bastardtrait

[bastardtrait]

now that danylo--sorry, danny, ugh she hated it--was older, he could FINALLY help her around her farm, which now is frankly enormous; too big for one barbie girll. good thing there were bunnies and birds to help out!

also baloo became old so now i'm going to put myself feet first into a wood chipper. goodbye.

[bastardtrait]

the neighbourhood of old new henford wasn't so much a neighbourhood as much as it was a whole bunch of fields with some houses here and there. a house that had apparently gotten a facelift recently was rotting on the market.

so barbara scooped that bitch up. and so spring flower farm became hers.

Barbara: (grumbles) i'll be up soon... make yourself a sandwich, danylo...

speaking of danylo, he's aged up the same day barbara did lmao. here he is as a teenager!

Danny: please, danylo is my government name. danny will suffice.

[bastardtrait]

so i finally bit the bullet and bought myself a new mid-range laptop for work that i'm definitely gonna install ts4 on so you know what that means. yes. i'm gonna start a new save I FEAR. what'll we do pals? what shenanigans will we get up to in the ron bastardtrait workplace??

[bastardtrait]

the day came for barbara to make herself a cake (pink, of course) and blow those candles out. she invited all her friends over, made an overflowing table full of food for them all, and they all gathered around to celebrate their very pink ukrainian friend who wasn’t so mysterious after all.

Everyone: three…two…one…!!! happy birthday barbie!!

Barbara, genuinely tearing: i love u all so much 🥺

[bastardtrait]

barbara was in the fuckin trenches with $4k to her name, dealing with burnout and poor sleep and her stinky disgusting dog that plays in chicken poop...when her investments finally came through. bess popped into her chequing account with that $25k.

Bess, over the phone: ...hello? barbara? are you there? are you okay?

Barbara: y--yeah, i'm here, i...i'm just...stunned, bess, that's all. you just...changed my life.

Bess: well, because you helped change mine. it's yours, barbie! really! do something nice for yourself and danny for me, okay babes?

[bastardtrait]

speaking of miss cassidy, she's working late. 'cause she's a singerrrrrr. she's collecting a few coins before she becomes mrs. hughes. wait she's already that? well yes, they're taking her name #feminism

Cassidy, emotively: hand pon mi knee when yuh...ram it up inna me...mi pussy wetter than a wave with di tsunami...

[bastardtrait]

barbara died in my game

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hello noah! he came to visit his uncle, and ran into his roommate he forgot was around.

Noah: AAAJFGH A GHOST?!

Sage: AAAHHH where?!

he had a question that only his beloved uncle could answer bc his parents who were smart are dust now, and shaw's like, the next best thing.

Noah: so should i do it? should i say yes?

Shaw: ummm YES? you love her right? what are you waiting for?!

Noah: i'm ngl uncle shaw i kinda thought you'd be like, all enti-establishment about it.

Shaw: i'm not immune to a love story, kid. you'd better be throwing a party and i'd BETTER ☝🏼 be invited

[bastardtrait]

the afterparty, just for two 💞

beginning // previous / next

the bear rug is nice and all, but they did move to the bedroom at some point 🔞

[bastardtrait]

not these two kiss kiss falling in love after smashing a few times...? actually that makes perfect sense; they are gay men being played by a gay man. lmao. so. i'll never escape the npc f-slur allegations

[bastardtrait]

let's knock some goals off those lists, eh? shaw wanted to visit selvadorada, and sage want to fuck in a bush. two birds one stone no? it, uhhh...went about how you'd expect it to.

Tourist: ...are you seeing this shit?

Other tourist: ...in the BUSH? with the spiders and everything? bro

[bastardtrait]

cause i'm too matcha... and then i'm too labubu... they told me dubai chocolate then ask where i've benson booned

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stepping out

[bastardtrait]

me: wow it's so beautifully hazy and soft and aesthetic outside rn <3

weather: abysmal air quality due to extensive wildfires in the prairies and nwt. please exercise caution.

me:

[bastardtrait]

sage and shaw hammered out their bucket lists, and lo and behold, they're pretty much just fuckin and travelling. so i love that for them. shit, that's what i'd wanna do, so.

Shaw: so...are we doing this thing?

Sage: i'm down if you are.

Shaw: oh yeah. hugely.

18+ link to see them getting started on their bucket lists

[bastardtrait]

ron bastardtrait evil twin b like 'i have too many sex scenes and it's kind of excessive'

[bastardtrait]

anyway girl, the second part of shaw's specific goal...seduce the grim reaper. which i'm ngl, i didn't remember that i actually had his brother ezra do that too for the reaper's rewards event but uhh. it's fine right?

Shaw: aren't you gonna say something like, we shouldn't be doing this...i'm your boss...etcetera?

Grim: is that the type of thing you want me to say?

Shaw: no! no you don't need...no, you can say whatever you--GOD. you have me acting like a bitchless teenager, stop it!

Grim: (ghostly laugh) you're funny, shaw. no, i don't care for human morality. you're all going to die anyway. and i'll still be here. so. cash money swag as it were.