balloonstand

[balloonstand]

I don't need therapy I need rabid gay people freaking out in my inbox

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Having a sickass art idea that haunts your every waking moment but lacking the talent to fully idealize it in your exact vision

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What they don't tell you about writing is that as you write, you discover scenes and entire plots that you hadn't accounted for that need to be written. So you can spend two hours writing and editing only to realise you're further away from the finish line than you thought you were when you started

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stop earning advanced degrees i need you to finish your fanfiction

[balloonstand]

A writer friend told me something that broke my heart a little bit today; they're going to quit publishing their fanfic.

My instant thought was that they had been trolled or attacked or that something terrible had happened in their life because this person is so passionate about their writing. It wasn't any of that. Engagement with their works has been going down, as it has for many of us. Comments are like gold dust a lot of the time, and just looking through the historical comment counts on old fics on ao3 demonstrates this trend very clearly. It was not simply the comments dropping off which caused them to decide to stop posting, however.

My friend came across a discord server for their fandom (I should point out here that their fandom interest and mine diverged a couple of years ago, we stay in touch but don't currently read each other's posts because I'm not into their fandom and they would rather gouge their eyes out with a wooden spoon than read anything Star Wars) and specifically to share fic in that fandom. They joined, because we all love a good fic rec, only to discover that their latest multichapter fic, which has almost no comments and very few kudos, is being hotly discussed in this server as one of the best stories ever. Not one of these people has bothered to say this to them on the fic. When they asked, none of participants could see the point in telling the author of the fic they apparently loved so much that they love it.

This discovery has absolutely destroyed my friend's love of sharing fic. They share because they love seeing other people's enjoyment, and fic writers do that through comments and kudos/reblogs/likes because we don't get paid. There is no literary critic writing a blog post/article about how amazing the story is for us to copy and keep/frame. There is no money from royalties. All we have are the words of the people reading our works.

Those people on that server could have taken five minutes of the time they spent gushing about how amazing my friend's story was to other people and used it to tell the one person guaranteed to want to hear that praise how much they loved it. They could have taken a moment to express their opinion to the person who spent hours upon hours plotting, writing, editing, and posting those chapters. Instead, they deprived my friend of thing that keeps them sharing their writing, and in the process have killed their love of it. My friend now feels used and unmotivated.

I won't be sharing a link to their fic, they said I could share their experience but not their identity. I know they plan to post one final chapter. I know they intend to express their hurt at being excluded from the praise for the thing they created, and I know they intend to announce that as a consequence they will not be posting for a long while, if at all.

So please, I beg you, don't hide your love of a story from the writer. It's just about the only thing we have.

[balloonstand]

Rank Me [Buddie (1.5k)]

His breathing hadn't even slowed yet – shit, he had barely gotten his vision back after the whiteout of his orgasm, the sublimity of wiping out on a wave of pleasure and being drowned in it – when Eddie felt Buck staring at him. If this was a time for jokes, he would've said something about Buck trying to burn two holes in his head with his eyes. So he could fuck them too, or whatever. The joke was underdeveloped; give him a break, he'd just had his whole life perspective scrambled around and shot out the tip of his dick like fifteen seconds ago.

"What," he said. He panted. He had to get his breathing back to normal otherwise this was going to go straight to Buck's head.

"I want to ask you something."

Eddie squeezed his eyes shut. He could hear Buck's question already: so, does this mean you're gay? Are you going to come out now? Are you gay? Are you gay? As calmly as he could, Eddie said, "Let's just be quiet for a couple minutes, huh?"

"It's sort of important. Important that I ask it quickly, I mean."

"More important than letting me bask in the afterglow?"

Eddie still had his eyes shut, but he could extrapolate from the sounds of Buck shifting on the sheets and the little breath he let out and the years of reading Buck's reactions with a careful, attentive eye that Buck was preening at that. He wasn't doing a great job of not feeding Buck's ego.

"That's sort of the point," Buck said opaquely. "That's why I need to ask you now."

"Ask whatever you want, but I reserve the right not to answer," Eddie said tightly. That afterglow was leaking away now, being forced aside by the vise grip settling around his lungs. Are you gay now, Eddie? Are you gonna tell people about it?

Buck asked, "Where do I rank?"

Eddie's eyes opened of their own accord. The paint on the ceiling had a narrow crack in it that he had never noticed before. "Excuse me?"

"Top five maybe?" Buck's voice was easy and hopeful. How he managed to combine those two, Eddie would never know. Hopeful sat a long way down the table from easy for him, personally.

"Like-" Eddie took a breath "-sexually?"

"Yeah."

Eddie thought about killing him. This time he couldn't keep his voice steady and calm, and it came out thick and rough. And not the thick-and-rough that it had been a few minutes before when he was saying shit that made him so sound stupid now that he was looking back on it, stuff like oh god- please- yes- harder. This was like he was forcing his voice through a cheese grater just to say, "You know I don't have anything to compare it to. So sure, top five."

Buck smacked him lightly on the arm. "I meant in general, dumbass. Like, where did that rank for you in terms of blowjobs."

Eddie lifted his head off the pillow and looked Buck square in the eye. "You want me to rank your blowjob on the scale of every blowjob I've ever had."

"Yeah. Ever in your whole life."

Eddie dropped his head back to the pillow and found that crack in the paint again with his eyes. "Yours was the best one."

Buck blew out an exasperated breath. "I'm being serious. You're not gonna hurt my feelings. But if I want to improve-"

"We're not doing this."

"I wont rank you," Buck said. He shifted around a bit in the periphery of Eddie's vision. "Unless you want me to-"

"No," Eddie said firmly.

"-but I like knowing. It doesn't bother me, I really do like it." He caught Eddie's eye and held it. Eddie could see the competitiveness in Buck's look. He wanted to win.

Eddie thought about it for a second. If Buck wanted to hurt his own feelings, was Eddie supposed to stop him? Well, yes. Of course. But sometimes you needed to let someone touch a hot stove to learn that it could burn them.

He'd tell him the truth. Just as soon as he could figure out what it was. There was still enough lingering afterglow that it was easy to remember everything that Buck had just done, to slip back there in his memory and feel the urgent wet heat of Buck's mouth on his cock.

He'd been eager, much more so than the women that Eddie had been with usually were. The shine in his eyes as he went down on his knees and took a long, hungry look at Eddie's cock- Eddie shivered remembering it. His dick twitched in a valiant effort, but no chance, not after the orgasm he'd just had.

"I don't know," Eddie said. It was just a stock phrase. Something to say while he was reliving the feeling of Buck's hands steadying his hips as he leaned forward, lips parting. "Top five." Maybe that was putting it mildly, but he really didn't know. He didn't remember every blowjob he'd ever received.

"Okay," Buck said. His voice dipped down. "What was good about it?"

"The cock sucking." Eddie had to turn his face away slightly. He was too old to be getting embarrassed talking about this shit. But he was also half out-of-body experiencing having this conversation with a guy. With Buck, even.

Buck chuckled. "What should I do again, Eddie? Next time, I mean."

Eddie smiled privately, his face still turned away. He couldn't help it. Next time. It gave him the daring to say, "Next time I want you to start the same way."

"Yeah? The lazy way?" Buck was smiling, he could hear it.

"Yeah, very lazy." Eddie turned so Buck could see that he was joking. That he had been joking when Buck had had one hand loosely wrapped around his cock, stroking him slowly up and down the shaft as he had sucked on the head of it, and Eddie had said, If you're gonna suck me then suck me. Don't be lazy. "I knew that would get you fired up. Knew it would make you want to show me."

"Show you?"

"What your best was like."

"And how was my best?" Buck asked softly.

Hot. Hungry. Spontaneous too, like he was doing everything because he wanted to feel it himself. It wasn't like Eddie had been with scores of women, but the ones he had been with all had their different go-to's of what previous partners had liked, and what they assumed all men would therefore want. Buck blew him like he had a mile-long list of things he wanted to try and couldn't decide what he wanted to do first.

"Good," Eddie said, with feeling. "You're not shy."

"And you liked that?"

He loved it. He needed it.

Eddie flipped over and pressed his face into the skin of Buck's hip. He breathed in the smell of him and felt the damp sheen of sweat that was still to fresh to have dried. "I liked it when you got sloppy. You were so focused on my cock you didn't realized when you started drooling." He let the words come out in a rush and disappear into Buck's skin. He kissed Buck's hip to seal them in.

"And when you had me all the way down your throat, and you-" his voice hitched "-started licking my balls. Buck, I-" He shook his head. "Fuck, do that too next time."

"Mm," Buck murmured, like remembering it from his end was as hot as it was from Eddie's. "You're big, Eddie, but not too big for me." He sounded smug. "You're perfect."

You're perfect. Eddie half-remembered saying that to Buck as Buck finished working his way inside of Eddie and paused to give him a second to adjust. Or maybe he had said, this is perfect. Had he said that out loud? He hoped so.

"I liked how much you liked it," Eddie said.

"I loved it."

"It was like you wanted it."

"I wanted it, Eddie. I want it again and again and again. I could blow you every day and never get enough."

Eddie squeezed Buck's leg and pressed his face harder into his hip, like he could disappear into Buck.

"I loved the taste of you, and the feel of you in my mouth. I loved how you held my head with both of your hands. Next time you should hold me like that as you fuck my mouth." Buck's hand rested on Eddie's head and he began to stroke his hair as he spoke. He grabbed a gentle handful of Eddie's hair. "Hold me like this. If you want."

"Yeah," Eddie breathed. "Or next time you hold me like that and fuck my face."

"Yeah?"

"Only if you rank me afterward."

Buck laughed.

[balloonstand]

Rank Me [Buddie (1.5k)]

His breathing hadn't even slowed yet – shit, he had barely gotten his vision back after the whiteout of his orgasm, the sublimity of wiping out on a wave of pleasure and being drowned in it – when Eddie felt Buck staring at him. If this was a time for jokes, he would've said something about Buck trying to burn two holes in his head with his eyes. So he could fuck them too, or whatever. The joke was underdeveloped; give him a break, he'd just had his whole life perspective scrambled around and shot out the tip of his dick like fifteen seconds ago.

"What," he said. He panted. He had to get his breathing back to normal otherwise this was going to go straight to Buck's head.

"I want to ask you something."

Eddie squeezed his eyes shut. He could hear Buck's question already: so, does this mean you're gay? Are you going to come out now? Are you gay? Are you gay? As calmly as he could, Eddie said, "Let's just be quiet for a couple minutes, huh?"

"It's sort of important. Important that I ask it quickly, I mean."

"More important than letting me bask in the afterglow?"

Eddie still had his eyes shut, but he could extrapolate from the sounds of Buck shifting on the sheets and the little breath he let out and the years of reading Buck's reactions with a careful, attentive eye that Buck was preening at that. He wasn't doing a great job of not feeding Buck's ego.

"That's sort of the point," Buck said opaquely. "That's why I need to ask you now."

"Ask whatever you want, but I reserve the right not to answer," Eddie said tightly. That afterglow was leaking away now, being forced aside by the vise grip settling around his lungs. Are you gay now, Eddie? Are you gonna tell people about it?

Buck asked, "Where do I rank?"

Eddie's eyes opened of their own accord. The paint on the ceiling had a narrow crack in it that he had never noticed before. "Excuse me?"

"Top five maybe?" Buck's voice was easy and hopeful. How he managed to combine those two, Eddie would never know. Hopeful sat a long way down the table from easy for him, personally.

"Like-" Eddie took a breath "-sexually?"

"Yeah."

Eddie thought about killing him. This time he couldn't keep his voice steady and calm, and it came out thick and rough. And not the thick-and-rough that it had been a few minutes before when he was saying shit that made him so sound stupid now that he was looking back on it, stuff like oh god- please- yes- harder. This was like he was forcing his voice through a cheese grater just to say, "You know I don't have anything to compare it to. So sure, top five."

Buck smacked him lightly on the arm. "I meant in general, dumbass. Like, where did that rank for you in terms of blowjobs."

Eddie lifted his head off the pillow and looked Buck square in the eye. "You want me to rank your blowjob on the scale of every blowjob I've ever had."

"Yeah. Ever in your whole life."

Eddie dropped his head back to the pillow and found that crack in the paint again with his eyes. "Yours was the best one."

Buck blew out an exasperated breath. "I'm being serious. You're not gonna hurt my feelings. But if I want to improve-"

"We're not doing this."

"I wont rank you," Buck said. He shifted around a bit in the periphery of Eddie's vision. "Unless you want me to-"

"No," Eddie said firmly.

"-but I like knowing. It doesn't bother me, I really do like it." He caught Eddie's eye and held it. Eddie could see the competitiveness in Buck's look. He wanted to win.

Eddie thought about it for a second. If Buck wanted to hurt his own feelings, was Eddie supposed to stop him? Well, yes. Of course. But sometimes you needed to let someone touch a hot stove to learn that it could burn them.

He'd tell him the truth. Just as soon as he could figure out what it was. There was still enough lingering afterglow that it was easy to remember everything that Buck had just done, to slip back there in his memory and feel the urgent wet heat of Buck's mouth on his cock.

He'd been eager, much more so than the women that Eddie had been with usually were. The shine in his eyes as he went down on his knees and took a long, hungry look at Eddie's cock- Eddie shivered remembering it. His dick twitched in a valiant effort, but no chance, not after the orgasm he'd just had.

"I don't know," Eddie said. It was just a stock phrase. Something to say while he was reliving the feeling of Buck's hands steadying his hips as he leaned forward, lips parting. "Top five." Maybe that was putting it mildly, but he really didn't know. He didn't remember every blowjob he'd ever received.

"Okay," Buck said. His voice dipped down. "What was good about it?"

"The cock sucking." Eddie had to turn his face away slightly. He was too old to be getting embarrassed talking about this shit. But he was also half out-of-body experiencing having this conversation with a guy. With Buck, even.

Buck chuckled. "What should I do again, Eddie? Next time, I mean."

Eddie smiled privately, his face still turned away. He couldn't help it. Next time. It gave him the daring to say, "Next time I want you to start the same way."

"Yeah? The lazy way?" Buck was smiling, he could hear it.

"Yeah, very lazy." Eddie turned so Buck could see that he was joking. That he had been joking when Buck had had one hand loosely wrapped around his cock, stroking him slowly up and down the shaft as he had sucked on the head of it, and Eddie had said, If you're gonna suck me then suck me. Don't be lazy. "I knew that would get you fired up. Knew it would make you want to show me."

"Show you?"

"What your best was like."

"And how was my best?" Buck asked softly.

Hot. Hungry. Spontaneous too, like he was doing everything because he wanted to feel it himself. It wasn't like Eddie had been with scores of women, but the ones he had been with all had their different go-to's of what previous partners had liked, and what they assumed all men would therefore want. Buck blew him like he had a mile-long list of things he wanted to try and couldn't decide what he wanted to do first.

"Good," Eddie said, with feeling. "You're not shy."

"And you liked that?"

He loved it. He needed it.

Eddie flipped over and pressed his face into the skin of Buck's hip. He breathed in the smell of him and felt the damp sheen of sweat that was still to fresh to have dried. "I liked it when you got sloppy. You were so focused on my cock you didn't realized when you started drooling." He let the words come out in a rush and disappear into Buck's skin. He kissed Buck's hip to seal them in.

"And when you had me all the way down your throat, and you-" his voice hitched "-started licking my balls. Buck, I-" He shook his head. "Fuck, do that too next time."

"Mm," Buck murmured, like remembering it from his end was as hot as it was from Eddie's. "You're big, Eddie, but not too big for me." He sounded smug. "You're perfect."

You're perfect. Eddie half-remembered saying that to Buck as Buck finished working his way inside of Eddie and paused to give him a second to adjust. Or maybe he had said, this is perfect. Had he said that out loud? He hoped so.

"I liked how much you liked it," Eddie said.

"I loved it."

"It was like you wanted it."

"I wanted it, Eddie. I want it again and again and again. I could blow you every day and never get enough."

Eddie squeezed Buck's leg and pressed his face harder into his hip, like he could disappear into Buck.

"I loved the taste of you, and the feel of you in my mouth. I loved how you held my head with both of your hands. Next time you should hold me like that as you fuck my mouth." Buck's hand rested on Eddie's head and he began to stroke his hair as he spoke. He grabbed a gentle handful of Eddie's hair. "Hold me like this. If you want."

"Yeah," Eddie breathed. "Or next time you hold me like that and fuck my face."

"Yeah?"

"Only if you rank me afterward."

Buck laughed.

[balloonstand]

It me.

[balloonstand]

[balloonstand]

Writers, here’s your reminder that you should be doing warm-ups!

Athletes need to warm up. Musicians need to warm up. Artists need to warm up. Heck, I even have to play a few matches in video games before I get into a groove every day.

Warm-ups help you get into the right headspace, give you more control of your actions and word choice, get you comfortable in your physical setting (eg: with your keyboard, notebook, tablet, or whatever you're writing with), and spark creativity.

Even if you don’t think you have spoons to write, sit down and do a couple warm-ups. If you still don’t want to, that’s alright. But. I think you’ll be surprised how often they help break that ice.

5-15 minutes is all you need. I personally set a timer for ten minutes each time and do not stop writing until the time is up. Your warm-up can be anything at all so long as it gets you writing and starts nudging those creative juices.

Here's some common warm-ups:

Journaling. Just jot down some notes about your day. Feel free to really lean into something that you noticed. We're going for description and details -- try to avoid settling into a spiral or focusing on something negative that will upset your creativity.

Short story prompts. Type that into Pinterest and pick the most ridiculous, cliche thing you can. Write a little scene, story summary, or even a rant about why you do or don't like the prompt. Just write.

Vocab challenge. If you like a bit more critical thinking to get you in the zone, have a random vocabulary word generator spit out five or so words. Check their meanings and jot down a little story or thought that includes all five. You get more familiar with beautiful and descriptive language, and it gives you a much narrowed prompt (which is lovely if you're like me and suffer each time there's an open-ended task assigned).

Character moments. Try putting your character into a generic setting and write down almost meticulously what their thought process would be. Follow them realizing they've just stepped in mud or dreading the start of the day. Pick a mundane thing and describe them working through it. This will not only get your writing going, but it will wake up the character's voice in your head.

Ongoing storytelling. Did you know that Whinnie the Poo was A.A. Milne's warm up story? He would jot down a quick little story with those very basic characters and did so every day. Whatever came to mind. He kept writing little tidbits on the same characters and eventually it turned into a series. Having that ongoing plot with isolated scenes and simple characters can help you feel more motivated to sit down and write.

Get-to-know-you-questions. Google a list of basic first-date questions (there are a million out there) and answer one yourself. Go into specifics. Where do you most want to travel and why? Let yourself ramble until the question is fully answered.

Writer's block blues. This is a favorite of mine. If you're truly stuck, write about being stuck. Eg: 'I'm supposed to write for ten minutse, but that feels so stupid and impossible. No one is goign to read this anyway. I have no ideas and the page is so overwhelming when its blank. I used to be able to write on and on and nothing could stop me. it was like breathing. but now I have nothign and do nothing and I can't even do a stupid prompt-' Even the rambling and ranting got me writing. It made things easier. It made writing this post easier. Also -- notice the typos? Yeah, don't fix those. You're in writing mode, not editing mode when you're doing this. If you edit while you write, you're forcing yourself to stay in your executive and calculating headspace rather than falling fully into creativity and dream. Ignore the mistakes. That's for future you to handle.

I've officially rambled far too much, but I hope that helps even a little bit. Live well and write often, my friends. Best of luck to you <3

[balloonstand]

Every night a beautiful spectre named You've Got Kudos appears and haunts me with the knowledge I should be writing fanfic

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there’s wip (active development) and wip (stuck in development hell) and wip (oh you’re not even getting funding for this one)

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YOU can write whatever you want whenever however forevrr. i have to write something perfect and earth shattering and i have to do it perfectly the first time or else

[balloonstand]

If you're a writer you're supposed to write a lot of bullshit. It's part of the gig. You have to write a lot of absolute garbage in order to get to the good bits. Every once in a while you'll be like "Oh, I wish I hadn't wasted all that time writing bullshit," but that's dumb. That's exactly the same as an Olympic runner being like "Oh, I wish I hadn't wasted all that time running all those practice laps"

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maybe this is just me idk

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no! healthy relationship will kill the character! he needs an unhealthy codependent romance with a side of power imbalance to live

[balloonstand]

Normalize leaving unhinged comments on ao3 fics you like. I'm tired of being the only one brave enough to write "I am chewing on this fic" in the comment section. Be weird. Authors will love you for it