benedictive-shaman

[benedictive-shaman]

Ficlet: What Remains of Our Love

tw: mentions of major character death

I had an idea while laying in bed earlier and decided to make it real.

I cried a lot while writing this and I think it has negatively impacted my mental state. I just love my blorbos more than you could ever conceive of.

This takes place in my "Tindoiimu becomes a guardsman and Soohyeon tags along to be together with her lover, willingly killing herself" AU/Canon Continuation/Vector for angst. You can maybe read up on my previous posts on the matter but eh I think that one sentence is context enough.

At the edge of Paradise Prairie’s windswept fields lies a small grove. Rarely does anyone pass through this secluded patch of lands; the nearest settlement is a day’s walk away and the grove itself, while beautiful, is rather unremarkable. There is nothing of particular note here, just the same type of wilderness one can see anywhere in the plains. It is a lonely, desolate place for not even larger beasts make their home here yet this confers it a sort of gentle peace. All one can here as they tread through the darkened underbrush is the soft humming of insects and the chirping of birds.

It is an unremarkable place but there is something important to me here. If one commits to crawling through brambles and navigating the maze of trees they will find a sizable clearing of trees. There is a large stone that sits at it’s center. Right here is where my love, Kong Soohyeon, took her last breath and it is where she shall remain for the rest of eternity.

Back when Soohyeon was still healthy, we had found this little grove near the beginning of our travels. Soohyeon had never left the confines of the East prior to this so she took a great joy in taking us off the beaten path to witness even the most benign sights. I was less than enthused about it then, but now those memories are some of the most precious I will ever have. This place was one of such excursions and we found the same clearing then as well. We sat with our backs against that stone and gazed upon the night sky together, side by side. Neither of us said very much then but, to me, just being in her presence as we stared at the same stars was enough. At some point, I fell asleep and my body fell limp against Soohyeon’s. I woke up to the first rays of morning sunlight to find Soohyeon gently hugging me in our sleep. She never let me live that moment down and maybe that’s why she chose the grove as her final resting place.

When it became clear to the both of us that she was not long for Vendacti, I suggested that we return home, to the East, so she could be laid to rest with her mother and best friend. She firmly opposed the idea saying “My home is with you. It always has been and will forever be”. Soohyeon wished to die somewhere that held meaning to our relationship and the happy times we spent together. This grove was where she inevitably chose.

I don’t want to reminisce on that day.

Her face then is burned so painfully into my mind. That withered appearance she had, my power having stripped everything but the last smoldering embers of her life away. I want to remember her as she was in those halcyon days but this painful image is the first thing that bubbles to the surface of my mind. I held that face gently in my hand and for one final time; I tried to save her. For all my power there was nothing I could do.

I remember how it felt to dig her grave. It was so so long ago but those sensations of heaving dirt while tears endlessly streamed down my face feel so fresh as if they happened yesterday. I can still envision the touch of her lukewarm skin as I placed her body in that hole. I remember that vigil I kept over her grave for 4 days and nights. Weeping silently as I stared at that patch of disturbed earth where she laid.

The one thing that I remember the most vividly is her last words. They never left my mind since that final gasp of air left her lips.

“I’m sorry”

‘Sorry for what?’ is what I want to say. What did Soohyeon have, at that moment, to be sorry for? I had killed her. I had loved her. I could never muster the will to leave her. Yet she thought for her final words in this world to be ‘I’m sorry’. It almost drives me mad to think about but I choose to believe, knowing Soohyeon as well as I do, that she meant something by it.

None of this is as important as what my last words to her were “I’ll never forget you not for ten thousand years, not ever”.

So that’s why every 5 years, without fail, I will return to this grove. I lay two flowers on that stone: A hydrangea, Soohyeon’s favorite flower, and a certain flower that will never wilt. I sit, my back against the rock, and stare at the night sky. I think back to every beautiful memory I shared with her and I think back to that day where we sat here together. I hold the naive hope that maybe, as I gaze at those beautiful stars, Soohyeon is up there staring back at me.

[benedictive-shaman]

Very spontaneous thought but I think Soohyeon's favorite flower would be a Hydrangea

Sure her SP is an orchid but I think her actual favorite would be a hydrangea.

This may or may not factor into something I will write soon.

[benedictive-shaman]

Aside from Izumi gender wars and getting harassed over TindoYeon I feel like if Sdorica was a bigger thing/didn't crater itself I would get into a billion arguments on the morality of Tindoiimu and the Insect Tribe.

I think it's very clear from the text that they're very much justified in their violent retaliation and Tindoiimu is right to fell incredibly slighted by everything the alliance has done. They tried to exist within the corrupt system peacefully but that afforded them nothing but a different kind of suffering. The Alliance is plainly and almost comedicly evil and any retaliation against it is inherently justified. You might draw lines at how far the insects end up going but in no way can you cast the idea of violent revolt as unjust or, if you're a sicko, justifying their past, continued, and further oppression.

[benedictive-shaman]

There has to be something up with Tachi being on focus or something because I'd go days without seeing a Tachi mineral and suddenly I'm getting one or two a day.

Inb4 I pull her on Tuesday somehow making this luck worthless.

The game heard me complaining and locked in to give me like 4 minerals in 4 days while I'm only buying out half the cycles because lazy.

[benedictive-shaman]

MyGo would be substantially improved if Tomori was the tallest member of the AveMyGo polycule.

[benedictive-shaman]

The game heard me complaining and locked in to give me like 4 minerals in 4 days while I'm only buying out half the cycles because lazy.

[benedictive-shaman]

Might be disassociating but I have a job so idk

[benedictive-shaman]

She's so happy......

[benedictive-shaman]

And I'm done! Took like a week (counting the downtime) but I have finally etched TindoYeon + their supportive little sister with bpd into some random place in Georgia.

And this is my final total. It doesn't feel real lol. I did everything except the text, flags, and heart so this is the count for all the sprites + a prototype Soohyeon SP I dismantled.

[benedictive-shaman]

I live in fear that someone reposts my wplace creations onto like, Reddit or somewhere else and I have to endure people saying mean things about TindoYeon or, at worst, bugging me here/discord. It won't deter me of course but it'd be a little disheartening. I just know how gacha players are so I don't expect them to be civil or understanding.

[benedictive-shaman]

Someone griefed my bisexual flag???

Like I'm glad it wasn't the actual art but why like half the bi flag???? Not my lesbian flag or the ship name but the bi flag????

I'm sorry this is just incredibly perplexing to me

[benedictive-shaman]

Soohyeon SP has been constructed + flags.

Tachilaanda SP is coming next but look at how massive she is, this will certainly take awhile.

I decided a good use of my time would be to add my shipping brainrot to random stretch of empty land in North Goergia, USA (where I live, unfortunately). They different sizes because I used different methods for each and I think I like the Tindoiimu more even if it's taking me 3x the length to do (this is a solo build).

[benedictive-shaman]

Finished Tindoiimu and immediately moved onto Soohyeon SP. Might add a lesbian and bisexual flag eventually. I think this will be my last TindoYeon. I'm thinking maybe Tachi SP next attending their wedding? Izumi because I like them a lot?

I decided a good use of my time would be to add my shipping brainrot to random stretch of empty land in North Goergia, USA (where I live, unfortunately). They different sizes because I used different methods for each and I think I like the Tindoiimu more even if it's taking me 3x the length to do (this is a solo build).

[benedictive-shaman]

I decided a good use of my time would be to add my shipping brainrot to random stretch of empty land in North Goergia, USA (where I live, unfortunately). They different sizes because I used different methods for each and I think I like the Tindoiimu more even if it's taking me 3x the length to do (this is a solo build).

[benedictive-shaman]

If you saw the previous post, no you didn't. I will continue to post infrequently on here.

Anyways I just 'rediscovered' some old drabble I wrote on a very silly website (you cannot waterboard what website it was out of me). They were supposed to be cute lil character descriptions + a bit of creative writing about them. I think the others were a bit unremarkable but I think I hit something with the Soohyeon one maybe. If you actually read this then I would appreciate honest opinions!

Tinder for a Fire is canon to this btw but all you need to know for that is that Soohyeon and Tindoiimu get really gay in prison and Soohyeon asks Tindo if she loves her back, to which Tindo goes 'I'll think about it'.

The effervescent Mythic of the Kyo Tribe, Kong Soohyeon.

There is seldom a person in the East who has not heard of Kong Soohyeon. Far and wide she is beloved as both a noblewoman or great prestige and as a shaman who’s dance skills are unmatched in all of Vendacti. A kind woman to all, a radiant beauty, a sharp wit and keen mind, a skilled fighter beyond compare were all praises that those of the East lavished upon her.

This was nothing more than a facade that she is forced to keep up. She was no longer that Kong Soohyeon and she hasn't been for some time.

On one moonless night a year ago, Soohyeon found that the girl who stared back at her in the mirror was not herself. Her fate was sealed that night when she became a Bewitcher, she would meet her end alone and in pain. Everyday since then has been Soohyeon’s desperate struggle against the machinations of fate. She has remained steadfast and hopeful that there exists some escape from this torment but slowly fate has encircled her.

There is much that this girl regrets. She regrets not telling her mother she loved her one last time. She regrets keeping everything a secret for so long. She regrets that night on Hot Spring Street.

Above all she regrets not being able to confess to ‘her’ sooner. Keeping her loathsome emotions bottled until it was too late. The thought that things might have turned out differently plagues her waking mind. Her dreams always take her back to that night in prison; the memory feeling like a paradise amid a tumultuous ocean of despair. She remembers the feeling of her hair between her fingers; she remembers the taste of sweet nectar that lingered on her lips. The promise she left Soohyeon with plays in her mind over and over as the only hope she still has left.

Soohyeon was spared from the usual fate of a Bewitcher and yet she has never felt more sullen. Apathy washes over as she watches her world slowly crumble. All she can do is help her people in whatever way she can but it's not enough to soothe her ailing soul. In truth, the Alliance no longer felt like a home to her, not without 'her'. The only home she had anymore was in her arms.

She will continue to wait, until her sickness rots her to the very flesh and bone. She will wait for that answer because she has faith in ‘her’.

Her Blue Butterfly will return.

[benedictive-shaman]

Kyo is sorta like my vision of a version of Soohyeon who chooses to go down a dark path would be. I already have one of these bad end AUs that is based around Tindoiimu going down the dark path but Soohyeon is a bit more complicated. I don't see the her that exists within the game as being able to make such a choice so I explore it by chucking her into Limbus Company and making her experience the horrors.

The two AUs almost mirror eachother in a way. The Tindoiimu one is about her being overcome by revenge and losing herself because of it. Kyo/Soohyeon's bad end has her ideals torn down and destroyed so what's left is a desire for bitter revenge and an intense yearning for what was and what could have been.

You probably don't get the Kyo part because I haven't lore dumped it yet but you can ask me if you'd like. I doubt anyone is reading this though.

[benedictive-shaman]

An insane (non-Eclipse for once) parallel I just realized is how the Mechanical Kingdom, home of Sdorica's soul (I assume), is this giant floating island. You know where else giant floating islands were invoked? That's right, Theodore's plan to make the Kingdom of the Sun an airship is evocative of this.

So what does this mean? Well the way I see it the intended reading is that Theodore wants to become 'like God' and in turn his hubris becomes like that of Sdorica's. So his tyranny is really no different than Sdorica/The Dracotines.