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It might be me being over emotional or it might be that looming february air, but either way I feel like shit. Ever sat in your room and cried because everyone around you is happy and loved up and you're not? Thats exactly how I feel right now. All of my friends have boyfriends and are extremely happy and here I am crying and writing on tumblr. Its moments like these where I start making a mental list of all the reasons why I am alone: i am not pretty, im fat, i have nothing interesting to offer and i am just not worth it. This list mentally destructs me every damn day. I honestly think is must be one of these items because no one ever wants me, not ever. I can honestly say I pride myself on bring a good supportive friend, sister, ajd coworker. I always look put for everyone and ensure that the people around me stay constantly happy. I am the rock for everyone when things fall apart. I set goals and i meet them. When my friends need me i drop everything to be there. I try to be the best person i can be, and no one wants me. Its basically a sad truth about how im just not good enough. I hate this feeling. The feeling of worthlessness, and self doubt. I just dont knoe what to do anymore....

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Me right now, worthless and pathetic.

ALL THE TIME.

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Decisions suck!

I honestly feel so lost at the moment. Almost as if the lives of everyone around me are moving at the correct speed and I am at a standstill. 

Earlier this week I started what would be my last semester at college before graduation. A great accomplishment that I should be excited about, however I find myself very confused as to what to do next. I have had so many ideas that I have actually confused myself and caused more stress than I needed. Do I study abroad, study in my country just move away, do I stay put in my hometown, take a year off, take one semester off and travel. The possibilities are endless and I have no idea how I will ever make a decision. 

If anyone has any suggestions on how to start thinking clearer shoot me a message!

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First Post!

Today, December 26th 2016, I have decided to create a new blog separate from my regular blog to vent and discuss my daily irrelevant endeavors! I decided after a really stressful and emotionally draining week to begin writing posts to vent about what is going on in my life. These could be daily if needed or more spread out, not really sure how it will pan out. Obviously I know that almost everyone will see long posts and skip right past them (I would do it too) however I need an outlet to discuss my life and what is happening as I don’t ever talk to people about my problems.

Its really hard for me as a person to tell other people face to face how I am feeling, I would rather let other people vent to me and ignore my problems. Due to this lack of recognition to my own problems I have developed a sort of anxiety about talking about my life. I feel nervous and self conscious when someone asks how i am or if I am happy and i am not really sure why. Like most people I have a few things that i think would be the cause but nothing pointed out exactly. 

These posts, although I am open for feedback and guidance, are mostly  for me to release all the pent up feelings to a blog to help me feel better about everything. It may be relate-able to some and completely annoying to others (Sorry!) but who knows. 

If you have read up until this point, i praise you for amazing patients as this may be the most boring tumblr you could find. I find it so easy to write how i feel, so much that talking about it seems very hard, and when i don’t do either I struggle to get over the hiccups in my life. Hopefully this helps me feel better because at this rate I need a little of anything.