betterklondike

[betterklondike]

What if we return to the ruins of Skyhold in Dragon Age: The Veilguard and the DAI main theme plays in minor key, what then?

[betterklondike]

this sucks so bad i need to [remembers suicide jokes only worsen my mental health] put on the best talent show this towns ever seen

[betterklondike]

Listen i am french and i did NOT expect our ceremony to showcase a polyamory relationship, assassin's creed, a Schtroumpf and the minions all at once but i am glad we fucking did

[betterklondike]

i can tell i’m sleep deprived bc i just made myself cry about tutankhamun and i have, like, negative interest in the kid

[betterklondike]

Meme idea

Photoshop the goose from untitled goose game into the background of a photo of a place where something bad happens, but it’s a photo of before the bad thing happening, so it’s implied that the goose caused it

[betterklondike]

[betterklondike]

some of you have never been chased by a merciless farm animal as a child and it shows :/

[betterklondike]

has anyone seen that paddington has a twitter because that shit makes my day

[betterklondike]

you ever just think back to the force awakens……. it was so good…… it was so Fun…….. there was so much Potential……………..

[betterklondike]

hozier singing about bones, dead bodies, preys, predators, decomposing, satanic sacrifice, oral sex:

me and the girls:

[betterklondike]

History Bites: Greatest One-Liners

In History Bites, I pick the best moments of history and the antics historical figures in order to give you inspiration for your WIP. Think of History Bites like prompts, only juicer and 90% accurate (results may vary).

Today, we celebrate the humble one-liner, a biting or resounding quote that echoes across the centuries. Here are some of history's best.

When the Spartan army met the Persian forces at Thermopylae, the Persian king demanded that they hand over their weapons. The Spartans presented arms and sneered, "Molon labe" which loosely translates as "come and take them".

When the Spanish Monarchs, Ferdinand and Isabella, took the last Moorish stronghold at Granada. They allowed the Emir to leave with his family and leave the vast Alhambra palace to them. The Emir, Boabdil wept as he led his people into exile. His mother Aisha bint Muhammad ibn al-Ahmar/ Aixa al-Hurra turned to her son and said "Do not cry as a woman for what you could not defend as a man.”

Alexander the Great was already famous when he met the philosopher Diogenes. Diogenes was an oddball or an extreme introvert, a little strange. Alexander asked the philosopher if there was anything he could do for him. Diogenes is reported to have said, "Yes, you can stand out of my sunlight."

As if that were not the sickest line, Alexander went on, telling the old man that if he were not Alexander he wished he could be Diogenes. Diogenes just grunted, "If I were not Diogenes, I would still wish to be Diogenes."

Another one for Sparta. When a Spartan King was asked to comment on the newly built walls of a neighbouring city state, he famously replied "They are fine quarters. For Women." The Spartans did not have walls and when asked where the borders of the kingdom stopped, another king thrust out his spear. "Wherever this can reach."

When Philip II of Macedonia sought to conquer the city state of Sparta, he listed all the ways he would fuck up their shit if he ever chose to invade Sparta. The Spartans sent back one word. "If." The Macedonians left them alone.

Caterina Sforza was one of Italy's most bad ass women. She had ridden at the head of armies, defended fortresses and fought against the Pope. Her death was relatively peaceful. When asked to tell a monk the story of her life, she refused "If I were to confess it all, I would shock the world."

Kaiser Wilhelm chose the wrong country to bully in WWI. He wrote to Switzerland, who had a small army (but every citizen was a trained rifleman) of about 250,000 what they would do if he invaded with 500,000 soldiers. The Swiss just said "Shoot twice and go home."

Irish troops were sent to the Congo on a UN Peacekeeping in the 60s. An army four thousand strong, armed with a field gun and a helicopter came against the 150 strong force at their post at Jadotville. The soldiers held them off for five days with nothing more than some WWI-era machine guns. They took down the helicopter and a good chunk of the enemy. The siege quickly depleted food and bullets. On one of the last despatches sent to their base, they said "We will hold out until our last bullet is spent. Could do with some whiskey."

The first Emperor of Rome, Augustus was one of history's best rulers. He left Rome a shining city, the empire expanded and the enemies of Rome quaking. As he lay dying, he smiled at said "Have I played my part well? Then applaud as I exit."

Josip Broz Tito was the target of many assassins sent by Joseph Stalin. Sick of dodging bullets, he sent a message to Stalin. "Stop sending people to kill me. We've captured all your assassins. If you don't stop sending assassins, I will send one to Moscow. And I won't have to send another."

Teddy Roosevelt was making a speech when he was shot in the chest. The bullet had been stopped from killing him by his glasses case. Though injured, he continued his speech beginning with the lines “Ladies and gentlemen, I don’t know whether you fully understand that I have just been shot, but it takes more than that to kill a Bull Moose.”

On watching its first field test in a field in Mexico, Oppenheimer wrote down his thoughts on his new invention “Now I am become Death, the destroyer of worlds.”

Countess Constance Markievicz believed that the fight for Irish freedom was not just a male one. Her advice to women and girls of the time was "Dress suitably in short skirts and strong boots, leave your jewels in the bank, and buy a revolver."

Caroline of Ansbach was Queen Consort of England. She and her husband had a relatively happy marriage. Her husband was heartbroken at her failing health but she asked him to remarry. He denied her request saying he would never remarry but only have mistresses. Caroline tutted at him and said "My god, that doesn't matter."

When Marie Antoinette was dragged on the scaffold to be beheaded, she accidentally stood on the foot of her executioner. She turned around and said, "Sorry, I didn't mean it." Perhaps it was just an accident but I like to think she meant it as a last fuck you.

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Toni Morrison: The Pieces I Am (2019)