beanstalk-system

[beanstalk-system]

My new essay about the interconnections between transmisogyny and pluralphobia is live right now! It's titled "Transfemininity and Dissociative Identity Disorder: An Undertheorized Intersection," and you can read it here ✨

[beanstalk-system]

btw 'syscourse' and plural infighting isn't accomplishing anything. back in the late 90s and early 2000s, the only communities and resources for plurals that were widely available were for and by non-traumagenic systems. the only people who were advocating for normalizing and accepting plurality on a large scale were non-traumagenic systems. if you did research into plurality 10 - 15 years ago, most of the results that came up would have been experiences written by spiritual and natural plurals.

many people at the time were expressing their dislike of forcing every single plural to identify as if they had trauma- many found this insulting to themselves, and rightfully so! no one should be forced to identify in a way they don't agree with just to rightfully be a part of a community they already occupy. this obsession with "you can only be plural if you have trauma" has only come about extremely recently. i found out about plurality through the otherkin community. i was actually told about DID by someone in the spiritual plurality community. people don't seem to understand that most non-traumagenic systems have respect for traumagenic systems and don't gatekeep their spaces to prevent us from entering.

older plural spaces on the web like healthymultiplicity accepted all plurals. the goal of the community was to show that you can live as plural and not have it be a tragedy or something to "fix". if anything, folks with dissociative disorders owe a LOT to non-traumagenic systems for pushing to normalize plurality without implying that we HAVE to integrate our headmates and try to stop being plural. a huge part of the early online plural community was there to push that plurals can and do live happy lives and shouldn't view their plurality as a bad thing

it's not going to make singlet society see us in a better light. it's not going to get people to understand plurality better. it's not going to get us better mental health resources. it's not going to improve the quality of care for dissociative and traumagenic systems. all you're doing is bullying someone else that you don't understand simply because you don't agree with them.

you're not going to recover from your trauma or understand your own plurality better by denying the existence of other types of plurality. you're not "making the community safer" by gatekeeping. telling other people how their brains work is policing their identities. whether or not you want to accept it, if you forcefully kick endos out of plural spaces, you are the cop you claim to hate.

fighting with people on your own team will never net you a victory. to every other dissociative and traumagenic system: endos are on your side. you are wearing the same jersey. you are made of the same flesh and blood. enough. come together to share your similarities instead of fighting over differences. celebrate the diversity that plurality offers. don't take someone else's identity personally. someone can share the space with you without having to match exactly how you identify. diversity is what makes a community thrive.

[beanstalk-system]

(co host doesnt front for three days) wow crazy how i've been a singlet this entire time

[beanstalk-system]

watching severance while being a system (that also happens to have an office job) really punches me in the feels

[beanstalk-system]

Being plural is like

Woah I’m glad that breakdown is over, I hope no one saw that.

The fucking Grinch: Yeah

[beanstalk-system]

here's your daily reminder that no-one is entitled to any information about you, your system, or your system members; nor do you have to use any terms you don't want to no matter how popular they are ^-^

[beanstalk-system]

What the community calls "Subsystems"

AKA having multiple systems or parts within parts

In this post, we're going to be talking about subsystems! There is a lot of misinfo online over this. Some people doubt the existence of subsystems or they think it's something incredibly rare.

Unfortunately, this misinfo can lead to the harassment of people with this very real experience. Here are a few examples of false claims about subsystems I've seen by doing a quick search: source.

First off, what IS a subsystem?

In complex dissociative disorders like DID, a "subsystem" often refers to alters within a system that are grouped together in a specific way. Commonly (but not always), they are grouped together because they hold onto similar trauma memories. Subsystems can look many different ways, such as appearing like having layers or multiple systems inside of oneself, alters that contain their own alters, or a cluster of parts that act together as one alter.

Subsystems are a real and common experience.

To quote clinical psychologist Howell (2011) from her book, page 57, source:

"The organization of self-states is often imagined in three-dimensional space. The parts are often layered behind one another, with those representing deeper trauma behind deeper layers of identity states (Kluft, 1993, 2000, 2009). Frequently, they are grouped or clustered together (Fine, 1993), for example, with child parts of approximately the same age together. Or, parts may be contained within another part."

Subsystems have been described in various clinical literature. Here are a few examples: source. Trigger warning ⚠ for these examples because most include descriptions of childhood sexual abuse.

It's important to note that the concept of having a system (or subsystems) of parts is not exclusive to complex dissociative disorders. You may also hear about similar experiences with subsystems in other parts-based frameworks, like in other trauma-based conditions, certain treatment practices like IFS, and non-disordered plurality. If you're curious, I encourage you to do your own research into that!

Thanks for reading! If anyone reading this has an experience with subsystems, regardless if you have DID or not, I invite you to share it! You can reply to this post or send an ask. 💚

[beanstalk-system]

What the community calls "Subsystems"

AKA having multiple systems or parts within parts

In this post, we're going to be talking about subsystems! There is a lot of misinfo online over this. Some people doubt the existence of subsystems or they think it's something incredibly rare.

Unfortunately, this misinfo can lead to the harassment of people with this very real experience. Here are a few examples of false claims about subsystems I've seen by doing a quick search: source.

First off, what IS a subsystem?

In complex dissociative disorders like DID, a "subsystem" often refers to alters within a system that are grouped together in a specific way. Commonly (but not always), they are grouped together because they hold onto similar trauma memories. Subsystems can look many different ways, such as appearing like having layers or multiple systems inside of oneself, alters that contain their own alters, or a cluster of parts that act together as one alter.

Subsystems are a real and common experience.

To quote clinical psychologist Howell (2011) from her book, page 57, source:

"The organization of self-states is often imagined in three-dimensional space. The parts are often layered behind one another, with those representing deeper trauma behind deeper layers of identity states (Kluft, 1993, 2000, 2009). Frequently, they are grouped or clustered together (Fine, 1993), for example, with child parts of approximately the same age together. Or, parts may be contained within another part."

Subsystems have been described in various clinical literature. Here are a few examples: source. Trigger warning ⚠ for these examples because most include descriptions of childhood sexual abuse.

It's important to note that the concept of having a system (or subsystems) of parts is not exclusive to complex dissociative disorders. You may also hear about similar experiences with subsystems in other parts-based frameworks, like in other trauma-based conditions, certain treatment practices like IFS, and non-disordered plurality. If you're curious, I encourage you to do your own research into that!

Thanks for reading! If anyone reading this has an experience with subsystems, regardless if you have DID or not, I invite you to share it! You can reply to this post or send an ask. 💚

[beanstalk-system]

one of the most important things about dissociative identity disorder and generally being a system that i wish people would understand is that it truly isn’t as cut and dry as it may seem for member count.

you’ll see people who say they have “six alters” and then immediately assume it’s six fully fleshed out equal individuals with no confusion or fuzziness regarding identity. that’s simply not true in a majority of cases, as i have seen.

most systems still VERY much deal with confusion regarding potential splits, go through dissociative episodes where they’re unsure of who they are, sometimes feel no attachment towards any identities, feel like they might have split and then suddenly that person is gone, unsure if alters they haven’t heard from often have gone dormant, not sure how to react when alters do come out of dormancy, etc.

it’s not a fun feeling and it’s genuinely unfair in certain situations to force systems to list every single alter to you with full certainty, as if it will never change. because it will. for so many different reasons, systems will grow, they will shrink, they will fuse, they will develop. you can’t expect the person with the dissociative disorder and lack of core identity to be able to keep up a perfected list of forever, it’s simply impossible. you may have alters who stick with you, but that doesn’t mean changes won’t happen.

and systems who may be reading this — please don’t feel bad. you are not a hassle, you are not a headache, and you are not an inconvenience for simply coping with something like this. it’s out of your control and the only thing you can do is continue to cope to find ways to help yourself retrain from these reactions. please don’t allow yourself to be harmed by others who don’t understand what you are going through. there are people who will accept and love you for who you are, all of you.

past, present, and future.

[beanstalk-system]

the system experience

>type did system into youtube search bar

>first option is "did system cringe"

>go onto reddit and type did system

>first option is fake disorder cringe

>feel fucking awful

>do a did presentation in medical class

>someone raises their hand and asks how to know if someones faking

>feel fucking awful

>tell someone you have did

>they ask if you're faking because you have a fictive

>feel fucking awful

>feel fucking awful

>feel fucking awful

>tell a close friend you have did

>they get disgusted when you say we instead of I

>look at tiktok compilations

>did cringe compilation

>follow a funny youtuber

>video on people faking did

>feel fucking awful

>try and look for resources

>psychiatrist making a presentation on how did systems looking for community is a sign of faking, uses system content without their consent

>psychiatrist making a presentation on how did systems being open is a sign of faking

>go onto tumblr

>type plural

>find post about how "the future is plural" is traumatizing children and should never ever ever happen because fuck plurals we don't need acceptance that bad right?

oh my god when does it fucking end

[beanstalk-system]

Sometimes blurry means there's too many near front to figure out who is in control

Somtimes blurry means we don't feel like anyone at all

Sometimes blurry means we're someone, but they're new or unknown so we can't tell

Sometimes blurry means there's a mix of a few of us and it's easier to just say we're blurry

Sometimes blurry means we're so dissociated we can't process who we are at all

[beanstalk-system]

one of the most important things about dissociative identity disorder and generally being a system that i wish people would understand is that it truly isn’t as cut and dry as it may seem for member count.

you’ll see people who say they have “six alters” and then immediately assume it’s six fully fleshed out equal individuals with no confusion or fuzziness regarding identity. that’s simply not true in a majority of cases, as i have seen.

most systems still VERY much deal with confusion regarding potential splits, go through dissociative episodes where they’re unsure of who they are, sometimes feel no attachment towards any identities, feel like they might have split and then suddenly that person is gone, unsure if alters they haven’t heard from often have gone dormant, not sure how to react when alters do come out of dormancy, etc.

it’s not a fun feeling and it’s genuinely unfair in certain situations to force systems to list every single alter to you with full certainty, as if it will never change. because it will. for so many different reasons, systems will grow, they will shrink, they will fuse, they will develop. you can’t expect the person with the dissociative disorder and lack of core identity to be able to keep up a perfected list of forever, it’s simply impossible. you may have alters who stick with you, but that doesn’t mean changes won’t happen.

and systems who may be reading this — please don’t feel bad. you are not a hassle, you are not a headache, and you are not an inconvenience for simply coping with something like this. it’s out of your control and the only thing you can do is continue to cope to find ways to help yourself retrain from these reactions. please don’t allow yourself to be harmed by others who don’t understand what you are going through. there are people who will accept and love you for who you are, all of you.

past, present, and future.

[beanstalk-system]

Shout out to my fellow non-introject alters whose brain gave them a bunch of backstory anyways lmao

-Blake

[beanstalk-system]

i know sander sides wasnt intended to be written as portraying DID, but oh my god it hits different after discovering im a system. we feel so seen and understood

[beanstalk-system]

*experiences symptoms when no one is around to see me* I have got to stop faking for attention

[beanstalk-system]

i think all systems should stop trying to figure out if stuff is “normal” in systemhood before accepting that it’s happening to them.

there have been many times where i assumed i was crazy because id never heard another system talk about something i was experiencing and tried to ignore it. eventually id find someone else who experienced the same thing, and id be so happy, but realize i wasted so much time doubting myself and beating myself up.

yes, look for others who share your experiences, but also YOUR experiences are enough. you aren’t faking for simply having an experience. you should be allowed to feel what you feel and do what you do.

[beanstalk-system]

some alters hold trauma/memories that they didn’t exist to experience / didn’t front during.

some alters have amnesia for moments they were there for.

like that’s really common. you have a dissociative disorder. you aren’t faking if you remember something you didn’t front for and you aren’t faking if you forgot something that you yourself literally did. our brains are trying to protect us. sometimes it does a good job with the amnesia thing and often times it doesn’t. there’s no real way to make amnesia convenient. like a lot of systems only get amnesia from switches, but a lot of us forget the day prior even if no switch occurred.

and although this post is about amnesiac systems, you’re valid if you don’t have amnesia either, or not very much. everyone is different. every system is different.