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Price: You often use humor to deflect trauma
(Y/n): Thank you
Price: I didn't say that was a good thing
(Y/n): What I'm hearing is, you think I'm funny
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what's wrong with a little touch? - captain john price x f!reader
a/n: i actually have no excuses. the cod brainrot is so real (and so, very concerning)
summary: john price eats you out then fucks you in the bar bathroom. thats it. thats the fic. BEARD BURN BABYYYYYYYY
title from ‘forget it’ by blood orange
word count: ~1.9k
cw/tw: 18+, smut, oral (f) receiving, p in v sex, unprotected sex, bathroom sex, public-ish sex, praise, teasing, secret relationship but not really bc everybody knows…everybody knows
comments and reblogs much appreciated <33 + not beta read. all mistakes are my own
can also be found on ao3
---
The bar is disgusting; dirt and grime caked on the floorboards and the wood is dark and sticky with something that you would rather not think about. There’s also a picture of Jesus right above the bartender, but you’re pretty sure it’s actually Obi-Wan Kenobi. You wonder if the owner of the bar knows that. Maybe he has it up because he finds it funny, or maybe--
The thought of a Jesus-turned-Jedi evaporates into thin air as Price kisses you -- not in front of everyone in the bar or even outside in the cold, winter air, but in the bathroom -- a single stall with a lock that wobbles and is equally as filthy as the bar outside.
You lean into him, ignoring the fact that it’s your Captain that you’re kissing.
He pushes you up against the wall and cradles your face, humming your name into your mouth.
You push your tongue into his mouth, hot and wet, and savor the way he tastes like tobacco from those cigars he smokes-- those are gonna kill you, captain -- and his Scotch -- single malt and expensive.
You bite his lower lip and he pulls back, scraping his beard over your chin as he kisses down your neck. You know that you’ll have beard burn tomorrow and that everyone will know who it came from. It should make you push him away, give him a proper no thank you, but you don’t. The thought of everyone knowing actually lights a fire in your belly, making you pull him in closer.
Then he unbuttons your pants, pushing them down to your knees along with your underwear -- decorated with pink lace and strawberries.
“Cute,” he says and you squeeze his shoulder in a silent plea.
He laughs into your ear, spreading your thighs further apart, and you think you know where this is going, that he’ll push you wide open and fuck your cunt until you cry. It’s what you expect. It’s what you want, but what he does next surprises you.
He gets down on his knees -- right there on the dirty bathroom floor that’s probably never seen a mop or a drop of bleach -- and lets out a breath, his eyes pools of liquid blue, reminding you of the Bahamas and salt and how his skin goes red in the sun.
You take your lip in between your teeth as he groans into the soft skin of your thigh-- never seen a woman before? -- you want to tease, but he might spank you for that. The thought makes your face burn.
“Captain,” you whisper.
He slaps a hand on the back of your leg, making you jolt forward, pushing your cunt into his face.
“John,” he says.
“Hmm?”
“John,” he repeats, his voice tinged with amusement.
“Yes, yes, John. Anyth--”
And he cuts you off by pressing his tongue flat against your cunt, making your lungs shrivel into nothing, making your heart grow three sizes too big in your chest and you let out a sound, making him pull back.
“Got to be quiet, honey,” he says, voice smooth and solid.
“I--” your clit throbs and you feel slick run down your thigh from how wet you are “--am quiet, sir.”
He slaps the back of your thigh again and you let out a soft oh, nails tugging at his short hair. “John.”
He leans in again, swiping his tongue through your sopping wet pussy and he groans again; the sound seeping into your bones. His nose bumps your clit and you yelp, clamping your thighs tight against his face.
“Honey,” he says, pulling back.
“I know,” you whimper as he lets out a sigh and blood rushes to your face. You’ve never been this…loud. Or responsive to anyone. It’s kind of embarrassing to think about. He’s barely even touched you and you’re acting like a bushy tailed, wide-eyed girl.
He just looks up at you and you nod again, resting your head back on the wall. He rubs his beard all over your soft skin -- god, it’s going to hurt tomorrow when hiking up those stupid mountains, but it’ll be so worth it -- before kissing up your cunt.
You let out a breath through your nose as he swirls his tongue over your clit before pushing in deeper. It takes everything in to not collapse into a puddle on the floor. Instead, you pull at his hair and let out a shaky breath.
And you’re already close, slick pooling in his mouth and a fire licks up your spine. It’s like someones plugged you into a socket; every one of your nerves tingling with an energy that threatens to make you explode.
“Ready?” he rumbles and you don’t even have time to think about what he means by that, because he’s already pushing a thick finger into your cunt.
And it’s too much, your core clenching in on itself as you pull his hair, wishing it was longer so you could really tug at it. He starts to fuck you with his finger, as he laps at your clit. The sound your sloppy wet pussy makes is obscene in the tiny bathroom.
You dig the heel of your boot onto the ground and moan as he adds another finger.
You twist away from him -- it’s too much -- and rut your cunt into his face.
“John,” you whimper, and he groans, louder than you, and you suck in a breath.
“I--I--” you can’t even get the words out as he brings one of your legs over his shoulder so he can get in deeper.
You squeeze your eyes and sob as he shushes you. Says, “I know, love. Doing so well for me.”
And you nod and make a pathetic sound of agreement as he nudges against your clit, making your world flip upside down. Your cunt clenches around his fingers and you stutter his name as you cum.
When you catch your breath and look down at your Captain -- John -- he has a smug smile on his face, eyes more black than blue. His beard and mustache glisten with your arousal and you swallow, feeling the blood rush to your face.
He gets up and kisses you, swiping a tongue on your bottom lip. The taste of you is so overwhelming that it makes you stupid.
You palm his hard cock and whisper against mouth, “All that for me, Captain?”
He pushes himself into your hands as you fumble with the button and lean in to lick the wetness that clings on his mustache. He inhales sharply, almost like a warning, and says your name.
You hum in response, pulling his cock out and running your hands over his length, already heavy and leaking into your palm.
“You don’t--”
And you cut him off with a kiss as you rub his tip all over the sloppy wet mess that’s your pussy. He braces a hand next to your head and dips his head low so his lips brush over your pulse point.
“John,” you whisper as he pushes in.
He lets out a curse and you close your eyes. “Got to be quiet,” you tease, voice trembling.
He groans into the soft skin of your neck and bites down, making you clench unbelievably tight around him.
His thrusts are measured and brutal, stealing your breath, rendering you speechless. Someone knocks on the door and you gasp but he doesn’t care.
“Think they can hear us?” you whisper in his ear.
He doesn’t answer, just lets out a sharp sound and fucks into you harder. You gasp and dig your fingers into the hard muscle of his bicep. You feel full. Split open.
He brushes his lips over yours. “Want them too?”
You just let out a sigh and he swirls a finger over your clit. “Want them to hear how good you’re being for me?”
“Yes,” you sob as he hits that perfect spot inside that makes you see stars.
“Shhh,” he whispers into your mouth. “So good for me,” he slurs, like he’s drunk off of you.
“Yes,” you moan. “Your good girl, John,” you say with a voice that wobbles. A voice that teeters on the edge, filled with something more.
“Mmm.”
Your second orgasm builds up slowly; thick and syrupy. “I’m gonna--” you start to say, but he cuts you off with another kiss. Your thighs quiver with your release and he continues to fuck you and you breathe his name as his hips stutter, and with a loud groan, he fills you up.
The two of you stand there, his cock still buried in your cunt, as you catch your breath together. You take in the smell of tobacco that still lingers on him and close your eyes.
When you open your eyes again, John’s looking at you, sharp eyes searching your face. His lips are pushed out; all pink and pouty and you giggle.
Something like relief floods his face and he smiles.
“Hi,” you whisper.
“Hello, love,” he says, pulling out.
You gasp lightly at the sudden emptiness and at the way he pushes his leaking cum back into your aching cunt. You blush as he smiles up at you, pulling your underwear up.
He pats at your pussy. “Gonna be good and keep me there?”
You give him a timid nod, feeling the tips of your ears burn and he kisses you. And you feel the fire spread to your lungs as you kiss him back.
---
The two of you leave the bathroom together.
You don’t think it’s weird if people see us walk out together?
Love, they watched me follow you in here.
Well. He’s not wrong about that.
No one bats an eye as the two of you come back to the bar, which is still absolutely filthy. Not even two orgasms can change that.
You order a Coke, in a can, please, and sip it carefully. You have to hide a smile behind your hands as John’s eyes burn a hole in Soap’s back as he talks your ear off.
“Look Soap,” you say, circling the open lid of your drink. “I’m gonna get some fresh air.”
You don’t even wait for a reply as you slide off the barstool and walk outside. It’s not even five minutes later that Price joins you, puffing on a cigar. You wrinkle your nose dramatically and wave your hand around your face.
He just rolls his eyes and ignores you.
“Mmm, they definitely know something’s going on between us now,” you say, tilting your head up to the sky, letting the snow fall on your face.
He ignores your very astute observation and says, “Not safe out here for you, love.”
You blink at him, lashes now clumped with snow. “You’re right,” you say, licking your lips. “I do need a big, strong man to protect me.”
And he actually blushes and you smile. “I’ll go get Ghost then.”
He coughs and you laugh, stepping up to him.
“Giving me a heart attack and she’s laughing,” he mutters as you lean in.
He rests a hand on the curve of your hip and his eyes go soft.
“Sorry, Captain,” you murmur and he smiles.
“John,” he says, eyes like the deep blue sea.
You taste coconut rum on your lips and feel sand in your teeth as you smile. "John."
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(Y/n), holding a python: Guys, I impulsively caught a snake, what do I name them?
Price and Laswell: You did WHAT–
Gaz: William Snakepeare
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Alain Mesa as Alejandro Vargas in CALL OF DUTY: MODERN WARFARE II
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is it just me or do we all just randomly go and you've got 10 seconds or i'm gonna show you the difference between the military and me throughout the day 10 times a day
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Photographed by Estelle Hanania for Simone Rocha
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love how nikolai doesn’t hold back from hitting the butcher with his car 😭😭

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