bellspam

[bellspam]

every time i see anything about God i am so so moved, but so scared?? i grew up christian and in a christian home, my entire family is of a denominational faith, but since i was ten i feel like ive just strayed further and further and ive felt like i havent been a true believer in five years—im seventeen now—but i am just so moved and called towards God whenever i am faced with Him in private. whenever anyone else like my mom, grandma, anyone talks about it with me though i am just filled with such a deep emotion i can’t describe in its entirety: shame, fear, annoyance, a desire to run and hide from it. i have so much shame around my life and identify that i feel like i will never be accepted if i fully commit to the Lord, but i have so much fear for what comes after this life and i want to go to heaven. but i just feel like i have to run and hide?