bigbadbatch

[bigbadbatch]

Everlore Chapter Two - The 1

Fives x Female OC

Warnings: Some intense kisses but nothing crazy yet! Plenty of yearning.

Listening Recommendations: The 1 by Taylor Swift

And if my wishes came true It would've been you. In my defense, I have none For never leaving well enough alone But it would've been fun, If you would've been the one.

-The 1, Taylor Swift

The next morning my insides feel like sinking ships and I’m jittery before I even see him.

The dream, or rather memory, I had last night had left me on edge all morning with just one question. Did he remember the kiss? I chew on my bottom lip and am caught off guard when I see him crossing the marketplace. Last night he was in his armor, helmet tucked beneath an arm, and that’s what I’m expecting. I’ve only ever seen him armored or in regulation blacks. Instead, he swaggers up the street towards me wearing a deep brown leather jacket, well worn, over a black knit shirt. Deep blue jeans and scuffed boots send cobblestones scattering towards me and I do my best not to swallow too hard.

I suddenly feel so small.

He smiles brilliantly when he spots me, and his steps quicken. There’s no hesitation this time, and I’m enveloped in a hug.

“Soph!” He exhales and I breathe him in. Earthy, spiced and smoky. He smells just like I remember. He lets me go and holds me an arms length away, his eyes grazing over my face. “Running into you yesterday was the best surprise I could have ever asked for on Leave.” 

I’m so caught off guard. “Really?” I say before I can even stop myself. He laughs and hooks an arm around my shoulders, pulling me to his side.

“Of course. It’s been what, a year? Besides, I never got the chance to tell you goodbye back on Mondrilla.”

I’m trying to focus on his words, but as we walk the arm around my shoulders is heavy and warm, and his fingers make lazy circles on the top of my arm. This is the Fives I know, and I ease into him. The Fives I ran into last night seemed almost flustered. This Fives is confident, his voice and presence a golden glow in the daylight of the street. We settle in at a local caf shop, known for selling exotic plants on the side. Strings of leafy vines crawl up the bricks of the building, and our table features a flowering vase of lilies. The waitress comes over and takes our orders.

“Black caf for me please.” I smile as I say.

Fives gives a stern look to the waitress. “Choco caf with cream and sugar. Extra sugar. Thank you.”

I look at him incredulous. “When did you develop a sweet tooth?”

He flashes that winning smile at me. “Always had one, sweetheart. Why else would I have asked you out this morning?” I blush and my eyes widen, making him laugh.

He reaches across the table and his fingers brush mine. “Truly.” he says. “It’s been too long. I meant to reach out, after we shipped off, but I realized I never got your holo connect.”

I give him a smile. He’s so open and forward, so I do my best to be the same. “I just assumed you’d forgotten all about little old me.” I retort and he scoffs.

“Forget you? How could I.” His fingers cease brushing mine, and instead he takes my hand. I try not to stare at our connection. Our cafs arrive luckily, and our hands drop away from each other, glad to hold the warmth of the caf. The rest of the morning goes well, with long talks about his experiences since we separated, my times on the field as a medic for various battalions. He tells stories about Rex and Echo and all his mates' escapades. The sun slips across the sky and before we know it hours have passed. His comm goes off.

“Shit.” he says. “I didn’t realize it was so late. I have a meeting.”

We both stand to leave. A particularly cold breeze flows through the open door of the caf shop and I shiver in my thin sweater.

“Oh we can’t have that.” he says as he hold the door open for me, and then he’s shrugging off his leather jacket and draping it around my shoulders.

“But you need this, Fives.” I say, but his hands linger on the collar of the jacket, securing it around me.

“You can give it back to me at dinner tomorrow. That is if you don’t mind seeing me again so soon.” I grin back at him.

“Pick me up at five?” His eyebrows shoot upward.

"Perfect.” He hands me his handheld holo and I type in my connection number.

“See you tomorrow, Fives.” I say as I pull his jacket tighter over me and turn on my heel to leave. A quiet “See you.” floats on the cold wind at my back. 

—

It’s been two weeks since we had caf, and I’d seen Fives several times, nearly every day. We couldn’t spend enough time together. Our friendship had instantaneously rekindled, and knowing we were on borrowed time meant we felt the need to see each other as often as we could.

“Soph. Soph!” Matthia nearly shouts at me, and I’m shook from my stupor as we work to stock the reception area with amenities. “Sorry.” I mumble. I do that alot latel-, daydream.

“I asked you if you had plans to see him again tonight? And for kriff sake, have you made a move yet?”

I blush. “Matthia!” I scold and she laughs. “We don’t have plans tonight, no. Something about a training he has. And not that you need to know, but like I keep saying, we are just friends.” 

Friends who held hands nearly every outing. 

Friends who’s hands and gazes lingered when they touched.

“Just friends.” Matthia rolls her eyes, which then widen at something behind me. “Well then, your friend is here. And he has flowers. Maybe they’re for me? I’ll be his friend.”

I spin and there he is, walking in, sure enough, carrying a bundle of lilies. “Fives? I thought you had training tonight. What’s this?” I say, as he hands the bundle to me, smiling. He’s in his armor, helmet aside.

“I really hoped I’d be excused from this training, and we could have dinner tonight, but I just got called back in. So I thought I’d drop these off. Something pretty for a pretty lady.” He winks and my eyes roll instinctively, and behind me I hear Matthia gasp, then scurry away. Fives chuckles.

“I grabbed them from that caf shop we visited a couple weeks ago. Reminded me of you.”

I lift them to my face, their sweet scent perfuming me. “They’re lovely, thank you.”

He shuffles on his feet a bit. “Ah, so I hear there’s some sort of celebration happening on planet in a few weeks. Maybe you’ve heard of it, Starylla?”

I nod. Starylla is a seasonal celebration in the cold months on Coruscant. All about braving the cold and camaraderie, there was food, drinks, music, dancing- all out in the marketplace courtyards. Each precinct has their own celebration that night with hundreds of people. And best of all- strings of lights decorate every building, every street, as a reminder of the light in the dark months.

“Well I, uh,” He starts, and runs a hand through his hair. “I was wondering if you wanted to go with me? As my date.”

I freeze. “As your date?” I say, my voice clipped. He doesn’t say anything, only gives me a quick nod and smile. I don’t hesitate, there’s no need to. I smile brightly at him and throw my arms around him. “I thought you’d never ask.”

He laughs, a beautiful sound, and picks me up spinning me around. My mind races back to that night on Mondrilla, to a moment a lot like this. He sets me down and our eyes meet. We pause. Quickly I break the silence, before I lose my nerve.

“Fives, do you want to have dinner with me tomorrow?” Moment broken he nods.

“Sure, I have no duties tomorrow night. What restaurant are you thinking?”

Now it was my turn to be a bit reserved.

“ I actually was thinking you could come over to my apartment. I can cook for you. You need a homecooked meal every now and then, soldier.”

His eyes fly wide. “Your place?” I nod. I swear I see him blush, just a little. He clears his throat.

“Uh yeah. I’ll come by around six? Sound good?”

I give him a kiss on the cheek in answer and go to leave. “Tomorrow at six.”

—

Smoke billows out of my oven when I suddenly remember- I am a terrible cook.

“Kriff!” I burn my hand on the scorched pan, and drop it on the floor. There’s a knock at my door. “Coming!” I yell as I put my hand under the cool water from the faucet. It’s only five-thirty, who could it be? Wrapping a towel around my hand I open the door.

“Delivery?” A lean Togruta hands me two boxes and a bag, and goes to leave.

“Wait! I didn’t…” But he’s gone. There’s a note on the top box.

You’ve probably remembered you’re a bad chef by now. Here’s to get you through. Love, Matthia.

I owe her. Big time. There’s a reason she’s my absolute best friend. In the time I have left I clean up the mess in the kitchen and wrap my burned hand in some bandages. Another knock at the door, and my insides turn to crashing waves. In the mirror by the door I check my hair, and clear away a soot stain from my cheek. With a deep breath, I open the door.

He stands there in the frigid air, in the same leather jacket I’d returned to him weeks ago, this time in an all black ensemble underneath. He holds a two paper bags, and gives me the widest smirk.

“Good evening, Soph.”

“Heya Fives.” I open the door and beckon him in. My apartment isn’t much. A living room with a holo over the hearth, large threadbare sofa and a coffee table stacked with books. The kitchen is open to the living room, with two rooms sealed off with doors to the side, the fresher and my bedroom. He takes a quick look around and set the bags down on the counter next to the boxes of food.

“Decide on takeout instead?” He says to me, raising an eyebrow.

“About that… turns out a homecooked meal is easier said than made.” He laughs, deep and hearty, and a zing of electricity seems to flow in me, head to toe.

“What’s in the bags?”

He grins at me, and pulls a large bottle of red wine out of the first bag. “Thought this might go well with that dinner you worked so hard on.” I stick my tongue out at him and pull out some glasses, pouring us the wine. “And this..” he starts, “I’m stashing up here. No opening until Starylla, agreed?”

I shrug and give him a nod. “I like surprises.”

 We each make a plate and eat standing over my countertop, talking and laughing. Halfway through the bottle of wine, we make our way to the sofa and are reclining back into it- telling stories when the bottle runs empty. My body feels warm, but I’m by no means drunk, with Fives giving little to no sign of intoxication. If anything we are more relaxed and I slide close to him to feel his warmth. He reaches for my hand, and feels the bandage wrapping it.

Suddenly sitting up he brings my hand up. “What’s this? Are you hurt?” His voice is filled with concern and worry.

“Just burned it on my failed attempt at making dinner. It’s fine.”

He looks at me scrupulously and carefully unwraps my hand. The burn on my palm is small, no more than a red line of angry skin. “Oh mesh’la, you’ve go to be more careful.”

Mesh’la? I’d never heard that word before. Before I can register what’s happening, he places a gentle kiss beside the burn, cautious not to touch it.

I’m still.

He flicks his eyes up at me for a moment, watching me. Then he kisses my wrist. I blink at him, my stomach tightening with even this small gesture. He moves closer to me, pulling my arm to him, eyes still on me, and kisses the crook of my elbow. I swallow. He sits up and brushes my hair of my shoulder, this time planting a kiss where my collarbone and shoulder meet. My breath catches. Now he’s face to face with me, eyes sparkling. He looks down at my lip, and I can’t help it, I flick my gaze over his. Slowly, as if the world had ceased spinning, he leans forward and closes the distance.

We kiss.

The kiss is warm and gentle at first. I smile into the kiss, and deepen it slightly. He takes this cue and kisses me a little more intensely. His hand reaches up to cup my face, and I reach out and take his other hand in mine. We pull away, slightly out of breath. I can feel my face reddening as it heats up, and I stifle a laugh of giddiness.

“Wow.” He whispers, and tucks a strand of  hair behind my ear. “I’ve been waiting a long time to do that again.”

I freeze.

“Again?”

He remembered. He actually remembered the kiss.

“That night on Mondrilla… Soph I haven’t stopped thinking about you since.” His voice gravelly.

The smile that splits my face nearly brings tears to my eyes, happy joyful tears. I take my hands to either side of his face and pull him to me for a kiss. This one gentle and full of all the longing I had held since Mondrilla. When the kiss breaks, our eyes meet, and we both burst into laughter- giddy. 

The rest of the night flies by in a blur. Talking, innocent touching, sweet kisses. The moon sets slow as we fall asleep on my couch, my head on his chest, his hands in my hair.

—- 

Starylla is only a week away when the inevitable comes. I’m lounging in my apartment, not so patiently awaiting Fives’ arrival when I hear him at my door. I slide the door open,

“There you are! I’ve been…” I stop. He’s in his armor, helmet under his arm.

“Mesh’la.” He says, eyes somber. I now know what that word means and though it normally swells my soul, today it breaks my heart.

“I’ve been called away on an urgent mission. I don’t know when I’ll be back.” Tears dance behind my eyes but I don’t dare let them fall. “I thought we had a little more time.” Is all I can say.

He clears his throat. “It’s been great, seeing you again. I’m sorry it wasn't for longer. I won’t have holo access on this mission, but I’ll reach out when I can. I’m sorry.”

I give him a silent nod. The quiet weighs heavy between us. We knew this would be short lived, that’s why we had only let it go so far, only let it be fun and whirlwind. But now that reality is here, I know atleast for me, I thought it could be more.

“Good bye, Soph.” He leans forward to kiss me, and I close my eyes. He pivots, planting a solid kiss on my forehead instead. Then he puts on his helmet, nods to me, and leaves. I stand in the doorway for a few heartbeats.

I thought we had weeks. I thought we had Starylla. I thought we could go farther, longer, just a little- But this is the way of the republic and its servants. I close the door on the cold night air, and curl up on the couch where we spent so much of our time the last few days.

I sleep and I do not cry.

[bigbadbatch]

Everlore

Fives x Female OC

Warnings: None yet! Just fluffy but be prepared for the worst to come.

Listening Recommendations: Gold Rush by Taylor Swift

Chapter One: Gold Rush

"I don't like a gold rush, I don't like anticipating my face in a red flush, I don't like that anyone would die to feel your touch, everybody wants you, everybody wonders what it would be like to love you." -Gold Rush, T.S.

The typically clinical quiet of the military hospital on Coruscant is alive with giggles and shushes. Clusters of care attendants and nurses whisper behind charts and grin, teeth flashing.

 I and the other battle-forged medics trapped at the hospital for routine retraining try not to let our eyes roll. The cause for all this commotion is clear. The 501st is on planet. No battalion has as much swagger, as much pull and sway with the ladies as the 501st. Full of arrogant, charming, heavy-flirts who are known to have a good time when on leave, the 501st has all the available medical staff preening, ready for one single month of fun while they platoon is on Leave.

 “I wonder who’s gonna get the most attention this time.” Mathia comments over the stack of folders we’re sorting through.

 “Hm. Rex? Or is he old news now?” I reply.

 She shakes her head full of golden ringlets, “I hear he’s too strict now. What about Hardcase?” 

I snort in response, “There’s a joke in there somewhere.” 

We laugh. Both Mathia and I had just been sent to retraining after we had completed our three years of one-off medic missions. We would go to different planets with a different platoon each time for solo missions to learn the art of providing medical assitance in battle. Now that we are tried and tested, its time to await our official battalion assignments. So here at the hospital, in Coruscant’s shiny city, we wait for our new orders. The waiting is grueling, a constant wonder of which battalion’s boys we will be patching up next. Atleast there’s always the busy work. Retraining on old routines, sorting paperwork, inventory stocking. 

A gaggle of nurses come by to drop off a new stack of folders to sort.

“Did you hear? The 501st is in town!” A young woman, barely old enough to volunteer for the hospital service nearly swoons as she says it. 

Mathia takes her cue to dig for more information- “Oh expecting anyone special?” The girls all giggle and a brave one comes forward.

 “Fives!”

They erupt into more giggles and a blush blows across each of their faces. 

I wish I could hold back my shock, but I breathe a quiet, “Fives?” They all nod and hurry off, laughter lingering behind them. Fives is the most head strong and flirtatious of the group.

He’s the 501st’s golden boy.

 I should know.

 I do my best not to let my own face heat in a blush. 

A bell rings above us, and I give a sigh of relief. It’s time to leave. In our medic's uniforms, Mathia and I gather our things and make for the streets.

 “Wanna get a bite to eat?” She asks, knowing my answer as my stomach rumbles. I try to let the cool air clear my thoughts.

 I had met Fives a year ago when I filled in as their medic on a month long mission. It had been instant chemistry. Magnetic. His smile, his charm, his humor. I fed off his energy, and he fed off mine. We became quick friends, and the flirting was endless. Casual and comfortable and low stakes. Until… After the mission was completed, and the boys were all celebrating at camp before being shipped out the next morning, in a moment of pure unadulterated joy, he and I kissed. Just a kiss, but it’s stuck with me. I catch myself thinking of the feel of his lips on mine during cold, late or lonely nights. I hadn’t seen him in the year since, he and his platoon having shipped out before I even woke up the next day. 

“Hello? Are you even listening to me?” Mathia snaps her fingers in my face as we walk. I go to respond when suddenly I run headfirst into something much more solid than myself and end up on my ass on the cold ground. 

“Look out there! You okay, sweetheart?” 

A warm and strong  hand helps me up and I dust myself off before looking up.

 “Yeah sorry I…”

 I stop. 

His eyes sparkle in the lights of the street and it's like I’ve traveled back in time.

 “I didn’t see you there.” I finish. He probably doesn’t even remember me. My traitorous heart is skipping beat after beat and I feel my face flush.

“Fives?”

“Sophie? I.. I had no idea you would be here. It’s been a long time.”

At first it seems like he’s going to sweep me into a hug, which a year ago would have been expected. Then, instead, he places a hand on my elbow and the heat is searing.

“It’s so good to see you.” 

 “It’s good to see you too, Fives.” I say. 

Mathia’s eyes fly between the two of us and a look of understanding flashes in her face. She nearly vibrates as she says, “We were just going to get some food. You hungry?” 

I elbow her hard and Fives laughs.

 That laugh. I swear for a moment I’m back in that camp, on that night. Fire roaring, embers floating up into stars. He and I dancing around and around, laughing until we can’t breathe and until… I blink. 

“You’re welcome to join us.” I say, and I really mean it. 

He stretches his arm behind him and scratches the back of his head. “I just got on planet and we have meetings, but I appreciate the offer.”

 I nod, trying not to let disappointment creep in, and give him a little wave as Mathia and I turn to go. I feel so stupid. Why did I invite him? I’m nothing more than a distant name he remembered when he saw my face.

 He catches my wrist. 

“But.” He almost stutters. “Caf? With me, tomorrow? Maybe you can show me the best spot in town? My treat.” 

Shocked, I smile. 

“Sure. Meet you here in the morning.” Is all I can manage, and then I turn on my heels and nearly drag Mathia behind me up the street. 

—

Minutes later we sit at a booth in our favorite restaurant and she slams her hands on the table, rattling the silverware.

 “What. Was. That”.

“Nothing.” I reply. And truly it was just that- nothing. So, I tell her the story. 

We knew each other for a month. We were friends. Maybe even just friends of convenience. The kiss was an accident, and he likely didn’t remember it. I was shocked he even remembered me.

For all the fun we had poked at the nurses this morning for their fawning and squealing, Mathia tops them in her high pitched response. I shush her. 

“It’s just caf. Just to catch up I’m sure.” 

She grins wickedly at me and shakes her head. “Do you how many people would absolutely die just for that wrist grab he did? My  knees nearly buckled for you. He’s the one everyone’s talking about, and he wants to get caf with you!”

I shrug my shoulders. “I just don’t think it’s going to be what you’re imagining. Besides, I don’t like a gold rush. All eyes are on him, so one wrong move and all eyes are on me, and I’m not about that.”

Mathia nods and continues to hype herself up, “Since when have you ever been shy? You weren’t shy when you kissed him at that war camp!” 

“He kissed me. Not the other way around.”

I define, and she flutters her feet under her chair.

“Even better!” 

I go back to my small, Republic sanctioned apartment and don’t even bother to flick on the lights before I crash into my bed. Fives is here, on planet. I ran into him, literally. On this giant city-planet, he just happened to be right in my path on the day he arrived. More than that, he remembered me. I wonder just how much he remembers, how much the alcohol and chaos might have erased that night a year ago. Before I can even change clothes, I’m asleep on top of the covers of my bed, a smile on my face. 

— Cheers float in the chilled atmosphere, our breathing giving life to ghosts that float around us, mingling with the smoke of the bonfire. They did it. The 501st saved the planet of Mondrilla from the incoming Separatist threat. So now we celebrate. Cheap alcohol smuggled in by the more rowdy clones is passed around the fire, and food is spread around on makeshift tables made of ammo storage. I and the two other medics, a man and a woman, join in the clone’s revelry. The Jedi, figures I’d only seen in passing shadows, sit on the outskirts of the fire, talking quietly and observing. Rex is drunk, and his attempts at telling jokes leave us all laughing. Echo is arguing with a clone I don’t recognize over spilled rations and drinks and somewhere a radio kicks to life. Crackling, distant music gets many clones on their feet, clapping and shuffling about. Almost immediately, the other two medics are swept up in dances, and I watch from the rim of my cup as I sway to the music alone. I would dance, but observing is so much more fun. Seeing the bright, happy faces, seeing the energy pass from one brother to the next. A warm body stands next to me, knocking his cup into mine. “Cheers, Soph.” Fives smiles and downs his drink, clearly already feeling the effects. His cheeks are a warm red and his smile is lazy. I down my drink. We’re talking, laughing. Then suddenly I’m twirling, and we’re dancing. How did we end up here? The stars above me swirl as I spin and laugh. Fives’ arms are warm around me, and he lifts me up. He’s gazing up at me, eyes beaming and I can’t help but grin back down at him. I’m lowered to the ground, and we aren’t spinning anymore but the world around me continues to. It happens so fast. Our lips meet in a crash, heat flooding me, as I smile through the kiss.---

I wake up.

[bigbadbatch]

I'm working on a new series featuring Fives and my OC "Sophie". This is the general vibes. Based on the albums Folkore and Evermore by Taylor Swift. Let's get *emotional*.

"There'll be happiness after you, but there was happiness because of you. Both of these things can be true, there is happiness."

[bigbadbatch]

I’ve fought bravely. And where I go from here is up to me.

[bigbadbatch]

i'd be so fuckin useless if i were in star wars as a force user because i'd just be getting seduced left and right by hot sith guys

[bigbadbatch]

I LOVE when a Star Wars villain with long hair, dirty looking and pretty face, appears on my screen.

[bigbadbatch]

In My Head - Chapter 5

I'm back! I have been holding off writing this because, well, you'll see. I wasn't in the headspace for it.

Warnings: Violence, Death, Mourning.

Word count: 2.3k (short bc sad)

Listening Reccs: My Tears Ricochet and The Prophecy by T. Swift.

------

My Tears Ricochet

Days passed.

Then weeks.

Months.

I’ve gone four months with no contact from Rex at all. Not a holo, not a call, not a secret message. The closest I’ve gotten is quiet assurances from Fives. These every-other-week ‘briefings’ were my tether to the two most important people in my life. At first it was all business, Skywalker standing behind him, observing. But after the second transmission he seemed to have lost interest. Fives and I can be ourselves again.

“We miss you, Keira. Both of us.” Fives mumbles as we wind down the latest brief.

“I miss you. Is Rex, is he okay?”

Fives gives a small shrug and that’s all I can get on the topic.

“Does he just not want to talk to me? I feel like surely he could have reached out somehow. Fives, you can tell me.”

Fives shakes his head and sighs. “Mesh’la. If only you knew.” 

He looks around and leans his head closer to the camera of the comm. “Things are going down. We’ve all been busy but something’s not right. Master Tiplar was killed by one of his own men, a clone. I’m on Kamino investigating now but… Keira I have a bad feeling about this.”

“You’re on Kamino?” I ask, interested.

I could go to Kamino. It could be a coincidence. I could see them- could see Rex. 

“Not for long. If what I’ve learned so far is true this is much bigger than I originally thought. Keira, I’ve been having nightmares. All us clones always have, but its different now. As a Jedi, maybe you understand." He says.

I nod, dismayed, not really paying attention. Looking back- I should have paid attention.

“Just be careful, Fives. Any idea when Skywalker will let you come home?” 

Fives shakes his head. “You don’t understand.”

Before I can say anything he switches off the comm and the holo goes black. 

—

I spend the next two weeks anxious, which is only worsened when Fives misses our usual briefing call. The Jedi Temple had made an announcement about a possible assassin targeting the Chancellor, and that the perpetrator was on the run. That’s probably the reason for the disconnect. Everyone’s on alert. My holo beeps and I all but launch myself across the room.

Flicking it on I call out, “Finally, Fives, I was really worri…”

Fives isn’t on the holo.

It’s Rex.

My breath hitches in my throat at the site of him. He’s lost the smallest bit of weight. A new silvery scar rides up his neck. 

“Rex?” I ask incredulous. I’m expecting a heartfelt reunion, an explanation for not communicating this whole time, something, but all I get is a desperate-

“Where’s Fives?”

I shake my head. “What do you mean?”

Rex grits his teeth. “I know he’s on Coruscant. I know you’re the first person he would go to. Keira, this looks really bad for him but we can help, just let us help.”

This doesn’t make any sense. “Why would Fives be here? He isn’t with me, tell me what’s going on.” Then it all makes sense.

The announcement. The assassin.

Rex explains as best as he can as I grab my things.

“I’m going out to look for him." I say. "I’ll have my comm. If any of your men make a move at him I will defend him. He deserves a fair trial. Something about this isn’t right.” Rex nods and the screen darkens. 

---

The dark streets of Coruscant are packed with clones. Clones at the bars, clones on leave, clones on watch, on duty.

Clones looking for Fives.

I pull my hood low and let my heart lead me. The Force pulls on me with a steady tug, guiding my way. My intentions are good and my soul is desperate, and the Force rewards that. I make my way down the damp streets until my heart pulls me to an alley way, then a storage hangar.

“Fives?” I whisper. “It’s me. It’s Keira.”

A dark shape steps from behind a crate, hands raised in surrender.

“I knew you’d find me.”

I rush to hug him, all assumptions of his offenses forgotten.

“Fives, you’re okay.” I breathe. He hugs me tight to him, and I feel a wetness on my neck, where his face is buried. He’s crying. 

“You found me, you found me. We have to get out of here. We have to warn the General and Captain. You have no idea what I’ve uncovered.” Fives is… twitching. Eyes searching, heart racing.

He looks like he hasn’t slept in days.

“Fives, I’m here. You’re safe.”

He grips my shoulders hard. “You have to listen to me Keira, you have to believe me. We… you. You’re in danger.” His breathing is ragged, and suddenly there are footsteps behind me, and Fives eyes widen and he pulls me behind a crate.

“Fives, we got the coordinates you left for us.” Anakin calls out, lightsaber blazing. Rex is close behind, pistols drawn.

“Thank you for trusting me. Have you come without troops? Can you lay down your weapons?” Fives calls.

They do.

“We’re alone.” Anakin yells into the void of the dark hangar. I give Fives' hand a squeeze.

“I’m going to meet them. Make sure they’re here to help. Do you trust me?” I say softly, but he claws at my hand.

“Stay!” He whispers, but I make my way out into the open and raise my hands.

“It’s me.”

Rex makes a move to run for me but Anakin throws an arm across his chest.

“Keira! What are you doing?” 

“Fives isn’t well.” I say quietly. “He needs a medic, not an arrest warrant.”

Rex nods. Anakin steps forward, Rex following and I walk to meet them in the open. “We are here to help you Fives. Come with us back to the Temple…”

Then there's a ringing in my ears and instantaneously theres a force field around us. Anakin punches the force field shouting “No! Fives!” But we are locked in. Fives steps out.

“I just need you to listen to me! I’m not crazy!” But he starts to ramble.

“Plot.”

“Deception.”

“Proof.”

Anakin shouts back, “Show me the evidence!”

And I am so lost, confused, even frightened at this point. I back into Rex on instinct, and he grabs my hand. I hear ships cascading outside.

“There’s a plot. Each clone has an organic chip in our genetic code. Someone can make us do whatever they want, even kill the Jedi. It’s all in here.” He hits his head furiously and I stifle a cry. “The chancellor wants to kill me. He knows what I know.”

Theres boots on the ground, the sound echoing around us. Fives backs up to us, to the force field. His eyes lock on mine.

“You have to believe me.” He whimpers and I nod.

“I believe you Fives, I do.” I press my hand against the force field.

It's too late. Coruscant guards, their red armor casting an ominous shade onto the walls in the dim light of the force field, weapons all aimed at Fives.

“Get on your knees! Stand down!” They all shout but Fives panics.

He’s a good soldier.

Always has been.

He reaches for a pistol. And before I can scream, before I can witness the death of my best friend, Rex grabs my shoulders and turns me to him, burying my head into his chest.

When the shots ring out, I still scream. 

—-

I light a candle at the makeshift altar in my quarters for Fives.

Fives didn’t get a funeral. Traitors don’t get funerals.

That’s what he’s known as now. Not a man who was ill. Not a man who needed help. A traitor to the republic he loved. It isn’t fair. I wipe tears from my eyes. I should have noticed it, seen it sooner. In our briefings, with every transmission he was more frazzled, more afraid. I could have stopped this in time if only I had paid attention. But I was too worried about seeing them, and hearing from Rex.

The Rex who hadn’t contacted me all these months- but still the Rex that held my weeping body as Fives took his last breath mere steps from me.

The Rex who’s knocked on my door every day for a week since we lost Fives.

I haven’t let him in. How could I? On Chandrilla everything was perfect, then it came crashing down in a way I can’t yet understand. 

Right on cue a quiet tapping emanates from my door. Normally I sit in silence until he leaves.

“Keira.” He calls. “Please.”

I stare into the flame of the candle. I see Fives’ smiling face. Fives and Rex fooling around in 79’s. Fives and I playing sabaac with Rex helping him cheat. They were brothers, and Rex was hurting just like me. I needed him, and he needed me. I stand and open the door. 

Rex’ face is startled. “You uh... actually opened the door.”

I say nothing and step to the side, inviting him in. He enters cautiously. His every move is calculated. This feels so wrong, us being like this. So distant. My heart wants to leap into his arms, brush away the tears I know are waiting to spill down his face.

My head wants to push him, hit him, scream at him. How could he leave me alone? For months? He’s broken Anakin’s rules before, why not now?

Numbness from indecision creeps in and I walk past him and sit on my bed. I can’t look at him.

He’s Rex, but his face?

That’s Fives face. And both hurt to look at right now.

The bed beside me dips as weight falls onto it, and his warm body brushes mine. We sit in silence, staring at the floor. I can’t help it, the tears begin to fall.

“Cyare.” He breathes and his hand reaches for mine. I pull it away and push myself further down the bed, away from him.

“Don’t.” Is all I can manage as the tears really begin to roll. He’s hurt, I can see it in his eyes.

“Please let me help. Please let me explain. Just let me in.”

I cross my arms, my head winning out and anger building. I jump up and pace the room. He stands too.

“Rex.” I half sob, half growl. He takes it as an invitation and steps close to embrace me, but I push him away. I don’t mean to, it just happens. He puts his hands up.

“It’s okay.” He whispers. “You can push me. Hit me. Hate me if you have to. Just let me help.”

My fists are clenching at my sides and I feel the anger building up inside me, swirling and twisting, aching in my bones. He’s stepping closer. I don’t want to hurt him, but the dark, the dark side of the Force boiling inside me, tensing my muscles and it screams for release.

“Get away from me.” I plead but it’s too late. Rex holds my hand and the seal breaks.

With a scream I aim all of myself at the towering bookcase behind me. The room shakes and Rex is knocked to the floor. With an implosion, the case shatters, the books disintegrate, and the small flecks of paper cascade around the room, fluttering down like snow. I sink to the floor sobbing.

My head in my hands, strong arms wrap around me and I’m pulled to Rex’ chest.

“I’m sorry.” I sob “I’m so sorry. It’s my fault. It’s all my fault.” I turn in his arms to bury my face in his chest, the two of us curled into a ball on my papered floor.

“None of this was your fault, mesh’la. None of this was anyone’s fault.”

I wrap my arms around his neck and sob into his collarbone. 

“It’s my fault you were sent away in the first place. I didn’t notice Fives needed help til it was too late.” Rex smooths my hair and makes soft, shushing noises. “They took you and you didn’t... you never talked to me Rex. You left me here alone and you didn’t even try to talk to me after everything, after that night.”

He sighs. “I wanted to. More than anything.”

I sit up and wipe my eyes. “Then why didn’t you?”

He smiles softly at me. “The General made some statements to me that night in Chandrilla. Some out of anger, but some true. I can’t keep you from reaching your potential as a Jedi. I can’t be a threat to your future as a Knight, as a Guardian. I would never want to hurt you Keira, in any way. I was scared. I still am.”

I cross my legs on the floor across from him. “You aren’t allowed to make decisions for me without my consent.”

He hangs his head.

“I’m a Jedi. I’ve fought alongside you and your men. I can make my own decisions in battle, and in life. Don’t you dare take that from me again.” He nods and our eyes meet for the first time.

We both take a breath. We both begin to cry.

“Did you notice, when he started getting bad?” I ask.

“He was having nightmares.” Rex says.

I fold my hands in my lap in silent prayer. “Do you think he was hurting?” I ask, voice wavering.

Rex moves to be closer to me and tucks a strand of hair behind my ear, then wipes a tear from my cheek. “No, mesh’la. And I think he is finally at peace.”

My soul breaks at this and I am sobbing again. I can hear Rex crying too. I reach for him and his arms fold around me, pulling me close. We sit there. We cry. And when we have cried our fill for the moment, I lift my eyes to find him staring at me. We are so close to one another our chests rise and fall in rhythm. His lips part. “Mesh’la...” 

And I don’t respond. 

I kiss him.

[bigbadbatch]

As I struggle on this road of pain and illness, I turn to the strong female figures of Star Wars and their traits I want to exemplify in myself. Resilience. Bravery. Wisdom. Patience. May the Force guide us.

[bigbadbatch]

Fr

[bigbadbatch]

In My Mind - Chapter Four

Chapter Four - Snow on the Beach

Warnings: Smut, sweet sweet smut. oral F receiving. Sadness. And a creepy guy. Impending Doom.

Word Count: 3.6k

Listening Recc's - Snow on the Beach, Illicit Affairs by T. Swift

I’m nervous.

I don’t normally feel this way, but today I do.

I admire myself in the floor-length mirror propped against the wall of my elegant embassy room in the Senate hall where all guests of the Peace Ball are staying. One of Padme’s handmaidens had been kind enough to come and help with my hair and makeup,as well as helping me to slip on this delicate, intricate dress. My hair is half up, soft ringlets framing my face, the rest cascading down my back. A thin necklace of diamonds sent by Manx graces my throat. It's worth at least several hundred credits, but its cost is nothing compared to the dress.

A light sky blue, the bodice is corseted and covered in the smallest of gems. The floor-length ballgown’s glittering skit swishes as I twirl for myself in the mirror, the layers upon layer of gauzy fabrics, all different shades of blue, seem to dance and shine and create the effect of an aurora in the low light of the room. Never in my life have I felt so lovely, so beautiful. A glimmering star in the sky.

A knock at my door shakes me from my wonderment. I open the door and Fives stands there, in a dashing black suit, his hands working on tying the tie at his throat.

“Keira, I need help I can’t get this damn thing to…. Wow.” He whistles and looks me up and down, earning him a batting on the arm. He chuckles softly.

“Wait til Rex sees you like this.” He smirks at me.

“Keep your voice down.” I say and join him in the hallway, hands at his throat, tying the tie for him.

“Manx will be here any minute and Anakin is coming for Padme sometime soon.” I finish his tie and straighten it for him, only then noticing the dark circles under his eyes.

“Are you still not sleeping?” I ask.

He shakes his head slightly. I give him a sad smile.

“I’m sorry the trinket didn’t work. Do you want to talk about the nightmare?”

He pauses for a moment, then says. “I’m on the field. We’ve just won a battle. An order comes through. It’s hazy, but I… we…” he trails off, a distant look on his face.

I hear heavy footsteps coming up the hall. Manx is strutting towards me, in a ghastly dark green suit. Fives turns and sees him and has to stifle a laugh. I elbow him hard.

“I see you’ve kept her safe for me. You look ravishing tonight, Keira.” Manx says and takes my arm in his rather than offering me his hand or any other gentlemanly gesture. He begins to walk me away and I cast a soft smile at Fives.

“See you in there.” I call and he nods.

The ballroom is much more grand than the one in Naboo. The ceiling is painted to resemble the night sky, with lights twinkling as stars. Dim warm lights are cast about the room, and the glittering ballgowns filling the room seem even more brilliant in this atmosphere. A quartet plays music in a corner, upbeat and classical. The floor is whirring with twirling, dancing bodies. Others stand along the edges, talking and sipping wine and champagne. I can’t help myself, I scan the crowd for Rex.

I see no shock of close-cropped blonde hair, no familiar face or smile. I deflate just a little. He isn’t here yet. Suddenly, I’m thrust into conversation with a Senator from Alderaan, and thus my night begins. I dance with strangers, I converse with Separatists, I drink with Republic members, and I gather intel. I have much to report on tomorrow evening when we return to Coruscant. So far I’ve successfully been able to ditch Manx, instead filling my time with reconnaissance efforts. Still, I have yet to see Rex. I’m starting to get worried.

A tap on my shoulder and I’m overjoyed, he must finally be here, I turn grinning, only to see the one person I’d been trying to avoid all night smiling at me.

“A dance?” He asks and holds out his hand. Knowing Chandrillan customs and that those around me heard him ask, I must oblige. I follow him out to the floor. A lilting, melodic tune plays, and we begin a classic dance.

“I see you received my gift.” He states, eyes lingering on my throat then creeping down to my breasts, sleazily. I clear my throat to draw his eyes back to mine.

“Yes. It is very appreciated. If you’d like, I can return it to you after the Ball.”

He laughs. “No, no, it was a true gift. But I wonder if you might want to thank me for it?”

Interally I groan but give him a saccharine smile.

“Thank you, Sir Manx.” His grin is blinding and turns my stomach. His hand tightens around my waist.

“I wonder if there is another way you might show your appreciation to me. It was no small price, you see.”

Is he serious?

“You just don’t know when to quit, do you?” I whisper to him harshly, and he is taken aback. His grip on me tightens.

“Watch your tone, girl.” He snaps through gritted teeth and spins me sharply.

The song ends and I go to leave.

“Another dance.” He demands, pulling me back to him.

Just then, a voice cuts through our tension.

“I believe it is my turn for a dance.” My heart finally picks up pace.

Manx, obeying etiquette, bows and leaves in a huff. Then he’s here, and his arms are around me at last.

“You’re here.” I breathe. He smiles at me brilliantly and holds me at arm's length. He looks me up and down, his face glowing, then pulls me back close. “You look… so beautiful.” He whispers to me, and sends me for a small spin. I’m drawn back close to his chest, this dance a slower, more romantic pace than previous ones. Rex wears a dark blue suit, complimenting his tan skin and golden hair. His tie seems to be made of the same material as my skirt, glinting and glimmering in the light. It’s hard to take my eyes off him but I know I must. This is a mission. I gaze around the room, at the other couples dancing the same way we are. I see Anakin dancing with a Chandrillan woman, Padme with a Separatist man. Then a thought occurs to me.

“Rex, will you get in trouble? For dancing with me?” I expect to see worry in his eyes but I only see a radiance I wish I could bottle.

“I’m only debriefing with my General about some important conversations I’ve heard tonight.”

I smile, it’s a decent cover. “And what have you heard?” I ask as we flit about the room.

“I’ve heard, from more than one, that you are the most breathtaking person here tonight.” I blush and look away.

“Hey.” He says softly, drawing my eyes back to his. “Truly, mesh’la. You are stunning. I am so lucky to be with you here tonight.”

My heart skips a beat. His hand is so warm in mine, and the one on my lower back is a comforting guide around the room. I try not to lean my head too close to his as he dips me, fearing I’ll kiss him out of want and habit.

The song slows and so do we, our bodies even closer, our faces cheek to cheek. “I want to remember this night forever, cyarika.” He whispers to me and I all but melt in his arms. We spin about the room and for just a moment, no one else exists. It's just me and Rex and the music. A smile never leaves my face.

The song ends, far too soon, and we step away, our eyes locking. I flick mine to his lips. I want nothing more than to kiss him, right here, right now. He hesitates and I wonder if he’s thinking the same thing.

“May I interrupt?” A soft, sweet voice divides us, and a lovely young lady looks expectantly at Rex. He nods and offers his arm to her for a dance, as is custom. I leave the floor, reeling.

Throughout the rest of the night, I catch glimpses of him, our eyes meeting at every turn and every brief moment between conversations and dances. Soon enough, The music dies down, and the dancing ends. I’m still aglow from my dance with Rex, but the flame is short-lived as Manx approaches me.

“Shall I walk you to your room?” He asks, innuendo in his voice. I flick my gaze around for Rex, and find him conversing with a few of the other guests security details.

“I.. uh…” I say. “Need to speak with my Captain. About the mission.” I say and excuse myself from him. I think that’s the last I’ll have to deal with him, that he will finally give up, but instead he stands there as I leave and seems to wait for my return.

Get a clue. I think. I approach Rex and he breaks from his little crew to speak with me.

“Everything okay?” He asks. I lean close and speak softly.

“Rex could you… ah.. escort me to my room? My chaperone would like to, but I don’t feel… safe should that happen.”

Storms flicker in his eyes and he gives a terse nod. “Ofcourse.” And I take his arm as we leave the ballroom and make our way towards the guest rooms. Once out of the ballroom I feel like I can finally breathe. “Thanks, I owe you one.” I whisper and grip his arm tight. He smiles and plants a quick kiss atop my head in the isolation of the hallway.

Soon, too soon, we are at my door. We stop and stand outside of it. “Tonight was… amazing.” I say and he smiles in agreement. There’s a pause, the air thick with unspoken intention and growing need. Looking in his eyes, I can’t take it anymore, and lean into his arms and kiss him. Without hesitation he kisses me back, our lips moving, dancing their own dance of the evening. The kiss is deep and it stirs in my soul the need for more and more of him. “Will you come in?” I ask. He says nothing, he can’t because his lips are on mine again, he only nods furiously into the kiss. His hands cup my face and I place mine on his chest as the kiss deepens even further.

Tonight, I decide, I will have him. This will mean something. Tonight. 

We didn’t hear him coming.

“Rex.” The angry voice calls. We break apart in shock, and are met with a seething Anakin.

No. No. No.

Anakin had suspected but he didn’t know, hadn’t had proof until now.

“Walk with me.” 

“Anakin please-“ I call but he holds up a hand.

“Rex. Now.”

Rex gives me a look, one of sadness and apology, and I want him to stay, I want him to fight back, but he takes his hand off my face and looks at Anakin.

“Yes, General.”

The two walk into the darkness of the hall and disappear into the night.

I slip into my room slamming the door behind me. In a daze, I try to make my way to the bed, but the skirt of my dress is too much, and the corset too tight, and I suddenly can’t breathe. Everything is colliding around me, the objects of the room swirling in the air. I fall to the ground and the room falls with me.

How could I be so reckless? Why wasn’t I thinking?

The force within me rains icicles, slicing down into my soul. I am so, so afraid. What will happen now? To Rex, to us? My body is wracked with sobs. I must find calm in this. I must find peace. I hear a darkness singing hymns in my ears, and I have to keep my wits about me.

In my pool of glimmering blue on the floor I ground myself and breathe. It’s easily an hour before I can set my heart to a normal pace, breathe as I should.

With this newfound calmness comes a determination. Fuck Anakin and his hypocrisy. He doesn’t control me, he isn’t my Master. I stand, muscles tensing. I’m going to go find them, and reason with Anakin. Force him to make this make sense, whatever issue he has with Rex and I. I gather my skirts and march to the door, flinging it open, 

And there’s Rex, arm upraised as if to knock. I’m taken aback, not expecting this. His breathing is ragged, as if he’s just run a mile. His tie is undone and hangs around his shoulders and neck, and he’s lost his suit jacket, left only in his button-up shirt and slacks.

“Rex what are…” I go to ask but suddenly he’s in my room, closing the door behind him, and his hands and mouth are on me. He is trembling, from passion or what emotion I can’t tell, but he is hungry as a man starved.

“Just kiss me.” He says, needy, and I do. I kiss him back, hard. Our mouths open, and tongues explore each other's lips and mouths. He groans into my kiss and bunches his hands into my hair. He pulls from my lips and kisses the corners of my mouth, my cheeks, my chin and down my neck, suckling on my collarbone.

This will leave a mark, crucial evidence I didn’t imagine this whole thing up. I go to unbutton his shirt, but my fingers are fumbling and he has to help me. Once his chest is bare, I bring my mouth back to his and my hands explore every ridge and valley of his tanned skin and muscles. Every scar sends shivers up my spine as it passes beneath my fingertips.

“I want you, Cyare.” He moans into my mouth, “I need you, right now.”

I nod into his kiss unable to speak, and he growls reaching for the back of my dress. He is dismayed to feel the hundred jeweled buttons trailing down my back, trapping me in. I try to help him start unbuttoning me but before I can, his fingers are digging into the fabric and there is a terrific ripping sound as hundreds of jewels and gemstones scatter to the floor and the dress pools around my feet.

I am bare before him, having forgone any underclothes to hopefully tease him about it later but now, now I am for the first time fully undressed in front of him. He seems to hold his breath as he looks at me, his eyes burning into every inch of my skin as he scans me.

“You…” he breathes then kisses me. “You’re perfect. So beautiful.”

I struggle to breathe as my hands fly to his belt trying desperately to free him, but he catches my wrists and his arm is under my legs, scooping me up.

“I told you the next time we did something like this I wanted to taste you, and I meant it."

He sets me on the bed on my back, knees upwards. He climbs up on the bed, head between my knees, and gently parts them. He kisses a line from my knee all the way down my thighs until he’s nipping and marking up my inner thighs.

“Please, mesh’la, can I taste you?” 

“Yes.” is all I can manage and he dives in. His mouth is hot on me, and immediately he drags his tongue from my core up to my clit, ending the motion by taking it into his mouth and sucking gently. I throw my head back and moan.

“Taste so fucking good, cyarika.” He says and continues, his tongue making soft circles around the sensitive bud, then lapping at the rest of me. I’m so wet for him, he must be drinking me at this point. As his mouth and tongue continue pushing me to the edge, I feel his fingers at my entrance. They slip into me and I clench around them, the sensation of both his mouth and his fingers almost too much.

“Rex…” I moan and writhe on the bed. He pulls up his other arm and drapes it across my hips, pinning me down. As I draw nearer and nearer to release, my hips attempt to buck and grind, but he holds me right in place.

“That’s it, beautiful.” He pants, “Come on my tongue. Want to taste you cumming.”

And I oblige him right there. The tension within me explodes and I feel like I do along with it. He withdraws his lips and hands from me as I come down, and I notice he is still clothed from the waist down. I sit up in a bolt, and reach for him.

“Patience, mesh’la.” He says. “Lay there and let me look at you. Please.” He nearly begs. I do. I lay there and watch as he so slowly, eyes on me, unbuckles his belt, then undoes his pants, slipping them and his boxers off and casts them aside. I expect him to start palming himself, to pounce on me, anything, but he just slowly moves up between my legs and sits back on his knees. I’ve been expecting voracious, hungry sex from him based on our past experiences, and this being the first time we have come this far. But he’s just looking at me, and then he’s leaning over me, and gives me the most gentle of kisses on the lips.

“Rex?” I ask, worry in my eyes.

“I want to take this slow. I want to take in every moment of this with you. Can we do that?” He whispers to me.

A hand on his chest and I nod, kissing him. He lingers in the kiss, then pulls away, positioning himself between my thighs.

“Oh, Keira.” He croons, and rubs the head of him between my folds, into my wetness. He’s right at my entrance.

“Ready, cyare?” He asks in a whisper.

“I’ve been ready for you.”

Slowly, he sheaths himself to the hilt inside me, and my back arches, my breath catches. He’s stretching me so beautifully, like I was made for him. Then he, well he isn’t fucking me, he’s intimate with me. He is slow, and thoughtful, and my body is filled with warm light. I’ve never had anything like this before. He’s moving in deep thrusts that reach the depth of my soul it feels. “Rex.” I breathe and he’s hunched, practically laying over me as he drives deeper and deeper with every thrust. My arms are gripping his back, his face buried in my shoulder.

This is bliss. This is prayer. This is meditation.

He’s calling my name, breathless, over and over, and I pull his face up to meet mine. Emotional, I’m kissing him, and something in this feels… off. Like the last sentence in a chapter. 

He’s moaning now, and I’m echoing it. He’s picked up speed, and he’s really nearly pounding into me. Suddenly, his hands are wrapping around my back, and he’s picking me up, still staying deep in my core the whole time. I’m straddling his lap now, and he’s picking me up and slamming me down onto him. I grind my hips into his on the downstrokes. Our lips don’t leave each other until we both feel ourselves coiling, colliding, reaching up and up and up.

“Can I…” he asks. “Where can I come, baby?”

I’m enraptured, and there’s only one thing I want. It’s safe but it always puts this sort of thing on an edge.

“Inside me.” I breathe and it must be what he wanted to hear because his strokes are hard and his voice and breath ragged in my ear. We both spiral out of control until we reach the stars. I feel him tense beneath me, and I’m spasming around him in response as we both reach climax together. The walls of the room glitter in my vision.

So gently, he sets us both down to lie in the bed, pulling himself from me in the process. We lay there for a few moments, my head on his chest with his hand in my hair. He places the sweetest of kisses on my brow and I look up at him.

“Rex?” A tone of fear in my voice.

“Not tonight, sweet girl.” He says. “I just want to be with you tonight.”

My heart hurts. I cuddle into him as closely as I can. I don’t realize when I fall asleep in his arms. 

---

The sun filters into the lush room, warming the far corners of the bed. I blink slowly awake. Rex isn’t here. I sit straight up in bed and call out, in case he’s in the fresher. Nothing. His clothing is gone. No trace of him ever having been here besides a small holoscreen on the table near the bed. I jump up and play the message stored on it. Rex’s hologram flickers to life. He sits on the edge of the bed, my sleeping form visible in the background.

“I’m sorry mesh’la.”

He says and already I start to panic, tears springing to my eyes. 

“By the time you wake up, General Skywalker and I will be gone. We will be on extended missions for the foreseeable future.”

No. 

“Fives will be with us as well.”

I’m falling apart. Both my boys? Gone, leaving me alone?

“The General feels this is for the good of the team. That we have lost sight of the war efforts. Keira, I never lost sight of what was important.”

Its hard to see in the blue glow of the holo, but there are tears in his eyes. 

“Tonight meant something to me. I hope it meant the same for you. “

I’m crying.

“Please Rex, no.”

But in the holo he looks back at my sleeping body and kisses my crown. 

“Goodbye mesh’la.”

And the holo cuts out.

[bigbadbatch]

In My Mind - Chapter 3

Chapter 3 - Delicate

Warnings: Semi-Public, Fingering, heavy jealousy.

Word Count: 2.5k

Listening Recs - Delicate and Chloe or Sam or Sophia or Marcus by T. Swift.

Naboo is beautiful in a way I can’t even describe. The sound of singing birds permeates the air, the breeze smells of flowers and salt water, and the palace we're staying at? I have never ever had this kind of luxury before. This moment feels like it's a thousand years from the Onderan revolution, but in reality, only three days have passed.

Rex, Fives, Anakin and I flit around a grand ballroom. This is day two of Chandrila Peace Ball training, and I must admit, I prefer this style of training to the style Jedi use in the temple and on the battlefield. No knives, no blasters, no sabers. Just music and conversational etiquette and dancing lessons. 

Tomorrow we leave for an excursion on Chandrila. Mon Mothma, a senator of the planet, is hosting a Peace Ball in her palace in Hanna City. Both Seperatists and Republic members will be in attendance, as a way to foster peaceful conversation and negotiations over expensive food, wine, and strict etiquettes. Chandrila has etiquette rules for everything; how you eat and speak, how you leave a conversation, how you breathe- practically. Any manner of small, typical moments in my day to day life could offend the wrong person if done at the Peace Ball. That’s why we are here in Naboo.

Padme Amidala, a Senator and not-so-secret lover of Anakin, is training us for this reconnaissance mission. Anakin and I, paired with a Nabooian high-family member, will attend as esteemed guests. Though Anakin is known across the galaxy as a Jedi, my low-profile missions allow me the luxury of staying unknown by most as one, meaning I can spy and get close to the other guests much more easily than he can at this Ball. Rex and Fives will attend as our security detail, but much to their dismay, must attend these dance lessons as well. It is a cardinal sin on Chandrila to deny someone a dance if asked, and Chandrillans do not differentiate between high level guests and lower level attendees- all are welcome on the floor.

So we see Rex and Fives, each in button-up shirts and slacks, dancing with a high birth Nabooian woman, trying hard not to step on their toes. It seems so strange to see them out of blacks or armor. Normally I would laugh at this, or make mental notes on what to tease Rex about later. Instead, I seethe, all because of her. 

The second we stepped off the ship yesterday she runs to greet him. “Rex!” She squeals and her arms are around his neck and she hugs him- too tightly. He pulls away, a startled look on his face. “I- uh- didn’t expect to see you, Nadine.” She giggles and tucks a strand of hair behind her ear coyly. My stomach is churning. He clearly knows this woman, and I don’t need the Force to tell me that he knows her a little too well for my liking. After dinner last night, he pulled me aside.

“Let me explain.” He said. I patiently hear him out.

Rex had an extended mission on Naboo during the Trade Federation crisis. Nadine and he had a fling: small, meaningless, nothing. It was years ago.

I smile at him and say “We all have a past.”

And I mean it. He knows my history with Fives, and has never let our one-time tryst bother him, even with Fives’ and I’s strong friendship and his being here. I want to give him that same courtesy back, but my heart twists and turns in my chest every time I hear her giggle and coo over him, no matter how much he tries to keep his distance.

As he continues dancing with her, learning the steps to yet another traditional Chandrilan ballroom dance, Fives walks over, taking a break from the dreaded dancing. He looks ragged, rather than rugged. “Fives, are you feeling okay?” I ask. With a slight shake of his head, he leans against the wall I’m standing near, and snatches my water out of my hand, guzzling it down.

I had talked to him after that night at 79’s, where the trooper accused me of sleeping around. Fives assured me he had never, would never, talk about it. I believe him.

With a heavy sigh he hands me back the empty cup he stole from me. “I haven’t been sleeping well. I keep having this nightmare.” He says quietly. I nod. “I know how that is.” I respond. Then I have a thought.

“Us Jedi have a little trinket we give to younglings who have trouble sleeping. We imbue it with the Force to calm them at night. I'd be happy to lend you mine, I bring it with me everywhere I go.” I don’t have the heart to tell him it hasn't worked for me or my nightmares since Rankill. He smiles softly at me.

“That’s sweet of you. I'll take anything at this point.”

I smile back at him. “I'll bring it to you at dinner.” I say and squeeze his shoulder. W

e look onto the ballroom floor where Anakin and Rex continue with their dance lessons. Nadine and Rex are practicing a particularly close and slow dance, and I hiss through my teeth.

“Easy, Keria.” Fives says under his breath. I sigh.

Fives knows all about Rex and I's... whatever this is. He is dual confidant to both of us, and our lookout at times.

“She’s fucking annoying.” I say quietly and he laughs. It feels good to hear him laugh. I realize I don’t recall him laughing since before the 79’s incident.

“Don’t worry about her. I have it on good authority that Rex finds her annoying as well.” He said hushed under the music.

A sly smile crosses my face at this. We are interrupted by my dance partner, done with his short lesson break and back to hold me captive once again.

I would be attending the ball as the guest of Sir Tils Manx, who’s family was the richest on Naboo.

“You’re ready to go again, I presume?” He asks as he puts his hand to my lower back as he leads me to the dance floor. One hand on my hip, the other in my outreached hand, we begin our measured twirling about the room. His hand is too low on my back, and he knows it. He is someone who is used to getting anything he wants, but not this time. I smile and nod, not engaging any further.

Last night as we all had cocktails after dinner, he saddled up next to me and struck up a conversation. At first, he was polite, asking generic questions about being a Jedi. Rex stood near my side, and I knew he was gasoline whilst ignoring Nadine.

“So.” Manx says.

“I know attachment is forbidden for a Jedi. But, and this may be too forward of me to ask, but I believe sex isn’t off the table?”

Rex nearly chokes on his drink and he sets it down on the table a little too hard.

“You’re right.” I say. “That was too forward.” And retire to my room. 

Here I am now dancing with him, and he hasn’t picked up on any of my hints. His hands are clammy, and though he may be attractive, I find him repulsive. I look over to where Rex and Nadine dance. She’s beautiful. Long blond hair, full lips. She’s bubbly, effervescent. No wonder Rex had been taken by her so long ago. I grit my teeth as she stares at his face a little too long.

Normally I wouldn’t care like this, and I might even have preferred it, once upon a time. I had gone home with couples before, and I enjoyed sharing the men I slept with, with other women. I enjoyed seeing them enjoy themselves. But this? The constant images that pop in my head of Rex and Nadine, touching, kissing, fucking? It makes me feel sick. The midnight storm of the Force within me is full of hail and freezing rain when I think of it.

“You seem distracted.” Manx says, and I look at him.

“Oh sorry, I can be a bit easily distracted sometimes.” I reply and he smiles.

He leans close as we perform a quick spin and whispers “I have something I’d love to distract you with, maybe later?” His breath is hot on my neck as he finishes his sentence and pulls away, and I do my best not to snap at him, already fuming from my impulsive thoughts of Rex and that woman.

“I’ll pass.” I say, and the music ends. We bow and before he can talk to me anymore, I storm off to the room I’ve been lent in this castle. I’m halfway there when footsteps catch up to me, and I turn thinking Manx is still at it.

“I’m not interested.” I snap, but look up into familiar eyes. “Oh. I’m sorry. I didn’t think it was you.” Rex’s face seems shocked at my outburst.

“I came to check on you, you left in a hurry. Everything okay?”

I sigh. “Yeah. I just am tired of dealing with Mr. Handsy.”

Rex’s jaw clenches at this. “I’ll talk to him.” He says sternly and goes to walk away but I grab his wrist.

“No. I only have to put up with him for a little longer, and I don’t want to make things worse. I’m just on edge.”

Rex relaxes his arm and his hand falls into mine. With a glance over his shoulder to check that the coast is clear of Jedi Masters and prying eyes, he steps close to me in the hallway. “I’ve missed you, mesh’la. We haven’t had any time alone.” He whispers and kisses me lightly. I kiss him back, suddenly reminded that it’s been days since I’ve felt his lips on mine. “I’d say you can sneak into my room tonight, but Anakin and Padme are right across the hall.” I whisper back. He groans in exasperation. Then there’s footsteps coming around the corner and we break apart, just a General and a Captain having a conversation.

“Oh there you are Rexy!” A high-pitched voice calls, and I know in that moment I’ll never call him Rexy again. Nadine nearly skips up to him and hooks her arm around his. “Oh hello, Keira” she says feigning innocence. I nod a hello back.

“I’m going to steal him away for some etiquette lessons.” She says and pulls on his arm. “It’ll likely run into dinner time so we will just have to have our dinner together Rexy.”

I ball my fist at my side. Dinner, alone with her?

“Have fun.” I call out as he is dragged away, looking at me with some emotion I can’t name on his face. 

---

Later that night, after dinner, I wander through the gardens. The hedges of lilac and lavender paint the fountains in the purple moonlight. I haven’t seen Rex again tonight since Nadine pulled him away before dinner. I’m almost glad for it. Manx had sat beside me at dinner, and under the table put his hand on my knee, daring to slide it up my thigh. I quickly brushed it away, but if Rex had seen, I wonder about what would have happened. Part of me wants to see him jealous like me, wonders if he feels as unhinged inside as I do when our dance partners are too close to us.

Rounding a corner I hear a giggle. I know that giggle. I step into the opening of a courtyard where benches surround a fountain. I scan the space, ready to come up with some excuse to have Rex leave with me. She’s had him long enough today. I freeze when I spot them. He sits, arms crossed on a bench beside her. His expression is unreadable, but he doesn’t look at her. She, however, is doing everything she can to be looked at.

“Didn’t you miss me at all, Rexy?” She coos and I can’t help it, I start to cross the courtyard. I’m halfway there when I’m stopped in my tracks.

She takes her hand and traces his ear with a finger. She grabs his chin and turns him to face her. Her other hand is on his chest and slides down until it rests on his belt. She’s leaning in, lips a breath away while I’m holding my own breath. She goes in for the kiss. 

I’m shaking.

He turns his head, Nadine missing his lips and kissing his cheek instead.

It’s still too much. In my haste to get away, I turn and trip, the scattering of stones giving me away. “Keira?” Rex calls, his voice strained. I don’t respond, I just walk away as quickly as I can. I don’t know where to go, I’m lost in the maze of the palace and end up in the ballroom. Broad pillars, three people wide, surround the inner circle of the room and the marble floors echo my steps. The only light coming in is from the large skylight taking up the whole ceiling. The outer circle of the room is bathed in darkness, and behind the pillars looks like a perfect place to cry. I am making my way there when There are hurried footsteps behind me and Rex calls out “Keira, wait!”

I freeze by a pillar, my hand on it supporting my weight. I feel dizzy and hurt and sick and angry and jealous all at once. Rex grabs my hand spinning me.

“Please Keira, listen to me.” He says and I just look up at him silently.

The force within me is icy.

“I’ve been trying to thwart her all day, this whole trip really.” He says his voice bouncing off the walls, amplified by the resounding acoustics in the ballroom.

“It’s fine.” I say flatly. The ice in my veins has taken over my voice. “You didn’t have to stop on my account.” I spit, and even I am shocked by it but I don’t stop. “If you want to be with her that’s fine. I’m not going to hold you back from what you want.”

He looks at me incredulously.” You know what I want. I want you.” He says.

I shrug. “I don’t know if maybe you want others too. We never defined this, I shouldn’t just assume you want exclusivity. Do what you want Rex.” And I turn to leave, heart pounding in that icy anger still. Rough hands grab me and pull me behind the pillar, pinning me against it in the darkness of the outer circle.

“Maker, you don’t get it do you?” He growls. He kisses me roughly then pulls away. “I only want you. I want you every second of every day. I want to be with you in the open, I want everyone to know that you’re mine, that I want you to be mine.”

He kisses me again and this time his hand is gathering my dancing skirt hiking it up high on my thighs. “Rex.” I whisper.

“Shut up and listen to me, just for a second.” He snaps.

I’ve never seen this side of him. He puts his middle two fingers in his mouth, wetting them, then he’s pulling my panties to the side and, oh Maker, he’s touching me.

“Do you know how it’s feels seeing Manx all over you since we got here?” He snarls.

His fingers make tight, fast circles on my clit and I’m gasping. He’s really touching me like this, in an open ballroom where anyone can walk in, hidden only by the night and a marble pillar.

“Do you know how angry, how jealous I’ve been, knowing he wants you? That he wants to be-”

his fingers move and he plunges them into me

“-inside you?”

My walls are fluttering and I am suddenly so wet for him.

“Rex.” I whine. He’s pumping his fingers in and out of me with haste, and the palm of his hand hits my clit with every thrust.

“You’re my girl. Got it? Not his, not anyone else’s, mine.”

I’m coming undone, completely in his hands. He kisses me again, his other hand coming to my throat.

“I want you, Keira. I want to be with you, and near you, and inside you. Only you. I'm yours.”

I can’t help it, I’m coiling tightly inside, flying higher and higher, I start to moan and the moan echoes along the marble walls and floor until Rex clasps a hand over my mouth. I look at him with wide eyes.

“Stay quiet, cyarika.” He says. “You want everyone to know that you’re about to come on my fingers? In the ballroom? Anyone could walk by and hear it. Shit, anyone could come in at any time and just see me making a mess of you like this.”

I’m losing it. This is so erotic and I’m on the brink.

“Come for me mesh’la” he growls in my ear, as he bites down on my neck and I obey. My body is racked with convulsions and I come, hands gripping the pillar keeping me upright. I scream and it’s muffled by his hand still on my mouth. My eyes flutter closed Rex removes his hands from both my core and my mouth. 

I open my heavy eyes to see him staring at me. He raises his hand to his lips and take those two fingers into his mouth, sucking them clean.

“Next time.” He says “I’m going to really taste you.”

Instantly I’m filled with need.

“Fuck me, Rex.” I blurt and my hands reach for his belt, my lips for his lips. “I want you, now.” I breathe.

I almost have his pants undone when he grabs my wrists and pins them on the pillar above my head.

“Not here.” He says strained.

“My room, we can sneak in.” I say, pleading.

He grits his teeth and stares at me

“I need you to fuck me Rex, Please.” And I’m squirming in his grip.

His hold tightens “Maker. Don’t beg me mesh’la. I can’t help myself if you beg.”

I look at him with doe eyes, lips trembling. “I need you.” I whisper.

He looks back at me, with a new determination. “No.” He says, and my breath catches.

“We’ve both been so patient mesh’la.” He breathes. “And when I fuck you…” he says leaning closer. “And I mean really fuck you…” his teeth are on my ear then on my neck. “It’s going to mean something. Because you mean something to me mesh’la.”

I’m frozen as he gently brings his lips to mine and kisses me more tenderly than he ever has. “So keep being patient.” He says and releases my hands. My legs nearly buckle, and he holds me upright.

“I would walk you to your room.” He says “but I worry everything I just said will come undone and I won’t be able to help myself from going in there with you tonight.”

I nod understanding, at a loss for words. I kiss him gingerly. “Goodnight.” I whisper. With a kiss on my forehead- he’s gone.

[bigbadbatch]

In My Mind

Chapter Two-Midnight Rain

Captain Rex x f!JediOC

Exposition/Chapter One (mentions of smut)

Word Count: 4.2k

Warnings: Smut, smut, smut. Nipple Play, oral m/receiving. Mentions of hostage/torture/war. Plenty of tension. Let's get this party started.

Listening Rec's - Midnight Rain and So High School by T. Swift

I thought my dreams would get better now that Rex knows about my feelings toward him, but if anything they’re worse.

Much worse.

Nearly every night now I dream of him, of us. My nightmares have all seemed to stop, making more and more room for dreams of Rex. Dream of his lips, and his hands, and the parts of him I've yet to uncover.

It’s time to debrief from our last mission, and it is far too early in the morning for me to be awake after a night full of dreams. “You okay, Keira? You’ve been tired a lot lately.” Ahsoka innocently asks as she drinks a cup of caf and waits for her Master to start the meeting. “I just haven’t been sleeping well.” I admit. At that moment, Skywalker struts in and gives me a look.

“You should be doing your best to get good rest. Don’t let… distractions disrupt the team.”

I glare at him. He had noticed Rex and I spending more time together, and without proof had decided he knew what was going on. Rex and I have been so careful to remain as hidden as we can with our budding affections. A hypocritical judgment had been cast from Anakin onto us, and it irks me. The whole platoon knows of him and Padme, but he thinks Rex and I shouldn’t try to make whatever this is work. 

Things really hadn’t changed much between Rex and I since that night at the bar. Sure, we spent more time together, ate our meals together and tried our best to get put on missions together, but really that was all. We had no labels, no expectations. We hadn’t even kissed again since that night. After opening up to him, and after our kiss that night, we both agreed to let things fall naturally- that our friendship came first, always. 

As if on cue, in walks Rex, yawning.

“Sorry I’m late.” He grumbles. “Didn’t sleep well.”

Anakin clears his throat and eyes me. “I expect the whole team to be well rested for our next few missions. Tomorrow we leave for Onderon to train a set of rebels on how best to defend the planet. Once that’s covered we have to make way to Naboo for a bit of politics and education for our big mission on Chandrila in two weeks. Master Kenobi and I will be making a few decisions on who is best for the Chandrila mission so stay tuned. It’s going to require poise, stealth and focus, which I know we have very little of in all of the 501st.”

The meeting drags on, and as Rex and I keep catching each other’s eyes, I grow more and more ready for this meeting to end, and for us to be together. Rex was joining me for my daily meditation today. He has been asking for awhile to join me, but I’ve always brushed him off. It was already hard enough to focus during meditation without him there, but he seemed so interested, I finally gave in. 

As soon as Anakin finishes up, Rex nods to me and steps out into the hall. I make my way to my bunk, the most secluded and quiet place in the barracks, and clear the floor for our meditation session. I’m sitting cross legged on the floor, beginning my deep breathing practice when Rex knocks on the door. I open it with the Force and see him enter, helmet under his arm, one hand behind his back. I perk up at the sight of that.

“Did you bring me a surprise, Rexy?”

He chuckles and brings out his arm, a brown paper bag in his fist. “Your favorite naroissants from the bakery downtown. Snagged them this morning. I figured meditation might work up our appetites.”

I laugh and hop up, taking the bag from his hand, our fingers brushing and sending electric currents up my arm. “Thank you, you’re too good to me.” I say softly, and he smiles at me. I set the snacks down on my dresser and turn to face him, hands on my hips. “Alright.” I say. “You have to be able to sit down comfortably in a cross legged position for awhile. Can you do that in armor?”

He laughs and sets down his helmet next to our bag of snacks. “Why mesh’la, trying to get me down to my skivvies already?”

I blush and start to stutter when he chimes in. “I’m just messing with you. I’m wearing my blacks, so I’ll be well covered. That okay?”

I nod and turn to let him strip his armor. I resume my seated position and begin to take deep breaths once more. He slips into a seated position across from me. His blacks are basically tight under-armor sweats, clinging to him. I do my best not to stare at the way his broad chest rises and falls with his breath.

“Okay.” I say, clearing my throat. “You sure you want to do this? Meditation can be boring for someone who’s never done it before.”

He smiles gently at me and nods. “I want to know what it’s like for you. I want to know more about you and your Jedi customs that I hear so much about.”

I grin and guide him through the first few steps- how to best position yourself, how to ground yourself, how to breathe. Then, together, we begin.

Our breaths are even, slow. The room is quiet, and seems to breathe with us. Focus. I tell myself. Forget he’s there. Forget his body is so close to yours. Forget the feeling of him close to you, kissing you all those nights ago. I slightly shake my head. This isn’t working.

If I can’t forget about him being in this room, I need to use him as a focus tool. I clear my mind again and this time I reach out with the Force. The world around me is dark behind my closed eyes, but I can see the glimmering outlines of my room with the vibrations of the Force around me. I look inward first.

I appear as a tumultuous storm. Freezing rain and moonlight take up the space my body should in my mind’s eye. It makes sense. I’ve appeared this way since Rankill, since joining the 501st. There’s something calming to me about the chaos of my Force signature.

Then I reach out to Rex. My breath halts.

Springtime on Naboo. The sunshine of Tatooine, bright and brilliant. He is warm and bright and comforting, the Force radiating from within him.

What a pair we make. I bask in his glow, and sigh in my meditative state, relaxing for once. The storm of midnight rain within me slows to a moonlit mist, and for the first time in months, I feel a sense of peace that I haven’t been able to achieve alone. Slowly I open my eyes. Rex sits across from me, and even without the aid of the Force, he still seems to glow for me. 

He is fidgeting, and doing his very best to stay still and focus, but I can tell it’s futile for him. I feel lead by magnetism towards him, and on all fours I crawl across to him and sit in front of him on my knees. “Rex.” I whisper. His eyes fly open. “Do you want to see what I see, when I meditate?” He nods. Sitting in the same position as him, knees touching, I take his hands. We both close our eyes again. This time, when I reach out to the Force, I encompass Rex in my mind’s eye, sharing my sight with him, an old trick my Master used to do when training me. Rex sucks in a breath and trembles. “Woah.” Is all he can manage.

“Don’t forget to breathe.” I whisper, knowing how intense it can be seeing through the Force for the first time. I show him the room, and then turn him to himself.

“That’s you.” I whisper. “In the force. Bright sunlight.” His hands shake in mine.

“I look like that? Does everyone?” He asks.

“No.” I respond. “Everyone looks different, we are all individuals in the Force.”

He squeezes my hands once, twice. “Can I see you, mesh’la?”

I pause, then show him. He has tried so hard recently to be patient with me and udnerstand me and my hesitations about our attraction to one another. The least I can do is show him this side of me, the truest form of me. The silence when I show him is permeating.

My storm picks up, wind and rain and hail against the night. “Wow.” He breathes. I open my eyes and drop his hands, not knowing whether to feel shy or embarrassed. His eyes flutter open and he looks at me in a new way. There’s quiet. Then he whispers, so softly, gazing at me. “You’re so beautiful.” I blush and look down. Then he’s on his knees, closing the distance between us. His hand reaches up to my face and brings my mouth to his. His kiss is soft and gentle at first, a lighter repeat of our tryst at the bar. His hand cups my face and pulls me deeper into the kiss. I'm drunk on the smell of him, and the flutter in my stomach returns with full force. He wraps his other arm around my back, and pulls me into his lap and I impulsively wrap my legs around him.

This is the most intense our connection has ever been, and I’m losing sight of my inhibitions. This is what I’ve been wanting. I was no stranger to quick rounds of lust and achieving what I and my partner for the night needed. My guilt and fear and anxiety are silenced by the memory of his sunshine and warmth. I wrap my arms around his neck, needing to be somehow closer. My arms and legs wrapped around him, he gathers his feet under him and stands, carrying me with him. He walks the few feet to my bed and sets me gently on it.

“Is this okay?” He asks breathless and I nod, kissing him a bit more feverishly in our new environment. I lay back and pull him over me, and he braces himself above me with one arm, the other hand on my ribs as he kisses me deeply. His lips leave mine and make a trail down my jaw to my neck, where his kisses feel like fire beneath my skin, my pulse racing. He brings his lips back to mine and I nip at his bottom lip. I’ve lost all sense of time and space. All there is, is Rex and me. His left hand is under my shirt now, and edging up towards my bra, so painfully slowly. He pulls from me.

“Mesh’la.” he breathes. “How far do you want this to go?”

My mind is too aflame to know where to draw a line. “I’ll let you know, is that okay?” I ask, nervous.

“Ofcourse.” He whispers, kissing me again and saying “Your wish is my command. You call the shots, remember?” 

I nod and pull him back to me. Slowly, eyes on mine the whole time, his hand slips under my bra and cups my breast. He is so warm, and his rough hand sends my sensitive skin prickling under his touch. “So far, so good?” He asks and I nod. I kiss him and I gasp when he ever so lightly pinches my nipple, biting his bottom lip hard in response. I sit up, and I reach for my shirt, crossing it over my head, unhooking my bra, tossing both to the side. It’s funny, I have never been shy- certainly not with any of my flings. But Rex? I’ve never wanted someone to want me in the way I want him to.

He stares at my revelation, eyes dark and hungry. He pulls his own shirt off and pulls me to him, kissing and nibbling at my collarbone. He kisses down my sternum, just between my breasts my nipples hard in the coolness of my room. He lowers his mouth to a breast, his warm breath raising goose bumps on the skin. He flicks his eyes up to me in question, I put a hand to his face in response, thumb brushing his cheekbone reassuringly. His lips are soft as they wrap around my nipple, and he sucks me in lightly. I throw my head back. My other breast is kneaded in the grip of his hand. Then- a banging at the door.

Rex gently bites my nipple in response to the sudden noise, and I clamp my hand over my mouth to avoid moaning out loud. 

“Rex I know you’re in there, you’re needed in the Mess, fight broke out between some troops. Step to it.” Fives yells and bangs on the door again as he leaves. Rex removes himself from my breasts.

“Poor timing, as usual with Fives.” He says, and with both hands on each side of my head pulls me into a deep kiss then stands, putting on his shirt. I stay seated on the bed, as if in shock.

I was not expecting this to happen.

Rex slips his armor back on, and brings me the bag of goodies he had snatched for me. “I told you we might work up an appetite.” He laughs, and leans in to kiss me one last time, long and deep, before putting on his helmet. “I hope to continue this soon, mesh’la.” Then he’s gone.

—

Onderon is humid and hot, the jungle habitat teeming with life and strife. Separatists had taken over the planet, and under Master Skywalker’s command a small team of he, Master Kenobi, Rex, Ahsoka, and myself had been dispatched to teach a group of rebels how to defend themselves and hopefully secure their planet once more. Our goal was to get the rebel band ready enough to take back their capitol city of Iziz. We had already succeeded in our first impromptu battle against a few droids that had ransacked the encampment. The rebels were strong and tough and led by the Gerrera's, which meant luck was on their side. Tomorrow we would strike the city, and take out as many droid depots as we could.

Since the attack on the camp earlier, each of the Jedi has taken a shift to be on guard. I’m on shift, and the humid jungle night has me sweating. I’m alone out here, in the dark, with everyone else trying their best to rest for the day ahead. I peel off my tunic, the breeze hitting the bare skin of my stomach and neck and bringing me some much needed relief. My combat bra clings to me as I fan myself. Ahsoka would be relieving me soon. As if she could hear me, she comes out of her tent yawning, back in her bandeau to beat the heat. I wish her a good night as I go to my tent, eager for a few hours of sleep before a big day. I pause at the entrance to my tent.

Had I not closed this opening when I left?

Drawing my saber, I ignite, the cool blue glow illuminating the outside of the tent.

“Easy!” Whispers Rex harshly. “It’s just me. I was dropping off some water and gear for you. I didn’t think your shift ended so…” he stops short when he sees me.

My legs are long and bare beneath my rolled up combat leggings, and my bra hides only what was necessary. Where my usual first instinct would be to cover up, with Rex I heat up instead.

“Too hot for clothes?” He whispers, smirking.

I'm suddenly struck with a deliciously mean idea. “You tell me.” I say as I push past him and into my tent, disarming my saber. Only the moonlight dimly lights the inside of my tent now, as Rex stands at the entrance, enraptured. Slowly, my back to him, I unhook my bra and slip it off of me. I can sense him stiffen behind me in more ways than one. I ceremoniously roll down my leggings until I’m bare, my backside silhouetted for him in the night. I toss on a light, breathable tunic, and I turn back to face him, his mouth ajar.

“Much cooler now, Captain.” I say and even in the darkness I see his blush. I walk to him and give him a swift kiss on the cheek. “Goodnight.” I whisper in his ear. Before I can close the tent opening he gently grabs my chin and directs me back to him, to his lips, and kisses me hungrily. “G’night” he growls, and closes my tent for me, stomping off.

—-

The rebellion has gone anything but according to plan. Saw Gerrera and I sit locked in a room in the city of Iziz, a droid interrogating and torturing us intermittently. The deposed President is set to be executed later today and I am running out of time to find a way to get us out of here.

As impulsive and violent Saw has proven to be, I am in awe of his ability to withhold under torture. I was trained by the Jedi to be a mental fortress, to find peace in the Force when in pain. Saw seems to feed off of the pain, letting it fuel his anger. We sit in this desolate room, shackled when not in the Electroholder, for two days.

Suddenly, the man who has previously been in charge of keeping us here walks in, a gun to his back.

“Easy now. Unlock the restraints and step to the wall.” A familiar voice calls.

“Rex!” I say as the shackles fall away and I’m running to his arms. One arm holding the blaster, the other holds me tight. He briefly presses his helmet to my temple. “Gave me quite a scare mesh’la. Time to get out of here.” 

Saw charges past, and Rex and I follow into the fray. Ahsoka has just saved the rightful President, and the city is in chaos. I hear chatter in Rex’s comm. “Affirmative General, hostages rescued. Headed to the ship now, gonna need medical when we hit Coruscant.” Only when he mentions medical do I realize just how sore my body is, how tired I am. “Did we do it?” I ask, leaning into him for stability as we make our way to the cruiser.

“Yes, Cyare, we did it. The city is free and it’s time to get you home.”

At that he scoops me up before my legs can collapse, the adrenaline wearing off, and spirits me away to safety.

---

I wake up in my own bed, feeling alive and pain free. The bacta they had given me in medical had cured my lacerations and bruises, and all that was left of my time in Onderan was a sense of relief. I look around my dark room. It must be the middle of the night. I spot a note in my bedside table and reach to open it.

Keira, I tried to wait for you to wake up, but I started to draw attention hanging around your door too much. If you wake up and need me, come get me.

Yours,

Rex

Did I need him? I don’t know. But I definitely wanted him. He had broken me free, and I felt the sight of him bursting into that room, gun drawn, the moment we stood head to head, had done something to me. Perhaps I dreamed in my bacta-induced sleep the type of dreams I had come to relish.

Regardless, I wanted to thank Rex, for his help.

I tiptoe down the corridors of the 501st’s barracks to just outside the Captain’s quarters. I lightly knock and hear a stirring inside, feet hitting the cold floor of the room and striding to the door. It slides open with a soft whoosh. 

When I see what stands before me, my mind is made up. 

Rex stands, shirtless and in only a pair of tight regulation boxers, running a hand through his short hair. “This better be good, brothe….” He falls short when he realizes I’m not a clone here to interrupt his rest, and a blush creeps up his face.

“Mind if I come in?” I ask and he steps to the side, offering the open door to me. The door closes behind me and I turn to face him.

“I didn’t want to wake you but I needed to see you.” I say quietly.

He reaches for me and holds me at arm's length, scanning me. “Everything okay? Are you okay? How are you feeling?” His hands are warm, and I take one in my hands and bring the palm up to my lips, kissing it.

“I’m feeling good.” I bring up his other hand and kiss it’s palm too.

“Really good. I wanted to thank you for your daring rescue.” I reach up and kiss him lightly on the lips. “Will you let me thank you, Rex?” 

He looks me deep in the eyes and sees the intention there.

“Fuck yes.” He murmurs and kisses me, hard.

His hands in my hair, he pushes me lightly against the wall. One hand to the back of his neck and I kiss and nibble the other side of it. I slide my free hand down his chest, past the muscles of his abdomen, until my palm rests on the firm, large bulge in his boxers.

“Oh kriff.” He sighs as I give a small squeeze and bite his bare shoulder. Eye locking, I slide down the wall and his body, coming to my knees before him. 

Maintaining eye contact, I kiss him through the constraint of his boxers, and hook my fingers into the band. Pulling them down, he springs free and I am left breathless in anticipation. Having had prior experience with Fives, I can now confirm that the clones aren’t identical in every way. The blond, trimmed hair trailing from the base of him up his abdomen was new, for one. The length and girth of him, another. Astonished, I fist my hand around him, and look up grinning. He rubs a hand over his face, unsure if he is dreaming.

Flattening my tongue I lick up his shaft, eliciting a gasp.

“Thank you...” I say, then lick up him again, leaving him shuddering.

“For saving…” I trail kisses down his veins.

“Me.”

With this, I take the head of him into my mouth and suck lightly. He moans, and it is a beautiful sound that sends shivers up my spine. “Mesh’la.” He groans, and brings a hand to knot in my hair.

I slowly work my way down him, my throat adjusting to his considerable size. I reach my limit and gag slightly, and look up at him in embarrassment only for his hips to stutter and have him say my name like a prayer. I pull off of him. “You like that, Rex? Like when I gag on your cock?” 

“Maker, yes, Keira.” He breathes, and I take him as deeply as I can again, bottoming out again and still not taking the whole of him. I’m needy- I’ve needed him for so long. He shudders again, and now both of his hands are in my hair.

“Mesh’la, this is much more of a thanks than I deserve, you’re doing so well, taking it so well.” He growls.

At this encouragement my core throbs and my stomach flutters. Using my hand to make up for the bit of him my mouth can’t handle, I start to suck harder, take him faster and as deep as I can, gagging every time I go too far. With every bob of my head I feel him flex and tense. “Baby.” He whispers.

He’s never called me that, and I’m almost caught off guard, but I don’t let my tempo falter. Using my hand and the thick strings of spit connecting me to him, I begin to pump him, as my mouth kisses the place between his shaft and the heavy, hanging part of him that begins to tighten.

“Gonna come, cyarika.” He moans and I look up at him.

“Where do you want to come? I’m all yours.” I ask. “My face? My throat?”

He nods at this, and I take him back into my mouth, quick, deep sucking strokes until I feel that first hot rope of cum, then I take him as far back into my throat as I can, gagging around him, drinking in his release. His breath is ragged and the sound that tears from his throat is guttural. His hands tighten in my hair, but he doesn’t push me down further onto him, knowing I can’t take anymore.

When I feel his body start to relax, I back off of him, and with a healthy dose of eye contact, wipe my lips with the back of my hand. His eyes are glazed, but I swear I can see stars in them as he winds his arms under mine and picks me up off my knees. His lips meet mine, hungrily. “My turn.” He growls. I shake my head and give him a quick peck then lean to whisper in his ear. “This was my thank you for saving me, remember?” I nip at his earlobe and push off of him, heading for the door. 

“Sweet dreams, Rexy.” I call quietly, as I slip out of his room and into the dark corridor, a smile on my face, heart racing. The door closes behind me and I let loose the breath I had been holding and head back to my room for what will surely be a night full of the best/worst kind of dreams.

[bigbadbatch]

In My Mind

Chapter One: Anti-Hero

Liked my "Guilty as Sin?" one shot? Love Captain Rex and/or Taylor Swift? Well, do I have a fic for you!

Captain Rex x F!JediOC

Warnings:

Slut-Shaming, Sexual Repression/Aggression. Religious Trauma, general trauma, mentions of smut.

This chapter is going to feel like an extension of the Guilty as Sin oneshot, but it's doing a lot of set up for what I have planned. Enjoy it on it's own, or as a series!

Listening Recommendations:

Anti-Hero and Guilty as Sin? by Taylor Swift

It’s midnight, and I’m sitting in the holo room alone, going over strategies again and again. I do this every so often, when my body feels like it’s humming with energy, and my mind is a racing speeder through the streets of Coruscant. More and more my nights are taken up by this anxiety, and if not, they’re taken up by nightmares or dreams. I argue that the nightmares might not even be as bad as the dreams. My nightmares are always of past events, losing my first friend in this bloody war, the Battle of Rankill, my Master… But dreams? Those were always of the future- something that I can’t control. Yeah, the good dreams are much worse than the bad. 

“Can’t sleep?”

I jolt upright in my chair and reach for the lightsaber at my side. 

“Hold it, it’s just me. Thought you could use something to drink.” 

I relax. It’s Rex. He sets down a steaming mug on the table in front of me, and the smell of cinnamon is a welcome distraction from my previous downward spiral. 

“Thanks. How’d you know I was in here?” I ask and he laughs, deep and soft. 

“When I came by your bunk and you weren’t there, it wasn’t hard to narrow down where you’d be. Here or the training room are your haunting grounds.” He says as he pulls up a chair next to me and props his feet on the table, a cup of tea in his hand as well. 

“What battle are you studying this time?” He asks, blowing steam from his cup.

“You already know.” I say quietly before shutting down the holo table. He suddenly sits a little straighter, and becomes stern.

“Keira. We’ve talked about this. It isn’t healthy.”

I fold my arms and sit back in my chair. I don’t respond. Rex sets down his mug and softens. 

“Hey.” He says quietly, and puts a hand on my shoulder. The heat of him feels like a burn, and the dream that woke me earlier comes back to me. Dreams prove I have something I can lose- an attachment growing. Attachment is strictly forbidden in the Jedi code, and for good reason. I shrug off his hand and try not to notice the hurt on his face.

We had been fast friends ever since I was transferred to the 501st after the loss of my Master. Anakin and Ahsoka had been welcoming, as had their comrades. Fives and Echo were my close confidants, but I was closer to no one more than Rex. He knew that every time I came to this Holo Table I rewatched the battle where I lost my Master, seeking some sense of understanding for how it all went so wrong, so fast. Rex knows me.

Together we’ve laughed, and the bond of friendship between us felt good, until it didn’t. Now when I see his face, that close crop of blonde hair, his smile- my stomach twists and flutters. My cheeks flush. 

I jump up and start to clean up the room as I ready to leave. 

“You were looking for me in my bunk. Did you need something, Rex?” I ask as I put away the holodisks I had pulled. I feel like I am moving in twice-speed, fumbling and rushing. 

“Keira.” He says softly, and again his hand is on me, and he’s turning me, and suddenly I’m face to face, chest to chest, and looking in his eyes. 

My breath catches, and I force myself to take a moment. 

“What’s going on, mesh’la? I came to find you because you’ve been distant. Have I done something? Are you mad at me?” He pulls his hand down my shoulder to my elbow and holds it there, comfortingly. I can’t help it, I laugh. 

“No, no. Nothing’s wrong. I’m not mad at you. I just.. have a lot on my mind right now. I’m a mess.” I sigh and hang my head. In the dim light of the holo room, tears sparkle in my vision. Normally when I feel like this- out of control or lost, Rex is the first person I turn to. But now, I want to bolt as fast as I can out the door. 

His hand is on my chin now, and he tilts my face up. “I know that last mission was hard. I’ve been worried about you. I know you aren’t resting. Let’s make a plan, me and you, yeah? You love plans!”

I laugh again. I do love plans, and organizing and focusing on the future. He continues, “Tomorrow, you and I are going to go spar before our next debrief. Blow off some steam. Then once we have our next mission mapped out, you and I can go over it together, step by step. Sound good, mesh’la?” I nod. He keeps saying that word, “mesh’la”. I’ve never heard that word before, only recently by Rex, and only to me. I assume it’s a nickname. He loves giving nicknames out, at the behest of others. Ahsoka has far outgrown his “little one’’ moniker for her, but I know she still enjoys when he calls her that. I smile up at him. “That sounds really good. Thank you Rex, for being here for me.” 

“Always.” He says and now I’m wrapped in his arms, and wrapping mine around him. I breathe him in and it relaxes me. Leather and steel and spices. We pull away and I fight off the part of me that wants to flutter and heat. “Let’s get you to sleep. I’ll walk you to your room.” He says and with his hand on the small of my back we head to the bunks. This is friendly. This is what friends do. This is how friends feel. Right?

—

“Give it back, Fives!” I shout, as I try desperately to snatch back my identification card from him. The 501st has been on leave for three days, and all I wanted was a drink and a dance. All Fives wanted was to get on my nerves. He was so good at that. Fives laughs at me, and holds the card high above my head, and I jump to reach it. Suddenly arms are around me and Fives is picking me up and spinning me around as we laugh loudly. I pound his back with my fists. “Put. Me. Down!”

Fives is my dancing partner most times we go to 79’s. Dancing partner, and assumed body guard, as if I needed one. Most of the clones in 79’s knew I was a Jedi General and showed respect, but some of the non-clone patrons saw me as just a lone woman in a crowded bar, ready to dance. I’ve had to put a few people in their places, but just as many times I’ve gone home with the more polite ones.  Sex wasn’t forbidden for a Jedi, if anything it could be encouraged to blow off steam after a battle. But attachment. There was the trick of it. Attachment was strictly against the code. To get attached, to love, was to eventually lose. I had a strict no-clones rule. I worked too closely with them, and already had friendly attachments to more than one of them. In fact, I had made a mistake one drunken night, and Fives and I, caught up in our drinks and the dance- well, one thing lead to another. With him it was so easy, so casual, that when we woke up we laughed it off and promised to keep it friendly from then on. We were great friends, and Fives had taken to being a great help in thwarting unwanted attention while at the bar, stepping up and playing the role of ‘possessive lover’. 

“Put me down, Fives, I mean it. I want to go dance.” I say and he finally puts me down. The second my feet touch the ground, I’m off into 79’s. The music is loud, and the room crowded with dancing bodies. I pull Fives to the floor and we each find a partner to dance with. I’m dancing with a Togruta, tall and handsome when I close my eyes and spin. I notice new hands on my body and my eyes fly open. A clone I don’t recognize. He smiles at me and I smile politely but go to move away, my no-clone creed echoing in my mind. He follows.

“Been watching you all night. You really know how to dance.” He shouts over the music.

I nod and shout a thanks and turn. My eyes search for Fives and find him. He’s all over a Twi’lek. I start to make my way to him, but the clone catches my wrist. “C’mon, we aren’t done dancing!” and he spins me back to him. His hands are on me, and I’m feeling suffocated. I look back at Fives, still wrapped up in his own dance. Not wanting to make a scene, I use the Force and throw out a message to Fives, to any of my battalion in the room. Little help here? Fives' head shoots up and our eyes lock. He excuses himself from his partner and starts to make his way to me, the crowd thick. 

“I think she’s done dancing, brother.” A deep voice cuts through the music, and another hand on my back startles me. I look up and see him. “Rex?” I say, incredulous. He was supposed to be on a solo mission for another week. The clone dancing with me pulls me to him, hard.

“Wait your turn, Captain. If we go out back we’ll be ten minutes top, won’t we General?” The clone snarls.

Confusion sweeps my face, then anger. I push off the clone and make for the door. He follows and Rex whistles, Echo and Fives peeling out of the crowd and making their way to the street alongside the clone and I. My heart is beating so fast. Outside the bar, I turn to the clone.

“Name and battalion, soldier. That's an order. You can’t talk to a superior like that.” I demand. But instead of responding, he pushes me to the wall.

“Superior? I heard you like fucking around with the regs, isn’t that right? We’re all the same, but I think you’ll like my ride a lot more than Fives.” In instinct, I slap him across the face. He startles.

“You slut. Think you can sleep around with my brothers, lead on a Captain like a lothcat on a leash and then dismiss me? Brothers share.” He spits.

I gasp and push off him, this time using a small part of the Force. It pushes me back and I land on the ground. Thats when I hear the crack of fist on jaw.

“How dare you talk to her like that.” Rex stands over the fallen clone and picks him up by the collar of his shirt.

“You’ll report to me tomorrow at oh-eight hundred. We will dole out your punishment for your actions then. If you don’t report, I’ll know you based on the bruise. Got it?” Rex growls.

“I’m sure he gets it, Captain.” Echo says, and Rex releases the soldier who scurries off.

I lock eyes with Rex, and see emotion there. I don’t know what it is, but my mind screams anger, hurt, pity, disgust. Fives is there now, helping me up off the ground.

“Are you okay?” He asks and I don’t know how to answer.

I’m angry, I’m embarrassed, and my anxiety has reared its head. I don’t respond, and against my will, my body turns and starts walking towards the Temple. I need to meditate. My body is vibrating, and muffling the voices of the men I’m leaving behind.

“I should talk to her.” Fives says, and thats the last thing I hear before I round the corner.

Had Fives been talking to his brothers, bragging? I thought he was my friend. Did all these clones think I just made my rounds with the battalion? Anger clouds my vision. The spark of light that I know is the Force within me flickers to a dark red. I want to run. I want to be violent. I want to cry. I need peace. I forgo the Temple, knowing the Jedi within would smell the darkness rolling off of me. I head to my bunk and lock myself in. 

Slut. Slut. Slut.

The word echoes off the steel walls of my room, and I sit in the floor with my back to the bed, head in my hands. I always seem to fuck everything up.  Grief, jealousy, fear, these all lead to the Dark Side. Whether I want to or not, I’m still hurting from the loss of my Master and the 271st, all lost in the Battle of Rankill, with me standing as the sole survivior. The first recurring dreams I have are just recurring nightmares of reliving the loss over and over. My Master running, trying desperately to save me, his men, and the man he loved. It was no secret that Commander Dax and my Master were involved. If anything it was part of the reason I felt so strongly about attachment. My Master’s love is what got him killed, and neither his lover nor his men were left to show for it. Only me, a new stray picked up by the 501st, am left standing to carry my Master’s legacy. And look at me now.

What would he think of me?

Why is this so hard?

Love, whether it be friendship or otherwise comes so easily to me and all it does is fuck things up.

There’s a knock on my door. 

“Mesh’la, let me in.” I know it’s him by my nickname.

He’s the last person I want to see. What does he think of me now? Knowing that I slept with Fives? Surely he thinks less of me. I don’t want to lose Rex. I can’t lose him on top of everything else I have already lost up to this point. Attachment may be toxic, but his friendship is more important to me than anything in this moment. With the Force I unlock the door, but I don’t move from my position on the floor, face in my hands. He comes in and sits right beside me. 

“Can I touch you?” He asks.

He’s never asked that before. I nod, and he puts his arm around me, hand rubbing my arm in slow circles. It’s quiet for a moment, and I relish the calm before the storm I know is coming. 

“Do you want to talk about it? Would you rather I get Fives?” He asks.

There’s no tone of malice in his voice. I lift my head and look at him.

“I don’t want Fives.” I say, and his brows furrow for just a moment.

“Okay.” He says.

“It wasn’t like that.” I blurt, and suddenly it all comes pouring out of me. The fling, the friendship, the creed.

“I didn’t mean for this to happen, how will anyone respect me as a General?” A single tear rolls down my cheek and Rex is quick to swipe it away.

“Hey now. They’ll respect you because you deserve respect. One soldier, one who I might add is about to get the punishment he deserves, does not define you or your reputation.”

He pauses for a breath.

“You can sleep with whomever you want. There’s no rule against fraternization. I know you Jedi have certain rules but as I understand it, sex isn’t on that restriction list. Even if it is, I have it on good authority that the 501st has a track record of breaking rules in that regard.”

I laugh with him. Anakin was anything but sneaky in his trysts with Padme.

“Yeah.” I say quietly. “It’s just different, for me. I… I’m afraid. I don’t want to break any rules. Rules keep us safe. When we break them, people get hurt.” Another tear slips, as I think of my Master and his lover, in each others arms in that Rankill field.

“I hear you.” Rex whispers. I don’t mean to, but I lay my head on his shoulder.

“Thank you, Rex.” I say. “For being here. For everything.” He smooths my hair with a hand and holds me tighter.

“Always, mesh’la. Now you need to rest, and I mean it. Need tea?”

I shake my head and smile at him. Then I remember what the soldier said, about leading him on. My worries and that flutter in my stomach return and I pull away. “Good night.” I say. He looks into my eyes, then nods and leaves me alone in my room. I watch as he’s leaving, and everything we just talked about seems to lose its meaning. It's exhausting to feel so torn, and I know that I’m the problem. I'm tortured.

I crawl in bed and fall into a fitful asleep.

—

Weeks have passed. Missions have come and gone. I have been distancing myself from Rex, as best I can, without losing his friendship. Still, lingering touches during sparring matches, long looks during late-night talks, and the adrenaline after a mission with him keep me spinning. More than that, my dreams have… changed. 

I wake up drenched in sweat, panting. My heart pounds, and I worry it can be heard through the thin walls around me. For the seventh time, I've had this damn dream. It always starts decent enough. Then it becomes anything but decent. My skin prickles remembering- the smell of him in the dream, the feel of his rough hands on my arms, my back, my…

 I enter the bar, neon lights and chatter streaming from the open door. I’ve been avoiding 79’s ever since the incident, and this little bar on Coruscant was a new one for me. I’m sitting in a booth when a warm body slides in next to me.

“Fancy seeing you here. Isn’t it past your bedtime?” Rex saddles up next to me as if that seat was meant for him. The grinning, handsome clone puts his arm around me, jostling my shoulder, friendly.

That’s what we are. Friends.

Still his arm is warm around me, and my dream floods back to me.

“Aren’t you typically at 79’s?” I ask incredulously.

How could he be here, of all places? Of all people, him, here, now?

“Wanted a change of scenery, and I must admit I like the view.” He growls. I try to hide the shiver that slips up my spine and I shove him off me. His flirting had changed, since I opened up to him about Fives. It was more open now. I still take it all in good fun, and I can’t help flirting back.

“Well I wanted a drink. Buy me one?” 

He somehow smiles even wider than before. “Sure thing mesh’la, be right back.” 

Shit, shit, shit. My skin is so warm where he's touched me, and his casual flirting set my heart fluttering. Normally I could be fine, I mean this is nothing new, nothing different. But my mind flashes back to the dream, his lips on my... I know I should leave. I’m too pent up, too enamored by him to deal with this rationally. 

A broad body slides back in next to me.

“You looked like you could use something a bit strong. You alright tonight? Been in the Holo Room again?”

In one stroke I down the drink he brought me, it burning as it went down.

“Well shit.” He said. “What’s going on?”

I shake my head. He’s too close to me. I can smell his leathery, smoky scent, and it fills me up. He isn’t supposed to be here. I need a distraction. 

“Let’s dance.” I’m  surprised by the words that come out of my mouth. I had planned on dancing tonight, and finding someone to help me forget my dream, but now… Rex’s eyebrows shoot up. “Alright. We can dance.” He stands and gestures for me to lead the way. 

The dance floor is crowded, and the music thumping. It rattles my bones. With a deep breath, I close my eyes and let the movement come to me. I can’t see Rex, but I can still feel him near, his body swaying in time with mine.  This is wrong. This is the last thing I need to be doing. But I give myself over to the music. It’s almost like a form of meditation, the way we move together.

Warm hands brush my hips. Eyes still closed, mind still consumed by the drink and the music, I lean in. The hands are strong and warm, and I remember these very same hands in my dream, on my breasts, at my throat. I feel alive. He pulls me close, chest to chest, with no room between us. We’re closer than we have ever been, and I can’t help it, my lips part and I exhale. Rex dips his head, and lips brush the side of my neck.

Yes.

The bright light of the Force inside me flares, and my body arches. I twine my arms around him, pulling him closer, the two of us spinning in a slow circle, at odds with the quick rhythm of the music. A hand slips up to my neck, then to my face. The large, rugged hand cups my face and on instinct I lean into it.

Lips meet.

Warmth floods me, my heart feels like it might explode. It’s never been like this, I’ve never felt this- then I open my eyes.

No.

Rex gazes back at me, stars in his eyes. Then he sees the look in mine. He takes a step back, “Mesh’la, I…”

Fear seizes me. What have I done? I bolt for the door. “Wait!” He calls after me. 

But I’m gone.

— --- --- ---

I run, legs pumping, heart racing down the streets. I run past 79’s, past the temple, until I cant run anymore. I duck into an alley, gasping for breath. Anger, fear, guilt, all of these emotions flood me. My bones feel like they’re breaking beneath my skin. I punch the stone wall in front of me and nearly scream in exasperation. Bad thoughts swirl in my mind. This is bad. I’m bad.

I’ve known about my attraction to Rex for so long, and I have been having these dreams,  clearly I want what I know I can’t and shouldn’t have. The soldier all those weeks ago in 79’s was right. I've led Rex on. I’m guilty of attachment, guilty of my feelings. No matter how hard I’ve tried not to, I’m guilty of falling in love with Rex. Tears spring to my eyes.

I think about him day in and out. I worry about him in battle, on the field. I’ve touched myself to thoughts of him. I’ve pretended my one-night stands were him. I nearly sob at the revelation. It’s too late to stop it.

I’m falling in love with Rex.

“Mesh’la!” A shout and the pounding of feet towards me and my body get ready to run again. I hurriedly wipe my eyes in an attempt to hide the shame, but he sees. He has always seen me.

“Keira, please, are you okay? I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I went too far.” Rex grabs my hands and pulls them from my hiding face, wiping tears from my eyes as he does.

“Rex”. I say, his name sickly sweet on my tongue. “We can’t do this.” 

Fresh tears cascade down my face, and he quickly brushes them away. He’s quiet, then says. “I overstepped. I don’t know what came over me.” 

“I do.”

Silence.

 “I don’t understand.” He says, cupping my face.

So I tell him everything. How guilty I’ve been feeling, how my Master lost his life for his lover, and most of all how my heart was hurting because this had gone past friendship for me. I truly am attached in the worst way possible. “I’ve never felt this way before, and all I know is I’m not supposed to feel this way, Rex. I’m so… guilty.” I cry and hang my head.

He takes a moment then, petting my hair, says.

“I am so sorry you feel guilty, but please know, I would never want to put you in a position where you feel like this. I’m giving you full control, from here on. You dictate what we are, what we do. I want you to have peace, Keira. I will do anything for that. So you tell me, what do you want?”

I look at him. Really look. “I don’t know.” I whisper.

“But I want.. I want to…”

Then I’m leaning in, and he’s leaning in, and our lips meet for the second time tonight, and I know, right or wrong, guilty or not-

I want him. 

[bigbadbatch]

i need to touch grass (i wish i was the grass in the last gif)

[bigbadbatch]

I’ve wanted to write more Hunter and TBB fanfics but I’ve just been so sick lately and my meds make me sleep all day to keep the pain away. Atleast let me dream of my favorite little world.

[bigbadbatch]

Euclid - A Bad Batch Oneshot

Hunter x Reader /TBB x Reader

Hurt/Comfort- Heavy mental health mentions. (PMDD)

Listening Recommendation/ Euclid by Sleep Token

This fic is very personal to me as I’ve made some of my struggles very open and vulnerable. It brought me some peace to write it, so I hope it helps those who read it.

The room was dark. The blankets wrapped around you felt like an anchor. You hadn’t left your bed in 20 hours. Every move sent the already grinding pain in your back and abdomen into a spiral, but more than that, you had no energy or resolve to move. To turn over in your blanket-nest took all the strength you had. You were hollow. Empty. Too empty for tears though the ache that had made a home in your chest gnawed at you for release. This had lasted forever and felt like it would continue to last forever.

A quiet knock sounded at your door.

“Can I come in?” Hunter’s voice was quiet on the other side. You didn’t have a voice to answer him.

The door opened, and light spilled in. Feeling exposed, like a little kid again, you pulled the covers up over your head and made yourself as small as possible. The mattress at your back dipped as a body at first sat, then lay beside you. It was quiet for a time, but you could feel the heat radiating from Hunter’s body as he lay silent next to you.

“Mesh’la, it’s time to get up. We have to get up now.” He said.

All the others had tried. Wrecker promising pancakes or cookies, Tech with screens of holo-films, Echo tempting with outings. Nothing worked.

Omega had been the first to notice, to your and Hunter’s suprise. It happened every month, intertwined with your cycle. Where other human females had some emotional disruptions, some moodiness or slight pain, you had extremes. A darkness settled over you once the moon waxed full, and it pulled you down into unreachable depths. The first few times it happened with the Batch, the whole crew came together to combat it with you. Hot soups, warm blankets, funny stories. It worked for a time. You didn’t have the heart to tell them that it would get worse, it always did. The latter half of the year, near the Winter Solstice of your home planet, it always became hungry and feral. No matter what planet you were on, even the tropics of Pabu, your body responded to the cold emptiness of your home, and you fell into its hold. A prisoner in your own body.

Hunter’s warm arms wrap around you. “Please my love. Can we just take a short walk? Just you and me? Then we can come right back. I promise.”

You weigh the options. Your bones felt so brittle it was as if they’d break. Your heart a leaden stone in your chest. But Hunter- he would do anything for you, move mountains for you. You could try, not for yourself, but for him.

Without speaking you untangle yourself from your covers, slowly. Everything moved slowly. You sat up, taking a moment. Hunter sat up with you, hand gripping yours as he swung to be beside you. “That’s it, cyar’ika. Almost there.” With his support you stand. You grab the thinnest blanket and wrap it around you for protection, against the outside and others.

Holding your hand, your arm looped through his, Hunter leads you outside. The moon is up, a crescent on Pabu, and the stars sparkle above you. “I thought the light might be too much. It’s quieter out right now. I just want you to get some fresh air, some movement in.” Hunter rambled. You stayed silent. You walked down the stairs to the beach, and made your way down the shore. You legs felt heavier and heavier, though the pain was subsiding. You were just so tired. You came to a stop, pulling Hunter to you. You looked up at him and your first words of the rotation came out in a hoarse whisper. “Can we sit down?” He nods and helps you to the sand, sitting beside you. You instantly lay your head on his shoulder, and he kisses the crown of you. “Almost out of it, my love.” He says. “You’ll be better soon.” Finally, it’s as if the dam bursts, and tears flood your eyes and fall down your cheeks. He holds you tighter, and brushes your hair from your face, petting you as he whispers kind words to you. You sob into him, breaking apart in his arms. “You’re safe mesh’la. I got you. You are so strong, you are so brave. We got this, me and you. We got this, together.” You cry until you can’t anymore. With the gentle sound of waves flowing in and out from the sea, you match your breathing to the tide.

With great assistance, Hunter gets you back to your room, and into bed. Fresh water and a plate of snacks sits on your bedside table, courtesy of Wrecker. Your stomach turns but you sip the water. Hunter tucks you in and goes to leave, a kiss on your brow as he whispers goodnight, but you grab his hand. “Stay. Please.” He does.

—

Two mornings later you wake and feel… different. Your self comes fluttering to you, weak but warm. You arms and legs ache for stretching, for weight and movement. You take off the covers.

You get out of bed.

You open the door of your room and pad into the living room, where you can hear laughter and the quiet sounds of breakfast being cooked. The room quiets just a little when you enter. Omega stands immediately, “Let me make you a plate!”

And she does.

And you eat.

And with your family at your side you take a deep breath in.

You smile.

[bigbadbatch]

HUNTER

↳ my favorite clones in no particular order