bigbufffluffboizzz

[bigbufffluffboizzz]

Who da fuck cares about the stupid shit posting the most non binary insult can I give that exist. U perv, challenge accepted madness untelligible writing with invented words cause you are bored cause you cant sit still for a min without feeling like you got things to do but cant cause its like it chains into event in which vilify you for circumstantial reasons and I just want to throw this whole scenario to the trash cause in my life it just happens 2 time but different people and exactly not the same sequence. But I'll put out there the common denominators. (Please cope with me and math.)

1. Never amounting to your parents perfection only to grow up knowing they have been using you for narcissistic supply and you are just a stupid dumb child fresh out of the oven. Of course you will be perfectly stupid. Nobody is born knowing, we are born to know, grow, own and let go-w.

2.Having a group of friends, there is always one who falls in love or connects with someone who hates you for, idk, my face, "being in the way", threatened by my sense of confidence (hahahah, my sense of confidence, I'm a crippled perfectionist, the kind that will never feel good enough). I know. But that's has never been my intention and that particular person prefer seeing me that way, instead of the other parts in which they dismissed and taken as disingenuous kindness so, it was like a no win scenario specially if they captured the affection and care of someone that also cared about you and you to them. The perfect scenario for throwing the "antagonist" the under the bus. It turned into the point that I started seeing them disingenuous and at that point I think its healthy to start cutting off. Mom kept those friends and it always felt like one upping eachother for no good damned reason. Like, lets compete on who is most miserable. Ok, here take the whole cake you get to eat it too. Stop bothering about that, and start doing a fun activity. Lets not forget the neutral friend in the group who seems like left in the dust in the end of the day most likely experiencing the same shit I go through when that happens but less vilified version. Because they are the witness of all horrors and not being able to do anything about it.

3. A "loving" sister that claims to say she care and that she is no longer connected to those peeps but is still connected who simply didn't care and are happy that you are no longer bothering in thinking all is fine, everyone is doing their own shit. But here's cake, that sister kicks you to the dust and reminds you of how you are at fault for not keeping shit together. Gets angry angry at me when I retaliate but she also does that but nobody comes to shit at her for making someone feel like shit. Hell this dynamic started with mom tbh. "Raise crows so they pluck your eyes out" while we were like... 5? Wtf. Im glad my sister rathers spend time with those friends over me but still. It sucks when she thinks they were right about something because "I'm the one with the problems" but she still relies on me for some essential parts in survivalist colaboration , if she is angry at me, she goes to my younger brother for the same survival need and is also part of this behavioral problem. Hell he is very sick of it too... she sends me all the the nasty winds to me, sure its just wind but its god damn annoying and debree hits my eyes from time to time.

5. My struggles of seeing myself striving while unbothered. Still holding on that probably things can be mended and being able to receive support of morale or effort on changing to co-exist better. A wish that well, this world and its harsh attitude is painted and a NO MERCY, the best mercy is to stay away in the first place. I don't think it was meant to be that way despite the harshness. One has overcome a lot of great adversities to get here...

6.All alone again, naturally. But Im not alone, got the few people I still can contact neutrally. Just have to cope with, I'm more adverse to connect emotionally in a healthy manner. Cause idk, the habits are built upon mistake upon mistake, its like you can break a vase and fix it a thousand times but there will be a point that its no longer a vase. Just a frankenstein's monster vase of what it formerly was. This vase called shared emotions in one pours the liquid of nourishing connection... still pours but, pieces of me still gets lost in the pouring of it hurting the person who Im pouring to.

I do have company... but there are no innocence in my eyes. Wickedness has corrupted and wounded me, but Im learning to smile more despite the loss. And I no longer want to be back in those cycles now that the common denominations have been exposed and inspected. May they be happy with or without me. But I no longer engage in cruel games, I removed myself for that reason. I never wanted this to happen but it did. Things where already difficult to begin with. A bigoted mother and an estranged father with a history of messed up relationships that happened for reasons beyond me yet most likely will be pinnee on someone the moment its brought up, even if its too late and there's no one to blame. Even if I tried everything that I thought I could within the circumstances. So yeah.

"Take responsibility Jimmy. Even if you were the one crashing the ship and making things worse by the same toxic attitude." -Don't be a Jimmy, or Curly

[bigbufffluffboizzz]

The Weakness in the Machine

I wish... I were a robot. For when they are done with me, I'm shut off, indifferent to what's going on with me or the outside world. I wish I was a robot so I could be on when Im wanted and off when I'm no longer wanted... as a human... I have been pushed to be this way... as a human Im not allowed to be human per humans who made the machines... Shush, don't speak, only do as you are told... Shush, dont think, think of what I think. As I breath, hurt and cry as them. They tell among themselves, its weak, don't do as they do. For only the weak do that. So much time alone... so much of myself I don't know, even more, less of what others are. Who am I to know, what is me, and what is them. Who are them that wants me to be not me? I wish I was a Robot so there would no longer be the hurt that is me... Being told, thinking this way shows weakness, illness, there's no cure for it, hide it. And it's slowly killing me inside. Do robots know when they are sick?... all I know is that they burn out taking with them all the memories you gave. Then who is me and who are they to call me weak... who is me and who are they to laugh at my vulnerability, who is me and who are they to mock my weakness... why are they so afraid to be in this weakness themselves... are they afraid of the very act they inflicted on the weak? I wish I was a Robot because I wouldn't deal with such troubles within myself. Im not sure how a Robot feels but they do seem quite indestructible at face value and indifferent to what they feel.

[bigbufffluffboizzz]

Will I be able to laugh

Will I be able to laugh again with you once my fractured my heart with your knives? No way to mend it with love, easy time and comfort? If I ever did those, I always hoped to ease that pain for it was a hurt I didnt want to cause... but intentions hurt, your words and intent where to show you no longer cared about my wellbeing... in return assuming I didnt care about yours. As time went by, visions blurred and distorted by past memories and interpretations... will I be able to laugh and smile with you again? Isn't that what we always wanted? My only wish was to remain in your life as a good friend close or far... whenever you needed me I'd be around to talk. Would you allow yourself the chance to laugh again? Here I am, talking to the mountains and no response or answers as if I was never there. In a way, it's a comfort that the mountain and me share.

I know anyone can be a friend... but never like a friend like you. But since... we are strangers that knew eachother. We remain with that sweet bittered memory in our hearts. I am better now, but I have no intention of wanting anything, just a voice that echoes in the mountain and fades in time. If you want to come by, you are always welcomed. Probably laugh again and just keep living our lives. In life there's always meeting and parting away... but the worst thing a person can do is part away with illness and anger in its heart.

This is for family, friends, stranger... never leave with a heart full of regret, and rejoice that once there can be joy again living in our hearts as we share this passage of time which we are blessed to have. Please be kind to eachother and ourselves. ..

We aren't perfect, anger and sadness is a natural thing, unnatural is trying to pushing it out or holding on to it... let it flow while being alone or being with someone you trust, feeling it, question it, remember... you aren't defined by it.

It's good to have someone smacking you out of it. Go to a psychologist, therapist or someone who is mature enough to understand what you are going through if you need to. Once you feel ready, start doing it alone. Talk to yourself.

[bigbufffluffboizzz]

Adding to that:

It also happens the other way around if your partner is surrounded by toxic friends or family members. Even family peer pressure because either by their religious views, their own preference or status related. They try compelling you to speak about them the same way they think about your partner you chose, its just those individuals dont value your own person, only how useful you are to them (at the expense of your emotions, finances and mental health).

I really leaned on the direction that me and my ex would be life partners because of how compatible it felt and how much we invested on making a life together, but it ended because of some insecurity or some unknown issue I didnt had the privilege to know. It was painful to really walk out of that one because I was attached to his family, even that, I dont know what happen behind closed doors.

Its not normal to talk badly about your partner behind their back. If you have an issue with them in the first place, why become partners? To add to this post, you shouldn't be peer pressured to hate your partner either. If they do that, they dont respect you, evaluate and set boundaries.

not to like make a huge fucking post about shit that’s been talked to death but it really genuinely scares me how many straight girls think it’s normal to just… not like your partner. like they think it’s normal and okay for their boyfriends to openly think they’re stupid and annoying and to be totally derisive about their interests and for them not to be friends or have things in common or enjoy each other’s personalities or encourage their interests? you are supposed to be friends with the person you’re in love with. you are supposed to want to talk to them about the things that make them happy. you do not have to settle for people who treat your entire personality as a burden outside of what you do to cater to them.

[bigbufffluffboizzz]

No one:

That one R2 unit in the Mandalorian ep 8:

[bigbufffluffboizzz]

“The crowd had parted so that Leafpaw could make out the young cat crouched beside him. [Mothwing] was startlingly beautiful, with glowing amber eyes in a triangular face, and a long golden pelt with rippling tabby stripes.”

Midnight, pg. 51

Finally got around to drawing some more Warriors fanart! Mothwing was the most requested and she’s definitely one of my personal favorites from the series (as well as the inspiration for my username!). Feel free to give suggestions for who to draw next ^^

[bigbufffluffboizzz]

oooooOOOOoooooh~

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Good girl, Chain!

[bigbufffluffboizzz]

Will I be able to laugh

Will I be able to laugh again with you once my fractured my heart with your knives? No way to mend it with love, easy time and comfort? If I ever did those, I always hoped to ease that pain for it was a hurt I didnt want to cause... but intentions hurt, your words and intent where to show you no longer cared about my wellbeing... in return assuming I didnt care about yours. As time went by, visions blurred and distorted by past memories and interpretations... will I be able to laugh and smile with you again? Isn't that what we always wanted? My only wish was to remain in your life as a good friend close or far... whenever you needed me I'd be around to talk. Would you allow yourself the chance to laugh again? Here I am, talking to the mountains and no response or answers as if I was never there. In a way, it's a comfort that the mountain and me share.

I know anyone can be a friend... but never like a friend like you. But since... we are strangers that knew eachother. We remain with that sweet bittered memory in our hearts. I am better now, but I have no intention of wanting anything, just a voice that echoes in the mountain and fades in time. If you want to come by, you are always welcomed. Probably laugh again and just keep living our lives. In life there's always meeting and parting away... but the worst thing a person can do is part away with illness and anger in its heart.

This is for family, friends, stranger... never leave with a heart full of regret, and rejoice that once there can be joy again living in our hearts as we share this passage of time which we are blessed to have. Please be kind to eachother and ourselves. ..

We aren't perfect, anger and sadness is a natural thing, unnatural is trying to pushing it out or holding on to it... let it flow while being alone or being with someone you trust, feeling it, question it, remember... you aren't defined by it.

It's good to have someone smacking you out of it. Go to a psychologist, therapist or someone who is mature enough to understand what you are going through if you need to. Once you feel ready, start doing it alone. Talk to yourself.

[bigbufffluffboizzz]

have you ever SEEN a more bountiful search 

[bigbufffluffboizzz]

AN ACTUAL GODDESS 💖💖💖💖💖

[bigbufffluffboizzz]

Good morning~❤ Let’s start this day with the adorableness that are Asterios and Euryale, another pairing that stick on my mind since last week lol~❤

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LOOK AT THESE DORKS DEAD I AM SO DEAD ASDFJKL MOE OVERLOAD HAH

[bigbufffluffboizzz]