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Because I Am Loved

I still overthink every now and then. For every new person I meet, I think to myself; Will this person like me? Will they judge me? Like all other friends I used to have, will they misunderstand my actions and words or lack thereof? 

These are the reasons why just the thought of meeting new people frightens me. However, I have learned over the years to tell myself “who cares”. I always think back to a successful lady who talked about failure. You can never go forward in life when you don’t take that chance to get rejected or to fail. Embarrassment will only last for a while, I think that’s a fair in order to grow. 

I used to be so shy. I would create my own scenarios of how meeting someone would turn out. I would run through my head all the possibilities which make me freeze. The thought of meeting someone new was not something I liked to anticipate. 

However, I’m pretty lucky. I would end up with momentary courage and speak to someone because I learned how to actually socialize. Volunteering was super helpful in that aspect. However, it's rare to keep them. 

I’ve been misunderstood and lost friends. I’ve learned to let them go but maybe I could’ve resolved it and stayed friends? The first one was a girl whose name I have forgotten in grade 5. Let us call her Kim ( i think that’s the closest I can get to her name) I think our first meeting was okay, I greeted her with glee and she shyly replied with a simple smile. Along the way, I think she might have thought I glared at her or she may have assumed I was gossiping about her but neither were true. I harboured no malice towards her nor did I really considered her as a friend. She was just a friend of a friend, a schoolmate. It didn’t really matter to me what she thought of me but the tension bothered me and the negativity that was directed at me made me feel bad. That was when I knew how misunderstood I can be. She apologized via Facebook the end of the year I was leaving. 

I had an upper year friend. She was in grade 6 I was a year younger. We would fight sometimes and then make up maybe in a few hours, a few days or a few weeks. It was difficult being friends with her because of how different culturally we were. She was funny an caring which was really her shining points. She was a good friend. No matter how much I know I was still in the right. I screwed up and this falling out taught me how important it is to keep someone’s secrets. I can’t get into detail but she confronted me on Facebook about a secret I almost told my other friends that know her. I didn’t tell them. But yet, I did. In a way, I told them without being specific, they knew what I was hinting. I did tell them. She was angry on chat. “I trusted you,” she said. We never talked again until the next summer maybe. She acts as if she has forgiven me but does she? Every summer she would say we should hang out but we never do. It happened a few years ago. We have grown into different people. Maybe in the future, we will cross paths again. However, our visits have ended, I’m driving on a different highway and she walks her own path as well. Maybe the bridges have burned with the occasional greetings from other sides of the river. It was a beautiful friendship even if there were spots of grey. 

Let’s move to Marzie. She was a friend of my friend and still is. Sometimes, I envy post of them together because they seem so much closer than I am with Nicole. However, I know to brush it off my mind. Why is that? Anyways, I’ve only recently made friends with Marzi around the time I joined the Environmental Club in Grade 11 I think by the insistence of Anna. We found common ground. We both enjoyed Doctor Who and she influenced me to care more about the environment. Maybe I gossiped about her, maybe I was misunderstood again or maybe I just belonged to the batch of people she felt was of no use to her anymore. I would feel much better if it were the last. It still bothers me sometimes but its the least of my worries. I just wanted to write it down because I could never talk about this to anyone.  

I used to overthink. I used to be so affected by these things. But, I’ve brushed it off. I can learn to be independent of temporary friends. Why? Because I know I am loved. I have two best friends from elementary who understand me. A friend from high school who takes the time to check up on me and enjoys my company. I know I can’t be their priority but at least I am a priority. I am cared for by my true people. I will meet new people and they may impact my life the way that my current friends have and that’s exciting. If I don’t get a response, I used to think they didn’t like me. I’ve learned to be patient. Now, I could wait for as long as possible. I will understand if they don’t like me anymore but I still need a reason. That shits just annoying if I don’t get a reason. It’s not like they ignore out of malice but it can also mean they’re busy. It’s selfish to think that they should respond quickly. I am not the only person in their lives and that’s okay. As long as I matter. I matter.

Because I am loved, I can wait. 

P.S This is a quote of friendship but not really related to what I’ve written.

   “You are just a collage of your favourite parts of other people” - Dodie Clark

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i know that waking up in the morning can be such a chore ;; it’s always so tempting to sleep til noon and constantly press “snooze.” however, mornings are a nice and quiet bit of the day to enjoy!! here are a few tips to maximize your mornings.

benefits:

there’s so much more time to be productive

if you finish up your work in the morning, you can relax in the evening

early mornings are really peaceful and calm

you can catch a glimpse of the sunrise

you feel happier and healthier

go to sleep earlier

getting adequate sleep will help you wake up early for the next day! i know, it seems like a better idea to stay up really late to finish that one last assignment. but!! i’d recommend that you sleep earlier and wake up earlier to finish it in the morning. you’ll feel less tired and stressed!

wake up earlier than you normally do

idk about you, but if i wake up after 8 or 9 am, i just feel so so sluggish and feel like i lost some precious hours of the morning. i personally like waking up around 6 to 6:30, but other people like waking up around 7.

open up your blinds / curtains

let all the natural light fill your room!! it makes your room brighter and i swear, almost everything looks prettier with natural light. also, natural light is fantastic for taking those studyspo pictures :-))))

drink a glass of water

your body hasn’t had any water for the past 8 or so hours that you’ve been asleep!! drinking a large glass of water after you wake up will fire up your metabolism, rehydrate your brain, help your body flush out toxins, and help you feel refreshed as well.

wash your face with cold water

idk about you but i literally feel half-asleep on my feet when i wake up and i just want to crawl back into my bed and never see the morning light again. washing my face with cold water really wakes me up and makes me feel super refreshed and ready to tackle the day! i also like to brush my teeth too bc morning breath is gross ;;

eat breakfast

eating a healthy breakfast gives you energy to use for the day, improves your memory and mood, improves concentration and productivity, and is good for your overall health bc it reduces risk of type 2 diabetes + obesity (reduces chances of excessive, unhealthy snacking).

lately, i’ve been eating a small bowl of oatmeal with honey, peanut butter, and a little bit of fruit on the side. it’s so so good omg :’) i also make myself a cup of tea to give me a little “kick” in the morning.

turn on some music

idk why but turning on some nice music in the morning instantly sets a nice sort of atmosphere? i like playing studio ghibli music bc it’s calming and happy!

plan out your day

figure out what you’re going to do with all of the time that you have now! i like jotting down my tasks in my bullet journal, but you can just write up a to-do list, use an app, a planner, or your own bullet journal.

get to work!

take advantage of the time you have now to get started on your assignments + projects + studying!

you can also check out my morning routine video to see how i usually spend my mornings!

hope this helped and good luck! if you’d like to request a post, go here and if you’d like to see more helpful posts, go here!! thanks :)

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What to do when you really don’t want to study.

I think we’ve all been there - the class is important and you know you need to study but when you sit down you end up feeling grOSS AND YOU don’t want to. So here are some tips to overcoming that:

 Take a deep breath and reevaluate why you need to study. Try to stay positive.

When I’m not motivated I keep saying things like “what if I just don’t do it?” And then - surprise! - I end up not studying and suffer/regret it later. When coming up with reasons to study, try to keep it positive. Don’t say things like “if I don’t study I’ll fail the class.” Instead, say things like “if I study, I have a better chance at doing well on the exam. Future-me will be so proud of current-me.”

If you truly cannot find a single reason to study, set your studying aside for later and do another productive activity or take a long break.

Drill it into your mind that you really don’t need motivation to do well.

Even if you find the reason to study, that doesn’t necessarily mean you are very motivated. Sometimes we feel like no motivation = unable to study. This isn’t true.

Make a deal with yourself. Try studying for ten minutes. And actually try to study. If by the end of ten minutes you feel like you can continue studying, great! Keep going! If not, then you can take a break and do something else.

Choose a study scheduling method that works for you.

Some people feel great studying for hours on end once they get in "the zone.” Others feel the need to take quick breaks every half hour. Studying and scheduling methods are different for everybody! Play around with scheduling to find out what works for you.

In high-stress times, work (studying, assignments, etc.) can feel pretty overwhelming. To organize all the stuff you have to do, write it down! This takes some of the stress of remembering tasks off from your brain, so that your brain can focus on the more crucial things.

If you’re making a to-do list, keep the general list short. This way, you won’t feel overwhelmed by too many tasks. (You can keep sub-lists on separate paper/sticky notes to break down each task.)

If you’re making a time-table, keep your schedule loose. Give yourself buffer time to complete each task, just in case you overestimated your efficiency.

It’s totally okay to overestimate efficiency! - ifyou do, you learn more about yourself and how you study best.

Small (pomodoro) breaks

Pomodoro technique in a nutshell: 25 minute blocks of working with 5 minute breaks in between. Feel free to change the length of the blocks according to your preferences! During your breaks, you can

Get more water

Get snacks

Make tea/coffee

Stretch

Do a tiny bit of yoga

Walk around the room/building

Stretch

Five-minute meditation

Head massage

Try to avoid looking at a screen. When you look at a screen, you stimulate your brain and it won’t get its rest. Also, the internet might suck you in and your break could last longer than intended. (cough tumblr)

Long breaks

Sometimes I really really really really reALLY don’t want to study. Or do anything. And I feel kind of gross and am on the verge of a mental breakdown. If you feel this way, stop.

Take a hella deep breath. And another one. One more. Aaaaand one more just for good measure.

Get away from your desk. I associate desk with studying, so getting away from it helps me relax. Lie down on a bed, or move to a different room if you can. If you can get near a window, try looking into the distance to relax your brain and eyes.

Breathe for a couple of minutes, then evaluate how you feel. Again, try to stay positive. Instead of “I feel shitty and I don’t want to do anything,” try “I feel tired right now and resting can help me feel better.”

Based on this evaluation, estimate the amount of time you need to rest. If you have a lot of studying to do, try to keep it under an hour. Set a timer for the amount of time you have decided on. (remember to include buffer time!) Getting back to work on time can make you feel more productive, which conduct better productivity!

During a long break, do an activity that makes you feel good and takes your mind off studying. You can

Take a long walk. If you live near a park or a trail, try strolling around in it.

Eat healthy food. Junky comfort food can make you feel groggy, especially foods that are fried. Instead, try eating some fruits or nuts.

Take a shower/bath

Talk with a friend

Make some art

Enjoy a long coffee break. (avoid caffeine if you feel anxious/panicky, though)

Play with a pet

Take a power nap

Longer meditation/yoga

Again, try to avoid looking at screens. Also, avoid thinking about studying. Let yourself have the luxury of NOT THINKING ABOUT STUDYING for a while, so you can return to it with a fresh mind.

Mental health days

Sometimes everything is just too much and you might feel the need to stop everything for a day. If so, take a mental health day!

Think of mental health days as physical health days. If your body isn’t feeling well, you are allowed to stay in bed and sleep/not do anything for a day. Similarly, if your mind isn’t feeling well, you are also allowed to stay in bed and sleep/not do anything for a day.

Let your parents and teachers know that you don’t feel well and can’t go to school. From my experience, most teachers are pretty understanding and will let you have the day off. (You might have some work to make up later, though.)

Do not study on mental health days. Don’t even think about studying on mental health days. Instead, just focus on getting better. You can

Sleep in

Clean your room

Take a super long bath, complete with bath bombs and candles

Watch a good movie

Read a good book

Sing your favorite songs really loudly

Literally anything that (IS HEALTHY and) makes you feel good about yourself.

Study groups can keep you going, even when you kind of don’t want to

Setting up a time (like a date!) can keep you on track

Study with someone you trust to keep you accountable. Don’t study with someone you know you’re going to gossip or watch cat videos with.

If you really feel the need to cancel a study date, it’s ok! Just like canceling any kind of date, it’s 100% okay to back out if you feel uncomfortable.

Stay safe, stay healthy, and happy studying!

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How-To: Secret to Standout Eyes— by Bobbi Brown (Maria Borges)

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♡ Follow me for your daily dose of photography ♡

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what a piece of work is a man ! | a mix for the melancholy heir to denmark

( listen. )

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The Protagonist in the Background

I make stories in my head; the dreams of my future best friend and boyfriend. These stories however, include you in the background. You show a sort of curiosity and interest in the, what is now a mysterious to you-me. In my head, I make you out as a simple friend, not showing any signs of love interest towards me. However, you might be but I never explicitly told myself that you do, until right now as I write this. This is a major problem, for it has been 6 years since I properly left. 3 years since I officially gave up, officially stopped dreaming directly about the relationship we could've had. 3 years since I stopped wondering, asking what ifs and saying we could've. But then a new story in my head arises, that indirectly involve you. The question is, are you actually the reason for the story, that I want you back in my life as my love? Or is it just a passing, ridiculous thought/desire to be somewhat friends? Are you actually the Protagonist in the background? The never-ending dream of the 6th grader Angela G.

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It hurts. It hurts a lot. But I’ll keep it to myself so it doesn’t hurt anyone else.

(via nevahmind)

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The boy who takes your virginity is only going to love you long enough for you to stay in his bed. Your first job is never the best job. But you’ll meet some of your best friends there. Sometimes things don’t go the way you expect them to at all. People are usually never who they say they are. If you love someone, you need to tell them. Nobody is good at the guessing game. If your best friends don’t like the boy you’re involving yourself with, chances are he’s bad news. If a boy starts an invitation with, “Are you home alone”/”I’ll be home alone”, say no. You are a human being, not a toy to be played with. If some boy invites you to “the backseat of his truck”, he’s a piece of shit. Tell him to fuck himself. “Sorry” doesn’t always fix what you messed up. Stop wasting time wishing you could take back what you already did. You are at fault sometimes. There’s going to be a boy that you let get away. Yes, you loved him. It’s for the best, though. Toxic people hardly ever start off toxic. It’s always nice to make new friends, but never forget who your real friends are. Never lose the friends that would answer their phone at 3am if you called Never lose sight of who you are because of a boy.

16 Things I Learned While Being 16 (via dizzyhemmings)

You are the most intuitive sixteen year old to ever live every single one of these is spot on

(via sarahhlouiseee)

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Society over the years has ingrained or indoctrinated certain characteristics/values/behaviours that girls are expected to have. Arguably, these expectations have decreased. However, it still affects many girls and women across the world. These expectations may have been indoctrinated from the moment girls are born and they xcontinue to be affected by people close to them and the people they look up to, people who are of authoritative level. This indoctrination is often unnoticed by the young and it continues over a period of time so it is engrained/cemented in their minds.

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S U M M E R   M O O D  | Twelve upbeating tracks to rock your summer. [listen] [download] [alternative download]

I. heart out - The 1975 | II. patience get us nowhere fast - Capitol Cities | III. believer - American Authors | IV. changing of the seasons - Two Door Cinema Club | V. world on fire - The Royal Concept | VI. a sky full of stars - Coldplay | VII. be the one - Jack Penate | VIII. classic - MKTO  | IX. fire without a flame - NONONO | X. hey you beautiful - Olly Murs | XI. duet in b minor - Pacific Air  | XII. love - American Authors