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Um actually scrub daddy is my comfort character and it physically and psychically hurts me to see you chop him up and eat him after freezing and cracking him up with liquid nitrogen while naked with big boobs?

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forgive me father for i have not locked in

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🐹: Although I didn't say much and all I did was eat, I at least came to report that I'm alive. 🫡❤️

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Was talking to a coworker today who explained that her grandfather was like Snow White “but Californian. And an old man.” in that the creatures of the forest would follow him around and presumably duet with him.

“When he died the ravens sat in the trees outside for a week, watching. Taking turns. A horde of raccoons tried to break into the house every night, tearing at the siding. Eventually they gave up, but it was unsettling.”

“Aww. They were checking on him!” I said, like a normal person. Internally, I thought “Maybe you could do the thing you do with dead pets, where you show them to the living pets so the living pet understands they’re gone. But I guess if you did that to a bunch of scavenging species, they’d be like “Well, that’s very sad but he IS food now.” So what you’d need, for human sensibilities, is some sort of transparent corpse barrier. Like a see-through coffin oh that’s what the dwarves were doing! You’ve stopped paying attention to this conversation about the loss of a beloved family member you gotta phase back in.”

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god i never told you guys but a couple weeks ago at work i heard a guy say, and i closely paraphrase, "So I was out with my partner--republicans hate it when i say that. My heterosexual partner Jessica--" and i was straight up crying before he finished his sentence. fully diegetic convergent linguistic evolution live in the workplace

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This is killing me rn 😭😭😭

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I love the new season of Phineas and Ferb ❤️

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(receptionist voice) the mummy hand will chase you now

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”fuck threesomes” well what else would you do during them

FUCK THREESOMES i think they propagate bad vibrational patterns and it lies at the odd intersection of orgy and couple where nothing good EVER happens 🙅‍♂️

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using the traffic light system during a kink scene but shaking my head the entire time so the audience knows i dont support car-dependant infrastructure and its influence on the common vocabulary