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NEW PATTERN ALERT!

The Plush Chain Mace crochet pattern is out now on Ravelry and Etsy!

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"This fic is literally just porn, why do you care about the quality of the editing" unfortunately, both my brain and my dick have strong opinions about verb tenses.

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i think akira would be beloved by the workers where he gets food for morgana. imagine the scariest guy you've seen in a hot minute walks into your store with the cutest brightest-eyed tuxedo cat you've EVER seen perched on his shoulder and walks through your cat food aisle holding up every can and gently asking if the cat would like to try this flavour or not. and the cat meows in response and the guy solemnly nods his head and goes "You're right. That one was dry."

it'd be the highlight of my work day fr

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do y'all think the parallel mouse America is like also dealing with resurgent mouse fascism or have they been doing better

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Guy packing his lunch for work: is food necessary for survival ? Do I even enjoy eating ? Is packing one cup soup and nothing else kinda overkill ?

Guy packing his crafting supplies for work for the day (work does not involve crafting in any way): ok I'm bringing my current project obviously but I'll probably cast off while I'm there so just in case let me bring 200 yards of handspun cotton thread and if I get thru that maybe I should bring the yarn I was gonna use to make that bag ? And I should bring a few extra sets of circs in case I guessed the size I should use for brimming wrong, and then a few micro hooks because I think I might restart what I was doing with the cotton thread, and--

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When I (M29) was a young boy (M7) my father (M35) took me into the city (X167) to see a marching band (M23, M21, M22, F22, M24, M25, F21, M

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Mouse Armor by Jeff De Boer

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I know that some British people take umbrage at Americans calling the Great British Bake Off relaxing, but it's just because GBBO is such a different kind of stressful from American baking shows.

American baking shows will be called something like "Cupcake Knife Fight", there's horror movie lighting everywhere and dramatic stings every 5 seconds. All of the contestants are shit talking each other and fist fighting over the one single deep fryer provided by production. It will show the judges all whispering to each other at their super villain table overlooking the whole kitchen, and one will be like, "Oh my god. Everyone look at Brenda right now. She's straight tanking it." And it will cut to Brenda, who is running around covered in flour and crying and also bleeding for some reason. Then you get a clip from an interview with one of the contestants, and they're like, "I really need to win this. Without this award money, I'm gonna need to close my restaurant, sell my dad, and live out of my car. AGAIN." Then the giant digital doomsday clock overhead lets out a horrid klaxon, the judges tell half of them that their cupcakes taste disgusting, and one of them gets eliminated and sent to walk down the dramatically-lit shame hallway never to be seen again.

Meanwhile GBBO is in a lovely, brightly colored tent, there are delightful and friendly hosts/jesters there to keep everyone entertained, and all of the B Roll is of like... a bumblebee going into a flower, or a lamb running in a field. And yes, there will be moments where someone will mess up their timing or something, and they'll be looking at their bake through the oven door like, "oh gosh I don't think this will rise in time!" Then they stand up to find Paul Hollywood directly behind them ominously. His creepy whitewalker eyes will glow white, and he'll say something like "the 12th of June. 2035. Drowning." And his eyes will go back to normal and he'll walk away. Then the baker gives a playful grimace to the camera and says "that didnt sound great, did it?". Cut to a sweet looking older woman sipping tea on a stool and she says "oo I do hope that Prue enjoys the taste of my sugary, sticky baps!". Then, at the end, someone gets a gold star for doing good, and the loser of the episode gets in the middle of a giant group hug. You see all of them at the end of the series at a giant carnival with their families and the post credits informs you that all of the contestants have become a Partridge Family-style traveling band and stayed friends forever.

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breaking: guy with no more room on bookshelf bought 2 books today

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being an extremely light sleeper who doesn't go to bed until 3-4 am so no matter where i live my roommates & friends say stuff like, "wake us up if the tornado sirens go off, "wake us up if the tsunami sirens go off," "wake us up if that bear comes back by camp,"

when people say these things i can't help but feel i'm satisfying my evolutionary purpose as night guard. it's just easier now than it would've been for me 10,000 years ago bc i have a flashlight and a weather app.

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I am forever grateful to an archivist mentor I worked with in grad school for some resume advice she gave me and thought maybe others would also benefit from it.

Keep a Master Resume.

This is not the resume you send out. This is a detailed resume of every job (with dates and location, supervisor and location phone number are a bonus) and as many skills/duties/accomplishments you can possibly think of for each and every one of the jobs and education programs you can think of.

She showed me hers, it was about 25 pages long, and formatted exactly like a regular resume for ease. Every time she would learn a new program/skill, she'd add it. Change in title or duties, add it. Complete something big/special/complicated/new to her/professionally significant, she would add it. This way when she went up for a promotion or raise, she had a detailed record of highlights to pick from to show she deserved it. There was no "when was that? Did I submit that last round of reviews?"

Applying to a new job? Pick and choose items from your Master Resume to plug in to the resume or CV you will be sending based on the job posting. You don't need to rewrite it, just cut and paste relevant details.

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A PSA about trucks from a truck driver

I and some colleagues were talking about how we wish everyone could see the safety videos that our company was showing us, because I don’t think most people understand how traffic works in a truck. So here’s some things we wish everyone on the road knew.

- we’re not kidding about tailgating. If you’re right behind us on a straight highway? Chances are we have NO IDEA you’re there, which means we can’t anticipate any of your movements. Plus slowing down takes multiple downshifts, so we might start decreasing speed way earlier than you expect.

- We’re not kidding about any of our blind spots. WE CAN’T SEE YOU, GUYS.

- That bit about slowing down taking a while? The same goes for when you’re in front of us. Don’t cut off a truck. Oh god, PLEASE don’t cut off a truck. If you cut me off, I’m not irritated, I’m terrified. For YOU. It can take 7 to 9 seconds for us to stop. DON’T CUT OFF TRUCKS.

- Before you get mad about how slow we’re going on the highway, keep in mind that many companies govern their vehicles so they literally CAN’T go over 60 or 65. This is a good thing, I promise. Because…

- Do you know what happens when a car meets a truck in an accident? The car gets totaled and the truck needs a new coat of paint. You will not win this fight. I know nobody likes getting stuck behind a big dumb truck, but it’s not worth your life.

We are trying our best to protect you from our 80,000 pound death machines. Please help us out.

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im stacking extension cords on each other like theyre tinker toys. constructing a tower of babel in the name of the god of electricity. there'll be at least 100 outlets when ive hooked these boys up nice and good. ill never run out again

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Rowling has this new application form that you can fill out if you're a person going to court over one of the following reasons

(Plain text: We fund legal representation for women and organisations who:

Have lost their livelihoods or are facing tribunals because of their expressed beliefs

Are being forced to comply with unreasonable inclusion policies regarding single sex spaces and services, or female-only clubs and events

Are challenging legislation which takes away the freedoms or protections women are entitled to

Don't have adequate means to bring actions to court or to defend themselves)

And I just think it would be a little bit funny if the answers became unusable because of too many fake cases.