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My love and his furbabies ❤

Part 8 of pics

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My absolute fav pics of you my love.

Part 7 of pics

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My top 3 absolute favorite pics of us we have yet to catch ❤

Part 6 of pics

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Videochat pics together ❤

Part 5

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Pics of us my love ❤

Part 4

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Pics of us my love ❤

Part 3

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Pics of us my love ❤

Part 2

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Pics with you over the last 4 years ❤❤❤

Part 1

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My sweet Jeff. You are my guardian angel. With your love and support you brought me back to the light from the darkest place ive ever been, after my last attempt in 2021. You always do, when i crash again and again. You always promise to forever show me a love so passionate and a devotion so definite and absolute that i will never desire for anything you cant provide. You have moved mountains in my life just so that the sun would shine on me. You have permanently changed my entire life and the way i express my love and support; both of those in me now are bigger and more powerful than they ever have been in my life, and extend to everyone i care about. I love you more than anyone ive ever met, more than my own family whom ive known all my life. April 17th you will have been loving me, so much more than i ever have been loved for three years now. You promise me amazing things in our future that i will always look forward to, and even if they dont happen, your motivation and willingness to make me the happiest person alive means the absolute world to me and is enough. I know you arent going to be able to read much of this because your eyes are blurry most the time, but one day you will be able to look back and see yet another very long message about how grateful i am to love you and be loved by you and experience the incredible person you are. You are the only diamond in an Appalachia of mud and dying grass. You are the most unique, compassionate, kind, charismatic, intelligent, street smart, funny, handsome, polite person i have ever known and i thank my personal god every day and sometimes even thank you for letting me love you and be a big part of your life. You are the singular most important thing and person in my life.

I love you so more than my words can ever express Jeffrey.

Thank you so much for loving me as deeply as you do. I feel so treasured and important every day, and youre even convincing me almost every day that i might be beautiful too, lol. You are amazing at uplifting me, encouraging me, loving me, and giving me great advice.

I wouldnt have survived these three years without you.

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Sweet Jeff, i adore you with all my heart and soul. The sun was unsually warm and bright the first day i ever spent with you, out in the courtyard at ridgeview hospital. I can still feel its warmth today. We layed on the ground in the February sun and talked for a long time. Eventually you fell asleep, and i wandered back inside. That night in between group therapies we played cards and jenga with uno blocks (?wtf were those things lmao) and we goofed off, and i remember distinctly looking at you and studying your face, your hair, your neck. I remember thinking, there is something inside me stirring up, waking up, igniting in me...this guy has got to be the most inviting, attractive man i have ever seen and met, everything he has talked about and told me about himself and his life and his knowledge is so alluring and fascinating to me. Truly everything about you drew me in. It took a minute to pin down why i was so crazy attracted to you, and it is because one- you are very handsome, two- you are the absolute definition of my type lol, and three- i am completely chemically attracted to you. Its just in our dna, we were genuinely meant to be together. I love everything about you. And your past doesnt change any of my feelings about you, just as my past doesnt affect the way you feel for me.

I swear to you, I Love you with all of my heart and i swear to you i will never leave you, i will never cheat on you, and i will never abuse you.

I have devoted my entire life to loving you and i will always choose you as my partner for the rest of our lives, as long as you will have me.

Thank you for everything you have done for us baby. I love you.

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Your monthly (weekly? Lol) reminder that i love Jeff with all of my heart, soul, mind and body and will love him for the rest of my life and even in death. I adore you Jeff. You have made my life incredibly better and we dont even live together yet. I cant imagine how amazing our future will be when we can fall asleep in each others arms at night and cook meals together filming our YouTube channel idea "two schizos and a frying pan" lol. We have so many fun and exciting plans for the distant future, and even really fun and exciting plans for my birthday at the end of next month :') not including our plans for next week 😂😂 even though we have always kind of been long distant we have made it work and we always spend a few nights together once a month, and thats how it will be until we can move in with each other this year. I can live with that, because the precious time i do get to spend with you gives me the strength and motivation to work my ass off for another whole month before we can have quality time together again. Even with an illness that is always tearing our minds apart, I love you so much my handsome, intelligent, charismatic, funny, polite, kind, compassionate and SO loving man ❤❤❤❤❤❤ Thank you for everything you do. I am yours forever ❤❤❤

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I love you so much Jeff. I love you more than anything and anyone i have ever loved, so much that i question if i even knew what love was before i met you, when love has been all that i am my whole life. You changed the direction and focus of my life from the loop i was stuck in of attempting su!c!de and then recovering just to try to ki11 myself again and again, to focusing on planning for a future with the man of my dreams and learning new and better ways to love you loudly and proudly. You have no clue of your worth Jeff...you hold this entire world for me in your heart, every goal every ambition and every dream involves you. You are forever mine, and i am forever yours. Thank you for everything you have done for me. I love you.

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This is another short love letter for Jeff that i am completely infatuated with you in only the best of ways. I love you more than walking through warm nature on a beautiful, sunny, breezy day the morning after an attempt on my life. I need you more than a lost traveler needs the bright light of the moon on the darkest night. I want you more than my baby izzy wanted her cod, sole and shrimp fancy feast, which speaks VOLUMES because her whole meaning of life revolved around her wet food lol. I crave you more than a life-long inmate in the highest security prison craves a single cigarette.

Experiencing you is experiencing all the star dust of the universe, disguised as the most handsome and incredible human man i have ever known, in every one of my life times.

I Love You Jeffrey. I am the luckiest woman alive to have met and to love you and be loved by you.

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I only took these pics for Jeff and didnt intend on showing anyone else but i figured this morning looking back on them why not post them.

This is the dress i wore when i met up with Jeff for the first time outside of the mental hospital, April 16th 2021, one day before we started dating. It was this dress and perhaps my aura that meaningful day that when i walked into the starbucks next to the hotel we would stay at, as soon as our eyes met we both were flooded with endorphins and dopamine. We both told each other later that at that moment, we both got the most intense, most powerful butterflies upon seeing each other for the first time outside of the hospital. To this day we still talk about that rush of a feeling that morning in starbucks. I dont know if this happens to him, but every time i see him in person again (we only see each other once a month, sometimes once every two or three months) i feel that rush of dopamine again. The electricity/butterflies are much calmer now because i know what to expect every time we are together, but i still live for that feeling. Maybe the only reason i experience that feeling is because we are long distance and seeing each other is such an amazing rewarding treat, but i like to think my Jeff Butterflies that visit my stomach often enough simply exist because of the depth of my love for him.

I am grateful for you and the incredible emotions you bring me, my love.

I Love You.

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Jeff, you are working as hard as you can on better-ing yourself again to be the best man you can and crave to be, and i have all the faith in this universe that you are going to make it all the way through and beyond the hardest parts of recovery and start to really thrive in sobriety with me. I watch you grow stronger and more determined than ever to live a sober life every day and its the most incredible, most powerful and personally to me most impactful growth ive ever witnessed in a person i have loved, and it means all the more due to how profoundly and strongly i Love you. I will support your every step in recovery and i will be right by your side with every new challenge you face in sobriety. I have never been so sure of a mans capability to do something than i am of YOUR ability to live a sober, love-filled future, with me loving you on every journey we will ever take. Just know your every challenge, every journey, every adventure will have me standing right beside you, holding your hand, 150% behind you all the way.

We will face the future side by side my Love. This i swear, on my life, my families lives, and on the most important life to me, your life.

I Love You.

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Jeff, my dearest,

You are the singular most handsome, intelligent, passionate, loving, polite, kind, understanding, forgiving, and attractive man i have EVER known and ever WILL know 💖❤💖❤ you seem to never get tired of comforting me and reassuring me every time i start to stress, worry or panic about something or when im struggling with something. You also never seem to get tired of encouraging me when i often have no confidence or love for myself. Your endless stamina in being the most perfect partner for me, reminds me of the endless stamina and effort i have for you and will always give you to keep you feeling happy, healthy, sober, satisfied, important and most of all Loved, forever and always. My endless, limitless, boundless, and powerful Love for you has ALWAYS given me 200% motivation in working as hard as i can to be the absolute best partner i possibly can be, solely for you and you alone. Ive never had any trouble with listening and understanding the feelings and point of view of others, but during the last three years while loving you i believe i have developed and toned that skill a lot more. I have never fallen so hard and so quickly in Love with anyone before in my entire life, you immediately became the most important person in my life the day we started dating. I couldnt help but take this insanely powerful and passionate Love i have for you VERY seriously.

It was easier than breathing when i chose to devote my life to you my Love.

I hope you get lots of great quality rest and relaxation and your physical and mental pain lessens as much as the universe will allow for today. I pray that your overwhelming anxieties are subdued and easily controlled, even if just for today.

I hope this post improves your day today and makes you feel so very Loved my dear, because you truly are.

I Love You Jeffrey 💖❤💖❤💖❤💕💕💖❤💖💕💕💖❤💖❤💕💕💖❤💖

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Oh Jeff, my sweet sleeping boy. I adore you so very much. I can imagine your peaceful expression as though you were sleeping next to me. I would do anything for you if it improved your wellbeing or even your entire life. I will be by your side all day, every day, tomorrow and every single day after, the same way i have been for the last 4 years this April.

I have expressed the nonexistant limits of my endless devotion for you many times. Both to you and to the world. If i had never met you i never would have seen the truth about so many people that i spent my whole life choosing to do so much for, who all were using me, abusing me, or treating me like shit and a doormat.

((Jeff: this next paragraph you dont have to read, in it im just talking about my situation directly before i met you ❤))

My long-term case manager i had been working with for many years, after my attempt in 2021 she very seriously warned me that because i had spent so much time in mental hospitals for the last 5 years, that the next time i came into any hospital for a psychotic or any kind of mental episode, that instructions for any hospital i went to were put in my medical records, that upon observation for psychosis to call the police and have an officer or two drive me to the state institution in chattanooga where i would be involuntarily admitted until i could prove in court in front of a judge that i could function and be sane long-term. After she told me this she added that shes seen people in my situation be forced to go there and she was never able to get them discharged, so it was likely i wouldnt get out.

When im doing decently i think back to being told that and i feel INCREDIBLY grateful that my case manager had informed me of my situation while i was NOT entirely in psychosis. When she told me that it was the 5th day of my recovery in the hospital from the attempt i made on my life. On the 5th day the doctors asked me which mental hospital i preferred, Moccasin Bend or Ridgeview. I was dealing with severe S.I. and therefore could actually understand and remember all the important things everyone told me.

ANYWAY, if i had chosen to just give up and go to moccasin bend because i genuinely had no hope and believed i had no future...if i had chosen moccasin bend instead of ridgeview, i never would have met you Jeff. Many mental hospitals have changed my life, some for better many for a lot worse, but there will never be another hospital experience that i can compare to meeting you in that building. Because that experience completely changed my life more than anything in my whole life has.

How fate and destiny had such incredible plans for us. We both were hospitalized for the same reason, which that reason had little to do with us both having schizophrenia. We both had attempted. In different cities, at different times, but fate ensured that my admission would not be changed to "voluntary" instead of "involuntary" until after we had approached and talked to each other.

Even when i was changed to voluntary i didnt choose to leave. Mainly because i was seriously suffering and not coping well at all, and the only thing that made me feel better or even just as close to okay as i could be, was talking to and spending time with you my love.

I am spending 3 and a half days with you starting in TWO days, after not getting to spend time with you since mid september last year...the heartache from the distance between us and the loneliness of not having you beside me worsens with every week that passes.

But it is okay. Because we both are superhumanly strong, and absolutely nothing that happens to us will ever tear us apart or put emotional distance between us.

We will have an amazing time and make the most of our weekend together my love, i promise you. I have worked my ass off for weeks to be able to afford a decent amount of time with you, even if only a weekend.

I love you so very much my handsome, passionate, kind, polite, considerate, compassionate, empathetic, funny and incredibly intelligent, sleeping partner for life and beyond. I will never ever leave you for your flaws, faults, or struggles. I love every single thing that makes you YOU. This is fact, forever and always.

I know you struggle to read long posts because your phone screen is cracked so bad so im going to wrap it up now and stop going ON and ON. I have spoken our truth to the world enough for now.

So, as i lay down to go to sleep for work tonight, i want you to imagine my head on your chest, one leg thrown over yours as we cuddle as though we were immaculately cut puzzle pieces. I want you to listen to the voice recording im about to send you, and try to feel me there with you, laying beside you, whispering the words i say in the recording,

"I Love You Jeff.

You will hear from me again the moment i wake up tonight.

Sleep peacefully, with only comforting, soft dreams, and feel my love for you surrounding you always.

Goodnight my Love."