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Abusive Friendships

////TRIGGER WARNING/////// -Mentions of sexual circumstances and detail of physical/mental abuse

This is going to be a kind-of-long post. This is a topic that has plagued me for many years, and I would like to get my story out there. Abusive friendships are real, they have happened to me countless times. You may be going through them yourself, which I hope you aren’t; if you are, you’re not alone. I have been through many abusive friendships, I’ve suffered through every kind in the book. Mental/Emotional, Physical, and Sexual. 

My first experience of abuse was with a “friend” who lived across the street. She was a few years older than me; I was seven and she was ten. She had many other older friends. I look back to it and see her more as a bully. This is where the earliest scars resonate, along with many repressed memories. I was seven, as previously mentioned, and very gullible. I still had a very positive outlook on the world. I wanted to see the good in every living and non-living thing on this planet. This person created a hell for me. I lived in a low-income household, so we rarely went out to do things. Getting out of the house, and away from boredom, was to go across the street in my cul-de-sac neighborhood to play with the girl across the street. I was younger, so I wanted to do what she did. When we would play pretend, I would imagine myself just like she would. I wanted blonde hair and blue eyes, because she wanted that as well. However, she’d get mad at me for that. Sometimes I wanted to play pretend about certain things that were fun for me, and she’d dismiss it completely and call it stupid and shame me for enjoying those things. What she always wanted to do was play the role of a mother, meaning she had authority over me. In these cases, she’d do many things to me. I would protest it, but she would dismiss it saying, “I’m the adult right now, this is okay for me to do.”, and that was the end of it. Again, I was a gullible seven-year-old. Not only was she sexually abusive, she was also mentally abusive. She would act like my friend on the street, but at school I was the scum if the Earth. She acted like she didn’t know me. Whenever her other friends were around, I was excluded purposely. I was also humiliated in front of them whenever the chance called for it. I was never allowed to do anything that she did. She would play on her tire swing, but she would never allow me to get on. If I were able, I’d have a much shorter time on there than her. This applied for many instances, and I was never allowed to go first. Once, I went first on that tire swing, but after the fact, I realized that the only reason I was allowed was because it was filled with water, water that soaked my shorts. She and her friend began to laugh at me. They told everyone at school that I peed my pants. They even gained more friends and began to prank call my house. She was an awful “friend”.

That wasn’t the only case. I later moved, which is how I got away from her. There was a girl next door, and we quickly became friends. We had similar interests, and it seemed great. However, she quickly became awful. She started getting me in trouble with my parents. She’d encourage me to do things, even after I said no. She’d threaten our friendship if I didn’t do certain things. Afraid of losing my only friend, I complied. Another time, she was teaching me “karate”. She had never taken karate, but to her it meant hurting me. After holding me in an arm lock for over a minute and me yelling to let go, she would finally, but only after she called me a baby. I’m not going to go into detail about this one because this wasn’t as bad as the others. 

This person moved away, and I never really had another close friend. I didn’t have many people on my side, so I lived in isolation. My entire fifth grade year was very lonely, along with the first half of sixth grade. Then, she came along. The only reason she talked to me was because she felt sorry for me. I was grateful to have a friend, and it was even better because she had the same interests as me. That half year went amazing, but I was also being bullied. My parents decided to pull me out of public school and put me in online school. I was in this program for a semester before I got extremely lonely and bored all the time. I had noticed many signs of depression beginning at the end of sixth grade, and the isolation for the first half of seventh grade probably made it even worse. I decided to go back to regular school. I was so excited to be with my friend again, which with I expanded my circle to several others. I was happy for once! Then, I came back. It all went downhill. This one friend had also expanded to many others. She had new friends, of which hated me. They’d constantly put me down, call me names, dismissed anything I enjoyed, and tore apart everything about me. Eventually, she started doing the same. With my daily subscription of depression, a free gift of anxiety came with it. During school, I would have pent up energy, and I’d have nervous ticks to get them out. She would tell me to stop in an aggressive way, and I would. One time at lunch, I would sway in my chair to calm myself down. She, again, would tell me to stop. I decided to finally say “no”. She shut me down immediately and kept telling me to stop, letting me know that I was “acting stupid” and”being weird”. After several statements of “no”, she kicked me under the table, and she kicked me hard. It didn’t leave a bruise, but it still hurt. I stopped and let my anxiety progressively worsen. I later explained to her that it was to calm the anxiety, to which she replied, “Well you don’t have to make it so visible all the time!”. It got worse and worse, going into early eighth grade. She made me feel worthless, I was scared to open my mouth around her. I overthought and rehearsed everything I would say before I was able to say it, then I would debate again if I should really say it. I was terrified of the persecution, the pain of being an embarrassment to my best friend. I didn’t want to be an embarrassment, I wanted her to like me. I wanted her to enjoy my presence. Eventually, I grasped all the strength I could and decided to leave her behind. She agreed.

I didn’t really get close to anyone after that. It was hard, but eventually my family got an eviction notice from our landlord. I packed all the small items and necessities I had, and moved across the state to live with my aunt. Even there, hardships and struggle took place, but my life was the best it ever was. I met two wonderful human beings who treated me like a true friend. That’s all I could ever ask for, but here I am now. I moved back across the state, leaving behind these people. We still communicate regularly, but it isn’t the same.

Everyone, count your blessings. Remember everything good in life, even when most of it is bad. 

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AU

So I found out that the Atomic Symbol for gold is Au. I knew all fanfictions were golden. 

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Dancing With The Devil

Oh dear, how you have yourself in quite a hole. You’ve dug a grave 6 feet deep and made a tombstone with your name on it. This is what you get when you dance with the devil. You danced with him all night as he made empty promises. His words filled you with hope, you thought you would finally be happy. Staying after midnight to be with him came with a cost, but it’s on you. It’s your fault that you were found in a closet, your neck bound in a noose. The devil had sent his serpent to wrap itself around you; trapping you. His serpent trapped you, bringing you to his world. Now you dance with the Devil all night and day on hot coals. You dance until your feet are raw.

Dance puppet, dance.

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CHRIS MOTIONLESS IS IN LOVE WITH RICKY HORROR!?

Cricky is real. I know It’s real.

First, here are the tweets they send to each other.

If you cannot read it, It says, “I’m Horny” , “Bring that ass here  @ricky x horror”

Obviously something is going on between them. They are talking about bringing that ass here. I high lighted the words so u could see them better. Like; something is going on between them!!

Here is a tweet that Ricky made about Chris.

Obviously not edited, all real!!

This says, “CANNOT WAIT FOR CHRIS TO PUNISH DIS DICK 2NIGHT”

So, I guess they’re having affairs or an off camera relationship. Tbh I don’t blame neither of them because they both is hot af.

Anyways; what do you guys think about this? Do you think they’re joking? When I get more info I will make another theory. I’ve also heard they have a sextape. I will try to find it A S A P.

Bye!

-agent buffalo

If you are a stupid motherfucker and didn’t see this as a joke then you are dumb as fuck, please leave this blog xoxo

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I’m laughing so hard at this XD

Last names of motionless in white

Devin learns Spanish

Devin Ghost “Hola”

  Ryan Is very surprised

Ryan “ SitWOWski”

  Chris has dry skin

Chris ��Lotionless”

  Vinny can’t wait for the next day

Vinny “Tomorrow”

Josh can’t yet walk

Josh “Crawls”

  Ricky eats cereal

Ricky Horror “Bowlson”

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I low key want to braid his hair

Just

It just occurred to me how soft Ricky’s hair must be.. Okay, I say this because the way he runs his hand through his hair to get it out of his face so easily after head banging or just looking down at his guitar, and it still looks good?

You can’t just do that with a tiny bit of conditioner. You almost have to rinse, lather, and repeat!

Also; I say this because I know hard it is to get my hair up and out of my face like that. It’s a pain. But he does it so easily!..

So yeah. There’s that.

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Therapy

Nobody wants to help you, at least not for free. Nobody wants to help the desolate, disheveled or the obliterated. They only want to treat the ones who are loaded with lavish lives. They only want to help you if you can give them the one thing to satisfy their greedy tendencies; money.

No matter how many tears you shed before you sleep, no matter how many lines there are on your wrist, the only number they care about is the amount of dollars you can pay them for helping you with your problems. The problems they promise to help are the same ones they could care less about.

Do you know how easy it is to talk to someone for free? It’s not hard. You could get out of your warped reality for five seconds to finally recognize who really needs help. You could help people without making them pay for overpriced sessions, you can just simply listen to them speak. You can learn a lot from souls of the tormented.

Now, let me tell YOU who needs therapy.

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Look back again, then come back to me.

Hey, you there. Hey, yeah you. Look into my eyes, tell me what you see. Nothing? Nothing at all? Look closely. Pay attention. Still nothing? Let me make it easier. Do you see demons or angels? Do you see them fighting? Who’s winning? Eyes are the windows to the soul, can you see my tortured past? Do you see a monster? Still nothing, eh? Well, let me tell you something.

One day, you will wake up and have to face something extremely heartbreaking, soul-corrupting, or something to make you not want to live anymore. After you go through that, look at your own eyes. Think about what you see. Do you see demons or angels? Do you see them fighting? Who’s winning? Eyes are the window to the soul, can you see your tortured past? Do you see a monster?

Look back again, then come back to me.

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F E A R

We can only imagine what it would be like, and those who imagine are wasting their time on something they can never have.

Fear. It surrounds us like a corn field miles wide. We are in the middle of that field. We are intimidated by the tall stature of the stalks, and they outnumber us. We try to run, but we keep getting lost. We never escape.

Fear. Fear is like a war, a battle between good and evil. What is good though? Do we ever know? We can never tell, nor do we think. Fear is the one overwhelming emotions, besides love, that makes us forget to think. All we know to do is to shoot and run.

Fear. Love surrounds us, but is pushed over by fear. Love is what makes us angry, sad and happy. Love is the root of all emotions. Love can even make us feel fear. So, is love pushing over love, or is it just people abusing the emotion of love? Are we the ones letting us take it too far? Are we the ones creating all these negative feelings?

Nobody knows the answer. We can only dream of knowing. We make fantasies of a perfect world without fear. We make fantasies filled with love and no hate. We imagine a world where love only makes us happy. In the mind of the depressed, we find the happiest ones.

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DUDE! THIS ALIEN IS LIKE THE SPIDERMAN DANCING GIF!!! IT DANCES TO EVERYTHING

i don’t think aliens exist

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I FOUND IT GUYS I SPENT HALF AN HOUR LOOKING FOR THIS VIDEO AND ITS HERE

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Bands if they were marshmallows

Black Veil Marshmallows

Bring me the Marshmallows

Marshmallows! At the Disco

My Chemical Marshmallow

Sleeping With Marshmallows

Marshmallows In White

In This Marshmallow

Pierce the Marshmallow

Fall Out Boy

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Fun Drink Game

Write an offensive post on tumblr and take a shot for every offended comment.

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Tell her that she is amazing! <3 she is my hero!!!!

can we just appreciate the fact that my best friend, who in the past struggled with an eating disorder, called out my gym teacher bc he says a size 3 for women is “ideal”

(((The average now for women is a size 14)))

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Feel The Mop

Wretched Tooth has proven to be a volatile and unstable force in politics. I’m endorsing Mop because they have all of the qualities crucial in a leader: integrity, integrity, and consistency. Most important of all, they have vision. World-famous climbing gear designer and Mop-endorser Luigi Nivens III said it best: We're bringing in the difference between victory and ask them to other campaigns and state polls! We are also running to get more than establishment thinking to other campaigns and reforming our campaign possible, from putting organizers on Team Mop, and momentum and ask them to make a critical time. What a month! Our team has it is leading in the long-term steps in the country and family that without your help. As we have momentum— we're closing the polls are building something unprecedented. We need to act on either side of our movement. If you're proud to act on the next three weeks, we'll be a contribution before a part of our future. Together, we can't stop now. Wretched Tooth is only going to people in new voters - to get more important. It’s hard to deny the power of such stirring words. Do the right thing. Vote for Mop. We can do this, Bandsxmiw #VoteMop #MopIn2016

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Me with people in band shirts

Random Person: *wears band shirt of my favorite band*

Me: *thinks* okay, got to say that I like their shirt as calmly as possible.

Me: OMG I LOVE YOUR SHIRT, DO YOU LIKE THIS OTHER BAND??? OMG YOU ARE AWESOME, LET'S BE FRIENDS!!!!!!

Them: ...? Get away from me you crazy fangirl