

“Love is the best thing we do.”

“It doesn’t have to make sense to make sense.”

“I refuse to be a part of a third runaway bride situation.”

“When you find someone you want to keep around, you do something about it.”

“The friends, neighbors, drinking buddies and partners in crime you love so much when you’re young, as the years go by, you just lose touch.”

“You’re gonna get your dream because you’re giving me mine.”

“It’s kind of insane how much happened in just a day and a half.”

“No I’m not okay, because apparently I’m marrying my dad in a few hours.”

“When what’s really happening is too intense to deal with, sometimes it’s best to leave it unspoken and just enjoy each others company instead.”

“Before you know it, just like magic, you realize, it’s a perfect fit.”

“Whatever you do in this life, it’s not legendary, unless your friends are there to see it.”

“If you keep acting this way, little by little, you’re gonna lose me.”

“I’m not going to win again. Not like that anyway.”

“For a long time, deep down I felt sort of, broken.”

“Screw tomorrow, lets go big tonight.”

“You’re my best friend, I just need your support.”

“Kids, they don’t understand logic, kids understand who shows up. That’s why her dad’s her hero and I get hung up on.”

“Do you want to keep playing or do you want to win?”

“Yes I’m in a rotten mood. No I don’t want to talk about it. Yes this has booze in it. No it’s not my first.”

“He’s gotten really respectful with his fake listening.”

“Why say goodbye to the good things?”

“When you believe in people, people come through.”

[fillorianhedge-blog]

Sharing A Bed Starters

"Did you have a nightmare?"

"I had a nightmare."

"There's plenty of room for the both of us."

"There is not enough room here for both of us."

"It's cold. We should try to conserve body heat."

"You're not even going to notice because you'll be asleep!"

"We've only got the one bed between the two of us."

"Quit stealing the covers."

"Quit kicking me."

"It's better than sleeping on the floor."

"It's either this or you sleep in the tub."

"Alright. Get up here."

"We're sleeping in the same bed, not together!"

"Please go to bed."

"Sleep is for the weak."

"Do you have any idea what time it is?"

"Dutch oven!"

"You sleep on top of the sheets."

"I'll sleep on top of the sheets."

"I'm scared. Can I sleep with you?"

"You're scared? You can come sleep with me, I guess."

"I have to sleep closer to the door."

"I can't sleep this close to the door."

"Stop getting up so early. You always wake me up."

"Stop staying up so late. I can never fall asleep."

"We can cuddle."

"Just don't try cuddling me or anything."

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already starting to think of aus for julia. shadowhunters? harry potter? all while i find a defibrillator to jump start the heart of the magicians fandom. any other fandom suggestions? ( my kingdom for a penny. a q. a kady. a marina. )

[fillorianhedge-blog]

BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER STARTERS  → 2.14 Innocence ❛  I’m not happy, pet. ❜ ❛  It’s interesting to me that ‘preparing’ looks a great bit like sitting on your ass. ❜  ❛ When do we destroy the world already? ❜  ❛ My strength grows, and with every life I take it will increase further. ❜  ❛ No, but a four-hundred-pound wino offered to wash my hair.  ❜  ❛ Well, those of us who were born with feelings are gonna do something about this.❜  ❛ We were just going to rescue you.  ❜ ❛ Also, not the prettiest man in town.  ❜ ❛ I’m naming all the stars. ❜ ❛ As long as there’s injustice in the world, as long as scum like you is walking… ❜ ❛ Look over your shoulder. I’ll be there. ❜ ❛ Now it’s four against one, which are the kind of odds I like to play. ❜  ❛ We’re going to destroy the world. Want to come?  ❜ ❛ She made me feel like a human being. That’s not the kind of thing you just forgive. ❜ ❛ No, I might die from you. Does that get me any points? ❜ ❛ Come on, can’t we just kiss and make up? ❜ ❛ We were just kissing. It doesn’t mean that much. ❜ ❛ It just means that you’d rather be with someone you hate than be with me. ❜ ❛ Like I really wanted to stick around after that. ❜ ❛ You got a lot to learn about men, kiddo. Although I guess you proved that last night.  ❜ ❛ You were great. Really. I thought you were a pro.  ❜ ❛ How can you say this to me? ❜ ❛ Lighten up. It was a good time. It doesn’t mean like we have to make a big deal. ❜ ❛ There are terrible things happening here that we cannot control.  ❜  ❛ We control nothing. ❜ ❛ I’m glad you came back. We can’t do this without you. ❜ ❛ Let’s get this straight. I don’t understand it, I don’t wanna understand it. ❜ ❛ You have gross emotional problems, and things are not okay between us. But what’s happening right now is more important than that.  ❜ ❛ Well, it’s not really the kind of message you tell. It sort of involves finding the bodies of all your friends. ❜ ❛ There must be some part of you inside that still remembers who you are. ❜ ❛ Your boyfriend is dead. You’re all gonna join him. ❜ ❛ Things are about to get very interesting. ❜ ❛ I’m leaning towards blind panic myself. ❜ ❛ Care to let me in on the plan I’m a part of? ❜ ❛ Now, I know you haven’t been in the game for a while, mate, but we still do kill people. ❜ ❛ You don’t want to kill her, do you?  ❜  ❛ You want to hurt her. Just like how you hurt me. ❜ ❛ To kill this girl… you have to love her. ❜ ❛ I was sent here to watch you. ❜ ❛ So, does looking at guns really make girls wanna have sex?  ❜ ❛ I’m seventeen. Looking at linoleum makes me wanna have sex. ❜ ❛ So, do you guys steal weapons from the Army a lot? ❜ ❛ Well, we don’t have cable, so we have to make our own fun. ❜ ❛ Do you wanna make out with me? ❜ ❛ I think about kissing you. And it’s like everything stops. It’s like, it’s like freeze frame.  ❜ ❛ No weapon forged can stop me. ❜ ❛ You know what the worst part was, huh? Pretending that I loved you. ❜ ❛ You can’t do it. You can’t kill me.  ❜  ❛ You must be so disappointed in me. ❜ ❛ Do you want me to wag my finger at you and tell you that you acted rashly? ❜ ❛ All you will get from me is, is my support. And my respect. ❜

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                        IT’S THE TERROR OF KNOWING                           WHAT THE WORLD IS ABOUT.

                              watching some good friends______scream let me out.

                       NONRP BLOGS DO NOT REBLOG. YOU WILL BE BLOCKED.

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          tag drop.