benayoung

[benayoung]

nayoung can't help but look to seira's basket for a moment, curious. are those snacks all for her? nayoung supposes she can't judge – well, she can, but she shouldn't. after she got dropped from her first company, she bought far too many snacks for herself and lived off of them sometimes, lacking the energy to make herself proper meals. she couldn't go back to that now that she's a trainee again, though. she expends so much more energy than she used to, and she notices a difference when she eats healthier food.

that being said, it doesn't hurt to have some snacks around for all the girls. she'll pick out some healthy ones also, but surely she'll score bonus points with them if she brings back popular and tasty snacks instead of just...seaweed and rice cakes.

she listens as seira lists off her recommendations, nodding along. choco pies. that's right. of course she should buy choco pies. she'll buy the chips too. "i think i'll pass on the ice cream this time," she decides. choco pies will fill their sweet treat criteria, won't they?

if anything the snacks she buys will give her a good opportunity to find out more about the other girls. if they don't like what she buys, she can't be faulted for that if they didn't tell her what they wanted, right? and surely they'll tell her what they do like, and she can make a list.

she wanders toward the chips section in the store, searching for seira's recommendations. once she finds them, she puts a bag of each into her basket, nodding once to herself in satisfaction. "ah, thank you," she says to seira, realizing she forgot to say so.

"do you have any recommendations for healthy snacks? i know some of them can be gross," she decides to ask.

benayoung

* ❁┆snack attack

she sighs softly, vision shifting to the person sharing the aisle with her as they move to take something off the shelf. it turns out she recognizes her. it's seira. she hasn't seen her since halloween. "seira, hey," she greets her, more warmly than nayoung greets most people. she turns to look at the snacks again. "i'm trying to buy snacks for my...friends...but nobody told me what they actually wanted, so i'm just kinda..." she makes a vague gesture with her hands. "do you have any recommendations? is there something that almost everyone likes?" nayoung admittedly doesn't pay enough attention to other people to know that.

seira used all of her money on food. she payed rent and basically all that was left after that was used on food. seira was always hungry, she basically couldn’t ever feel full, she just ate and ate, looked forward to breakfast, then lunch and then dinner, and in between the waiting time she’d eat snacks. she couldn’t exactly eat as much as she wished to since being a barista didn’t really make her rich. seira knew it already, did she ever become rich she wouldn’t use her money on luxurious items, but on food. 

she finds herself once again in the convenience store, looking for some more snacks, because she had eaten all of her snacks already without managing to realize. seira came here often and she knew the place like the back of her pocket, she knew where she needed to go, where the different things she needed were.

“oh?” seira looks at the person who has recognized her “is that you nayoung?” she tilts her head a bit. “recommendations?” seira looks briefly at her own basket, already filled with snacks before she returns her look to nayoung “sure” she says with a smile. “for chips there’s uh, orion kkobuk chips and haitai honey butter chips, those are really good. and i’d of course recommend choco pies, those are a classic, if you’re feeling more fancy there’s lotte mon cher. i guess i can recommend you some different ice creams too?”.

[benayoung]

nayoung turns her attention back to their worksheet as well. after all, finishing this task is what's most important now. maybe this is just an opportunity to prove she's superior to yuji in this area, and that she's the clear choice to be the leader of sr media's future girl group.

she doubts those in charge of project novus would be pleased with that thought process, though. even in this workshop, they've touched on the importance of collaboration and compromise in leadership. good leaders listen to those they're leading and adapt accordingly, taking what they want into account, blah, blah, blah.

to yuji's credit, she tries to play nice despite nayoung's initial hostility. it feels like a toss-up when she talks to yuji. they either fight or feel like something close to friends. they're in more of a fighting phase these days, but all the times they got along are proof that they can at the very least tolerate each other. they have to work together now. they don't have to like each other – they just have to be able to work together.

the way yuji taps her finger against the desk is annoying, but nayoung tries to ignore it and focus on the leadership styles part of her notes. "pacesetter and autocratic, i'd say." she realizes autocratic leadership styles are usually frowned upon, and that she probably shouldn't be so rigid, but someone has to take the lead strongly and be able to make decisions. nayoung isn't sure someone with the democratic and coaching leadership styles could stand strong under the kind of pressure that comes with being a kpop idol.

"i think it largely depends on context, though," she adds. "good leaders can adjust their leadership styles based on what works best for the people they're leading."

yuji frowns slightly, eyeing nayoung critically. is it? lays unsaid, but she bites back the urge to say it. there's enough eyes on them already, and she knows sr media has been keeping tabs on how the project novus girls react to one another. she hums in response, tapping her fingernail on the table surface idly.

directing her attention back to their worksheets, yuji's frown deepens. "yeah." she answers, scanning her eyes back over the words and exercises. "i marked a couple of spots i need to revisit, but..." yuji shrugs. she'll cross that bridge when she gets there-- and some of it is situational, anyway. "i'm focusing on the exercise portion now...coming up with ways to get us out of a difficult situation." she reads off the sheet.

resting her chin in her palm, fingers curved over her mouth to hide it, her eyes stare down at the worksheet in thought. half of her mind is focused on the workshop at hand, and the other is thinking on ways to make this not as awkward with nayoung. her difficult situation is handling nayoung now, so how does she get through this? can she put what she's learning now to the test?

her tapping is moving to a rhythm now, her shoulders dropping with a soft sigh. "what did you end up gravitating towards for leadership styles?" yuji tries, lifting her gaze back to nayoung. she can try again-- maybe with project novus looming over them, they can get somewhere with this. "i leaned more on the coaching and democratic side of things."

[benayoung]

"we believed one of our greatest strengths was our ability to do pretty much anything well."

sitting in an interview chair again reminds her of her time on next gen, and other survival shows before it. she's had a lot of practice, so it's comfortable now.

she looks at sukyung expectantly, then she asks the first question:

why did you and your partner choose this song?

"a significant factor in our choice was that easy is performed by a subunit in wonderland, which required us to adapt less of the choreography to suit a duo. we wanted to make sure the performance still looked full and complete with only two people." nayoung nods. "easy also has a solid rap section for me, interesting choreography, and vocals that sound nice but aren't incredibly difficult. jueun and i are both aware that we won't be the main vocals of sr media's future group, but we believed one of our greatest strengths was our ability to do pretty much anything well. i think easy helped us prove that point."

what did you realize about yourself from working with your partner?

nayoung is quiet for a moment, considering the question. did she realize anything new? she has to come up with something, right? surely nothing won't suffice.

"maybe that i can put together a quality performance without being so critical and uptight..." nayoung chuckles. she can do it with jueun, anyway. she isn't so sure it would work with anyone else in the project.

do you believe you’re inferior, equal, or superior to your partner in terms of skill?

nayoung smiles. is this a trick question? are they expecting her to throw jueun under the bus or shower her in empty compliments?

ultimately, nayoung doesn't have to do either. all she has to do this time is be honest.

"in terms of skill, i think i'm superior, but i've trained significantly longer than jueun, so i think that's to be expected – necessary, even." if she and jueun were equal in skill it would quite honestly be embarrassing. she has more to add, though. "that doesn't necessarily mean i'm better than her as a whole, though. there's more to being an idol than skills. i'm aware my personality is a bit..." she pauses, chuckling a little as she searches for the words. "abrasive...jueun is really the opposite. i think the average kpop fan would have trouble finding reason to dislike her. so whereas i might draw fans in because of the quality of my performance, jueun might draw people in with her personality. both are important."

compared to the previous ranking you gave your partner, where does she land now?

"to be honest, i don't exactly remember where i ranked her previously," nayoung admits. somewhere near the middle, maybe? the bottom half? "but i'd put her in third now, i think. behind myself and yuji."

why is that?

"i previously made my ranking primarily based on skillset and talent, but i think jueun would bring harmony to the group offstage, even if her skills aren't the most spectacular. i remember i ranked eunae above her before, but..." nayoung pauses, unsure of how honest to be. honest but respectful and restrained, probably? "eunae is like if you combine my personality with yuji's skillset. in that regard, you could argue she doesn't bring anything unique to the group, even though she's very skilled. i don't think any of the girls in sr media can beat how friendly jueun is. yuji and i are both...very ambitious. yuji is friendly in her own way, but doesn't always get along with everyone all the time. i think it would be difficult to make jueun dislike you. at the very least she'll be stubborn about giving you a second chance."

jueun was stubborn about getting to know her in some ways, after all. she didn't let nayoung's attitude or reputation intimidate her out of getting to know her on a deeper level. she appreciates it.

do you think you can work with your partner long-term?

"of course," nayoung answers easily, almost taken aback that sukyung even feels the need to ask. surely everyone knows that jueun is easy to work with? she's curious if sukyung asked jueun the same thing, and what she would say. likely yes as well, right? if only because jueun is so cooperative herself.

"jueun was very easy to work with."

with that, the interview comes to a close. nayoung feels more nervous now than at any other point. what will they use her answers for? did she say the right things?

she'll find out eventually.

[benayoung]

performing easy, originally by wonderland with @jueunbe

every time nayoung is set to perform again, she can't help but think it's been too long.

this performance still isn't as grand as anything she did on next gen, but it's just as important, if not more so – this will influence whether she debuts or not. it's important that it's perfect.

thankfully, her partner, jueun, has been incredibly easy to work with. she was very receptive to nayoung suggesting easy, and kept a good attitude throughout all of their practice sessions. nayoung must, unfortunately, admit that their trainers might've been onto something when pairing them together. she didn't feel the need to be as harsh as usual in the past weeks. they worked together well.

part of nayoung is a little concerned, though. even though jueun agreed to performing easy, she thinks the song naturally suits nayoung better than jueun, though jueun has done an excellent job of conforming to the concept. ever since the ceo of delta entertainment called her a poor leader for making herself the center of attention on the first season of next gen, she keeps it in mind. is going with a concept nayoung suits opposed to agreeing to jueun's ideas just another example of her inability to compromise and consider others? she hopes not.

she hopes the sr media staff see it more as a strength of jueun's to fit any concept. jueun is pretty and naturally cute to some degree, but also elegant, and nayoung knows she hasn't had the chance to show off this side of herself as much. nayoung hasn't thought for a moment that jueun seems uncomfortable or unsuited to a more sensual concept.

nayoung's main purpose in suggesting easy was it being more convenient to adapt its choreography to a smaller group, and its lack of belting vocals. while she and jueun can both sing, she knows they won't be the main vocals of their future girl group if girls like yuji and eunae debut with them. she knows her strength is in dancing, and more recently, rapping, but also in her ability to do anything asked of her. jueun is similar, and easy is a well-rounded song.

she lets jueun take charge of their styling for the most part, because she can't argue with the girl's eye for aesthetics. she shares her opinions, of course, as nayoung always does, but by the time they've decided on outfits and makeup nayoung is satisfied. they look good. they'll perform well. they'll prove they deserve their spots in sr media's new girl group.

the performance goes smoothly. they sing, dance, and rap exactly as practiced. nayoung is sure she could find moments to nitpick if given the chance to review the performance, but in the moment, that's not what she focuses on at all. she captures the song's energy, executes the choreography to a t, and never forgets about the audience they're performing for.

when it's all said and done, she can't help but hope for more performances in front of bigger audiences. surely she's close. surely this time she'll make it. right?

[benayoung]

since moving into the dorm with the other project novus girls, nayoung has felt even less relaxed than usual. of course, moving into a dorm for debut was always the end goal, but being around her coworkers constantly feels odd nonetheless. escaping to the solitude of her room has been enough for her to get by so far, but when claudine offered the opportunity to catch up, nayoung figured it was a good idea to take it.

and it is really nice to get out of the dorm and axis building and be somewhere else for a change. she almost misses her job at the convenience store, because at least it offered a change of scenery.

nayoung can't help but frown a little when claudine says she looks like she needs rest. does she really look that tired? she supposes she still doesn't sleep as soundly as she did in her apartment, and she's working harder than ever.

funnily enough, nayoung didn't consider claudine poisoning her – normal behavior for anyone other than nayoung, really. instead, she just lets out a small huff of laughter and takes a sip from the mug.

the drink is warm. comforting. somehow it reminds her of her grandparents, and she randomly feels a little melancholic.

"i'm good," she replies regardless. of course, she can't share too much about her whereabouts these days, but that much is the truth. at the mention of the drama auditions, she lets out an, "ugh," of distaste. "it's weird, isn't it? i don't know what they're thinking." she feels safe enough with claudine to speak her mind on this.

"maybe they're just trying to nurture new talent, but all of their best female actresses can't even participate." claudine has some acting experience herself, doesn't she? "are you going to audition?" nayoung trusts that she wouldn't do a horrible job.

small chance.

it's been a hot minute since claudine has seen most of the sr girls. funnily enough, despite not being in the same company, claudine thinks she gets along well with them more than she does the trainees from lime. she doesn't dwell on it for too long though, she doesn't exactly have the time and luxury to properly ruminate the fact that she should probably try a little harder with her fellow lime trainees. maybe it's because she sees them as future co-workers, it gets harder to not see them under anything other than a professional light?

she does wonder how the friends she had have been doing lately though, she hasn't had an opportunity to speak to any of them. @benayoung had always been someone with amazing work etiquette that can't be broken, so catching the other girl outside of the axis building is tricky. especially in recent days, what with nayoung being so busy ( claudine can probably guess why, seeing as how hush hush everything related to the mysterious project has been ). it's the perfect time to offer reprieve from the business though!

"you should really drink this herbal tea," claudine suggests, setting her concoction on the table with a smile. "it's a homemade recipe! well, passed down from my mom, and then her mom... you look like you need some modicum of rest." she has no idea what nayoung has been going through the past few weeks, but she can tell she needs a moment of relaxation from her features. "i promise it's not poisoned, i wouldn't want to poison one of my favourite models!"

claudine takes a seat from across the other girl, playing with the straw of her own drink. "i know you have a lot on your plate, so i'm assuming i can't steal so much of your time. still! how have you been doing? did you hear about the drama auditions? it's kind of suspicious how they held it after you guys are whisked away elsewhere. you would've killed it."

[benayoung]

* ❁┆the drama of it all

nayoung is trying to be friendlier with the novus girls.

to be fair, that's mostly just manifested as her not always being in her room and actually being accessible for conversation should any of the others decide to approach her. she still doesn't entirely know how to talk to girls as allies – friends, even – opposed to competition, but it doesn't seem like any of them are really scared of her. that counts for something, right?

now, she sits on the living room sofa in the dorm, on the other side of the couch from hanna. they turned on a drama they've both already seen before, what nayoung thinks was a silent agreement to find something to do together that doesn't actually require them to talk to each other.

nayoung less-than-half pays attention, spending most of her time on her phone playing block game with the sound off.

she takes a break from the game and focuses more on the drama after she's lost the same round three times in a row and she feels herself getting frustrated. she reminds herself there are far more important things going on: her approaching debut – hopefully. their approaching debut?

there's also that drama that axis is holding auditions for. she's still a little bitter that the project novus girls can't participate. she understands why, but the timing of it all is stupid. why would they hold auditions for a drama that the most talented actors in the company can't even attend? their lead actresses are probably going to be awful in comparison.

hanna has a history with acting, right? nayoung thinks she remembers that. at the very least, she has a history now thanks to their lessons at sr media. she wonders if she feels the same way. it's worth asking about, isn't it?

"did you hear about the drama axis is auditioning trainees for?" she speaks up during the next ad break in their drama. what better way to bond than complaining over the same thing, right? or something like that.

❁┆@hannaxbe

[benayoung]

"i remember," nayoung replies with a single nod. she doesn't remember much else about the performance – just that jueun did rap. the fact that she can't remember it is probably evidence enough that nayoung should handle the rapping. raps should always be impactful and memorable, especially in an era where girl group rappers are becoming less common.

she can't help but recall her own history rapping, though. back when she was fairly new to it, on the very first survival show she participated in, they assigned a song with a difficult rap to her. she was eliminated afterwards, and always wondered if the producers set her up to fail. surely they knew she wasn't equipped to succeed in that situation.

since then, she's had a love-hate relationship with rapping. for a long time, part of her never wanted to do it again. another part of her wanted to practice hard, improve, and prove to everyone that she could succeed as a rapper. ultimately, the latter has won out more often than not. it's especially true now, after being assigned a significant amount of rap parts at the christmas concert, and realizing she's a much better rapper than any of the other project novus girls. someone has to do it, so it should be her.

"i think i would like a song where i can rap," she decides. "i haven't listened to nina in a long time, actually. i can't remember any of their rap parts. i know wonderland has some good ones, though." she's open to either, really. she just wants to make sure the concept suits both of them. ideally, they'll both be happy with the choice, too.

there was always something a little intimidating about nayoung. maybe it's because she's been a trainee for longer and just seems more talented than jueun, but she appeared to be unapproachable. however, since this project began, jueun's taken it upon herself to look at everybody with a clean slate. they were being seen as potential teammates, after all. plus, there's always the chance that she may have been reading nayoung incorrectly.

"yeah, rapping definitely wasn't my forte, though i had to do it once on next gen," she admitted with a chuckle. jueun's had to do almost everything on next gen, but she's thankful looking back at it now. that experience had really helped her realize where her strengths and weaknesses were at.

listening to nayoung's idea, she tried to recall who the soloists under sr media were. goeun was, of course, probably the most prominent, but jueun always thought the performances of soloists shined as much because of everybody they worked with. could they pull off that same stage with just the two of them?

"i agree. i think it'd be more of an advantage if we went with a group song and turned it into a duet instead. soloists tend to do a lot with their backup dancers, and i don't think it'd look as good with just the two of us." with that, she picked up her phone to do a bit of searching on her own. "what about a nina or wonderland song?" she began humming along to a few nina songs that popped up in her head, hoping that one sticks.

[benayoung]

sr media is really harping on the teamwork. she knows the hard to get along with comment during their mission assignment was directed at her, and that jueun is primarily paired with her to try to get her to warm up. nayoung honestly disagrees. she's easy enough to get along with, in her opinion. hard to befriend, yes, but those two things are different, aren't they?

nevertheless, she and jueun are tasked to prepare a performance together. when it comes time to perfect a performance, nayoung is a team player. whoever she's performing with needs to be successful, or else it reflects badly on her as well. in this way, it's easy to work together and be a good partner. sure, maybe not friends, but it's better than nothing, isn't it? and who knows – maybe jueun will crack nayoung's shell. it's not like she's opposed to it. it's just difficult for her – harder than anything she's ever done as a trainee, maybe.

when it comes to song selection and showing off their strengths, it requires careful thought. nayoung's primary strength is that she can do just about anything, and from what she knows of jueun, she's similar, though maybe not as rap-inclined. "i think what sets us apart is our ability to execute just about anything well," she replies. is it arrogant? maybe, but as far as she's concerned, it's true enough. "so i think we should show that off, and sing, dance, and rap. i know you aren't the strongest at rapping, though, so you can leave that to me if you'd like."

nayoung takes out her phone to search up their senior artists' songs as the ideas come to her. her first thought is to choose something by a soloist, because it will require less adaptations to the choreography. she quickly searches up bicycle by goeun, remembering the rap in the second verse. she plays the video on mute, focusing on the choreography, and quickly realizes backup dancers play a key role in the performance. "i was thinking a soloist's song might work because we'll have to adapt the choreography less, but i think the backup dancers are so involved that performing without them will reduce the impact a lot," she voices her thoughts. that's that out the window, then.

✦ . ˚ — @benayoung

now this task was a little more difficult but in line with what jueun had in mind when they were first told of the project. they wanted an idol group, so shew knew that such a mission would be heading their way. nevertheless, she didn't think they'd have to come up with the song and everything on their own.

truthfully, she was a little more excited about getting to style themselves, but that was an afterthought. for now, she and nayoung would have to figure out what they wanted to perform as a duo.

"was there anything you wanted to focus on specifically for this mission? like do you want to show off your vocals, your dancing or maybe your rapping?" unlike herself, she was aware that nayoung was a much stronger rapper, so she had an assumption that the other would want the trainers to know that.

as for herself, she's always been a jack of all trades but a master at none. that was evident during next gen, and she doesn't think she's become extremely better at one skill than another during her months as a trainee here. in other words, jueun thinks she may be a little more flexible when it came to choosing a song to work on.

[benayoung]

there's a flash of surprise on hanna's face just for a moment. nayoung catches it, but doesn't mind. she figures she has a reputation of being rather cold and distant. it isn't unreasonable to be surprised she'd agree to help when she won't get anything out of it.

she hums in brief consideration of hanna's question. what does she usually think about when posing? in truth – and perhaps embarrassingly – she hasn't modeled much in her mostly-failed-thus-far career. her mother is a model, but also not a successful one, so nayoung has always taken her tips with a grain of salt.

"let's go in one of the practice rooms so you can see yourself in the mirror," she decides. thankfully the closest one to them is unoccupied, so she leads the way into it, keeping the door open for hanna to enter.

there, she takes a seat on the floor, crossing her legs. does she have any tips?

"i think the main thing is just...it's about confidence." most things in this business are, nayoung has found. she always harped on it during next gen, too. confidence confidence confidence. "a model who holds herself like she has faith in herself and her abilities will automatically perform better than an insecure one, unless the less confident one has a lot of training. so i'd say that's the most important. good posture, confidence, and trying to relax."

hanna eyes widen briefly, surprised nayoung agreed to help only because she just wasn't sure what the other was like in that sense - is she the type to lend a hand or would she just let someone fall on their face when given the option? she was still new here after all and before project novus, she can't say she's run into nayoung much before, or at least been in close quarters with her long enough to take note of how she practices, what kind of person she is, and all that.

she's quick to school her features to appear otherwise though, not wanting to offend the other after she had been the one to ask her for help so instead she smiles a bit wider and thanks nayoung first. "it's more like i wanted to review things, maybe try out different poses and get your opinion on them. or even just-- do you have any tips? what do you usually think about when posing?"

at the core, photoshoots are more or less the same but maybe sr media does theirs a bit differently or maybe there's little things that can help that she wouldn't know about because she hasn't been a trainee here that long. to hanna, it seemed logical to ask nayoung, who she knows has been under this company longer than herself, and had a higher chance of knowing the ins and outs as a result.

but also, she was just hoping to get to know nayoung a bit more through this - even if she had to play a little dumb and take advantage of her short training period so far.

[benayoung]

nayoung still has a long way to go before she's really friends with the other project novus girls. sr media tried, to their credit, and she'd say she feels a little warmer with them, but...it still feels unnatural to her. maybe once their places are confirmed in a debut lineup, it'll be easier. then they'll truly all be striving for the same goal together – none of them getting in each other's way.

until then, they don't know how large the group sr media will want to debut is. any of these girls could be the reason she just barely misses out on debut, again. she needs to make sure she's better than them in every possible way.

thankfully, that shouldn't be too hard to do with hanna. nayoung can give credit where credit is due: the girl is pretty...but that's about it.

so when hanna approaches her for help with the modeling workshop, nayoung is a little surprised. usually pretty girls can make it through modeling exercises on raw "talent" alone, even if they have no understanding of their angles or expressions. of course, it's better to perfect every aspect of modeling regardless. if hanna really needs help with the content of their workshop, it's a little sad. she should at least be able to shine here, right? otherwise she truly has nothing to contribute.

nayoung decides helping her is fine, if only out of pity. maybe it will even make sr media happy – lee nayoung helping one of the other girls out of the goodness of her heart, even though it would benefit her for hanna to botch this mission altogether.

she nods in agreement. "sure. what do you need help with?"

་ ⸼ ⸒ ✴ 𝐟𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐡 › co-starring @benayoung

although hanna largely feels like a fish out of water whenever she shows up to the company for training or practice, she feels it even more when she looks at the girls around her who form project novus with her. even after a couple of months, she still wonders how she made it here, especially after she's gotten to know the other members a bit more thanks to all that bonding and testing they basically ordered them do when they first moved in together. hanna thought it was a little forced, to be honest, as she would've preferred things to develop more naturally but she understands why they had to and thankfully, it didn't end too bad--

well, she could say that applies to most of the girls at least. there was one she wasn't too friendly with yet, not in a they-hate-each-other kind of way, but things just hadn't clicked yet like hanna had accomplished with some of the others. maybe that's why when she finds nayoung outside the practice rooms on her own, hanna ends up approaching her to talk. obviously, they don't have to be close but if they were going to be in a group together for the foreseeable future and however long that might be, she'd like to be on decent terms at the bare minimum.

"hey, nayoung," she starts, a smile on her face while greeting the other. "are you free right now? i wanted to go over what we learned in the modeling workshop the other day... i've done some work in the past but it's been a while and i feel a bit rusty," hanna admits with a laugh, a bit sheepishly. her words are mostly true but she's also hoping that she can get a little closer to nayoung, even if it has to be through training.

[benayoung]

nayoung is far from the most compassionate person, but she isn't stupid. she can, in fact, be quite observant when she wants to be – mostly to pick out weaknesses to exploit in others. she watches their reactions – learns to recognize the telltale signs of something getting under someone's skin. she always stores that information away for whenever she needs it.

in this case, it's similar. ren is clearly unsettled by her words, and nayoung isn't surprised in the slightest. ren is soft. he tries to be sharp but he's not. he is only so offputting to try to disguise this fact and protect himself from being devoured, but that is exactly what sarang has done. sarang, apparently the love of everyone in south korea's lives. probably more across the world who watched next gen, too. she resists the urge to roll her eyes at the mere thought.

maybe nayoung should feel bad, but she doesn't. she sees herself as the one that will always be honest with ren and try to get him to see reason. she isn't here to be nice about it. ren knows this about her, and if he didn't want to experience it, he shouldn't be hanging out with her in this fragile state.

but here they are, and nayoung has to resist sighing, too. "okay. since when have you needed a line out the door?" she asks flatly. "if you want somebody to fuck you so bad just go to any gay bar. you'd find someone. i get that you want it to mean something or something, but like...why him?" she asks more with genuine curiosity this time than with any accusation. "he's really not all that. i honestly don't get it."

"i know alex was, or is, whatever, your best friend, but sarang is like..."

"is-" he interrupts quickly, as if his haste might negate the thought entirely, only to second-guess the thought a fraction of a second later, deflating back to his newfound default state just as instantly, "i think. i hope. i don't know."

but she continues, in that mercilessly, brutally honest way that endeared her to him from the first time they played a competitive overwatch match together. in any other circumstances, it feels like something of a godsend, the voice of reason he needs to steer him out of his own dissociative fugues. he likes to joke that if he ever got to hear god's actual voice, he wouldn't be surprised if it sounded exactly like hers.

presently, however, every word stings him in a way it probably shouldn't. he will contemplate her reprimand over and over for the next several nights every time he sets his head down on his pillow to sleep, and eventually, he will learn to see the reason in them, might even learn to agree. but his wounds are too fresh, and his heart still cares for the person he should hate, and she is the salted lemon-scented hydrogen peroxide squeezed into fresh cuts to cleanse them of infection.

"what was sarang to you, other than alex's boyfriend who let you fuck him? what makes him so special?"

and that splash of cleansing truth hurts the most. it is one of the rare times ren's own internal monologue seems to align with nayoung's, but it's this fact that makes his stomach turn violently. how many times had he had to fight to quash this thought in his own mind, only for it to be tossed back over him like a bucket of ice water. he can't hide the way his brow wrinkles, or the way his jaw tenses; the way he glances down at his almost-empty cup, or the way his fingers cause deeper divots in its side.

no, goddammit, he is not going to cry in this stupid coffee shop.

"well," he starts, clearing his throat before continuing, attempting, and failing, to square his shoulders a little more upright, "i don't exactly see a line out the door of people willing to fuck me. so."

[benayoung]

it's just a game. it always pisses nayoung off when people say that. it's just an excuse to suck, in her opinion – but believe it or not, she does know when to shut the fuck up, and just doesn't say anything in response to her incompetent teammate's fake attempt at niceties. instead, she locks in, searching for an enemy to shoot.

she gets distracted by their fuckass bastion dying again, and she's caught off guard when the enemy winston dives on top of her. thankfully, she's able to grapple away and to cover, but not without losing a good chunk of health. she taps the need healing button a couple times, and thankfully one of their supports comes to her aid without her having to yell again.

finally, the trash player on her team swaps to torb. at least she's not so fucking stubborn that she makes the game impossible to win. all she really needs to do is keep her turret up and not die every 5 seconds and they can probably win. maybe.

nayoung peeks her widowmaker around the corner and fires a shot at an enemy. it's a bodyshot – not enough to take them out entirely, but enough for her teammate's turret to finish them off.

of course, said teammate needs to goad about it. nayoung rolls her eyes, but makes sure she pays enough attention to the game to not make a stupid mistake when she speaks into voice again: "congrats on your first kill of the game," she mocks her, pulling up the menu that shows the teams' stats. "one step closer to having less than double the amount of deaths as kills." it's weird, though – the other girl almost sounds familiar.

nayoung doesn't think much of it, and takes another shot at a genji that runs at her. it's a headshot and he dies instantly – idiot not even using his deflect ability in time. god, these people are trash.

it's a game that's meant to be competitive-- having ranking systems if you decide to go that route. sua understands that it's a type of game where goading and shit-talking is expected, sometimes encouraged. it's a reason why sua wasn't jumping for joy at chat's selection for it-- because sua can't take heat when she's doing a shitty job.

her eye twitches in response to her teammate, sua taking a long moment to process her feelings as she stews in aggravation from that. her chat's moving so fast next to her screen, but she doesn't want to see the emoticons or the laughter that's sure to follow. they love when she gets flamed. and by a girl? what happened to girls being girl's girls or whatever?

sua could say a lot of things. she could rage quit and disconnect and avoid confrontation all together-- but her pride won't let her. also she doesn't want to. especially now.

she stares at the screen, looking at the change hero option for a long moment. sua exhales. moves her character of spawn screen, still the cute robot man she chose before. "thank you," sua says after she's tapped into voice, her tone so saccharine sweet it's nauseating to hear on her ears. "you can chill out, though. it's just a game."

it's hypocritical, when sua's been white-knuckling the keyboard the entire time she's played.

####: THE GIRLS ARE FIGHTINGGGG ####: lmfao don't pop a blood vessel queen ####: at least u can avoid as teammate after this! ####: :feelsbadman: :feelsbadman: :feelsbadman: ####: nah let ur bastion cook u got this

she's so annoyed. she's silent as she walks out of spawn, ducking out of way of someone shooting, moving to turret form or whatever it is and just letting it rip. it's loud in her ears, matching the same aggravation that's been building since she loaded the game.

she dies again. begrudgingly, she switches characters-- choosing torbjorn-- torb, whatever the flying fuck his name is.

"dude," she mutters to herself, reaching up to rub at her eye as her character yells to himself and runs out the door. she doesn't even bother checking the controls, borderline throwing at this point. sua tosses down a turret haphazardly, walking away from it and letting it go. it doesn't do anything for a moment, and sua bounces behind a wall, peeking the team and then ducking back when bullets and projectiles fly towards her. she still feels like her teammates aren't really helping her, but at least someone's healing her once she lives for longer than two minutes.

a red notification pops on her screen, a death notification that has her name on it, with the widowmaker who called her out's assist on it. sua doesn't even know who was killed, or what was happening, the turret symbol staring back at her.

a disbelieving laugh leaves her. she taps on voice chat, that little demon in her head that loves a good argument goading her along. "you're welcome, widow~" she sings into the chat, letting go of the button only to scowl at her screen again.

[benayoung]

nayoung honestly loves ren. it's incredibly rare for her, but ren has always known her the entire time he's known her. no one else has been that lucky – or unlucky, depending on how you see her. it was always a facade for most others, or her walls and coldness. she's still cold with ren too, but it's a little different. she feels more relaxed, maybe. something. she feels this way around him and alex both, though alex is significantly more annoying than ren. maybe it's because they met her through a side of herself she kept a secret from most and still liked her for it.

nayoung wasn't going to say ren was being dramatic. she was thinking it, but she doesn't really have anything to say at all. she honestly can't relate to this. she has never been heartbroken – at least not by another person. she was heartbroken losing her dream, so maybe it's something like that.

"okay," is all she says in response, taking a sip of her own drink. does she need to say anything? she honestly doesn't like either of ren's ex boyfriends – or at least she pretends not to like alex – but she suspects bringing that up won't be particularly helpful. not that she cares that much about being helpful, but still.

she sort of brings it up, though. "honestly ren, neither of them are all that. i know alex was, or is, whatever, your best friend, but sarang is like..." she doesn't know how to explain this. nayoung absolutely does not understand the appeal of ren's former manic pixie dream boy. sarang, who won next gen without trying – who became a coach without trying – who coached without trying. he's charming, sure, but what is he beyond that? why is that enough for everyone to love him? how did alex and ren both fall victim to him when he's ultimately so useless? from nayoung's point of view, all sarang has ever one is butter them up and hurt them – especially alex. it's unfortunate that ren got wrapped up in all of their bullshit.

"nothing. like, he's charming. everyone loves him so there's probably some appeal in getting him to love you, but what even is he beyond charming and shallow as fuck? like...do you know how much alex cried about him to me? i had to babysit him at your next gen victory party because sarang fucked him over. and that was far from the first time. i'd honestly be surprised if it's the last time, too."

she realizes she's mostly just rambling now, but maybe it'll help ren somehow. who knows. she shrugs. "alex was a good friend to you, so i get that much. that makes enough sense to me. but..." she pauses. she can't formulate her thoughts into anything that makes sense aloud. she doesn't really mean to shit-talk ren's ex. she just wants to be honest.

"what was sarang to you, other than alex's boyfriend who let you fuck him? what makes him so special?" it's equal parts a genuine question and bitter murmur. she takes another sip of her drink. she really does not get it.

"you didn't have to," he is quick to respond--they were friends digitally before they'd ever met in person, familiar enough with each other's text-based nuances that by the time they were occupying the same physical space, their connection was almost telepathic. he shoots one more glare at the offending napkin dispenser before elaborating, "I can hear your thoughts from here."

he sips his coffee as if he has a grudge against the straw, then stares unfeeling at the sad tea light flickering desperately between them in a lilac-tinted jar as if it were a collaborator in his misery.

"it's not about 'mindfulness,'" he stage whispers with a defensive edge, in english to ease a little bit of his eavesdropper-induced anxiety.

he should eat something, even if it's just a few bites of a scone or half a croissant. but even that feels like a heavy, burdensome task when every little thing he encounters reminds him of every not-so-little thing he's lost. and he was doing so well. he can imagine his therapist will be just as disappointed at his emotional relapse as nayoung is now, if not more.

"it's about my heart being ripped out of my chest and burned, and then scattered into little itty bitty pieces that are both somehow in canada and in the same building as me at least twice a week."

he adds before nayoung can, "I know that's dramatic. I don't care. that's how I feel and I'm gonna feel it and it's shitty and I hate it and I want to die."

he knows she can tell by his tone that he doesn't mean that last part--he has said it before, verbatim, and meant it. but if anyone can tell the difference between when such a simple, jarring phrase means something, or means nothing, when coming out of his mouth, it's nayoung. he used to pay her a little for being a mod during his twitch streams; he wonders if he should pay her now, for being his substitute therapist when he wants his feelings to feel a little less official. maybe in a few years, when he's debuted and finds himself making more than a few pennies an hour.

[benayoung]

* ❁┆snack attack

nayoung, defacto leader of the project novus girls she is, has taken it upon herself to do the shopping for their dorm tonight.

she has their essentials out of the way, managing to hit the store and speed-shop her way through their list right before closing. next, she has the very vague task of shopping for one last object on their list: "snacks." that's literally all it says. no specific snacks. just snacks.

she doesn't even know who wrote it down, or what any of the girls' favorite snacks are. maybe that's one of the things she should've asked them as part of their mission to get to know each other better.

now, she's in her old reliable convenience store, because she still gets an employee discount and she figures she should get her moneys' worth before she inevitably has to quit to focus on project novus. she looks over the options in front of her – mostly candy and other sweets on this aisle – and doesn't have any idea what to do.

she sighs softly, vision shifting to the person sharing the aisle with her as they move to take something off the shelf. it turns out she recognizes her. it's seira. she hasn't seen her since halloween.

"seira, hey," she greets her, more warmly than nayoung greets most people. she turns to look at the snacks again. "i'm trying to buy snacks for my...friends...but nobody told me what they actually wanted, so i'm just kinda..." she makes a vague gesture with her hands. "do you have any recommendations? is there something that almost everyone likes?" nayoung admittedly doesn't pay enough attention to other people to know that.

❁┆@beseira

[benayoung]

nayoung silently notes that yuji doesn't look happy to see her. she can't say she's surprised. sometimes, it feels like they are nearly friends, and then other times, they definitely aren't. sr media would probably appreciate it if they erred on the side of friends. nayoung could probably manage it, if she really tried. maybe.

truthfully, it's difficult for her. friends are rare for nayoung in general, especially when they're girls. she doesn't know how to see them as anything other than competition. competition for medals in skating, competitions for best grades in her class, competition for boys' attention, competition for debut. how can she see them as anything else? it feels unnatural. she knows she likely needs to work on it for the sake of whatever girl group emerges from project novus, but she isn't sure how, and asking how to make friends at 24 years old is humiliating.

instead of anything friendly, nayoung resists the urge to roll her eyes. yes, obviously yuji is taking the workshop. surely she knows that's not what nayoung was asking, but whatever. she supposes it ultimately doesn't matter. the truth is, yuji isn't entirely wrong – learning the basics of leadership can be helpful for anyone. besides, who knows if there will be a scenario when nayoung isn't present to lead the group and someone else needs to temporarily take over. she supposes this is better than their group being entirely lost in the future.

so nayoung just shrugs. "it's fine," she adds, in case yuji needs any verbal confirmation. nayoung knows yuji doesn't actually care about getting her approval. whatever.

nayoung turns her attention to the matter at hand: their worksheet. "did you get a chance to read through this yet?" nayoung asks.

truth be told, yuji has no real interest in a leadership role. it's bound to have information that's going to be beneficial-- and while yuji doesn't expect to be situated in a role like that, it doesn't hurt to do a little research. if she happens to be stuck in a position where she's a defacto leader, she'd at least like to know what to do; what the best course of action is.

she's almost sure sr media has their sights set on nayoung as project novus' leader anyway-- which is fine. she's proven to be good at it, trusted with the position so far. yuji's okay with that-- will be okay with that. she just wishes nayoung was a bit nicer.

it'd make the getting to know one another training exercise the company as their project doing much easier to manage. yuji's tried to get through, crack a layer of nayoung's protected shell she's built around her-- but even yuji has her limits. she only has so much patience entertaining a potential work relationship if the other can't meet her in the middle.

it doesn't help that half the time nayoung speaks, it's pointed and clipped, the words usually rubbing yuji the wrong way. it feels like it's become something of a pavlonian response-- her hackles raising as soon as nayoung speaks. this time is no different, and yuji raises her eyes from her notes to the other trainee. lips pursing.

"taking this workshop." she says simply, raising one brow at the other while she leans back in her seat, shifting to get comfortable. "figured it'd wouldn't hurt to learn a couple of things. why?" yuji's voice is pitched a bit in question, head lilting to the side as she scans nayoung's features. she can't tell if the girl is upset or curious, and yuji doesn't like the uncertainty. "should i not have?"

[benayoung]

* ❁┆it's brutal out here

nayoung may have a bit of a superiority complex, but that doesn't mean she thinks she knows everything. she just thinks she knows more than everyone else – in some areas, anyway.

leadership is one of these areas nayoung feels confident in, though she knows there's room for improvement. she could probably be a little warmer, but that feels unnatural to her, and most people sacrifice perfection to avoid ruffling feathers or hurting people's feelings. she won't. sure, true perfection doesn't exist, but a small fraction away from perfection does, and that's where she intends to take her future group. there's no room for thin skin or weak wills in the pursuit of success.

she's always thought that way, but the start of project novus has her considering it more. as the one who introduced sr's girls at the christmas concert, and the only clear rapper in the group chosen for the project, her role in the future group seems equally clear. leader. rapper. dancer, maybe. hopefully.

except someone might be trying to throw a wrench into things. yuji. as she sits in the leadership workshop, dutifully writing out notes during the lecture in pristine penmanship, she can't help but wonder: what the fuck is yuji doing here?

does she not trust her to be a good leader? is she hoping to undermine her efforts? if it were nayoung, that's what she would do, but she's learned in recent years that most people don't function the way she does. yuji, up to this point, has seemed like a sincere person. however, nayoung can't help but be on guard for any sort of sabotage.

if she's honest, she knows, deep down, that if usurping nayoung was yuji's plan, she's not without reason. nayoung has not been particularly kind or friendly to her – granted she isn't to anyone. yuji of all the girls in sr seems most likely to have the confidence and relationship with the other girls to believe she could do a better job as leader.

or maybe she just wants to learn something new. no, nayoung isn't naive enough to believe that.

of course, when their instructor hands out worksheets and sets them up in pairs, he makes yuji her partner. it's probably all part of the project novus test, so she needs to make sure she's on her best behavior.

they're supposed to read through the worksheet and determine which leadership style would work best for each example situation, but when nayoung moves to sit beside yuji, she can't help but ask, "what are you doing here?" it sounds more like an accusation than anything else, despite nayoung's best efforts.

❁┆ @beyuji

[benayoung]

jueun seems genuinely excited to learn something new about her, which comes as a surprise to nayoung. she understands that most girls aren't the same as she is, and are more interested in making friends, but...somehow it's still unexpected.

"falling is part of the process," nayoung responds with a nod. it's almost hard for her to believe now, but there was once a time when she also fell more than she actually skated. "it's just a matter of sticking with it and practicing," as is everything. "but i suppose it's not for everyone."

jueun asks a more personal question then – or at least one nayoung expects to be more personal. she assumes she's asking if it was rough from an emotional standpoint, but the more jueun talks, the more it seems like she means physically. that's a relief, at least.

"i was already dancing as part of my training, so the physical act of dancing wasn't really an adjustment. it was more...adjusting to the lack of skating that felt different." she trained every day for so much of her youth. then again, that's been her entire life, hasn't it? skating first, and to become a kpop idol second. she thinks her figure skating training ultimately prepared her for a lot of what it would take to become an idol, too. "things actually felt more natural once i became a trainee and had less free time again."

jueun could confidently say that nayoung was probably the sr media trainee that she still didn't know much about. sure, she saw her around the training rooms and have practiced with her before, but she can't seem to recall if they've ever had a conversation like this before.

but hey, this could be a great start of something, right?

she's rather surprised at the late age that is nayoung's answer. there was a part of her that always assumed that people dreamed of becoming idols at an earlier age. it's been true for a lot of people she's met who've worked hard to even get into a company. some could say that jueun had it a little easier as she got picked up by sr media after her time on next gen.

"figure skating? really? that's so cool!" she clapped her hands together at the new fact she's just learned about nayoung before letting out a soft laugh. "my mother tried to get me to do figure skating when i was younger because she thought it'd help me during my pageants for some reason. however, i could never really stick to it. i think i spent more time falling on my butt than actually skating around the rink," she admitted with a shake of her head.

while she wasn't a complete noob when it came to athletics and sports, figure skating was just something she couldn't get into. "was the transition tough? i can imagine figure skating helps with dancing, but it still must've felt pretty different."