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oh god I had a really big epiphany about love and personhood but I'm too drunk for words. hold on I'm gonna paint it.

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whenever a young kid joins our staff at work im just like huh. guess im a father now.

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i’m sitting at a starbucks in barnes n noble and there’s a small family w a little baby and the baby went “SCREEEEEEEEEgdblbghlb” and the dad goes “HEY! what does that even mean”

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i am on here again????

im back?? after years?? time to clean out this shit ass blog lmao

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happy mother’s day, earth. i’m sorry we are destroying you

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Watch: Biden continues, “We only have one sacred obligation.”

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Okay, putting a flower crown on serial killers harms absolutely nobody. When was the last time someone was actually injured by a serial killer, the 50s? Sorry if you think this is a trend, but putting a circlet of flowers on top of a real human being that drove a 5 inch steel knife into an innocent persons beating heart can be qualified as self expression. Learn it. PS. I play reaper in overwatch and talk like solid snake when Im on the phone. I could hack the stock market if I needed to. Bye

i cant decide what my favorite line of this is

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new cool meme: find out what each of ur names mean and then shove them together

im white enchantress woman who works with stone

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if we get bad news tomorrow i’m just going to sleep. night night America it’s nap time. i’ll sleep for 4 years i don’t give a fuck

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I can’t even get a text back

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relatable deaths from ancient times

chrysippus: died laughing at his own joke

zeuxis: died laughing at his own art

aeschylus: stayed outside in his old age to avoid a prophecy that he would die from having something fall on his head, died when an eagle thought his bald head was a rock and dropped a turtle on him to break its shell

plato: partied too hard

empedocles: jumped into a volcano to prove that he was immortal

philitas of cos: was such an incredible pedant that he wasted away while studying erroneous word usage

saint lawrence: roasted alive during christian persecution under valerian, joked that he was done on one side and needed to be flipped over

didius julianus: purchased the roman empire in an auction, ruled for 9 weeks, executed for being ineffective leader

petronius arbiter: sentenced to death by nero, opened his veins while enjoying a sumptuous dinner party, edited his will to list all of the reasons he hated nero

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Don’t you think there is always something unspoken between two people?

Tennessee Williams, 27 Wagons Full of Cotton and Other Plays (via wordsnquotes)

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