redmantic

[redmantic]

Grains of sand pelt away at paint

Removing the pretty colours.

I can see your bones now,

And I know what you are.

[redmantic]

Overcrowded

That’s what it is

I look at my plants

Neglected in their pots.

Most of their pups have grown along side them

Outgrowing their mother,

Fighting for room to survive.

I’ll get round to it,

And I flip the calendar

Again

And again

These plants will die

And I will too

[redmantic]

> Scraping the bottom of the pan

> Scraping

Scraping and Struggling

Out of their grasp

Out of their hands

> These bits are really stuck to the bottom, aren’t they?

Scratching it off

Peeling the layers away with everything I’ve got

Until my skin is raw

It’s staining my clothes

They stained my skin

I stained my skin

[redmantic]

I look through old exchanges

Exhausted from a rapid change of climate

Watching as the season of expression grows colder,

Exponentially differing from last November when the warmth was at its peak.

I thought I liked the cold,

Until it felt more bitter.

I thought the warmth to be overpowering

Until I could no longer generate my own.

The absence withering away at my ability.

And I can’t wait for the fog to clear.

And I can’t wait

[redmantic]

Rounded edges that fit nowhere

Not in your picture

I’ll never have my own

Outside your wall of fondness

I sit freezing and bloody in the wind

My skin used to be smooth

My organs used to be my own

I stare at the gallery

And I want to go back home

Back to the warmth of my sheets, away from this.

[redmantic]

The heart weighs heavy

Each dread, each new grievance.

Although It’s more anger than sadness now.

Resentment weighs the soul down,

At what point will I be too weak to stand?

It’s not like I can shed these layers that keep me confined any longer.

An eternal fire, blazing throughout it all

That’s what a soul is.

Maybe the seething will keep me running longer

Maybe the smoke will choke me out first.

Only we know the story of Icarus

With his melting wax, plummeting to his demise.

Do you think he looked as his father flew without him,

That pain before he hit the water,

His turmoil, unable to process before his flame went out.

I promise there was a time I was tolerable

Maybe I’ll burn myself out to get there again.

Docile rage. Truely a dogshit way to exist.

[redmantic]

I will revert back to that husk in the closet.

The only monster in your hallway is me

A freak at your table, eating my own organs

Demeaning for an ounce of your attention

Dissecting you and your peers for any favourable qualities

Stitching them into the wounds made by my own claws.

I’ll be your husk,

I’ll be your replica,

I’ll be your desire,

Whatever you need of me, I promise I’ll do.

[redmantic]

Disconnection, detachment, dissociation

Everything there is, was

I don’t know anymore

It’s like being lead through a forest,

It’s like having a guarded Hand in hand

It’s like witnessing the glistening and warm night stars

It’s like turning a corner and ending up in the middle of the desert

It’s cold here, dusk at a constant forever

It’s being lost in your own home

It’s losing the fracture you thought you had bandaged

It’s like freezing with nothing but a damp towel for any semblance of comfort

Always ends the same way.

In some weird way, I feel more connected than I ever have

Connected, attached and yet I’ve never been more frozen outside of my body,

A witness to this decaying, tarnished corpse.

[redmantic]

Crevices ripple through flakey bark

The under side remains damp - a perfect harbour for insects.

Roots burrow deep beneath earth

Wrapping themselves tightly around the wooden box.

It’s fine finish never to be unearthed again.

It’s been almost 6 years since I last saw you.

Trees keep growing, forever reaching for something past the atmosphere,

Never quite getting there.

Disease infects their roots, hollows them inside out

That’s what happened to you,

From a perspective at least.

I know that you’re past the atmosphere now,

Somewhere in the heavenly stars above.

I’ll keep growing too.

[redmantic]

Ethereal rock pools of deep lapis

Yet warmer than meadows of wild flower,

I look to the moon and I pray

With these arms of mine moulded for connection

It is you that i wish to fall asleep to.

[redmantic]

Floating though fluorescent blue water

The droplets, the stainage left on my skin.

As above I stare, transfixed on a vacant black sky,

I could have sworn there used to be something there.

But the celestials went supernova one by one, a genocide to the stars

I lay on the surface of their spectacular blood.

Cuts on my legs and arms bleed under,

Florescent blue with dark ribbons.

This sea of stellar remnant is a cold finale resting place.

But perhaps we’ll collide

A field of debris and gas

To a new beautiful thing.

[redmantic]

She sits contempt amoung the stars,

Her tide forever reaching and failing to meet her,

Do you think it’s pathetic?

How devoted the seas can be, harsh to all else but Luna

In some ways it’s tragic as it is beautiful

But the moon and the sun were fated, you’ll rarely hear about the tides,

Just as the tides rarely hear from her;

Forever changing for admiration that isn’t there.

[redmantic]

Oh that was the leaking spout,

Ruined all my work laying beneath;

I poured my heart to those pages

Each brush stroke

Every detail

All drawn with care and love

And now it’s ruined

Water damage looks easy to fix, right?

Leave the paintings strung one by one and they’ll dry.

But it won’t be the same;

And the paper is torn and splotchy,

And my eyes are leaking over my canvas.

My brush is stained red,

These lines are jagged.

[redmantic]

My face is warm and my head floods with worry

I am unsure of what to do here

Weighed down by air too thin to breathe

Is that moronic?

I don’t know

I am unsure.

The tears that fall would poison the plants on my windowsill

I think about that sometimes

Tears are harsh,

Tears are harsh to the eyes,

Skin

Growth cycle.

Just throw me in a vat of acid.

That would be harsh

I don’t know.

[redmantic]

Maybe I can throw it away

It was never supposed to stay smooth, weird homo sapien.

If it was meant to be, then why can it also not?

It’s not like it was a secret

But what do I do?

A question that only leads sour and warm.

It’ll tear and scratch anyway,

A burst of your liver, failure of a kidney.

A coin is solid gold

[redmantic]

The eyes that follow festered first

Back when we wore knee high white leggings and maroon uniformdresses

I feel its presence weigh in on almost every waking hour

And they corrupted my dreams too

I can’t go a single day anymore;

They saw everything

And they regurgitate it back though my eyes.

The marks they left glow red

And I need it gone

[redmantic]

Pinstripes across my tounge

Swollen and bled empty,

Too much to speak

Too soaked to be your passenger

Too punctured for stitches

But weighed enough to keep from floating

And yet this is the shallowest river