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bauslut · 2 years

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Solace

Description: Finding comfort in one another is worth the confused feelings.

Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x Reader

Warnings: alcohol consumption, mentions of cm typical cases and violence (against reader and other characters), silly baby boy aaron hotchner, me not proofreading again because i write for 0 dollars

Word Count: 4.4k

a/n: yeah, here’s another. eat up, my sweet hotchgirls. literally just back and forth hurt/comfort

“We need this, Hotch, and you are part of the ‘we’ I’m talking about,” Morgan said, patting Hotch on the shoulder as he walked off the jet.

She smiled at the interaction, as did Rossi, knowing by the resigned and borderline irritated look on his face that Hotch was definitely planning on joining the group at the club.

“What, the club scene isn’t for you?” she asked with a hidden smile.

He shook his head. “There’s a reason I never go when you all head there.”

“What changed this time?” Rossi asked as the three stood.

Hotch sighed hard. “I wish I had a good answer for that.”

She was three drinks and approximately seven embarrassing dances into the night when she came to the realization that her next drink should probably be her last. Penelope and Derek spun her around the dancefloor until she was dizzy, though she was sure the alcohol had a lot to do with that when they ordered her a fourth large drink. She found herself stumbling back towards the table, finding only Hotch left.

“Where’s everyone?” she mumbled, looking around as she fell into the seat next to him.

He raised his brows, unsure he’d ever seen her look quite so inebriated. He cleared his throat, then answered when he realized she was still waiting.

“Dave and JJ went home. Prentiss and Reid are at the bar.”

She nodded, looking at him with a goofy smile. “Did you drink?”

“I had one a while ago. I’d like to be able to drive home,” he said, unable to stop his lips from quirking upwards.

She hummed. “I didn’t think about that.”

“I’m aware.”

“I was going to take a cab.”

“When it’s time to leave, I am more than happy to take you home.”

She watched him again for a while, and it took until he called her name that she snapped out of it. He shook his head at her, getting up and going to stand in front of her.

He reached out his hands, and she looked at them curiously.

“Can I help you up?” he asked.

“Oh!“ she exclaimed with a laugh. “Mhm, yes, please.”

She clumsily gripped onto his hands, and he became overly aware how small her hands looked in his. And vice versa.

She stared down for several moments, not making an effort to stand at all. He had to call her back to reality again in order to get her standing, though his next predicament didn’t exactly improve his situation as he battled with an obvious attraction to his coworker. He huffed a breath, composing himself as she leaned her weight into him. She started moving her hands up to his shoulders, but that was something he wasn’t sure he could handle. He grabbed onto her wrists holding her hands near his sternum, though he underestimated her ability to be cunning when she was nearly blacked out.

She fully leaned into his chest, tilting her chin up to look at him with a silly smile.

“What are you doing?” he asked, holding back a smile of his own.

She sighed, leaning in further. “What do you mean?”

He looked down at her, dreadfully aware of how close she was. If he moved an inch forward, he could kiss her. He pulled his head back as that thought crossed his mind, knowing he couldn’t cross that boundary. He slowly let the grip on her hands loosen, though she took that opportunity to throw her arms around his waist and bury her face in his chest.

“Y/N,” he said, nervous she’d feel how fast his heart was beating.

She mumbled something he couldn’t hear into his chest.

“I can’t hear you.”

She moved back just enough to speak. “Morgan let’s me get hugs.”

“I’m not Morgan.”

“No, but you love me,” she said with a laugh, looking up at him.

He felt a heat in his cheeks. “You’re drunk.”

“Uh huh,” she nodded. “Wow, you really do deserve that unit chief position. Don’t know how you guessed it.”

He laughed, brow furrowing. “You’re mean when you’re drunk, too.”

She smiled. “I’m always nice. Besides, you have a nice laugh. I like when you smile.”

He swallowed, watching her for another moment with baited breath before he nodded towards the door of the club.

“Let’s go. You need to get home, you didn’t eat enough today and you need to get some sleep.”

She shook her head, pressing her face against his chest again. He sighed, waddling towards Spencer and Emily as they sat at the bar. He wanted to disappear when they saw the leach attached to his body.

“Having fun?“ Prentiss asked with a quirked brow and a curious smile.

Spencer laughed. “She always gets like this.”

“Not with Hotch,” Emily said, turning to him.

Hotch sighed. “I’m taking her home. I don’t think she needs anything else to drink at this point.”

She finally pulled back, looking towards the other two, but keeping her grip on him.

“I don’t want to leave.”

“You’re going to feel awful tomorrow if you keep this up, Y/N/N,” Reid said, looking at her with an amused smirk.

“I feel fine,” she sang out. “I can keep going.”

“I think you better listen to Hotch,” Emily said back to her.

She scrunched up her face. “I don’t want to.”

“I’m trying to help you,” he said, looking at her with a partial smile. “We do have to work day after tomorrow.”

“That’s a whole day.”

“And your hangovers last the entire day after a night out like this.”

She groaned, leaning back into him as Hotch said his goodbyes. He tugged her along towards the door as she’d finally stopped fighting it, and got her to the car. As he got into the car, she curled up against the door and was practically out by the time he pulled out of the parking lot.

He pulled up to the stoplight, the last one before her building, and reached over to rest a hand on her arm.

“Y/N? We’re almost home.”

“Okay,” she mumbled back.

“It’s time to wake up.”

“I don’t want to go home.”

He sighed, pulling forward as the light changed.

“Your night out is over. You need to get some sleep.”

“I’m lonely.”

He stopped at that, glancing at her. He reached his hand back over, letting it rest on her knee for a moment.

“You always have the team, you know? We’re here for you when you need us.”

“I know. I just hate being alone.”

He took in a breath, saying just barely above a whisper, “I do, too.”

She woke to a pounding headache, and a need to stave off the desire to throw up. She groaned as the light finally hit her eyes, looking around the room and trying to remember what happened past drink number four the night prior. No signs really gave way, besides the fact that there was a glass of water and some acetaminophen on her side table. Someone must have gotten her home.

She gratefully took the medicine and drank the water, not yet ready to roll out of bed. Unlucky for her, there was a noise out in her apartment.

She strained to listen for signs of who it might be, nervous that it could be an intruder. She gathered her strength, and the gun she kept in her bedside table, waking slowly and quietly towards her bedroom door. She pulled it open carefully, tiptoeing towards the noises that were coming from her kitchen. She took a deep breath, peeking around the corner, and feeling instant relief.

“Oh, thank goodness,” she breathed out as she saw Hotch in her kitchen, looking at her with a raised brow.

“I’m sorry if you aren’t a breakfast sandwich person, but I don’t think it’s something you need to shoot me over,” he said with the ghost of a smile, glancing at the gun in her hand.

She smiled, setting it on the counter as she moved closer.

“I thought you might want to kill me, you can’t blame a girl for being prepared.”

He chuckled and finished setting up all the food. He pushed a plate and a cup of orange juice towards her as she sat at the island, ever-grateful she could start the day on an easy note.

“How are you feeling?“ he asked as he watched her enjoy that first bite a bit too much.

She swallowed, nodding. “Better now. Still have a killer headache, but I don’t feel like emptying my stomach now.”

“Good,” he smirked.

“Not that I don’t really appreciate it, but what are you doing here?”

He raised his brows. “Oh. Uh, I brought you home last night, and I just wanted to make sure you had some company this morning.”

She tilted her head. “Why’s that? Did you think I wasn’t going to make it?”

He quirked a brow, then went back to his breakfast. She straightened, watching him carefully until he glanced back up with a questioning look.

“You’re hiding something.”

“No, I’m not.”

She laughed. “If you think anyone on the team can get past me at this point, you’re sorely mistaken.”

He shook his head with a smile. “It’s nothing.”

“It’s something if you’re hiding it. What, did I do something super embarrassing?“

“Not embarrassing.”

“What was it?”

He paused. “I don’t want you to feel embarrassed.”

“I thought you said it wasn’t embarrassing?”

“It’s not, but…” he sighed with a light laugh. “I don’t want you to worry about it if it’s something you would be embarrassed by.”

“This is too much to think about this early in the morning.”

“It’s ten thirty.”

“Still. Just tell me.”

He swallowed another bite before looking back at her. He studied her face for a moment before finally speaking.

“When I was trying to take you home you said you didn’t want to go because you didn’t want to be alone. I didn’t stay, but I wanted to make sure someone was here when you woke up, so I thought breakfast was a good option.”

Her eyes widened a little. “I’m so sorry.”

“For what?”

“You didn’t have to waste a Saturday morning dealing with me.”

“I’m more than happy to waste time with you.”

She felt a heat in her cheeks, looking down to hide her growing smile. He stopped breathing for a moment after he left that slip, trying to even his voice before he spoke again.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to—“

“It’s fine,” she reassured him. “I appreciate that. A lot, actually.”

He nodded, looking away from her.

Hotch headed home an hour later, leaving her to shower and reset from the night before, and needing time to reset himself.

He got home to his place of solitude, and planted himself on the couch. He closed his eyes, trying and miserably failing to block out the dangerous feelings he knew were beginning to blossom in full. As he contemplated the meaning of springtime as he neared the end of a years-long winter, all that came to mind was her face. The way she looked at him. The way she smelled when she was so close. How it felt holding her, even if it was simply to keep her from falling to the ground.

His apartment suddenly felt far too empty.

Three weeks later she burst through the doors of the house, not stopping until she found him. They’d all heard the gunshots, and immediately she wished Hotch hadn’t insisted on being the first inside before everyone else arrived. The second to last door in the hallway she kicked open with her gun drawn, heart dropping when she saw him sitting on the floor of the small bedroom.

“Hotch?” She rushed to him, crouching in front of him. “Are you okay?”

He nodded slowly. “I may have a concussion, but he’s dead.”

“What happened?”

“He put up a fight,” he replied with a sigh, looking at her with squinted eyes. “Slammed me into the wall pretty hard, but I was able to pull the gun on him.”

She gently rested her hand on the side of his face, tilting it to check the cut near his hairline. Footsteps fell hard until they were in the room, Morgan and JJ audibly letting out breaths of relief. She turned to them.

“He needs a medic, but he’s going to be fine.”

He started trying to stand, but she stopped him in his tracks before he got far.

“You stay there.”

“I’m fine.”

“You’re concussed. You’re not getting up and running around right now.”

He set his brow. “I’ll be fine.”

“Once you see a medic, yes, you’ll be fine.”

He sighed, slumping against the wall. She quirked a brow at his little tantrum, though she made sure he was officially checked out before she was satisfied.

He sat with a blank expression as everyone finally stepped away from him, new bandages on his forehead making him look a little worse for wear.

“Satisfied, now?” he questioned.

She crossed her arms. “I seem to recall someone going the extra mile for a hangover a few weeks back. If you think I’m not returning that favor when you get a beat-down…”

“Hey, I didn’t get a beat-down.”

“He slammed you against a wall.”

He stared, unamused. She laughed a little, going to sit next to him.

“It’s okay to admit that you got hurt, you know? You don’t always have to be the big, strong boss-man.”

He smiled, looking down. “Strong, huh?”

“Okay, now I’m a little bit glad you got banged up.”

His eyes widened in feigned shock, mouth dropped open. She paused, giving him a short shrug.

“I stand by the fact that you can be very mean,” he said at last.

“Says the most stubborn man I’ve ever met.”

“The most?”

“That might be an overstatement, but you’re still pretty high on the list,” she said with a chuckle, then jumped back down. “Let’s go show off your new bandages to the team. They’re gonna be so jealous.”

He failed to hide a smile, following after her as he realized he’d follow her anywhere she asked. She glanced back at him, noticing he looked a little too happy for someone who’d just been through what he had.

“What’s going on in that head of yours, Hotchner?”

He shrugged. “Nothing you need to worry about.”

“You concern me.”

“At least I know you care.”

She smiled, knowing her next sentence would be one she probably shouldn’t say.

“I always will.”

She woke up in a cold sweat, taking in deep breaths to try and steady her heart rate. She worked through all of the relaxation techniques she could think of, though none of it seemed to fully quell the anxious feeling that settled in her chest. She pulled her covers off, heading out into her kitchen to get some water, but it seemed that nothing was going to help.

Nightmares were always a never-ending reality that paired with her job, but sometimes they hit too close to reality. She couldn’t help but feel like she’d be at fault if she didn’t at least check on him. She grabbed her phone from her bedroom, typing out a quick message:

‘Just want to make sure you’re doing okay. Hope all is well :)’

She set her phone down on the coffee table, curling up and turning on a tv show she hoped would provide some comfort, not expecting him to reply until morning. She was through the first episode when there was a soft knock on her door. She furrowed her brow, walking over and looking through the peephole to see a familiar face.

“It’s one in the morning,” she said in a sigh.

He raised a brow. “Can I come in?”

She nodded, letting him walk past her as she closed and locked the door again. She followed after him until they were both seated on the couch.

“What are you doing?” she inquired.

“You never text me late at night unless it’s an emergency,” he said frankly, leaning back into the cushions.

She looked him over, now noticing the plain t-shirt paired with pajama pants featuring dogs in Christmas hats. She laughed, head tilting in question.

“Nice pants.”

He smirked. “Oh, right. They were a present from Jack.”

“They suit you.”

“Thanks,” he said, eyes widening a little. “Now, what’s wrong?”

She sighed, throwing her head back against the couch.

“My usual nightmares aren’t as bad as the one I had tonight is what’s wrong,” she shook her head as if to clear the memories that were stuck in her brain. “It was just… It was too real.”

“I’m sorry if I’m overstepping, but did it have anything to do with me, or did you just need someone to talk to?”

She smirked. “Both.”

“Hey,” he said gently, and she turned to look at him. “It was just a dream.”

“I know. You’ve just had too many close calls, and sometimes I worry it’s not going to be a close call next time something bad happens.”

“Tell me about it,” he said lowly.

She dropped her face into her hands. “Gosh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for it to sound like that.”

“It’s okay,” he said gently, though with humor in his voice. “I know it can be scary to worry about another person’s life like that. I appreciate that you care enough to have nightmares about it, if that helps.”

“Oh yeah, that makes it way better,” she said with a laugh.

He chuckled softly, eyes closing as he leaned his head back into the cushions. She watched him for a moment as he took some time to be at peace. She watched the rise and fall of his chest, and the way his face softened.

“Can I ask you something?” she said quietly, not wanting to disturb the moment.

He hummed, eyes still closed.

“Why did you come all the way here? What happened to Jack?”

He peeked open one eye, glancing at her. A little mischievous smile graced his face.

“He’s on a camping trip with his grandparents, and I just wanted to bother you.”

“Uh huh,” she said with a roll of her eyes. “You’re not a great liar, Hotchner.”

He sat up straighter now, turning towards her.

“I honestly don’t know. I saw the message and just…” he shrugged, trailing off. “I just came.”

She felt a horrible feeling in that moment, the truth crashing the walls of the reality she’d built around herself. She wanted nothing more than to lean over and kiss him.

Instead, she simply nodded.

“I’ll take it,” she smiled softly, not able to meet his eyes for fear that she would be too weak to look away again.

She stood, looking around the space.

“Did you want to crash here for the night? My couch is surprisingly comfortable.”

He smiled. “As much as I would appreciate that, I don’t want to overstep.”

She shook her head as she walked away. He looked on in confusion until she came back with pillows and blankets gathered in her arms and dropped it on the couch.

“I’ll see you in the morning. Sleep well,” she said curtly, giving him another smile before she forced herself to walk away.

He watched until her door was just barely cracked open before he set up camp in her living room. He settled in for the night, turning off the lamp on the side table, and ignoring the swelling in his chest at the thought of having the most ridiculous sleepover at her home.

He woke to the smell of coffee, almost shocked that he had slept through the night. His eyes still felt heavy, but he felt well-rested. He stretched out on the couch, not noticing when she walked into the room, still donning her pajamas.

“Good morning, sunshine,” she said with a smile, setting a mug down on the coffee table.

He sat up, allowing her space to take a seat next to him as he took up his mug. He furrowed his brow after tasting it, looking to her for an answer.

“How do you know how I like my coffee?”

“I’m good at my job,” she said with a shrug. “Did you sleep okay?”

He nodded. “One of the best nights of sleep I’ve gotten in a very long time.”

“I told you the couch was comfortable.”

He chuckled. “You were right.”

“As always.”

“As always,” he confirmed, looking at her.

She wore a surprised look on her face.

“Really? Now is when you choose to agree?”

“This coffee is really good,” he replied after a beat.

“I have cereal if you’re hungry.”

“We have time to pick something up on the way to work if you’d prefer?”

“Only if it’s on you.”

He laughed. “How else am I supposed to repay you for letting me sleep on your couch?”

They sat in a comfortable silence until their mugs were empty. She slowly turned her head towards him.

“If we’re going to work together, what do you plan on wearing?”

He looked down, suddenly realizing his predicament.

She continued. “Not that you aren’t rocking the puppy pajamas, I just don’t know if that’s necessarily in the dress code.”

He smiled, groaning as he shut his eyes again.

“Maybe we should just change the dress code,” he suggested.

“Or we could stop by your place and then get breakfast.”

He nodded. “That would be wonderful.”

She stood from the couch. “Do you want another cup?”

“Please,” he replied with a nod as he followed her to the kitchen.

They filled their mugs, tailoring them to their liking, though he made a false sour face as he tasted his.

“Mm, it’s better when you make it,” he said, hiding a smile behind the rim of the mug.

She laughed. “You are so full of it.”

They finished their second round, and she got ready quickly so they would have plenty of time for their morning plans. She tried putting it out of her head as she occupied herself with her morning roughing. Aaron wasn’t so lucky. He sat on her couch, looking around the space, but unable to keep his mind off of her. He was comfortable. Too comfortable, to the point of feeling a safety with her he didn’t expect to ever feel again.

They stepped into the bureau with full stomachs and hearts as a result of their morning together. He allowed himself to feel all of his joy with her in the last moments before he had to put on his work-self and get to business as usual. It seemed like a stronger contrast than what he had become accustomed to. She gave him one last smile and wave as she left for her desk, needing to shut that part of her brain down when she was meant to be working.

Then again, she didn’t know how she could fully shut it down. Something had changed, and it certainly wasn’t in the same way it had when she’d grown close to her other coworkers.

JJ was the first to notice something was off that morning. She was happier, which was wonderful in JJ’s eyes, but also a little more spaced out. Soon, the bullpen was abuzz with theories as to what had gotten her so distracted.

Fortunately for their need for information, it wasn’t hard to figure out once they saw their boss in the exact same state.

The team never liked hostage situations, but when it came after a case that felt like a massive win, this particular situation felt like a punch in the gut. They all piled into the jet, heading across the states until they reached their destination.

Hotch never liked sending his agents into dangerous situations. His personal gut-punch moment was when he had to send in the most capable agent for the job at hand: Y/N. Unarmed and vulnerable.

His chest rose and fell heavily as she skillfully talked down the unsub, though not before she’d been hit in the face and kicked in the ribs.

The second she gave the signal that it would be safe to rescue the hostages, he couldn’t help but feel drawn towards her. His duty was to the hostages first, and he knew that, though the team had other ideas.

“Hey,” Morgan started softly, as they stepped through the doors. “We all know. Go get her, we got the rest of them.”

“I don’t—“

“Hotch,” Morgan stopped him with a word. “Get her.”

Aaron stopped in his tracks when he made eye contact with her, knowing that even if he hadn’t been reassured that the others would be taken care of, he’d still run to her before anyone else.

She smiled as he jogged over, holding onto her side with one arm, and wrapping the other arm around him the second he was close enough. She felt the smallest kiss pressed to the top of her head as he held her.

“Are you okay?” he asked quietly, not yet pulling away from her.

“I’m okay. I’ll get checked out to be sure, but I feel fine,” she replied, resting her head against his chest.

He smiled, remembering the night he took her home from the club, finding himself in a very similar situation now.

He paused. “They know.”

She scrunched her face in confusion, looking up at him in bewilderment.

He smiled. “Too vague?”

“Yes.”

“Morgan… He said they all know.”

“Know what?”

“The thing I think we’ve both been dancing around.”

She looked down, face feeling warm, but not in a bad way. He called her gently, encouraging her to look back at him.

“You’ve done more for me than I think you realize,” he whispered, holding her close.

“I—“ she trailed off, suddenly feeling nervous to say it out loud.

He nodded. “I know. Me too.”

She burrowed back into his arms, relishing in the feeling of being fully enveloped by him, and smiling as she realized what she’d been trying to hide had failed completely.

She took a deep breath, speaking just barely loud enough for him to hear over the sound of his heart pounding in his ears.

“I am so in love with you.”

#aaron hotchner x reader #hotch x reader #this is so dreamy i’m melting #my heart #i love them

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