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One day a teacher asked her students to list the names of the other students in the room on two sheets of paper, leaving a space between each name.

Then she told them to think of the nicest thing they could say about each of their classmates and write it down.

It took the remainder of the class period to finish their assignment, and as the students left the room, each one handed in the papers.

That Saturday, the teacher wrote down the name of each student on a separate sheet of paper, and listed what everyone else had said about that individual.

On Monday she gave each student his or her list. Before long, the entire class was smiling. 'Really?' she heard whispered. 'I never knew that I meant anything to anyone!' and, 'I didn't know others liked me so much,' were most of the comments.

No one ever mentioned those papers in class again. She never knew if they discussed them after class or with their parents, but it didn't matter. The exercise had accomplished its purpose. The students were happy with themselves and one another. That group of students moved on.

Several years later, one of the students was killed in

Vietnam and his teacher attended the funeral of that special student. She had never seen a serviceman in a military coffin before. He looked so handsome, so mature.

The church was packed with his friends. One by one those who loved him took a last walk by the coffin. The teacher was the last one to bless the coffin.

As she stood there, one of the soldiers who acted as pallbearer came up to her. 'Were you Mark's math teacher?' he asked. She nodded: 'yes.' Then he said: 'Mark talked about you a lot.'

After the funeral, most of Mark's former classmates went together to a luncheon. Mark's mother and father were there, obviously waiting to speak with his teacher.

'We want to show you something,' his father said, taking a wallet out of his pocket 'They found this on Mark when he was killed. We thought you might recognize it.'

Opening the billfold, he carefully removed two worn pieces of notebook paper that had obviously been taped, folded and refolded many times. The teacher knew without looking that the papers were the ones on which she had listed all the good things each of Mark's classmates had said about him.

'Thank you so much for doing that,' Mark's mother said. 'As you can see, Mark treasured it.'

All of Mark's former classmates started to gather around. Charlie smiled rather sheepishly and said, 'I still have my list. It's in the top drawer of my desk at home.'

Chuck's wife said, 'Chuck asked me to put his in our wedding album.'

'I have mine too,' Marilyn said. 'It's in my diary'

Then Vicki, another classmate, reached into her pocketbook, took out her wallet and showed her worn and frazzled list to the group. 'I carry this with me at all times,' Vicki said and without batting an eyelash, she continued: 'I think we all saved our lists'

That's when the teacher finally sat down and cried. She cried for Mark and for all his friends who would never see him again.

The density of people in society is so thick that we forget that life will end one day. And we don't know when that one day will be.

So please, tell the people you love and care for, that they are special and important. Tell them, before it is too late.

》Saw this on Facebook, removed the 'share-or-else guilt' from the end.

The mind holds onto the emotions that stick out the most. For too many people those emotions are pain, loneliness,and other negative feelings. Help others know wot you like about them & let yourself know wot you about you. It doesn't have to be everyday or everyone, but do the best you can because your best is good enough.

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09.16.19 0523

So not all of these are going to have inspirational aspects like I originally planned but that's what makes it real. Also, I did say this was an attempt to purge & it's rarely the good leaving you restless when you should be sleeping....anywho, onto today's demons.

Books are my life. I mentioned I don't socialize, so a lot of my understanding of the world comes from text. I started a new romance, I go through periods of obsessing & hating the category, and the dude's life fell apart and a lot of the stuff really resonated.

They made a human being, not hired an employee.... That familiar anxiety settled like a block of ice in my gut. I knew now that I hadn’t been happy before, but I’d had a purpose....“I don’t know. I was happy. I liked my job, my apartment, my life. But maybe something always felt like it was missing?” I nodded. “And if you just kept busy, just kept moving forward, maybe that feeling would go away.” -Whiskey Chaser

So I was living my life extremely in the moment before. I had immediate goals & was fully focused on meeting them & my mental health was a nonissue. Not to say it wasn't a problem that was ruining my life, but I was able to ignore it by keeping busy. I try not to 'blame' everything on my mother. I don't even want to use that word, but if I don't express how I feel I can't try to resolve it. As a teen I did the thing, I yelled that it was her fault. I said she was my M.O.M. my Mean Old Mother to anyone that would listen, her friends & coworkers included. I've since told her that while things were difficult & a lot of it is connected to her it was only because she was all I had. She was everything so it's literally impossible for it to be connected to anyone else because there were no other guiding influences in my life. Gilmore Girls was HUGE in my life. I was obsessed. I've always felt lonely & hate being an only child. Seeing that mother-daughter bond was my dream and of course the small town connection between everyone. I drew more parallels to Lorelai & Emily though, she even had the same name as my mother. Anywho, I don't do relationships. Of any sort. I literally don't know how. While I wish more than anything I could have a close relationship with my mom it has yet to be possible. This leads to one main train of thought: how am I supposed to ever be close to anyone if I can't relate to the woman that gave & shaped my life? I have no one in my corner that I can rely on, mostly because I don't trust anyone enough to rely on them but also because I suck at keeping up with people.

That wasn't quite where I intended to go....Before I talked to professionals about my mental state I was pushing. I can't be lonely if I'm always busy. I genuinely felt confused when coworkers felt bad that I was working the holidays. I mean, mad money for a chill day & I didn't have plans anyway. I burned out a lot. I did all the OT I could cause I didn't have anything to do & loved the paychecks. I'd stop by on my day off. Work was literally my life & seeing a therapist meant that stopped. Next month I'll have been in my position for 2 years. Longest I've done anything & nowhere to go from here. My current Supervisor is irreplaceable & I wouldn't want the job from him even if I was qualified. So I lost my upward projection in my job & had to start looking at my 'life' outside of work. I think it's needless to say, things suck. The void within is obvious & having to face it myself as well as present it to another is real difficult. It's also screwed up the fake sense of balance I had going & I hate it.

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I always see the LBGTQIA posts about becoming your new parent. So here's a mental health version.

I will be your mom. I'm not perfect and I don't expect you to be. Thank you for trusting me enough to share about the darkness shrouding you. I am so proud of you for making this far and will support you to get you further!

parents be like you can’t imagine how hard it is for us to deal with your mental illness

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Witches, self care is everything! Friendly reminder 😊

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09.11.19 0450

Last year I was finally diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder; I say finally because despite experiencing it for over a decade I didn't seek proper treatment till last year. I started with medication, which I have since updated & continue taking, and have been seeing a therapist weekly since April. Those first steps felt monumental & terrifying. It certainly wasn't something I ever planned to bring up with anyone. Technically, I had briefly experimented with both in the past, but I hadn't come to terms with & decided for myself at those times.

Suicidal ideation took up residence in my brain as a hormonal teenager & I'm still waiting to 'grow out of it.' I can vividly recall the pain & despair I felt when I told my mom I wanted to die...she called me selfish. It broke something in me that continues to hurt to this day. I'll be 26 in November. I didn't cut my self in the same way the other girls did. I called it carving, because it was art. I took sharp objects and scraped at my arm past the point that I was bleeding. I wasn't trying to die, that came later. The emotions and desolation were so overwhelming and I had no clue how to deal with them aside from redirecting the pain. Everyone talked about emo just being a phase, that I would get over the style & dramatics, that cutting was for attention, but no one mentioned what you should do instead.

I was expected to live because "suicide just passes the pain." I was weak for wanting to take "the easy way out." I was acting out like all teenagers do. I was "ungrateful" because I had so much in my life that others didn't. I couldn't possibly be depressed because I hadn't been physically abused. I needed to just choose to be happy because it was just "mind over matter."

All of that came from adults, mainly my mother, so I believed. And wow did that not help at all. It just made me feel worse whenever I was upset. It made me learn to cry silently & not to tell anyone how I felt. My peers couldn't be trusted to help me because they were either also "emotionally unstable adolescents" or couldn't understand, since my mom didn't. I would feel guilty & ashamed as well as broken. I would put myself down for not being happy like everyone else.

Fuck, that was really difficult to get out & my brain has gone all fuzzy because of it. Anywho, the gist of all this is to A) help me let go of some of the emotional burden I carry & B) show y'all that you really aren't alone. I really do know how hard things are and am so fucking proud of you for continuing on. I'm also proud of anyone reading this to help understand what someone else is going through. Thank you for caring. For being there. Thank you so fucking much for trying to understand. Mental Illness is deadly & every bit of support helps.

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It's okay if all you do is shower & eat something today. It's okay if you didn't make it out of the house. Try not to let the guilt weigh you down. It was hard but you made it through the day.

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we love you bob <3

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my tweets from earlier this morning. It’s world suicide prevention day and I wanted to share my short story with you all

This goes without saying, but I am ALWAYS available to talk to ANYONE if you ever are in need.

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World Suicide Prevention Day National Suicide Prevention Hotline (24/7): 1-800-273-8255

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September is suicide prevention month. Reblog if your blog always supports anyone with a mental illness.

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09.11.19

I saw a screenshot of this on Facebook yesterday & it inspired this blog. Not so much the message, although it also struck a chord, but the fact that you were so honest with your life and people all over were seeing it. With yesterday being National Suicide Prevention Day & me not being at even 60% it seemed kismet. 《So first of all, thank you @petalya so much for sharing this. I think it was brave and going off your related posts that you're kind as well. 》 Being American, there were also a lot of posts regarding 9/11 and how so many families went to bed whole one night & broken the next.

So. Tell your friends you love them, why they're awesome, and that you support them. Hug your significant others. Text that one friend or relative you keep meaning to contact. Water your plants, give your pet a treat & compliment a coworker. Most of all, remember you are valid. You are enough. You're doing great & we'll see you tomorrow.

in therapy my therapist and i were talking about my own feelings of self worth in relationships. and she asked me to say qualities about myself that someone else would be attracted to, on a romantic and platonic level. so i named some things like compassionate, empathetic, etc. and she said “you named things that you can give someone. ways you can serve, rather than ways that you are” and y'all..my mind was blown that’s gonna stick with me forever like she then proceed to tell me actual innate qualities about myself that she liked and thought anyone else would like as well and i hadn’t even considered those because like she said i was focused on things i could do outwardly to attract and maintain connections rather than who i was as a person..goddamn!!! thats tea!!!