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[baldbae-tele]

Dirty Thirty

It is four days until the big 30. I suppose I should be experiencing a degree of excitement ... Another day in the land of the living! Yes there is gratitude, but there is something else. There is a grave deal of disappointment and self critique. It has been crawling up my neck and stifling me. And the reminders and reprimands continue to flood in.

At 9-10 years old, I was certain that my dream job was to be a Carib girl, I had practiced the dance in front of the television with my aunty Kathy for every West Indies cricket match... "Go T&T, Show them what you've got....Go T&T, show them what you've got!" I felt like I was well equipped after all of these practices and well on my way with Aunty Kathy as coach...By 20 I would be in a gear to fulfill this childhood dream...but unfortunately, this never came to fruition. I realised that maybe I did not want to be a Carib gitl anymore.

By 12-15 I was going to be a lawyer...The entire basis of this decision was that I like to argue...Thus, I would be the perfect fit for the profession because of course, there is no other basis to law beyond the ability to argue. LOL. By 25 I would have my own law practice and win all of my cases....Again wishful thinking.

When I got to university at 17 years old, to study Business Management, with an intended emphasis in Marketing...armed with my Procter and Gamble.... because obviously is that is the marketing bible. During Cape I trekked with that everywhere all over my high school. It was so bad my teacher used to borrow my textbook as reference for class. I was one of those students... YES.

Anyways...I clearly did none of those things...Flash forward, to returning to Trinidad and Tobago and finally finding my niche. I determined Psychology was what I really wanted to do with my life. After serving as a Resident Assistant in University, and dealing with many instances of youth crisis, I recognised that this was what I wanted to do...No NEEDED to work with people... I have always had a passion for people, in particular young people. I finally felt at peace at making this discovery. There...the decision was made. I was going to do my Masters in psychology which I started in September of 2019. The following year the pandemic hit... negatively impacting many things related to school. An experience which the world was never prepared for...

By 2020 is when the self critique began to rear its ugly head. I started to feel like I was choked and bound by own criticisms. With only a thesis left to defend, which had to be postponed due to illness, much to my displeasure because, "Ah just want to done!" I became very unforgiving and have been failing to offer myself grace.

I have adopted the following thought points:

Why it is you taking so long to figure out yuh damn life?

At 30 you were supposed to be married with an established career?

You have disappointed your family because you supposedly had so much promise.

What is wrong with you?

People often speak about the wrongs of comparing yourself to others. However, we need to have conversations around comparison to self...to our potential or perceived potential. This may be an even more toxic practice.

And there is something about 30 that makes us feel like we are running out of time...That we old. I assume that the four grey hairs I have managed to develop over the past few months may contribute to this....WAY DEY COME OUT FROM?

For this realisation and this reason...I have determined that 30 will be a year of forgiveness and grace. I have decided on allowing myself the opportunity to thrive as opposed to setting unrealistic deadlines for myself. I have decided to celebrate my wins and take the failings as a lesson. I have decided to cherish moments, and not hold them to my chest so that I cannot move past them.

I am determined to achieve my goals...but I am determined to release the timeline.

[baldbae-tele]

Dirty Thirty

It is four days until the big 30. I suppose I should be experiencing a degree of excitement ... Another day in the land of the living! Yes there is gratitude, but there is something else. There is a grave deal of disappointment and self critique. It has been crawling up my neck and stifling me. And the reminders and reprimands continue to flood in.

At 9-10 years old, I was certain that my dream job was to be a Carib girl, I had practiced the dance in front of the television with my aunty Kathy for every West Indies cricket match... "Go T&T, Show them what you've got....Go T&T, show them what you've got!" I felt like I was well equipped after all of these practices and well on my way with Aunty Kathy as coach...By 20 I would be in a gear to fulfill this childhood dream...but unfortunately, this never came to fruition. I realised that maybe I did not want to be a Carib girl anymore.

By 12-15 I was going to be a lawyer...The entire basis of this decision was that I like to argue...Thus, I would be the perfect fit for the profession because of course, there is no other basis to law beyond the ability to argue. LOL. By 25 I would have my own law practice and win all of my cases....Again wishful thinking.

When I got to university at 17 years old, to study Business Management, with an intended emphasis in Marketing...armed with my Procter and Gamble.... because obviously is that is the marketing bible. During Cape I trekked with that everywhere all over my high school. It was so bad my teacher used to borrow my textbook as reference for class. I was one of those students... YES.

Anyways...I clearly did none of those things...Flash forward, to returning to Trinidad and Tobago and finally finding my niche. I determined Psychology was what I really wanted to do with my life. After serving as a Resident Assistant in University, and dealing with many instances of youth crisis, I recognised that this was what I wanted to do...No NEEDED to work with people... I have always had a passion for people, in particular young people. I finally felt at peace at making this discovery. There...the decision was made. I was going to do my Masters in psychology which I started in September of 2019. The following year the pandemic hit... negatively impacting many things related to school. An experience which the world was never prepared for...

By 2020 is when the self critique began to rear its ugly head. I started to feel like I was choked and bound by own criticisms. With only a thesis left to defend, which had to be postponed due to illness, much to my displeasure because, "Ah just want to done!" I became very unforgiving and have been failing to offer myself grace.

I have adopted the following thought points:

Why it is you taking so long to figure out yuh damn life?

At 30 you were supposed to be married with an established career?

You have disappointed your family because you supposedly had so much promise.

What is wrong with you?

People often speak about the wrongs of comparing yourself to others. However, we need to have conversations around comparison to self...to our potential or perceived potential. This may be an even more toxic practice.

And there is something about 30 that makes us feel like we are running out of time...That we old. I assume that the four grey hairs I have managed to develop over the past few months may contribute to this....WAY DEY COME OUT FROM?

For this realisation and this reason...I have determined that 30 will be a year of forgiveness and grace. I have decided on allowing myself the opportunity to thrive as opposed to setting unrealistic deadlines for myself. I have decided to celebrate my wins and take the failings as a lesson. I have decided to cherish moments, and not hold them to my chest so that I cannot move past them.

I am determined to achieve my goals...but I am determined to release the timeline.

[baldbae-tele]

Untitled All the world’s a stage,And all the men and women merely players;They have their exits and their entrances;And one man in his time plays many parts,His acts being seven ages. – William Shakespeare I am revelry. I have also considered myself revelry. I have found myself in a word. In a word which encapsulates being the life of the party. This is the part I took. This is the role I…

[baldbae-tele]

Baby or Naw?

I love children. I am the type of person who gushes at the sight of a baby laughing, crawling or pretty much doing anything. Lately, I have found myself surrounded by a bunch of tinyt tots, much to my pleasure. I am often entranced by their bright little eyes which are still filled with hope and wonder and of course innocence. I relish in the way they attempt to pronounce words with all the…

[baldbae-tele]

Model Behaviour

For as long as I remember I wanted to be a model. As a youngster I was absolutely convinced that I met the requirements. After all, I was always a tall girl, towering over many of my friends, classmates and even some family members. What else was there to the thing beyond that? I imagined myself on runways and on the covers of magazines in all of the latest fashion trends. And I didn’t just…

[baldbae-tele]

Model Behaviour

For as long as I remember I wanted to be a model. As a youngster I was absolutely convinced that I met the requirements. After all, I was always a tall girl, towering over many of my friends, classmates and even some family members. What else was there to the thing beyond that? I imagined myself on runways and on the covers of magazines in all of the latest fashion trends. And I didn’t just…

[baldbae-tele]

Soulmates

A RYERSON ALUMNI EXPERIENCE Once upon a time on a little island in the Caribbean sea, (Trinidad and Tobago) a little girl day dreamed about a man whom she believed she would eventually meet. He would sweep her off of her feet and they would stroll off into a paradise under some tall coconut trees. She imagined white beach weddings where ocean waves would crash against the sand, caress their toes…

[baldbae-tele]

Forgiveness----The straight line

Forgiveness—-The straight line

I don’t wish to bore you with the monotony of all my Covid revelations. However, there is something about time alone with your thoughts, without the every day distractions that really can cause an awakening.

I always believed that forgiveness was linear, a straight path with no diversions. I never realized that forgiveness is a decision. Forgiveness, I’ve come to acknowledge is an active,…

[baldbae-tele]

Fall First

(An exposé on Hook up culture)

Let’s play a game… We’ll call it- Fall First.

We won’t use harnesses. No ropes, No lifts.

We’ll sign the waiver at the door. Please be mindful, That this game is solely based on- Taking risks.

I’ll lure you in with my feminine wiles, You’ll capture me with your debonair smile.

And we’ll kiss- With the fiery passion Of two cobras at war,

Lips intertwined,  Wra…

[baldbae-tele]

Dripping Melanin

A week or so ago after the US election results were released, a lady wrote an open letter to Black Girls, with the general message that we could do anything we set our minds to.

We can aspire to holding positions once dominated by men, in particular white men. We can smash the glass ceiling. We can triumph. We can fist bump our husbands and still deliver riveting speeches and inspire young…

[baldbae-tele]

Is this it? Really?

Is this it? Really?

If you’re anything like me, at this point in the year…neigh…your life, you are probably wondering, Is this all? Really? Is this what I have been reduced to, staring at a computer screen and watching words fly across it. Now, for those who are taking comfort in the time away from people and finding peace and rest in the fact that you don’t have to constantly interact with the masses…Kudos to you.…

[baldbae-tele]

Is this it? Really?

If you’re anything like me, at this point in the year...neigh...your life, you are probably wondering, Is this all? Really? Is this what I have been reduced to, staring at a computer screen and watching words fly across it. Now, for those who are taking comfort in the time away from people and finding peace and rest in the fact that you don’t have to constantly interact with the masses...Kudos to you. This is probably your dream come true.

For me, this is my worst nightmare. I remember initially relishing in the idea that I no longer had to face some of my professors, classmates, GROUP MEMBERS or make that long trek up to school. I think my excitement was premature because now I actually crave it.

And there is much else I crave.

The cinema being ram packed and asking people to pass please because yuh late for the show...granted you could tell they are pissed...but hard luck because you pay to come see the movie too.

Happy Hour at TGI’s..... Need I say more.

Eating Doubles at the Doubles stand.

And if you know me, I am a mermaid...sooooo while I am grateful that restrictions have been lifted regarding the beach...I crave the ocean without the idea of social distancing, WITH food (cuz a girl hadda eat) and masks. I hate these bloody masks. No matter how much I attempt to match them with my clothing choices, my crazy coloured hair and stylize them to suit my needs. Oh and not to mention the Acne caused by constant wear, causing ya girl to have to invest in more skin care products. I simply hate them and I know I am not alone on this! While I recognize them as a necessary evil, I also happen to miss the smiles of random strangers in public settings or the shared laughter over something that only a Trini or Caribbean person would get. You know we have our inside jokes and dark humour.

But this post isn’t about my disdain for our new masked normal. That was a major segue and side note rant. Let’s get back on track....

This post is for the people who feel completely lost at this time. For me, I was a rockstar at University. No exaggeration. I took advantage of every opportunity and for this reason one of my greatest fears was that I had plateaued at Ryerson and nothing else productive would come out of my life afterwards. These feelings have only worsened since graduation. What will I do? What will I become?

And so I decided to pursue my true passion for people in the form of a Masters in Psychology. And then Bam, here comes Covid 19 disrupting systems, plans and the general functioning of mankind as we know it. (Not exaggerating about this) 

Nevertheless, many of us found ways to adjust. 

I started painting ferociously, I started a blog, all of a sudden I was gardening and became more enthusiastic about exercise. I found so many activities to distract myself. 

And so, it is evident we adjusted and we adapted because human beings are resilient.

However, people grew tired and for many finding ways to cope with the new normal became something that required too much effort. It became too much effort to find ways to constantly entertain oneself. In addition, online classes in the Caribbean are no stroll on Maracas Bay. Sitting through the poor connection issues, background noise of trucks passing with soca and dancehall blaring, somebody cussing their neighbour, professors’ kids being actively involved in classes, parrots, chickens, any other farm animals, belching and the list goes on and on. I have definitely quoted Mr. Charlo one too many times during this period, particularly during online classes... “I fedup of HERE boy! I HATE here boy!”

Self care in itself became torturous, because it now became something you had to make up your mind to do and to fit into your schedule. Being productive when being forced to play musical chairs in your home, just for a change of scenery, another source of frustration. 

And while I recognize the difficulty faced by every person during this pandemic, I empathize particularly with young persons, like myself and even younger. We are still trying to figure out our futures. We are left to wonder if our dream jobs will be obsolete in a few years. What will be the state of the world economy when we enter the labour force? Will we be able to afford homes? Will we be happy? When will this pandemic be over? Am I really never going to see a genuine smile from a random stranger again? How do you even meet people during Covid? Am I ever going to get married? (Yall must be seeing this weddings during the pandemic. While beautiful and exciting, they do leave some of us .... myself included, wondering if we will ever get our turn. Mad anxiety for me there...not even going to lie) Lastly, is Voice going to continue doing Thursday lives? (I kinda feel like we need those for stress relief purposes)

This was in no was designed to frighten anyone into sharing my concerns or fears....only to bring to light what some may be feeling but afraid to voice. I ask the question again. Is this it really?

[baldbae-tele]

IT BETTER BE A RED MAN!

(Personal lessons on prejudice and colourism)

I love my grandmother. She raised me with the morals and values I needed to be an upstanding member of society. She taught me how to save. She supported and helped to fund my University education. She has always been in my corner cheering me on.

But she also isn't perfect....While she provided me with tools for survival, she also taught me some things that I am still trying to unlearn.

You see she grew up in a time where being a black person was frowned upon even more so than it is today.

My grandmother felt like she was slightly more fortunate, but still always conflicted. Her father was a Chinese man and her mother was a woman of mixed race (Black and Venezuelan). She was never proud of her black heritage. It was almost as though it tainted her. When I was younger, she would always make the statement, "My mother brought me out of Africa and I'm never going back." I didn't understand the statement when I was younger. I still don't think I fully understand it now. I didn't care to ask her what it meant. Instead I'd just mouth it behind her back so she couldn't see me in the moments when I knew she was likely going to say it.

Granny was raised by her Asian grandparents. She only saw her parents occasionally. I am told granny grew up up quite privileged, she had shoes when others didn't and her grandfather owned a car when no one else in the village did.

But granny still couldn't hide one thing...her African heritage. Although her hair is nearly straight. Her caramel coloured skin betrayed her. She despised this fact.

When the time for her to be married came, she was ecstatic to have met my grandfather. His father was from Portugal and his mother from Madeira. He was in Trinidad what we call a Redman. She always talks about how she hit the jackpot with him. Yes she loved him for who he was as a person but she was also captivated by his lighter complexion.

My grandfather passed away when my mother and uncle were younger so unfortunately I never had the opportunity to meet him. However, my mother, uncle and grandmother never fail to tell me the amazing stories about him.

I remember asking her if she never considered remarrying and why she hadn't. She always gave me the same answer. "I could ever find a goodlooking man like that again? I could never do better." I knew what she meant.

I think Granny expected my mother to follow in her footsteps...find herself a "nice" Redman and settle down. Much to her disappointment, my mother took a different direction. She would marry a "darkie" from Jamaica. Family and friends shared with me accounts of the uproar this caused in my household. My grandmother was livid. Not only was this man dark skinned, but he was Jamaican. Needless to say she would never give her blessing and tension would always exist.

As much as Granny loves me, my childhood was riddled with criticism. I remember hearing statements like:

"You're lucky you didn't take your father's complexion."

"Blame your mother for the pain you feel when combing your hair. If she didn't marry your father, you would have better hair."

"Don't bring no late for school home here eh!" (dark skinned man)

I engaged in much self loathing at this time. My nose was too big. My hair was too nappy. My skin was too dark. I wished my eyes were hazel like my Uncle's or my hair was nearly straight like my granny's. There was so much I wanted to change about myself. I remember complaining to my mom about what granny would say to me. I would also express to her my displeasure with the fact that she had subjected me to this fate by marrying my dad.

My extremely diverse family always tried to make me feel loved and wanted...but instead I felt ugly and worthless.

Granny's criticisms of me eventually stopped. However, she started down a new path. She felt like it was time for the mental conditioning process. I needed to understand what a handsome man looked like. She wanted to make sure I didn't make my mother's "mistake" We would go around the country, We would look at pictures and she would say "See that man, that's a goodlooking man." Needless to say, the man was always a Redman.

By nine years old, I was already aware of the type of mate I was expected to attract. As I grew older and realized my attraction towards the opposite sex, I noticed that they were ALWAYS Red men. Based on this acknowledgement, I determined that this was just my type. I was blind to the fact that the establishment of this type was rooted in prejudice and colourism.

It came to the point where I couldn't even identify or determine whether or not men with darker skin were attractive. I would ask my mom whenever I saw a dark skinned male on TV, in a magazine or in person. "Mummy is he goodlooking?" She would look at me with this quizzical expression and then say. "I find him to be very goodlooking."

I couldn't see what mummy saw. As a result, while a lot of other girls my age had crushes on Tyrese, Taye Diggs and Morris Chestnut, I only had eyes for Michael Ealy, Shemar Moore and later Jesse Williams.

Today, I still struggle with these ideals...I've managed to miss many opportunities in the dating world based on my own mindset.

I have crafted my ideal man and he sits on a throne in my head, reigning over decisions about love interests. In my mind...he has to be a red man. He has to be a red man. He has to he a red man.

BUT

I am still unlearning. I wish to continue unlearning.

[baldbae-tele]

Midday Practice for Adonis

Some have served as midday practice for an Adonis. Men with godlike physiques, smiles which were other worldly, eyes created for the stripping of souls and smiles which would shatter human resolve.

And there were those who would crumble under the weight of his charm, but others who were immune.

Immunity, they would realize was no victory but indeed a curse.

For Adonis never understand No. He could not fathom that there were those who were averse to his masculine wiles. Those were the ones he didn't understand how to treat with and so they became target practice.

He saw them as a challenge and their resistance as an invitation, because after all the nature of a god is to conquer and dominate.

And so Adonis in his narcissism...conquered and dominated.

Some saw him as a monster.

I saw him as the product of a society who for centuries has told him:

His beauty and charm would pardon him.

His very nature as a man, made his desires and actions excusable.

And there was something that his target was doing to lure him to the point of destruction...So Adonis himself was a helpless victim.

And in his helplessness he would take what he wanted...No....NEEDED.

...........................

But what of a creature who bore a likeness to the gods but whose behaviour was, dare I say hellish?

Leaving trauma stained faces and hands with muscle memory of fighting for a freedom that they would never receive. Leaving legs that clenched beneath the weight of his force. Leaving bodies that became pliable after losing the energy to fight. A type of paralysis that surpassed the body and entered the mind.

NUMB.

And when they finally gave in Adonis would perform lethal injections that would be destabilize the mental wellbeing of his targets.

Leaving mouths agape lingering with screams still on their tips of their tongues.

And Adonis never realized that in this moment he had fallen from grace. He had danced a dangerous dance with Hades. His only thought, was that he had received what he came for. He had won.

And his targets with theirs mouths still agape had no words to express their pain. Their throats were stifled by screams that would never escape. They would swallow their words and screams for the sake of breathing, forming internal daggers which would stab away at the insides of their souls. They would pretend to forget and endeavour to ignore the sharp, stabbing and crippling pain.

For no one would believe their plight anyway. After all Adonis was a god and to be one of his chosen was something to be valued.

For no one would believe their plight anyway. After all Adonis was always charming, sweet, endearing and captivating. He simply wasn't capable of acts of violence.

For no one would believe their plight anyway. After all some would have considered them promiscuous. They were not virginal deities.

For no one would believe them!

And in some ways...they didn't even believe themselves.

So...

They would move on with their lives...or so they thought.

But the nightmares would plague their sleep. The faintest touch would burn into their skins. Adonis' face would be etched into their memories. A beautiful and oh so perfect face with less than perfect intentions.

And some would chug the pain back with spirits. They would hide the aches beneath smiles and non stop libations.

They would seek a form of liberation in deciding to use their bodies as captive devices...

Transforming themselves into sirens who would sing songs of seduction with their physiques. Never would they be taken advantage of again. They would become the masters of their own bodies....while remaining bound to their own minds and their oceans of pain.

Luring sailors to their deaths beneath their oceans of pain... with their sad symphonies...hidden beneath sultry sounds and motions.

#rape #rapeculture #nomeansno #hypersexuality #consentissexy #onlyyesmeansyes

[baldbae-tele]

You deserve ALL the good things!

Dear Bald headed wonder of a woman,

Your journey has been and continues to be one of uphill battles, unbridled laughter and unnerving stillness all wrapped up in each other.

And boy have you laughed and boy have you cried. And you've even laughed until you cried.

You have fought and continue to fight your own demons, the demons of others and in moments maybe you have been the demon that others feel like they are fighting.

You have been perfect.

You have been a disaster.

You have been logical.

You have been reckless.

You have been cautious.

You have been naive.

You have loved.

You have lost.

You my fair lady are a complete conundrum.

Your voice is loud. Your opinions are louder. You haven't mastered the art of smiling with your eyes like Tyra tried to teach us time and time again. You are a tall girl with a less than petite frame and a less than gentle grasp.

You are stylish.

You are ethereal.

However, despite being both of the aforementioned, you are the furthest thing from dainty.

You are passionate. You are angry. You are funny. You are awkward. You are shy. You are bold.

You my fair lady are a complete and utter conundrum.

You love hard.

You love strong.

You love with complete abandon.

You wear your heart on your sleeve.

You are both gentle and tough.

You are both the greatest intensity of the hurricane and the eye of it.

And you deserve ALL the good things!

#perfect #beautiful #worthy #deserving #lovely

[baldbae-tele]

Mental Health and Covid-19

Completely open and honest post here.

I started crying today and couldn't stop...I understood that it was partly because of the isolation, partly because I have been pacing my room and overthinking and partly because of the necessary, but overwhelming amount of information coming in about this virus.

Sleep has evaded me and overthinking has become my new comfort zone. Despite my time sharing memes, posting statuses on Facebook with an attempt to elicit laughter or provide entertainment, creating to do lists, Yoga, at home workouts, Cooking, trying to focus on school work I have been internally falling apart.

My day to day world generally consists of extremities, high highs, low lows and rapid cycling...consistent with Bipolar 1 disorder. (Diagnosis as of August 2018) Confinement, while absolutely neccessary for our survival has exacerbated these issues. Needless to say...I am less than ok.

There are many who are experiencing the same battle or other mental health challenges. People who have fought against their demons to survive the daily challenges of life. People who have been determined to fight their day to day triggers. I expose myself and say all of this to say, amidst the external crisis and the widespread death....there are people who are suffering internally in a way that others may not begin to understand.

I do not attempt to minimize the fear and concern of others at this time...especially the trauma faced by those who have lost loved ones, who fear for the loss of their jobs and are concerned for their loved ones in all corners of the globe. I only attempt to say that telling someone who battles with a mental illness, "Find ways to keep yourself occupied is not sufficient."

Please check in on your loved ones who you know battle with mental illness. Please check in on those who may exhibit signs of depression or other obsessive tendencies. Imagine the challenges of someone battling with OCD at this time. Yes, everyone is scared...but imagine when your world is already riddled by fear and overwhelming emotions. Exhibit love and care. Self isolate your physical selves but not your hearts. Take care of yourselves and your own well being, but still take the time to reach out, whether by phone call, video chat or a simple message.

Signed

Bald Bae Tele

#mentalhealth #Covid-19 #checkins #youarenotalone #bipolar

[baldbae-tele]

Connections

I have always been a fan of making strong connections, connecting with nature, with my spirituality and most of all with people. I revel in the moments when I can form a seemingly unbreakable bond with a person and continue to hold on to that bond for as long as possible. I have an extremely firm grasp...and letting go is one of the most difficult things for me to ever have to do...But this post isn’t about letting go...It is about the value of connection.

I AM Fortunate,

I call myself fortunate because of the amazing connections I have made over the years. Connections which helped me survive high school, thrive in University and experience cultures which have managed to blow my mind.

I love you Bermuda! (this island and its people has changed my life)  Experiencing it with two of my closest friends two years in a row served to fortify a friendship, that I already believed was unbreakable. I am convinced that Bermuda and its beaches has healing powers. Maybe it’s the pink sand, maybe it’s the warmth of the people. (but that’s a story for another day)

FEBRUARY 2020 (Thank you for your love and light)

February reminded me of how valuable the connections I made in Toronto were. It reminded me that although I constantly sing this song, ‘Toronto wasn’t for me!’ I have left so many people who have had such a major impact on my life there. They know who they are! I LOVE YOU ALL AND THANK YOU <3

February has given me the gift of reconnection, in an extremely creative and refreshing package. I believe Jen referred to it as the moment when the former student became her carnival teacher. This dynamic and powerful lady who I idolized in University and who served as a role model for me was now ready and willing to learn about my culture. The roles had switched. We danced to soca music as the sun rose on Tyrico Bay, screamed loudly as Kes sauntered onto the stage in all his red man glory, enjoyed pan music while waiting outside of a venue we would never get to enter (no fault of ours), had heart to hearts on Maracas beach and palanced down the streets of Port of Spain while being doused in paint, mud and water...we mashed it up, shelled out down and turned it over and now THE STAGE NOT GOOD AGAIN! I dare to call my former teacher, now more than that, more than a role model...but a friend. I am grateful that she was also willing to open the door to her inner circle for me to form new connections as well. 

Tabanka

Jen and the crew are gone now, but we still have all of these memories to hold onto and an even stronger connection. I am grateful. You are always welcome in this little paradise isle. You and the crew have definitely been inducted into the Trinidad Carnival Hall of Fame for your dedication to all things Soca! But I miss you.

Continued Connections and More Tabanka. To the young man who made me laugh until my sides and cheeks hurt, despite moments where there was an obvious language and cultural barrier...Thank you. Thank you for sharing moments of enjoyment beside me with no pressure or any expectations. You’ve managed to restore a faith in, respect and appreciation for the male population, that I thought I’d lost. Our interactions were healing, more so than you know. Thank you for my Swedish lessons, a language that I’d never heard nor did I ever think my Trini lips could even begin to form to speak. Thank you for peaking my interest in exploring new places in the world that I’d never considered visiting before. BERMUDA SWEETTT and so is the rest of the Caribbean but I have to broaden my horizons. With that being said

Tack and  farväl

Until my next blog post

#connections #reconnections #newconnections #happiness #gratitude