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How BTS Turned My Life Around

TRIGGER WARNING: Talks about mental illness and self-harm. Proceed with caution.

Nowadays, all you could probably hear coming out from my mouth is “BTS” in a way that some would call an obsession for these seven boys who were practically nobodies to me two years ago.

BTS may seem like just another average K-pop boy group to anyone who sees them at first sight and even my friends have told me that their genre is very out of my character to listen to. Even I surprised myself when I started to like BTS - I was never really a big fan of K-pop after all.

But it isn’t just the catchy lyrics and sounds they produce or their devastatingly handsome faces that caught my attention. Instead, it’s something deeper and heavier - something that is hard to comprehend at surface-level. In fact, BTS turned my life around.

How I Discovered BTS

At 17 years old, five days right before my 18th birthday, I was diagnosed with Bipolar II Disorder. Months before the diagnosis, I was already in a spiral of depression - locking myself up in my room, skipping all my classes, feeling almost nothing. It didn’t feel like how most media portrayals of mental illness is - it wasn’t aesthetic at all. It sucked big time for me and I wanted it all to end and repeatedly, I tried to make it end.

Being diagnosed was one of the worst, yet also one of the best things that happened to me. I hated that the word “bipolar” can now be linked to who I was and I hate how it made my parents and my siblings worry a lot. I hate how everyone worried about me and tiptoed around me as if I was a bomb about to explode, anytime. It drove me mad how different everything was. But at the same time, I was glad I finally had an answer. I was glad that I wasn’t making it all up and that there was an actual scientific explanation as to why I am the way I am.

It wasn’t easy, though. Medicine that cost a lot of money, frequent trips to the doctor, having to remind myself that I wasn’t exactly who I was before and accepting the fact that no matter how many pills I take, being Bipolar was something I might never be able to get rid of.

Despite all of the meds I was taking however, I didn’t get as well as I wanted to be. I lost my energy and passion for doing anything and I stopped feeling good about who I was. I lost interest in the things I used to love and I doubted all my decisions. I hated myself and thought I deserved to be punished. “I deserve to disappear” is what I would always think and I would eventually resort to hurting myself in several ways - cutting, starving myself, smoking, drinking until I blacked out. I would do anything to make myself feel the pain I thought I deserved to feel.

It wasn’t until the last month that year. I had to fly over to another city, where my sister was living, for personal affairs and that’s when my life took a huge turn. My sister, who was living with my aunt, cousin and bedridden grandmother, worked and so did said cousin. It was only my aunt, bedridden grandmother and caretaker who I would be with during the daytime. My aunt would be busy during the daytime and I was bored out of my mind stuck in the house, not wanting to go out either. My sister noticing my boredom suggested that I watch one of BTS’ variety shows, Run! BTS on this app called Vlive in which K-stars would use to broadcast and such.

Around this time, I was already aware of who BTS was. Their name was growing bigger and bigger in the music industry and I’ve seen them at the Billboard Music Awards earlier that year where they made history for not only being the first K-pop group to be nominated, but also for breaking Justin Bieber’s winning streak. Not only that, I had a ton of friends who are fans and my second cousin has been trying to get me into them for a while.

Not thinking much of it, I decided to finally give these boys a chance. After finally being able to watch a few episodes of their variety show, I finally had an opinion on them - funny, amusing and handsome. It was the first time I’ve laughed that hard in the longest time.

How BTS Changed My Life

It didn’t take long for me to get into their songs. When I listen to music, I would usually listen to the lyrics first and it being the first time I got into a K-pop group as an adult, it took me a bit of getting used to having to look for an accurate English translation of what these boys were singing.

Their lyrics were far from the usual boy band songs. The various messages and stories behind each song was unique and many of them involved topics that a lot of people don’t talk about.

One of my personal favorites at that time, "Spring Day", could be interpreted in many ways. My favorite interpretation was about missing someone you used to know so well, and at that time, it felt like the song talked about how much I lost myself.

That's only one of the many meaningful songs they have. My current favorite entitled "Magic Shop" is a song of hope and how they will always be there for the people they love and care about - including their fans. Magic Shop isn't your usual hopeful song that tells you it's gonna be okay. Instead, it tells you that it's okay to feel pain and to suffer and how they will be there for you until you feel better. It's also a song that thanks their fans for being there for them.

They also have their theme of loving yourself explored in a series of albums, Love Yourself: Her, Love Yourself: Tear and Love Yourself: Answer. In several songs, they would talk about loving who you are in the best way and always being treating yourself better.

BTS also gave me a new family in their fandom that is called ARMY. I have met new people with different backgrounds and struggles, all of whom have their own personal and emotional connection to these boys. People would assume that the fandom would consist mostly of teenage girls, but they are incorrect. The diversity in this fandom is fascinating - from teenagers to parents to elders, we all shared the same love and passion for BTS.

How BTS Changes Lives of Other People

BTS has also partnered up with UNICEF to start a campaign against violence and have raised over a million dollars for this campaign.

Last September 24, 2018, BTS became the first K-pop group to ever speak at the United Nations. Going along with their “Love Yourself” campaign, their speech prompted the theme of “Speak Yourself” (which is currently the concept of their world tour), which encourages the youth to speak up about themselves.

This encouraged ARMYs from all over the world to tell their story. I am yet to see a fan who does not have some sort of struggle in which BTS has helped them with. It is not only my life that they have turned around, but it is millions of people whose lives have changed with their message and their music.

The Impact of BTS

BTS are the voices we need to hear in this world. In the middle of chaos, it is refreshing to hear music that will give you hope.

I love music, but it's been awhile since I've heard songs with these messages and been a part of this type of fandom. I might be nobody to them, but the lyrics in their songs is just what I needed to hear. For the longest time, I have always felt alone and misunderstood. I have felt hopeless and never have I ever been truly happy, but with BTS, I finally felt a spark of hope. For the first time in the longest time, they gave me a reason to keep fighting and to finally be a little kinder to myself. For the longest time, I’m not alone. I’m not completely cured, but BTS made me feel better in a way.

BTS will not be around forever, and although that may seem like a harsh reality, we must never forget about the impact they gave to millions of lives.

Thank you, BTS for the change you have brought to our lives. Here’s to 6 years and more!