redmantic

[redmantic]

I feel weirdly calm for someone who’s been crying since 7pm yesterday

Sitting out here on warm soft wood, pigeons and paradise ducks at my feet

Trees rustle, and the sun is setting infront of me

I should go home soon

But here is nice

I relearn the same lesson every time, just to forget it over and over

It’s always only temporary, yet the pease in between grief & joy is a peace I come to miss each time

When I go home, I know I will weep once again

So let’s stay here for a while longer.

With the pigeons at my feet, and the ducks in the creek

Dusk is a company and comfort most accessible

And here I am calm.

[redmantic]

Stability held together by unburned ribbon

It’s a beautiful thing, speckled and fraying

held together by knots to tight that I forget what the purpose once was

It’s a beautiful ribbon, sure

But what use is it a tattered mess?

Better to try again

Better to clear up loose ends the right way

[redmantic]

Buzzing lights & hushed murmuring.

The air is heavy.

It’s like a hospital waiting room;

I’m soaked and my clothes are clinging to my skin.

Rough fabric covering the seat grows damp,

Its metal armrests are cold - I hold myself instead

Anything to try and stay warm.

The person across from me as glass piercing his body

All broken and bloody.

The little girl next to him is drenched in gasoline, she’s clutching her worn stuffed unicorn.

Shadows come and go in blurs

I pity those who wait here with me

The air tightens around my neck.

It feels like my skin is rubbing off in patches on my soles.

It’s so cold here.

How long was I underwater?

Am I still here

[redmantic]

It gushes through drainage

Like a flurry of exiting disgusting vile

Like broken eyes,

Failing organs.

It shuts down one by one

Purging all left behind.

The screen is black with mould.

My eye bags are black.

My muscles ache,

And I watch my soul shatter every time I see normalcy in others;

Knowing I was fated to die at 3 months, 7, 14

I’ve been a shell with no real traits since

It all flows out

And waste water is discarded.

No one looks for waste, anyway.

Most times drains are ignored

Until after they stop working.

[redmantic]

Hushed whispers tell me of things

I gave in to them myself.

I am at fault for these behaviours.

And yet I was pushed into believing it,

I saw what they wrote about me

I see them now

Know that I understand you

I know we haven’t changed

Please know I don’t blame them for what they said, what they wrote.

I’ll play with grass with fragile contentment.

[redmantic]

A Lyre strung through broken ribs.

Does it still play heavenly melodies?

Do the gods still gather in meadow and listen?

I think;

For all there is across this plain,

Any form of celestial comforts is spread thin.

No, this lyre is strung for no god,

No one will hear its melodies.

Your organs are spilling out, child

Reassemble yourself into something worthy of an audience.

[redmantic]

Ich bin kein Mensch.

The riverbed has dried,

I stand where it once flowed.

Stones beneath my feet numb soles

My bones will lay among them.

Flesh of the wild

Of a wounded deer,

Ich bin kein Mensch.

[redmantic]

Any beautiful moment

Is destroyed by the cast at my feet.

A gorgeous dusk

Drowns the land beneath me in shadow.

It’s always so empty,

These clouds don’t depart.

Sickness began to fester;

Coming and going

Like natural order.

It’s sporadic



My feet are planted here,

Overlooking the stream.

There is no bird song, no anything

It is disturbingly quiet,

Disturbing in beauty

Dull sky, nothing special.

I hope the river rises.

I hope for many things to give me change.

More so, I wish for something other than my shadow and gentle breezes

I’ve been here before

A truely pitiful ask.

[redmantic]

Stems die from where the flowers bloom

Nature is written so beautifully.

I can’t help but notice the flowers shrivelling one by one

One stalk healthy and green, the other yellowing horribly

I’ll repot this one, when I can get out of bed.

These metaphors of dying leaves tell me of a different story.

Regrowth is only natural, you know that, right?

But it always hurts for awhile first

Just get through this

Just cut these dead stems first, no use keeping them around.

Repot to a new home

Without decaying roots.

[redmantic]

The irony is not lost on me.

The way i was lost in that dark room.

In his house, it is not safe to come out of there

But the cold air, warm light

Mixed signals from within.

The chance I took,

It took them away from me

Or it was more so my fault

That place holds memories

Most are better left back in that room

But I am grateful for that experience

That not everything is so forgiving

And not everyone will hold you the same as you hold them

Light creeps through the cracks, how could I not follow it through?

Humanity is equal until it isn’t

His temper is unmatched

And his love is unparalleled

Yet everything has terms and conditions

You’ll learn to live with that.

[redmantic]

I clutch my sides

My face

And my arms.

I can’t stop the sand grain from falling

It’s all out of place.

I’m stuck laying here;

Weightless and heavy

My soul was not made for this body.

My mind and heart are not attached

In a literal and metaphorical sense.

I’ll tumble down the dunes

Melt back into the land from which I came

I don’t recall this place

I don’t recall my own body

Where do I go when home does not exist anymore?

Erosion has changed this place

[redmantic]

A thick kind of wetness

Grows behind my tongue

Heavy clouded bands around my eyes

Enveloping my head

It’s a slow kind of day.

Uncomfortable heat doesn’t seem to last when I need it to.

Thermoregulation fails to warm the heart,

And so I’ll drown choking on a lifeline.

[redmantic]

Watching them

I feel the dread seep though my bones.

Knowing it’s wrong to feel like this,

I have enough.

I have what I need.

But at the same time I envy those

Who can do it naturally,

I can’t even articulate sentences on the fly.

Maybe that’s why I struggle to talk about social issues

It infects all aspects you know.

Even when I make my point

I know I’ve been heard

The string is coherent.

Meet me in the middle

Or don’t try at all

I cant waste what little time i have

Staring for true acknowledgment

Real genuineness

All I register

Is that it is not worth their time

“Remember to disengage them”

I say with a broken brain.

I’ll sit through it again,

What else is there to do?

[redmantic]

They all seem to die.

Turgid stems go wooden.

Plants I knew so well,

All seem to wither and decay,

Sometimes they only flower once

Beautiful while it lasts, at least.

I hope plants don’t feel pain.

[redmantic]

I can’t believe it when I ask

And I don’t believe it

One day the ants will march

[redmantic]

Crashing, flailing & Struggling

to keep above water

Unrelenting tide drags me under.

Water peaks so hopeful;

For something big and beautiful, truely worth to the heart.

Only to come crashing down in this endless cycle of insanity.

Why’d you think it would be any different, dummy?

Sinking deeper, ice reaches my bones.

I am unable to fight any longer.

My lungs fill as moonlight dwindles

Fading as it all blackens.

[redmantic]

Writing poetry is a connection to the parts of your emotion that no one else can truly understand. It is there for you when there is no one else to listen but the pen and paper at your hands.