bardkin

[bardkin]

haven't been on this account for a Hot second lol no big reason, i'm just chilling on my more general, main account.

might move my @fishergulo sideblog over there, so i have somewhere to nonhuman-ramble when i'm not on this one.

bardkin isn't going anywhere & is already backed up, but i just find myself enjoying hanging out on One Central Account - y'know?

[bardkin]

Look, as much as I like to ramble about my identities, lately I've been receiving some anons that I just had to delete because what they say is just untrue. I don't know who they are, and they aren't pestering me per se, but they were rude to me for no reason. Yes, I'm a physical nonhuman. No, I don't have delusions. Yes, physical nonhumans without delusions exist.

Obviously some creatures in the community are physically nonhuman because of mental illnesses or delusions, and that's 100 percent okay. It's 100% valid, I'm not saying otherwise.

What I'm saying is that not everyone who is physically nonhuman has delusions, or is a physical nonhuman because of a mental illness. I simply live in a body that is nonhuman, that's it! For me it makes perfect sense. I don't perceive my body as human, it's just how it is. A nonhuman body. I don't care how it looks like.

Sometimes I see creatures in the community only including physical nonhumans that have delusions or mental illnesses. And yeah, some physical nonhumans have mental illnesses, and that's okay. But not all of us are like that! And that's perfectly fine

[bardkin]

good morning. i made a meme.

[bardkin]

Physical Fictionkinnity

I originally posted this on the fictionkin tumblr community, to test the water as I was curious for the opinion they might have of these experiences, so now I bring it out for everyone.

I wonder, is there anyone else here who identifies as physically fictionkin? Is not something I see spoken about very often or at all, only seen it once or twice. Or when speaking about IRLs in a negative light. We are Sonic, physically. Why? Well, my first reason is, we believe in the multiverse theory, so our body just by existing is the body of Sonic, a Sonic, the Sonic. We also have psychosis, which, uh, sometimes makes us believe some funny stuff, stuff we dont know if its real or not, and probably never will as going against it usually makes it worse. And personally, as a headmate, in headspace I am Sonic, even if sometimes I shapeshift to something else. And we feel like even if we didn't believe in the multiverse theory, we also just feel like we embody him, not perfectly, but we do. We too want to look more like him, through cosplay and alternating our appearance.

I'd love to expand on us being physically Sonic, it's something that's been in the making, truly.

Pure spite and species dysphoria, involved with our psychosis and perceived reality of the world, it all mixed together in a perfect concoction to make our brain now unable to see our body as anything else other than as being Sonic. Like in my comic about my physical nonhumanity , I am unable to truly separate myself from this belief, even in my most sober of moments.

But, I think this is more than just "haha my brain does something silly, again". It's about taking your identity and actively doing something to make it tangible in a way.

Through cosplay (or like I like to think about it, just dressing up as myself), through alternating your appearance, etc. Making what you see in the mirror, what you know is you. Or perhaps, making it so that everyone knows who you are and see what you already see.

[bardkin]

We need to kill the idea that you can’t both be a “real” alterhuman and have fun. You don’t have to take yourself super seriously 100% of the time to be who you say you are. Experiencing joy and laughter and whimsy is a good thing, and it’s actually far healthier to seek those over community validation through performing the “correct” amount of stoicism and misery.

[bardkin]

two things. one - i had caffeine today that actually worked on my brain & DIDN'T put me to sleep, because i managed to get some stuff done around the house AND make some posts here :]

second - am thinking about arm crutches as a future mobility aid that i might need [if my legs decide they Really hate me] - like the kind that have a brace at/around the upper arm & handles that stick out. mainly thinking about drawing my fursona with them, or with my current cane, to kind of.. self-destigmatize the idea of possibly needing them somewhere down the line? i still have a lot of internal shame about needing a mobility aid [because i don't need it All The Time], & i wanna take steps toward unlearning that.

[bardkin]

related to my last reblog [therian masks], i'm actually planning on making a mask for myself [at some point LOL] !! i'll be using a paleopanthera template.

i'm probably gonna liveblog/document the process over on my sideblog whenever i do attempt to make it <3

[bardkin]

I have to admit. I like the "therian masks".

I like it as a trend on tiktok, esspecially for younger alterhumans.

BECAUSE IT CONSEALS THEIR IDENTITY.

Way too often before the trend i would see little kids plastering their face online. Announcing their age. Basically posting their location.

I knew people who got hurt from it.

Is it annoying that people think it's a "requirement" for therianthropy? Yeah.

But at least it's serving a better purpose of safety with an added benefit of species euphoria.

[bardkin]

going back & forth with myself if i should or shouldn't hold into holothere as a personal label.......... it's neat, i really like it, the symbols it has, & the meanings behind it! i love it for it's intentional vagueness.

but i also just.. feel like i can achieve what i personally want out of it [as a personal label] with [just] "therian."

i'm a bit of a label hoarder, & i want to change that. not for any negative reason; mostly because i've come to enjoy more... encompassingly vague descriptors/nouns/labels for myself [i,e, queer, omisexual, androgyne, etc], rather than a "basket" of increasingly niche micro-labels. which might make you think "well, holothere would be a great fit for you!" & again. love holothere. i just.. don't think it's for me! i tried it on, it just doesn't really fit. and i can't even really articulate why !!

i think i just like therian more, overall [as a personal descriptor]? tbh, it's probably about that deep lol i just like one word over the other for myself.

[bardkin]

You should be a therian and be sexual about it

[bardkin]

been thinking about our third headmate.. Maggie has been in loose contact with her, but i haven't really met her. he says she's doing good.

i can't really enter the headspace. i can glance inside, sometimes for longer than two or three seconds, but staying there is difficult. [probably because i'm so heavily anchored to the front / have never switched out before.] so i can't exactly check up on my headmate[s], unless they get really close to the front or are actively listening & responding to me - like Mags usually always is.

initially, i had doubts about there being more than just me & Mags. this third headmate is just so inconsistent and/or vague with communication - so much so that her just randomly announcing her name & giving me the briefest look at her appearance was honestly a bit of a jumpscare LOL [she's a toontown dog girl & named herself Chloe, & is most likely a kid/little, for reference.] but Boy Howdy i'm 80% sure her passive influence affects me more than i'd ever initially realized-

i'd love to talk with her & get to know her better, i just don't want to rush her - perceivingly or otherwise. i just wanna know what i can do to make her more comfortable with telling* me what's up, rather than Just shoving emotions into my lap & leaving me to deal with them.

*as in explaining, be that thought-verbally or though other means of communication.

[bardkin]

musing about my possible virtual/digital pet kintype.. it's something i haven't tried exploring as of yet, especially not in-depth, but i can trace it back to a few things.

a lot of my kintity / unhumanness is [primarily] imprinting in origin; things i did/interacted with as a realllly young kid that had such an impact on my brain that i subconsciously yoinked that shit for myself.

so far, online pet games like Webkinz, Littlest Petshop VIPs / Online, that old TyToys one that i can't remember the name of, are the main... "ground zero"s, of where i think this this 'type stems from. the primary thing these browser-based pet games have in common? you needed a real-world toy/plush in order to make an account [and/or experience the full breadth of the game]. the "pet" you had in the physical world also existed in the digital one.

& that's the main aspect i can say for certian is part of this kintype. though i don't know for sure if it's not a hearttype- i'm currently defaulting to identify-as, since it feels correct to say "i am a digital pet" / "i am a virtual pet." something about existing both in the physical & digital, simultaneously.

side note, there Is a distinction between virtual pet VS digital pet, i just haven't quite figured out what exactly it is yet.

[bardkin]

since @conjuration-drift is my [new[er]] main, i've decided to do some cleaning over here LOL trying to make this blog solely revolve around nonhuman/alterhuman/therian posting

[bardkin]

learned something about myself lately

[bardkin]

i appreciate the idea that gear can be anything you want it to be… like, i have a sweatshirt that i got recently from when we went to the mountains a few months ago, it’s dark green and has a detailed bear on it in the middle. to most people it would look pretty normal, just a person wearing a hoodie out in public! pretty basic stuff. but for me it’s more personal, i feel that it represents me in an important way. it’s attached to my identity on a much deeper level than anyone could really understand without asking. whenever i see myself wearing it, it makes me feel a little bit better about what i see in the mirror. sure, i am “human shaped”, but that doesn’t represent who i truly am on a deeper, more intimate level. what i am on the inside! it also keeps me warm when it’s cold so obviously that’s a plus haha. anyway, it’s important to me and that’s what matters, it makes me very happy to think about it. 🩵

[bardkin]

So it seems that I haven't spoken about my physical nonhumanity in detail before and how I personally view it. I will speak about it for myself.

Yes, like I mentioned countless times already, I feel fully disconnected from this body and don't consider it mine. But that isn't the only reason why I feel physically nonhuman, despite what my DNA tells me. It is mostly philosophical in that this form belongs to me, and that makes it inhuman by proxy. I believe everyone is more than the sum of their parts. You're more than just what the empirical world sees you as.

This is true for all people: I have read that all people's internal self perception of themselves is different from the way they are physically perceived by others, even those that are fully orthohumans. For example, even cis people of the same gender can view their gender differently from each other even if they looked anatomically the same. So I don't fully understand how some people can be trans affirming yet be so against physical nonhumanity. If the argument is because there are ways for trans people to transition, while it is impossible to transition to another species, then they ignore the times when transition isn't possible for one reason or another. There exists no sort of hrt for me to get the particular changes I want because I'm nonbinary and I want specific features but not others. So it isn't possible for me.

Besides gender, I particularly view my species as physical because of the interesting sensations and feelings that I get because of it. For example, I get strange instincts and phantom limbs or phantom sensations that interact and interface with my physical body. If it was not for this mundane body itself, experiencing these sort of things physically would not be possible. I feel that people forget that the brain is also a physical organ that exists empirically and that psychology has some connections to biology. The two aren't completely separate. If it was not for the brain and mind that I currently have, I'm not so sure how different my identity and feelings would turn out to be, or if it would even be possible to experience them at all. Even most alterhumans have no idea what I'm talking about when I talk about the sensations and feelings that I experience. The bottom line is that my brain has the ability to process these things.

And despite all of the focus that I put on the physicality of my experience, it actually stems from my belief that the reason my brain is able to experience all of this is because of my spirit's strange way of interfacing and interacting with the body, and the body is trying to make sense of these interactions by offering me these experiences.

[bardkin]

Thread of experts saying that endogenic and nondisordered systems are valid: A repost.

originally posted by @/jsheaforrest on Twitter, Oct 3 2023. This is a repost so that others can view it if they do not have Twitter.

First off, we have the Plurality chapter of the book Transgender Mental Health by Dr. Eric Yarbrough, Distinguished Fellow of the American Psychiatric, published by the APA in 2018 :

Important excerpts from that chapter: "Being plural, or having two or more people existing in one body or space, is just one part of the diagnosis of dissociative identity disorder. Many people who are plural do not experience distress from the existence of others within themselves."

Since distress/dysfunction are essential for a diagnosis of dissociative identity disorder, the implication here is that there's plurals who don't have DID. "However, although dissociative identity disorder and plurality are frequently associated with trauma, there are those who are plural and report no history of trauma. The case presentation in this chapter describes someone with severe trauma, but this is not a definitive or universal reason for the existence of plurality."

Next we have "Dissociation in Trauma: A New Definition and Comparison with Previous Formulations," published in the Journal of Trauma and Dissociation by Dr's Nijenhuis and Van Der Hart, two of the authors of the theory of structural dissociation.

The key part of this section is at the beginning where it says, "Our definition of dissociation pertains to a division of the personality in the context of trauma. We are aware that this division may also occur in hypnosis and mediumship, that several other definitions of dissociation also address these other contexts, and that there are some indications that dissociation in these other contexts is also best understood as a division of personality."

Source: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/21667387/

Sci-hub link: https://sci-hub.usualwant.com/10.1080/15299732.2011.570592

Next we have the ICD-11, a diagnostic manual written by the World Health Organization, with the latest edition being from spring of 2022. In its entry on DID, it uses "distinct personality states" to refer to what it also calls "dissociative identities."

In the DID entry's Boundaries With Normality section, it says the following:

"The presence of two or more distinct personality states does not always indicate the presence of a mental disorder. In certain circumstances (e.g., as experienced by ‘mediums’ or other culturally accepted spiritual practitioners) the presence of multiple personality states is not experienced as aversive and is not associated with impairment in functioning. A diagnosis of Dissociative Identity Disorder should not be assigned in these cases." Note that the text says "eg" meaning "for example", therefore it is not saying that it is ONLY those.

Next is the DSM-V-TR, which also came out in spring of 2022. In the differential diagnosis section of the PTSD entry, it says the following:

"Dissociative disorders. Dissociative amnesia, dissociative identity disorder, and depersonalization-derealization disorder may or may not be preceded by exposure to a traumatic event or may or may not have co-occurring PTSD symptoms. When full PTSD criteria are also met, however, the PTSD “with dissociative symptoms” subtype should be considered."

Lastly, we have an interview w/ Dr Richard Loewenstein, who is lead editor of the DSM's section on dissociative disorders, has written over 100 papers mostly on trauma and dissociation and been referenced in 100s more, and used to run a trauma and dissociative disorders center.

In an interview with radio journalist Laura Klivens, talking about our system and having been told our origins, he said what's on the screenshot below.

Source: https://gimletmedia.com/shows/reply-all/49hr6k (the link is broken, it redirects to Spotify, all gimlet media links do. If I find the episode i'll put it here.)

"RICHARD: What you’re describing is much more somebody who is emitting symptoms consistent with Dissociative Identity Disorder and, um, you know, without interviewing her, um, I would wonder if that’s … what’s occurring and this is--creates a kind of, um, way that she can experience herself without distress. But again, if she is not distressed, by definition it’s not a disorder."

Continuing on in that episode, Laura says the following:"

"LAURA: I didn’t just talk to Lowenstein, I also talked to four other mental health professionals--both psychiatrists and psychologists--from these really reputable institutions. And they echoed what Lowenstein said. They said if there’s not distress, it’s not a mental illness--it just doesn’t fit any of the DSM definitions."

So. All these sources, from the American Psychiatric Association, World Health Organization, the two major diagnostic manuals used worldwide, and experts who study and treat DID/OSDD-1.

They all support the idea of nondisordered and endogenic systems. We've yet to see a single source from any major institution or expert saying that endogenic and nondisordered systems are impossible. Thank you for reading.

This is the end of the original thread. The thread picks up again on Jan 8, 2024.

New addition: a recent study (September 12, 2023) specifically on endogenic and nondisordered plurality.

source: https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1002/cpp.2910

"Dissociative identity disorder and depersonalization–derealization have attracted research and clinical interest, facilitating greater understanding. However, little is known about the experience of multiplicity of self outside of traumagenic or illness constructs. Consequently, this systematic review explored how people identifying as having multiple selves conceptualize their experiences and identity."

It picks up once again, on Jan 17, 2024.

Another addition, from an article on Psychology Today's website published in September of 2021.

source: https://psychologytoday.com/us/conditions/dissociative-identity-disorder-multiple-personality-disorder

Key points: "Why some people develop dissociative identity disorder is not entirely understood...Several studies suggest that DID is more common among close biological relatives of persons who also have the disorder than in the general population."