beryroll

[beryroll]

mental health day poem

for my Psychology programme.

From the grass, to the door, to your room Slow footsteps follow a darkened mood   It seems the storm cloud takes precedence   Over mismatched socks, a disturbing look and a messy desk  

The plague has reached your soul, heart, and now your mind   Lonely outcast, there’s no one else of your kind   A burbling hot pot of dark cuisines you are   Keep this way, and you won’t go far  

So you have always thought   But believe, now, there is more to this particular broth   For not all that comes out of your mouth is vomit   And that another ear hearing you talk could always profit  

Let your words be the crack where light slips in   A bridge to healing, not a place to begin   For the weight you carry was never meant to be   Shouldered alone, in silence, endlessly  

From the room, to the door, to the grass   Believe that there is another sky   Where wounds may fade And heavy thoughts pass

[beryroll]

dealing with fights

I had the idea to write this particular blog post after something that happened back home quite a while ago (nothing too serious).

It taught me the way most fights should evolve, should one have the right mindset for it, and the desire to not just blurt things out to hurt the other person involved in the argument.

Fights should be clean, and informative to show to the other person what exactly hurt you. Why are you fighting for something, and what. is the problem?

The main key to solving a fight the clean and good way, is communication. Communication is the key and goal to a fight. Why else would you even start a fight?

Thinking about a fight in the way academic debates are conducted is a good idea of going about it. Always respect the speaker and listen to them fully, and note down any counter-points you may have. After they’re done speaking, you should raise your own points, and speak respectfully towards each other.

I understand that to accomplish all of this, one needs immense patience and emotion control. It’s something we’ll all learn over time, but I’ve found that this is the most mature way to deal with a fight while getting your points across.

To conduct fights in such a manner may just be able to erase the one part of us that hates fighting, or feels uncomfortable even talking about a fight.

Like all parents, even my parents grew through a phase in their younger years where they were so disrespectful and explosive when they fought. It really takes time. But growing through all that, they finally label their fights as disagreements, something that can be sorted out easily.

If we inculcate this sort of mindset in ourselves from the early years, maybe we can build a future where fights aren’t feared. Where fights aren’t scary. Where fights are communication.

After all, the goal of a fight isn’t to make the other feel bad, just tell them why they made you feel bad, right?

[beryroll]

being feminine-positive + the journey 💌

Remember the COVID-19 lockdown? We were all stuck for ~2 years and everyone knows about the situations all of us went through – from loneliness to paranoia to depression to witnessing family deaths. I am glad and lucky that none of my experiences were THAT severe, but I was stuck at home during the 7th grade, which was the beginning of my defining puberty year.

During this time, I was exploring what I liked and why I didn’t recognise a lot of my emotions being felt, and a lot of other confusion that just started to take its place rent-free in my brain over the years (to the current date).

In the 7th grade, I was mostly transitioning from an adorable, cutesy, naive persona to something a bit more mean, teenager-y, realistic, etc. Basically, I was changing.

In this year, I was going through many major problems – one of which was how feminine I wanted to be. I was a typical ‘pick-me girl’.

I went through a lot of stuff, and even made some rash decisions (my haircuts were most of them) and I had a phase where I started calling myself genderfluid – and even to an extent, trans.

Please remember that I am an LGBTQ ally (part too), and I’m supportive of all identities and sexualities. I do not mean offense in any way, and this post is purely to describe my journey with identifying myself.

I had a lot of pixie haircuts, a lot of hate towards feminine products and items in general. I used to really hate the ‘pink agenda’ and really just in general hate everything that was exposed to any sort of feminism – from texting mannerisms to general stereotypes.

Over the years, I realised what a hateful bigot I was being (in that sense), and how I was in denial of a lot of things I genuinely identified with from the bottom of my heart.

A lot of love to all of the young teenagers out there struggling with their defining journey. I wish you all the best of luck, and honestly, hope that you’ll know what’s what in the end, and this confusion will pass.

[beryroll]

the nighttime experience 🌙

This is the… third blog post I’m writing today, and it’s mainly about when I’m writing it. It’s two hours to midnight, and I’m staying up late to have some fun with the last days of my vacation.

When I was younger, I would associate “night” with the concept of darkness, fear, and ghosts. Ghosts still terrify me to this day*.

Now, I still do associate the night with darknes, fear, and ghosts, but as I grow older, I realise that there’s more to it. There’s a beauty to it, that maybe only becomes more and more noticeable by the year, by the realisation that I’ve never actually seen a supernatural horror in my life.

The only reason why I still am scared by the sights of the superphenomena is that they always only occur when it’s least expected. When everything’s safe, but it isn’t. I actually took a 5-minute break while writing this because I started getting scared of my own imagination. I’ve literally put on lofi music to calm me down, please send help!

But honestly, the nighttime brings along a sense of beauty as well. As I’ve seen on night trips, or even just gazing out the window at well past midnight, everything’s so beautifully calm. When the world is asleep, and you’re awake and observing. When everything is calm and silent, and you’re contemplating, shaping and forming thoughts to manifest into your vision’s reality.

Looking at the sky, to me, is even more calming. Knowing that the sun has set, the day is technically over but you aren’t yet… it’s just another realm in its own. To have the time to ponder over your own thoughts, to look out in the world and know that you’re not supposed to be at this meeting or studying that or eating or watching T.V., to know that time has stopped. This time is yours, and you don’t have to do anything.

Just sit and watch as the world has fallen asleep.

*Once, while watching Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., there once came an episode (I think in the 6th season or 7th) when FitzSimmons were trapped in their minds because of the Chronicoms, and were seeing their worst fears manifest to life. Jemma’s pent-up problems became a disgusting ghost in the music box, and watching it rise up gave me the biggest scare I’d seen in a while.

[beryroll]

the controversy with android and iOS

yes, I’m really going to express an opinion here 💀

DISCLAIMER: I don’t mean to offend, or insult anyone preferring Android or iOS. I am simply expressing my personal opinion on this matter, and use this as a caution in case you do not like what you see. Thank you for reading.

So, we’re finally talking about the biggest debate. Is Android better or iOS?

I hate to be another bummer just like the other reviewers, but it really does depend on the person.

Android has the best features, functionality and customisation. It has a lot of design options (thus appealing to me) and is quite popular too, mostly amongst geeks as well.

To most of the public, iPhone is the one. This is almost always because of its popularity and the symbol it represents.

“You have an iPhone? You’re rich. You’re part of a niche crowd.”

That sort of thing. I hate that motive the most because that means they don’t care about the little details and UI stuff that Apple looks out for. The little emojis. The little functionalities within each app. The little UI things it watches out for in its own apps.

In my opinion, I’d like a hybrid of iOS and Android — iOS bringing its design qualities, and Android bringing its customisation and functionality.

Not all Android buyers are always functionality-focused or geeks, and not all iOS buyers are paying for the status symbol. Sometimes iOS buyers might be looking for the minimalism the product brings, and Android users might be buying it for the variety of apps it offers.

There are plenty of motives and reasons why people buy which product which isn’t always expressed in the demographic, or the graphs, or the surveys.

Honestly, I was the worst indecisive tech geek you would’ve ever seen (still am). Before I got a new phone, I had two, working hand-me-downs: my dad’s Oneplus 3T and my mom’s iPhone SE (1st gen). These were like 2015 vintage antiques, to the bustling, big-phone-loving 2019-2023. I still survived, though.

I would switch between them so fast, it would span within three months to a day (yes). I took my time studying, deciding, and operating an Android and iOS device to reach the conclusion I boast today.

I now have a Samsung, and it’s the best. The temptation of an iPhone has haunted me to this day to (because of its minimalism and UI), so much so that I dug out my old hand-me-down iPhone, just to feel it working again.

Android phones and iOS phones still do have a long way to go, many improvements to inculcate, and a lot to start (especially iOS when we talk about system functionalities*), even if you might think this is the furthest we could go.

*With the addition of a customisable lock screen, iOS fans were on top of the world, with thousands and thousands of reviews popping up each second immediately after its release. Android was the clear winner from the start, just like Android fans said, because (as usual) Android already allowed users to customise their lock screens long before Apple did.

So yeah, today I pick Android.

Who knows what each company may unveil in the future?