battleoftheadams

[battleoftheadams]

hey so.. i rlly hate having to do this but i guess this is what it's come to. i'm $42 dollars in the red because of overdraft fees because i didn't have the money for my plume due and forgot to cancel in time.. i, well, you know, also need the money for plume because that's where i get my testosterone from. i've been having a dangerously spotty relationship with taking my T because i haven't been able to afford it (the only reason i have any now is because of the generosity of a now unemployed friend...)

i'm currently unemployed and having to go through the process of accepting the reality of my disability with no kind of support or love or anything like that. i'm having to accept that, no matter how hard i try, i'll never be able to shake this off and just be "normal". i'm dealing with a lot of internalized ableism because of this too. i want to start the disability process but it's so daunting... i've been unable to muster the strength for daily tasks like eating and showering, let alone applying for jobs/benefits. it's seriously been so bad that i've found myself wondering if i'm meant to be bedridden or something...

i don't know if this is selfish to ask (i haven't known much of anything lately. i'm sorry. it really feels like my brain is shutting down to dangerous levels) but i just want to shed just a little bit of the stress i'm under right now. so i'm asking if people can help by donating to my ko-fi, cashapp ($6ftslug), or paypal. and, if you donate, you can ask for a doodle of your (humanoid) OC or favorite char! just send me an ask or pm ^^

please share! i really need this. thank you 🖤

[battleoftheadams]

me and my sister made neurodivergencies as vines (we don’t intend this to be offensive, since both of us are ND). Sorry for the quality. It’s kind of lazy work.

The text in the video may or may not be dyslexic-friendly so I apologize for that.

(note: NT stands for neurotypical and ND stands for neurodivergent)

[battleoftheadams]

either im being ghosted or my anxiety is going haywire

[battleoftheadams]

after realizing i’m autistic i’ve come to accept that i don’t need to push myself to talk every single day one on one with people. even my platonic soulmate.. although it’s hurtful letting go of that routine, i’m trying to do what i think is best for me

[battleoftheadams]

dk if this is an autism thing but i just remembered when i was younger i used to memorize numbers of the most useless things like our library card, addresses, license plates

[battleoftheadams]

my date went so so well and he said he wants to keep seeing me romantically but i accidentally mistook that as “we’re moving into boyfriend and girlfriend territory” and my friends kinda laughed at me 🦫

[battleoftheadams]

date is in less than four hours i can’t stop fidgeting wahhhh i’m so nervous

[battleoftheadams]

autistic people be like “my favorite pastime is to sit in a quiet room dimly lit with fairy lights.” it’s me, i’m autistic people

[battleoftheadams]

the way i immediately came to search “autism dating” in the search bar after i fted this guy so that i would feel valid in my worries

[battleoftheadams]

going on a date this weekend and i’m terrified bc i can not figure out an effective script and i don’t want my brain to short circuit help wtf do i do

[battleoftheadams]

ended a friendship today and not because i wanted to but because the more my other friends continuously pointed out how toxic and bad this relationship was for me the more i had to force myself to develop some standards and do what’s best for the future me, despite what the present me is saying.

the thing with my brain and her autistic tendencies, i don’t have many close close friends. i don’t have many people i can just unmask around. this person was one of the three who i could do that with so letting it go was terrifying because i know how i struggle to make friends and i kept thinking to myself “what if i can’t make anymore friends for a while and i’m lonely”

i know the future me will be grateful. but the current me is sad and is wondering if she made a mistake, that’s all.

[battleoftheadams]

i realize i truly have no idea how relationships work at all bc there are so many social “rules” it’s hard to keep up with them and i don’t want my actions to be misinterpreted

[battleoftheadams]

ever since i discovered im on the spectrum it feels like i play a daily game of “is this a Thing or is it autism?”… most times it is the latter

[battleoftheadams]

“Halloween is cancelled this year…” | “Elite Game” - Being The Elite Ep. 280

[battleoftheadams]

cant talk abt my autistic tendencies w my friends yet so this has become my new outlet

[battleoftheadams]

new auditory stim song: copacabana by barry manilow

[battleoftheadams]

big dork energy 🥺

+ bonus