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I laughed at him and let the police officer lead me out of the bar behind the officer that was taking Dante out. Looking back, I tried to see A. “Don’t worry, A!” I yelled to her. “ I’ll call Toby as soon as they give me my call! Just don’t say anything!” I knew I didn’t need to remind her that every single time, but she was like my sister, I needed to protect her.

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“It didn’t stop there,” I said, worrying at my bottom lip with my teeth. “I know she was protecting me, but she couldn’t protect me from him then, and she couldn’t have protected me from what happened after.” I turned my head down, looking at my stomach. A child had once been growing in there, and after what happened, I didn’t think I ever wanted one again.

“I was... Oh, God. I don’t even know how to say this. I found out I was pregnant and I didn’t know what to do. It could have been his, but there was a chance that it wasn’t either.” Looking up at him, I swallowed her. “That guy we saw at the Waldorf? He wasn’t just someone I knew in high school. He and I were together, and it was just as likely to have been his as it couldn’t. I was so conflicted, but when I found out my mother had been killed, it didn’t matter anymore. I lost it.”

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“But I wasn’t. I shouldn’t have let my mother go to jail for me. I should have let them take me. If I had, she’d still be alive.” I shook, sobbing softly. “She wouldn’t have been killed in prison because one of the inmates hated my father, the cop who’d put her away. I should have been the one to go to prison. It was all me. She didn’t deserve any of it!”

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I ran with Dante until we were literally blocked with nowhere to go. I felt bad that this had even happened, and all because he had been there to meet with me. Looking over at him, I mouthed that I was sorry as a cop came over and turned me to cuff me. I was pretty sure the deal was shot now.

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Four against eight wasn’t great odds, and four against two was even worse. We couldn’t just stand there, and A wasn’t intending to. About to kick one of their asses, one of them grabbed me from behind and I did the only thing I could think. Miss Congeniality: SING! I elbowed him in the gut, stompped on his foot, backhanded his nose and then when he was doubled over and eyes watering, I turned and kneed him in the groin. “Next?”

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His arms weren’t whose I wanted, but he didn’t want me anymore. Tony did, and I did love him. He deserved so much better than me and I needed to give him that. I needed to forget about Dante, but I couldn’t do that until I told Tony everything. Steeling myself, I pulled back only to look at him. Forcing myself to stop bawling, I nodded my head. “I need to tell you everything. You deserve to know. You’re so good to me and I love you so much, I just don’t want you to hate me or think I’m dirty.” 

I closed my eyes, fighting back the tears again. “I am dirty. He defiled me and when he came to attack me again, I had to do something. His gun had been in his holster and it was right there. I didn’t even think. I just grabbed for it and pulled the trigger.” Images of his lifeless, naked and bloody body laying on top of me shook me and the tears fell from my eyes again no matter how hard I tried to keep them in. 

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I felt dirty even thinking about it. It had taken all of Dante's assurance after that I was still worthy of being touched in a good way that I was able to make love to him that last time before leaving, but the feelings hadn't left even after we had and that's ultimately why I left. Swallowing hard, I bit at my lip before choking out "He raped me." The pain tore through me again and I was shaking in fear and pain all over again. I knew I had needed to share this with him, but it was so painful. 

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I hugged, her, nodding my head. "I'm alright" Looking over to Dante, I nodded. "Can we just leave like your brother suggested?" I asked, ready to be away. As much as I swore bullshit like this didn't hurt me, it still didn't feel all that great either.

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The man wiped the blood from his mouth and shook his head. "You should apologize for your vulgar display here with her. You two are filthy sinners who are going to burn in a fiery hell!"

This wasn't the first time I'd ever heard something like this. Even if we didn't see this that often, it still happened and I'd heard it before. "Come on, Dante. Let's just go. He's not worth it." 

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"You won't think that once  you know," I choked out as the tear started to fall from my eyes. I reminded myself that he loved me and wwe were getting married.  I had to tell him everything. "I killed my father" I hadn't called him my father since it had happened, he wasn't my father after he'd done what he did, but I had to say it so Tony could understand. "And my mother took the blame for me, telling the cops she did it. She couldn't let me go to jail not after what hed don." This was harder than I thought. I was sobbing uncontrollably having not talked about this since it all happened.

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I couldn't tell him I killed my father. I couldn't even tell him I'd been with Dante. Somehow they each seemed horribly as bad. Looking up at him, I knew he could handle it. I just didn't believe I could. "Bad things happened just before my high school graduation, Tony. Bad things that were all my fault. Things that I will never be forgiven for in this life or whatever life is to come."

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Smirking, I winked at him for good measure. "Maybe you are. What you going to do about it?" I asked, actually wondering if he was willing to put his money where his mouth was, so to speak. But he didn't get a change to answer before someone bumped into us  "You and your nigger whore are taking up too much room, asshole. Maybe you'd better leave. Don't forget to take the nigger with you and the rest of your nigger loving friends.""

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Looking up at him, I swallowed the lump forming in my throat. "How can you be so good to me? No matter what, you're always so good and understanding and I don't even know what I ever did to deserve it. I've hurt so many people in this world and yet here you are." I'd just hurt my sisters by walking away when they were trying to help me. I hurt Dante when I had walked away from him. My mother was dead because she took the fall for something I did. That something flashing through my head forcing me to close my eyes tightly, trying to force it out. I'd lived so long with it not attacking me like this, "Oh God, Tony, I'm not an angel. I'm the farthest thing from it!"

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Even though I had a family, and I loved every one of them, something about this felt... right? I couldn't say what it was. Maybe a family as close-knit as what their's appeared to be was exactly what both A and I needed.  I'd call Toby tonight and let him know what we'd discussed. Looking over at Dante, I gave him a smile, wondering just what the future held in store for me with him in it.

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I fell against him, gripping onto his suit jacket and burying my face there. God, I didn't want to talk about this, but I couldn't keep any of it from him, not after what had just happened in there. "I haven't talked about this with anyone in years, Tony. Too many bad memories revolving around all of it. It's the long and short story about why I didn't want to come tonight. I knew I'd be thrust right back into all those feelings again and it's just overwhelming."

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“Just get me out of here,” I tried not to beg even more. Squeezing his hand, I looked up at him. “Let the concierge know we want to go and I’ll just walk out here.” I brazened my strongest smile. “I’ll be okay.”

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How could I have forgotten about the insurance? “No out of pocket, full coverage. Room and board. The agreed compensation and no fault walk clause. If all of that is agreeable, then we’re more than happy to run away with the circus.”