bedbugsstuff

[bedbugsstuff]

Another day, another binge

Yes, I binged again. It was bad. I fell into the old trap of thinking I will eat normally and recover, and then felt horrible about myself again and stuffed my face thinking that it will be the last time. I fucking hate myself. This whole thing sucks so bad. I need something to keep me accountable, to prevent me from slipping away from my plan. I'm not sure what that is yet, but I have to figure something out. I gained so much weight, I look like a fucking balloon. Maybe I'll look for a mutual on edtwt. It might help. I just have to do something.

[bedbugsstuff]

A lil' introduction

Hi there! My name is Vallie, but you can call me BED bug. Cause I have BED. Well, it's not the only disorder I have, but it's the most prominent one. For the past week and more I have been stuffing my face like crazy. I don't know how much weight I've gained, I don't have access to the scale, but I'm probably at around 56 kilos now at the height of 168 cm. My goals are pretty extreme - I want to reach the weight of 28 kilos. Hence, I have to stop. I've read on EDSF that blogging on Tumblr helps people stop binges, and I'm willing to try it. I need to employ all possible strategies.

This is an introduction post to my blog, so here are a few relevant facts about me:

1. In a single binge, I can consume up to 7000 calories.

2. I don't know how to purge, so it's really bad.

3. I'm deathly scared of stretch marks and am constantly checking my body for signs of them.

4. I have a fear that I will start gaining weight uncontrollably even in a calorie deficit. It's strongly tied to my fear of stretch marks.

5. I've been in a psych ward 4 times, none of them for eating disorders.

6. My highest weight was 65 kilograms, and lowest weight - 42 kilograms.

7. I have been eating disordered since I was 12, hence 8 years.

8. My inspiration is Svenja on Insta (iykyk).

Okay, that is all for now. I will turn to this blog next time I want to binge, which will probably be today, so stay tuned if you want to (you probably don't). Have a good day and stay safe❤️