bellacama

[bellacama]

I can't begin to explain how I feel. It's been 11 years without her(my sister Kaely who passed at 13 from a drunk driver). I've grew up knowing I had another sister that just passed away, I know nothing about her. She passed when I was 3, not a lot I can remember. I don't know what she looks like, sounds like, and how she acted without hearing stories or seeing photos. I have one crappy video of me and her and that's it, her voice is barely heard and it's only a few second long. Growing up knowing everyone at least has one memory with her that they can remember is so hard. I hate not having memory of her. It seems that everyone falls asleep ok and goes year by year ok, less and less people show up to her memorial things, so why do I still feel this way? Why am I in no way ok with it? I always ask god why did it have to be our family but it's life we have to be strong and move on, except it's not that easy. I told myself during a breakdown that I would push my hardest to live my life good for not only me but for her too. 11 years later I still have the same feelings; it's never gonna stop. I hope she's living her best life up there. I recently figured out why I don’t have a lot of friends and why all my friends leave. I can’t make any close friends. It’s because I’m afraid to getting hurt from another relationship no matter what kind. And it’s not only my sister passing it’s also partners I had and best friends.

You will forever by remember KK, I love you so much.