beyondthetemples

[beyondthetemples]

{{ I HAVE MY LAPTOP BACK

It's working! It's booting up! The new keyboard DID fix the keys-held-down issues! And at first it was agonizingly slow, but after a couple of clean shutdowns and boot-ups, it's working faster now.

So with any luck, we'll be returning to our regularly-scheduled... occasional writing. {lD;; But there WILL be writing!

I'm still learning to drive in earnest and Mother's Day is going to mean Plans of some sort, but with the abusive roommate out of the picture (finally!), I can actually start catching up on sleep I've been losing for the past 18 months.

I'm still saving up for a new computer and once this guy finally kicks the entire bucket, I'll be climbing the Linux learning curve. I am NOT using Windows 11. But I'm getting an external hard drive to back up All the Things, and an ergonomic keyboard to make typing less painful with the finger tendonitis.

tl;dr WE'RE SO BACK

I'm pretty sure the repair place opened a few of my personal files. I realized I'd just handed a laptop that contains sensitive documents such as tax information and health records, with its user password, to a computer place, and didn't think to password-protect or encrypt those until I'd already left it there. So out of an abundance of caution, I ran a "dateaccessed:" search and found out that the day I gave it to them, they opened my... employment resumes? (Wh...???) And one of my ultra-personal super-secret I'm-embarrassed-I-write-those story files that I don't want anyone to read except maybe a few very specific, very-clearly-warned people.

To be fair, the story file has a "coded" file name that makes it look like a jumble of letters and an underscore, which might have looked like a virus file to them.

But I hope they didn't read it. <:S It's not even one of the GOOD vent stories... (The original story was from when I was like THIRTEEN.)

But ah well. At least they didn't open anything with my SSN or MRNs or anything... I can live with them potentially having read my self-touting to employers and One Embarrassing Story.

The main thing is I GOT MY COMPUTER BACK and IT'S WORKING and I DIDN'T HAVE TO BUY A NEW ONE!

[beyondthetemples]

{{ Reblogging from my personal re: computer problems. I printed out the rps and drafts so I can still do some writing while it's down, and I do have access to the library (although it's at weirdly limited hours on the weekend?). But typing on my phone hurts my hands a lot nowadays. So depending how this pans out, it might be awhile before I have a working computer again.

These library computers are not conducive to proper typing posture, and my finger tendonitis is bad today, so I have to make to make this quick.

The computer problems escalated VERY quickly, to the point where I mostly can't get it to boot past the brand logo splash screen now, and if it does, it acts like the "/" key is being held down, thus preventing me from entering my user password to log in and, you know, actually USE the computer.

The held-down key might be as easy as getting a new onboard keyboard. (Probably something I should've done three years ago instead of installing KeyTweak, but tl;dr I don't know how to do that on a laptop.)

The not-booting-at-all thing, though... Well, let's just say I'm emotionally prepared to make this a data recovery situation. I can afford a new laptop if I make it cheap... It would just have to come out of savings. /:P

Either way, I'm definitely getting an external hard drive this time. I managed to back up the most vital files before it stopped booting entirely (stories, mostly), but if it can't be recovered for any reason, I'll have lost a LOT of data.

I do have an appointment at a repair place Saturday morning, so I'm going to bring it in. We'll see what happens, and I'll keep everyone updated.

Pray for my 9-year-old Windows 10 Lenovo G50. I'm not sure if those things are built to last, but I'd prefer to not have to replace it yet!

[beyondthetemples]

[beyondthetemples]

I wish everything was quieter and softer and less often. 

[beyondthetemples]

The light

[beyondthetemples]

Dove was so absorbed in the story, how absorbed he was in the story, that it took a moment to sink in. Her brow furrowed briefly; at first she wasn't sure what he meant.

And then he said he saw her body on the ground below.

Her eyes widened and mouth opened-- it connected. She'd jumped. She'd died. Allowing one's death... well, she'd grown up with that expectation. She very nearly lived up to it. But initiating it...

No wonder he felt so much guilt for not being able to save her.

"I can only imagine... Seeing that... Being there..." But as horrible as the scene sounded, as torn up as he must have been, she couldn't see him as a monster. Nor a failure. "You tried to save her. That's... more than most people would do."

Dove swallowed.

“I know what you mean. When I was– When I– When people died because I couldn’t stop it… I wasn’t in my right mind, either. Because I was afraid, and I–” Her breath caught; she could feel it wavering in her throat, and exhaled slowly, steadying herself against his all-consuming emotions and her worst memories and the desperate pain she felt to see him like this. It wouldn’t do him any good if she broke down, too.

“I was making mistakes. Serious mistakes. Things I knew I shouldn’t be doing, things I should have done and didn’t. I was… ”

Stupid, afraid, intimidated, weak, pathetic–

She blinked, startled at how easy it was to feel those thoughts creeping back to haunt her. But then she took in a deep breath, and exhaled again, slowly, and dropped her gaze to stare, unseeing, at where their hands clasped. “I thought I could handle it alone. I-I thought I HAD to handle it alone.”

She squeezed his hand, and stood to retrieve a tissue to offer him.

“Someone once told me… you can’t define yourself by your mistakes.” She sat back down, watching him with a smile strained by sadness. “And someone else once told me you can’t stay stuck in the past, or you miss out on the present.”

That someone else was sitting right in front of her.

[beyondthetemples]

It sounded too familiar. She tried not to get lost in the images; she hadn't seen what he witnessed, but her memory supplied what her own demon had done, the blood and sadism and screams, and she had to swallow against a rise of sick unease and fight to focus on him. But her lips were drawn tight, and for a moment she only nodded.

Dulling the embers of the anger left her... hurting. Not in any physical pain, not in any way except that the energies burned, riled by her emotion but locked under her skin where she forbid it any release until her arms itched and tingled like they'd been stung by her suppression.

But it was worse, so much worse, to know he'd been forced to endure such horrors. Witnessing crimes committed using your own body, your own power... Under the disgust, with the anger doused, even with his reassurance that he was grateful for her, she was hurting for him.

Then she closed her eyes, and let out a shaky breath. Dove would have sworn she could feel her own scars aching in sympathy. And finally, she found her voice. "I do understand. Maybe... more than I know how to explain... Mine are no better. Not really... So..." Her voice softened there, and she shook her head. "No, I-- I don't blame you."

It was a wise move on his part; she could feel the precautionary block go up in his mind like a sudden barricade against her senses. She wasn’t about to try breaking past it. But she also couldn’t simply let something like that go!

“How?” He was right: It made her angry, and Dove didn’t like it. But she wasn’t used to handling anger, and didn’t know what to do with it other than try to tuck it away. But…

“How can I not be angry? They hurt you. And… You’re my friend, Caleb.”

She glanced away, brow furrowed, and her mouth works mutely, forming attempts as she sought the words… before she settled, stilled, and looked to him, gaze steady, and though it was pained and small, she tried to smile.

“That’s it. You’re my friend. And friends share their burdens. Don’t they?”

[beyondthetemples]

"That's okay." Dove said it reflexively, hoping she hadn't winced. Would it be rude if he came to offer her something he'd made, and she made him feel bad because she was too sensitive to sounds? She didn't know, but he was offering a welcome distraction, and she picked up a slice. "I think no milk is better for me, anyways..."

The other part, though: aqua-what-huh...? But before she could figure out how to ask, she took a tentative bite... and then her eyes lit up, pleasantly surprised. It was soft and fresh and still warm, which even Dove knew was the ideal way to enjoy baked goods. Best of all, he was right: it wasn't too sweet, but it was still plenty flavorful!

"It's really good," she praised, and gladly took another bite.

Banana Bread

(Continued from here.)

Beast Boy bounced on his heels as he held the small plate with a slice of banana bread.

"It is!" he exclaimed a little louder than intended. "Oh, sorry. Heh. Anyway, since I cook vegan, I didn't use real eggs or milk. I used oat milk this time! And I used aquafaba instead of eggs." He held out the plate. "Tell me whatcha think!" @beyondthetemples

[beyondthetemples]

{{ TODAY'S DOVE'S BIRTHDAY!

{{ I finally, finally remembered it on the Actual Day!

yes there are only 2 hours left of the day, but a win's a win.

So here are some birthday-adjacent headcanons to celebrate.

I always say this, but that's become I think it's fascinating to consider! Dove was born in a completely different dimension. I headcanon that time doesn't flow at a 1:1 rate in Azarath, compared to the time on Earth.

When they were first entering Dove's information in the Titans files, they asked what her birthday was, and she genuinely didn't know how the calendar on Earth worked. Or how it translates. So Cyborg did some math and Starfire did some science, and they eventually figured out that when she was born, the day was, roughly, sometime between February 20-22.

They split the difference and assigned her February 21st.

Dove has no reason to keep her birthday a secret. They aren't celebrated every year on Azarath like they are on Earth, and that's the main reason she doesn't talk about it. She has so much else going on in her head at any given time, she doesn't really pay attention to a date that registers as Barely Significant to her.

But once someone finds out and wants to celebrate, she'd allow it! At first the parties would be too much for her. She'd beg, literally actually beg, her friends to keep the gatherings small, though. She can't celebrate if she's overwhelmed.

^ This is why she leaves to hide in her room in that roughly-outlined story I posted about her eighteenth birthday. (I just realized I should clarify this: Time estimates in its opening are rough; I promise Azarath wasn't destroyed on Dove's birthday! I'm not THAT cruel.)

Anyways, I usually rp her at a younger age than that, but I really liked the gift idea.

Even when gifts aren't that exceedingly personalized, Dove keeps every gift anyone's ever given her. She doesn't often form sentimental attachments to material things for her own sake, but if it involves someone she cherishes, every memento is a sacred treasure. After a couple years on Earth, the shelves in her room have equal parts books and trinkets she's been gifted.

As for the other party things, you'd have to fight with her a little because she'd want to decorate for her own party (it's all for HER; why should everyone else do the work?), and she'd want everyone else's favorite flavor of cake and ice cream, and once she finds out they're A Thing, she'd want to make gift bags for everyone who comes just to thank them for being there.

[beyondthetemples]

Lee Krasner // Franz Kafka

[beyondthetemples]

Beast Boy was doing his best to accommodate Dove, reeling back his boisterous nature when he could.

He'd matured over time and there was something different about startling Dove rather than startling Raven.

He actually felt bad when he startled Dove.

As such, he did not bang loudly on her door, but simply gave a light knock.

"Hey, Dove? You remember how you mentioned that you don't like stuff that's too sweet? I think I figured out a treat you'll like. Banana bread! I made a reduced sugar version. It's still sweet though! Wanna try it?"

(titansandothersrp)

Dove looked up at the knock, blinking herself back to Earth. Though she'd have sensed his approach in a more alert state, she was lost in thought, writing in her journal, and thus plenty distracted from her more ambient senses. Thankfully the knock was gentle enough to not startle her.

His voice accompanied her as she set the pen aside, closed the little book, and stretched, and considered his words, right before she opened the door.

He was... Was he offering her food?

"It... does sound nice," she mused, though she also echoed, "Banana bread?" For once the question was more out of curiosity than hesitation. She was thoroughly intrigued; she could smell it, and bananas were tasty, and she did like bread.

[beyondthetemples]

You know how to love someone, but you don't know how to believe that someone loves you, and that is your tragedy.

[beyondthetemples]

{{ Between Valentine's Day and Easter loading all the shop shelves with candy, I started thinking about what kind Dove would like.

But ultimately I don't think she likes candy very much at all.

She prefers her sweet stuff to be mildly sweet and mellow, ideally also refreshing, which is why she likes fruit so much! She gets overwhelmed with strong sweetness to the point where... Well, let's just say eating too much candy is a really bad idea with her emet*phobia. She learned that very quickly.

But she's also not a fan of anything bitter or tart, so sour candies and dark chocolate are off the table.

She's still willing to TRY different kinds! Imagining her face if someone gives her PopRocks without explaining what they do is adorable. She'd be amazed that on Earth, they even make FOOD loud!

She'd enjoy those Easter jelly beans and xmas gum drops that are super soft and not too sticky, but have strong fruit flavors (she'd like the black licorice ones and spiced ones too actually), and also those orange slice gummies that taste like real oranges, and Terry's chocolate oranges (just not the white chocolate variety), but if its main flavor is super sugary, she probably won't enjoy it.

[beyondthetemples]

Dove watched her grab her phone, head tilted just the slightest bit and brow just the slightest bit furrowed with curiosity. She knew her communicator had a navigational function, but did regular phones, too?

"Oh, yes, but, I've only been there once. I... don't really remember." Her glance cast aside as she thought, half-mumbling quietly enough that it was almost lost to the ambient city soundscape, "I think it was... something flying. Flying leaf...? Flyleaf?" Yes, that sounded right! She nodded to herself, relieved she could remember, and looked back to Audrey, voice stronger with certainty. "That was it, something with flyleaf."

"Oh...!" It took Dove a moment to process this development; she debated, wondering if it was appropriate to accept such a generous offer? But her senses still told her of the sincerity in this stranger, including the sincerity in her offer, and Dove's niggling doubts couldn't hold up against that certainty. And so she gave Audrey a nod, and took her hand with a timid clasp. "I... I would appreciate that very much, thank you."

Ah, that's right, when someone introduced themself, she was supposed to answer in kind. "My name's Dove. I'm... trying to find the bookstore, the little one, but..." She scanned the entire length of street her eyes could follow from this angle. She didn't even know what street she was walking on anymore. "I... get lost in the city."

[beyondthetemples]

{{ Probably going to ATTEMPT a return to activity on this blog!

I'm having fun on the Pokemon Discord chats and all; I've been for awhile now. Dialogue is what comes easiest to me in writing, so being in ic chats where all I ever have to write is dialogue is so EASY. It's almost effortless! Especially with my Pokemon character; xe's CHATTY!

But I miss my baby. I miss Dove. I miss Sieara. I've said it so many times now, but I really DO need to include Sieara in more rps!

(And Dove would never, in any in-character capacity, be on a Discord chat. At least not active. She might read one, but she'd get quickly discouraged because by the time she finishes typing out a single three-word response, the conversation already shifts to another topic. She's a hunt-and-peck typist. She barely knows where the "e" is on a keyboard, let alone all the other letters. And she's not exactly the most talkative. She'd barely ever send any messages at all... I can hardly even imagine her texting!)

I keep getting Inklings of ideas for ooold rps. I started going back and tagging them, especially ones that were running simultaneously, with a title or a few words to set That Thread apart from others, for easier reading. Someday I'll even make an index!

...Someday, maybe. Granted, I may be having Motivation Hubris because today is the last of a four-day long streak of Sleeping Well and Not Going to Work. I'm actually... well-rested?! For the first time in MONTHS?!?!?!

But damnit, I want to WRITE!

So if all goes according to plan, you should see some more posts coming out of this blog. I'm praying I can actually stick to it this time!

[beyondthetemples]

22 - GIENAH | Stargazing Design - DOWNLOAD HERE

Hi everyone! Got a little bit inspired by the sorceresses (and obviously by my wife a.k.a Yennefer of Vengerberg) while replaying The Witcher 3, so today I bring you Gienah, a witchcraft themed google docs template. This doc might be perfect for your witchcraft related muse, featuring an abilities section with a lot of room to write. Hope you enjoy it!

✦ How to Use After purchasing, you will receive a link to the live template. Just click on it, select “file” and then “make a copy”. You can and you should edit anything you like, but please: ✦ Don’t remove my credits and the link to my tumblr ✦ Don’t allow others to make a copy of your copy ✦ Don’t share the link that you received for this doc

The pictures are of Anya Chalotra in The Witcher series.

If you have any doubts or need help to edit, feel free to contact me, I’ll be happy to help!

Likes and reblogs are appreciated! 💖 Thank you so much for your support! ✨

[beyondthetemples]

Dove wasn't "born" to be a hero. She wasn't "cut out" for it. She was born of two bloodlines that defy human nature, either towards extreme evil or extreme passivity. Not towards Doing Good.

But do you know what she DID about it?

She learned. She was determined to make a difference. She was desperate to make up for the horrors of DDD, so much so that she was willing to fly in the face of everything she had ever known and become a hero.

She didn't have benevolence or accolades or The Greater Good in mind when she embarked on her first-ever "mission" to do something good for the world.

She just wanted to redeem herself.

And she didn't have any delight or excitement or anything remotely like "ease" when she started training to become a Teen Titan.

But she had heart and she had bravery and they gave her the strength to do it anyways.

I love my timid, quiet, flinching precious Dove so much, guys.

And I just can't wait to start writing the stories where she finally finds her strength, and PUBLISH them!

(Fuck's sake, I write TEEN TITANS fanfiction for a reason! She's a SUPERHERO! Isn't it about time I start finishing the stories about her BEING one?!)