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[bigdaddyscourt-blog]

I HAVE MOVED!

Hey everybody! 

Thanks to everybody who has read my stuff since we got started back in Novemeber! I have decided to UPGRADE to a real domain....

BIG DADDY’S COURT NEW WEBSITE

Check it out....love all of you.

[bigdaddyscourt-blog]

#StrongTaekTuesday: Good For You James Harrison

DISCLAIMER: welcome to the newest segment on BDC, #StrongTaekTuesday. A lot of you are probably not aware to what a #StrongTaek is. Here is the best definition I can think of: when you think something to yourself and think ‘no I can’t say that’ but you say it anyways.

Everything written in these article’s will be sarcastic. I want to repeat that. EVERYTHING WRITTEN IN THIS ARTICLE IS SARCASTIC AND I DO NOT BELIEVE. IT IS A JOKE.

If you can’t handle a little #fire than I would highly recommend you not continuing to read this, because these #StrongTaeks are going to be on absolute #fire. When I am talking #firetaeks, I’m talking fire that can melt steal beams folks (p.s. jet fuel can’t melt steal beams and 9/11 was an inside job).

I would also like to thank my friend Broosk Yung for trademarking the term #strongTaekTueday. This wouldn’t be possible without him.

Today I wuld like to induct Mr. James Hairison into the #StrongTaekrs hall of fame. 

In case you have missed it Hairison rekindled a debate that has been nationwide for a wyle now: participation trophies. I hate them and so do most people. Honestly they are just gay. I don’t get an award for having sub par sex with a fat chick I met at the bar so why should some little twat of a kid get a trophie for sitting on the bench in her soccer league? All I'm saying is it goes both ways. 

To recap this is what happened. Mr Hairison came home from a long day at work with his lunch pail in hand and saw his kids got these trophies: 

After asking his wife what the fuck are these bullshit pariticpation trophies he took to instagram to let everybody know his stance on them (its nice to know their is education going on over there rather than just twerking: 

“I came home to find out that my boys received two trophies for nothing, participation trophies!” Mr. Harrison, 37, captioned a photo of the trophies. “While I am very proud of my boys for everything they do and will encourage them till the day I die, these trophies will be given back until they EARN a real trophy.

Good for Hairison. He is realizing something my parents didn't realize. To this day my participation trophies are still in my room and to this day i still expect girls to suck my dick because I just showed up. That never works. 

“I’m sorry I’m not sorry for believing that everything in life should be earned and I’m not about to raise two boys to be men by making them believe that they are entitled to something just because they tried their best…cause sometimes your best is not enough, and that should drive you to want to do better…not cry and whine until somebody gives you something to shut u up and keep you happy. #harrisonfamilyvalues,” Mr. Harrison concluded.

This is my only problem with Mr. Harrison is the fact he used the “I’m sorry I’m not sorry” statement. This stopped him from being a first ballot #StrongTaek hall of fame. Do you see Donald trump say “I’m sorry for not being politically correct?” No. He just goes out there and says mexicans suck and would rather have them die than be in his country then he leaves. Thats what a mans supposed to do. And return his participation trophies. 

Congrats to Mr. Hairison. It is well deserved. Keep on keeping on mr hairison keep on keeping on. 

[bigdaddyscourt-blog]

Florida Man Pt. 37: Florida Man Brings His Daughter To Strip Club And Allows Her To Go On Stage

Florida Man Steals A Half Eaten Subway Sandwich: 

“Stay here,” said the stranger to the teenager before shutting the office door.

That’s a way to start off a burglary.

A television, DVD player, Xbox1, Xbox 360, Kindle Fire, Xbox 1 Controllers, HDMI cord, Lisabella wine, Cool Ranch Doritos, bottle of Gatorade and half a Subway sandwich were taken.

So practically this FM just wanted to go and get high with his buddies. Can’t knock him for that. 

Florida Woman Blames Her DUI On Her Dog: 

A 33-year-old Sumter County motorist who allegedly struck an apartment complex blamed the accident on her dog and said it was the pooch that police should have arrested.

Only white people man, only white people. 

I do admit I wish I saw this “pooch” in handcuffs. PETA would have thrown a fit. 

Florida Man Takes 16-Year-Old Daughter To Strip Club, Lets Her Snort Cocaine And Go On Stage: 

A Doral strip club has been temporarily shut down by authorities after a Hialeah man tried some unconventional father-daughter bonding there. Hialeah Police say Jose Manuel Arguelles, 59, took his 16-year-old daughter and her teenage friend to the Pink Pony gentlemen's club and allowed the two girls to drink, smoke marijuana, snort cocaine, and then dance onstage.

Hey man, times are tough. Maybe this dad was just looking out for these Florida Women’s future? 

Florida Man Flips Over HIs Truck Full Of Beer Because He Was Distracted By His Adorable Puppy: 

A Budweiser beer truck overturned Tuesday morning, spilling Natural Light cans across a highway in Hernando County when the driver was distracted by his dog, according to a Florida Highway Patrol spokesman.

If that was a PBR truck instead of Budweiser that would have been every Florida Man’s dream. 

[bigdaddyscourt-blog]

WTF News Of The Week: Alabama Senator Sets Up Go Fund Me For States Budget Woes

Headline: 

“I WAS RUNNING THROUGH BRYAN-DENT STADIUM WITH MY WOES.”

Best Quotes: 

Diana Foster gave $5 on Wednesday.  “I would donate more funds, but I don’t want this money misused! Please purchase 5 calculators from the Dollar Tree and place them in the hands of anyone who can balance a state budget! Thank you!” she wrote.

In all seriousness shout out Diana Foster...an Alabama resident giving $5 to the government voluntarily is like ISIS throwing a bar mitzvah for a kid from Greenwich, CT and NOT chopping off his head. 

“Regards from Iran,” wrote Farzad Dehmany.

Thoughts: 

I think the state of Alabama went about this all wrong. All they had to do was put up the Go Fund Me with the title “Donate $10 and Alabama Football will win the National Championship....guaranteed.” You know how many people would have donated? Then instead of giving all their money to the football team (which they already pretty much do) they “accidentally” give it to the government. 

My brilliant thinking above is why I have no respect for people who work in the government because its so damn easy! 

When I think about it I do have some respect for Sen. Paul Sanford. You have to have some serious balls to ask for donations in a die hard republican state where you get shot for saying “War Damn Eagle” in the wrong part of town. 

One last thing: ROLL TIDE. 

[bigdaddyscourt-blog]

This Week In Gossip (8/10-14): Kylie. Is. A. Woman.

GIVE IT UP FOR QUEEN B: 

Our lord and savior will be featured on the cover of Vogue this upcoming month:

Khloe And Lamar Just Won’t Stop: 

On Wednesday Khloe was apparently “ambushed” by Lamar on her way to soul cycle (which by the way is 100% a cult). 

Khloe was on her way into SoulCycle in Beverly Hills when Lamar came out of nowhere, screaming at her. An eyewitness tells us Lamar was demanding that she talk to him. She kept walking as he was screaming. At that point Lamar touched Khloe's arm and she screamed at him, "Get off of me, get off of me. Stop. Stop."

Another eyewitness asked Khloe if she wanted them to call the cops, and Lamar screamed, "You're not going to call the cops on Lamar Odom." 

Yeah, I’m pretty sure she would. 

Lamar ended up denying this whole thing ever happened: 

An enraged Lamar went off ... denying he stalked her, touched her or ambushed her -- and in a powerful rant says the meeting was actually prearranged with Khloe. He's hurt that she's not standing up for him. Even further, he threatens to spill secrets -- whose, he doesn't say -- if something like this happens again.

Khloe ended up leaving LA to go to H-Town to visit her new athlete toy, James Harden. 

Speaking of Harden, he signed a 13 year, $200 million endorsment deal with Adidas this week. A quick recap of his year: runner up in the MVP race, took his team to the WCF, is fucking a Kardashian (who has quickly become the hottest one), and put an extra 200 million in his bank account. I have one thing to say to that: 

Kylie OFFICIALLY Is 18: 

I hit on her landmark last week but as I write my weekly TWIG Kylie, who finds her way into the post EVERY WEEK, is officially 18. 

It looks like she had a great party. Everybody was there....Kris even wore a push-up bra, which is kind of gross but good for her!

Tyga, who can now have sex with Kylie because it is legal (jokes), was the most excited man of the night: 

He was so excited to have sex with Kylie for the first time he got her a 220K FERRARI: 

(Tyga definitely got that good good a few nights ago)

Kylie, Kendall (who is single and should CALL ME), and Tyga all ended up going to Monaco together where Kylie went all Riff Raff on us: 

Anyways, happy birthday to Kylie. I’m always available when you break up with Tyga.

Miranda Kerr Is Dating A NERD! 

Snapchat founder Evan Spiegel is proof it pays to be a computer/social media geek ... not because of the $2 billion he's worth, but because he's got supermodel Miranda Kerr hanging all over him.

GET SCARED. THEY ARE TAKING OVER. 

Caitlyn Still Doesn't Know What She Wants The Dick Or Not: 

On her new show “I am Cait” Caitlyn Jenner confused the shit out of me: 

Does anybody know what she means when she says “I have bigger problems than orgasms?” 

Media Take Out Weekly:

This Best Stories From The Best/Worst Gossip Website Known To Man

MTO Is Wondering If You Like Ariana’s New Lips?

I know one thing I’m not feeling and those are the damn wings she's got on her eye lids. Whoever came up with that “trend” deserves to burn in hell. 

MTO Is Floating Rumors That Kylie Has Given Tyga A “Bladder Infection:”

Don’t worry. You aren’t the only one who has no idea whats going on here. 

KYLIE RIFF RAFF JENNER. 

MTO Is Trying To Destroy The Greatest Relationship Known To Man:

I want you all to please take note of the dudes face in the back. It reminds me of when Kate Beckinsale walked past me once, I looked at her, she grabbed me and we had sex in a random bathroom. Just kidding, that never happened. 

[bigdaddyscourt-blog]

Florida Man Pt. 36: You Know Something About Cocaine?

Florida Man Blames Xanax After Arrested For Throwing Potato Salad Outside A Nail Salon: 

Mansfield, who smelled of booze, was sitting in front of the salon when a St. Lucie County Sheriff’s deputy approached.

“Oh great here we go,” Mansfield is quoted as saying.

Jeb Bush, a fellow Florida Man, has the same reaction when a liberal starts to talk about “female rights.” 

Mansfield had thrown a big container of potato salad on the sidewalk. He said his wife left him and that he was going to be evicted.

“Yes, I have been drinking and taking Xanax, what do you expect me to do,” Mansfield is quoted as saying.

Funny story about Xanax: I went to boarding school in New England which meant I went to school with a bunch of rich kids, who their parents hated, that LOVED drugs. One of their favorites drug was Xanax. One day, the biggest drug dealer in the school, dabbed out then decided to take 6 bars of Xanax and went to class. He ended up passing out in class, the ambulance came, and luckily survived. The guys phone was confiscated, and the school went through his text messages (when you go to boarding school you sign away your rights) and found everybody he sold drugs to. The next day there were six less students at my school who “withdrew” for “personal reasons.” 

It’s not clear why Mansfield’s wife left him, nor is it clear why he threw the potato salad, a salad made of potatoes often served at picnics.

If you don’t know what potato salad is and you are still alive, you deserve to not know what this article is talking about. God damn. 

Florida Man Has Catch Of His Life While Fishing: $12 Million Worth Of Cocaine: 

The deputy was off-duty and fishing just 25 miles off of Englewood Beach when he made the find.  

The sheriff says the 25 bricks of cocaine could be worth up to $12 million once they are cut.

“You know something about cocaine?”

Florida Man Holds Up Church Service With A Toy Gun: 

Pastor Les Snodgrass was in the middle of his sermon at Christian Fellowship Church preaching on the values of life when a man stood up in the congregation and pointed a BB gun at the pastor's 76-year-old mother then demanding cash.

When are they going to put in some laws about putting restrictions on BB gun rights, man? I mean if it’s that easy to get a BB gun somebody is going to end up getting hurt....

Florida Man Kidnaps Her Daughter To Keep Her From Getting Vaccines And Learning About Black History: 

23-year-old Florida woman was arrested on Monday after allegedly stealing her 3-year-old daughter to prevent her from learning about black history at school and receiving vaccinations, the Broward County Sun-Sentinel reported.

“You are a great dad,” Everett wrote to Lesters. “If I let them take her and vaccinate her and brainwash her, I wouldn’t be doing what’s right. I cannot let a judge tell me how my daughter should be raised. We will miss you. But I had to leave.”

Baumann also told the Sun-Sentinel at the time that the suspect did not want the girl to learn about black history and “just wanted her to learn about the Confederacy.”

Sometimes at night when I’m laying in bed and pondering life I ask myself: do southerners understand that they lost the civil war? Do they understand the flag they love to put outside their houses is the flag of a loser? Then I read articles like these and realize most southerners do not understand. 

Florida Man Admits To Being Sexually Aroused By The Children TV Show My Little Pony: 

He identified himself as a "clopper,'' or someone who performs a sex act while watching My Little Pony.

It’s great to know that they have a term for somebody who jerks off to My Little Pony! 

The saddest part about this whole thing is that one day this guy went into a Best Buy and bought every My Little Pony video in the store. The cashier looked at this man and thought “wow, what a great father.” Little did she know he was going home to jerk off to every episode of My Little Pony known to man. 

[bigdaddyscourt-blog]

This Week In Gossip 8/2-8: Is Kim Actually Pregnant?

Kylie Jenner Is (Almost) Finally 18!

One of our favorites over here at BDC is finally legal. Although she looks 28 at the moment, she turns 18 on the 10th! Now Tyga can legally smash! 

Speaking of Tyga, he went all in on his birthday present for Kylie....an 115k Mercedes:

Funny, the most I’ve ever spent on a girl is a 10 dollar burrito bowl at Chipotle. 

Everybody wish Ms. Jenner a happy birthday! 

And Kourtney Kardashian Continues To Kill Men Everywhere: 

Just when you think her epic MILF levels can’t get any higher they do. Thanks for blowing it, Scott...I’m enjoying this new Kourtney!

Chanel West Coast Was Arrested This Week....

Has Chanel West Coast, 26, finally gone too far? The rapper and TV show host caused a major scene at 1OAK nightclub in West Hollywood, CA, when she was arrested for allegedly fighting with patrons and a security guard

You know what they say...right? Any publicity is good publicity. 

Also, look at the positive Chanel! You can use this video on the upcoming season of ridiculousness!

(Is that show still on air? honestly don’t know.)

Is she crying or laughing in the photo above? You can never know with blondes....

Media Take Out Weekly: 

This Best Stories From The Best/Worst Gossip Website Known To Man

MTO Thinks Fetty Wap Is...Cute?

MTO Is Officially Sure Kylie Jenner’s Butt Is Fake: 

Kylie's hips and butt were created in the PHOTOSHOP BOOTH. We busted her photoshopping hips onto herself yesterday. BTW - she also Photoshops the paparazzi pics. You see Kris Jenner has an "understanding" with a bunch of paparazzi guys, and they are allowed to EDIT images before they are sold.

I know they’ve had their problems in the past, but I think MTO is making some SERIOUS strides in the journalism game. This investigative report would not have been possible a few months ago...just amazing. 

MTO Is Still Not Giving Up On The “Kim Is Really Not Pregnant” Thing: 

How is it that the lady's belly keeps getting BIGGER then SMALLER, then BIGGER again. We're just not UNDERSTANDING .

This is probably the first thing MTO has done in the past year or so I can get behind. It is well documented that Kim has had trouble getting pregnant in the past and she obviously cares about her figure. Maybe she really isn’t pregnant or maybe I’m just too much of a conspiracy theorist...

MTO Does Not Believe Khloe....

Khloe went on Twitter yesterday and ANGRILY told fans that she did NOT have any plastic surgery on her butt. And the lie detector determined . . . that was a LIE!!

I wonder what lie detector they have down at the BEAUTIFUL MTO offices...

[bigdaddyscourt-blog]

WTF News Of The Week: Welcome To Strong Taek, USA Mike Huckabee

I would personally like to introduce Mr. Mike Huckabee to Strong Taek, USA. 

Mr. Huckabee successfully accomplished a great week last night at the first GOP Debate. 

Lets start with his comment on July 31st: 

"I will not pretend there is nothing we can do to stop this," Huckabee said at the event, where a Topeka Capital-Journal correspondent was present.

At his next stop, in Rockwell City, Huckabee answered follow-up questions from the correspondent, saying: "All American citizens should be protected."

Asked by another reporter how he would stop abortion, and whether this would mean using the FBI or federal forces to accomplish this, Huckabee replied: "We'll see if I get to be president."

Nothing like the classic “we’ll see” threat. I can’t tell you how many times I have been told “we’ll see” by a girl after I ask her to hook up. The sad part is every “we’ll see” turns out poorly. I wonder how this “we’ll see” from MH will turn out.

Above I mentioned I am introducing Huckabee to Strong Taek, USA. Why? Well the main component to a great Strong Taeker is one that doesn't let up. A man (or woman I guess) who doesn't hold back his thoughts while on the biggest stage because he will always, and I mean always, stay true to his colors. This is exactly what Huckabee did last night at the GOP debate:

"The purpose of the military is to kill people and break things. It's not to transform the culture by trying out some ideas that some people think would make us a different country and more diverse," Huckabee said at the first Republican presidential debate.

I was 100% in on Mr. Trump but after this UNBELIEVABLE week by Mr. Huckabee I have a MAJOR decision to make. I’m a big fan of Strong Taekrs because I strongly believe this country is full of pussy’s and we need somebody to man us all up.

Tip: Last night I watched the GOP debate drunk. I CAN NOT RECOMMEND THIS ENOUGH. So, the next GOP debate get your favorite cheap alcohol (aka MD 20/20 Blue Raspberry) and turn on Fox News and ENJOY. 

[bigdaddyscourt-blog]

World Star Video Of The Week: DRAKES CHARGED UP

Video: 

Best Moments: 

Let me start by saying this shit got me VIBING. I was in my room and when he came out and I heard “oh man, oh man, NOT AGAIN” started bopping. Then those memes came up and I went from bopping to saying “NO. HE’S DEAD ALREADY DRAKE. CHILL.” 

“Make sure you hit em’ with a prenup” 

SWAGGY P!!!! On the topic of BDC’s favorite NBA player, he finally has a tattoo on his right arm which used to be STRICTLY FOR BUCKETS: 

NORMMMMM. 

And my favorite one of the night: 

Top Comments: 

Dude had reverse spell check on here....

[bigdaddyscourt-blog]

Bachelor In Paradise Episode 1+2 Review: ALMOST PARADISE

We are back!!!!! It’s time for my favorite show on TV, Bachelor In Paradise. For anybody who has read my recaps this will be formatted a bit different. We will start with reviewing each memorable part of the episode, and then we will hand out awards. After that, I will power rank each couple and then call it a day. 

For anyone new, heres a quick bio: I’m 19, have a penis, and love watching everything Bach. I know those three things usually don’t go together, but for me they do.

Thanks a bunch for reading. It’s going to be a great season! Don’t be afraid to follow me on Twitter @CuriousBIgDaddy (I will follow back). 

Episode 1 Review: 

Chris Harrison Intro: 

I know we love him, but doesn’t he give off vibes as a weird guy?

Question: does anybody know if he’s married? If not, why not make him The Bachelor????

Contestant Intro’s: 

“People see me as a Kardashian wanna be virgin!” NICE TO HAVE YOU BACK ASHLEY. 

“I am nowhere near a virgin.” NICE OT MEET YOU LAUREN. 

This was the part of the show we learned that Jillian received breast implants. Good for her, I guess? I’m still disappointed we haven’t got to see her butt uncensored. 

Dan and Tenley own a business. Juelia (why can’t you just spell your name normally?) and Jonathan have kids. How the hell do you just get up and leave that behind, not once but twice? Who’s running the business? Who’s taking care of the kids? HOW DOES THAT WORK. I CAN’T SKIP MORE THAN ONE DAY OF SCHOOL WITHOUT BEING TWO WEEKS BEHIND. 

Getting To Paradise: 

Update: I did not melt when Jade arrived in that beautiful dress, but I may have gotten a boner. Sorry, just being honest. 

Why this show is so much different than the real world: within 5 minutes of meeting Jade, Jared held her hand while walking down a beautiful beach. You know what happens when you do that in real life? You get pepper sprayed. In the eye. 

S/o to Jade for shutting down Mr. Meatball Mikey T. We all know a Mikey T, somebody who self-proclaims himself an “alpha male.” You know what we all have in common? We all deep down hate that guy. 

Somebody needs to tell Jonathan that it’s kind of gross to talk about having a three-some with two sisters you just met and then saying you would love to “take a bite out of that.” Lauren and Ashley I are not a cake. 

Wedding: 

That GIF above was my reaction to the whole thing. 

Did anybody else feel like it was similar to that infomercial at the end of Wolf Of Wall Street? It was like ABC was trying to sell us on the fact that even though it only works around 15% of the time, you may find love on The Bachelor. 

First Night/Morning: 

I felt like I was back at boarding school watching this. Girls were crying, boys were looking relentlessly for pussy and only two or three people ended up getting what they wanted.

“I hate people,” said Lauren. THEN WHY DID YOU COME ON THE SHOW. 

“I wanted closure,” said Jared about his relationship with Kaitlyn. Wait a second, you got closure? Didn’t you? She did dump you, Jared, you do realize that.

 “If Jared ends up being Aladin he can rub the shit out of my lamp.” Okay, Ashley, you are a 27-year-old virgin. That isn’t a problem, but stop talking like Lauren. 

Jared/Ashley Date: 

It was nice to see the situations flipped: the girl who has been asked on countless dates in her life ended up having to ask a guy on a date, and she had NO IDEA WHAT TO DO. Welcome to our lives, Ashley I, welcome to our lives. 

Does anybody know how Jared knew where the hell he was going in that forest? If there is one place I don’t want to be lost, it’s a Mexican rain forest. 

Claires Arrival: 

Let’s say in an imaginary world my future wife Jade doesn't exist: Claire is the hottest girl on this show. Easy.

Wasn’t a fan of her “IT would be easy not to come back” speech. I’m going to stop you right there, Claire. You are on a TV show, on a resort in the middle of Mexico. It’s easy not to go back to war. Don’t fall yourself, your hardship isn't that bad. 

“One thing I’ll never give up on is love.” 

Episode 2: 

Intro: 

Loved every second of the old sitcom like intro. Good move ABC, good move. 

Mikey T/Claire’s Date: 

In typical meatball fashion, Mikey T was awful at expressing his thoughts and feelings. 

I love how the meatball pretty much asked Claire out on the date, even though he didn’t have the date card. 

The whole yoga thing reminded me of Carly and Chris’ date this fall that was the most awkward 10 minutes of TV I have ever watched. 

Claire in a bikini.....Claire in yoga pants. WE ALL WIN. 

Ashley S: 

Aside from the whole bird incident, it seems as if Ashley is kind of normal. Not that my 19-year-old male opinion means anything, but I like her that way. 

Why did ABC never tell us why Ashley went to the hospital? I mean it’s a pretty big deal when one of your contestants has to go to the hospital MID SHOW. At least explain to us why it happened. 

Ashley And Lauren I: 

These two are pure entertainment. From Lauren telling Ashley to make her hair “a bit more Ariana” to the “its amazing that your upper half is perfect, but your lower is just slacking” moment, I was in pure awe of these two. 

I hope these two stay for as long as possible, but they do need to grow up. You are 24 and 27, stop talking about how you are going to “die alone.” 

#BachNation: Lauren claims that Jades boobs are fake. Is that true? Also, Juelias are fake? Faker than the spelling of her name or just kind of fake? Thanks. 

Rose Ceremony: 

Let’s talk JJ for a second: he went gone full douchebag and I loved it. 

Does anybody think something happened more between JJ and Jillian the night before the RC? Maybe my spidy senses are off today but I think they went a bit further than 2nd base. 

Going to miss Jillian’s fake boobs. If she needs a rebound she can call me at 911. Yeah, thats right, I’m saying I’m on fire and you can’t deny that because everything put on the internet is true. 

Awards: 

Quote Of The Night: “My favorite position is downward Claire. Hopefully one day I’ll be able to experience that first hand instead of in front of all you people” -Mikey T. 

Awkward Moment Of The Night: Claire telling Mikey T she isn’t that in to him. Mikey T, who must have been thinking about what protein shake he was going to drink that night, ignored this comment from Claire and asked to kiss her.

Douche Bag Of The Night: MIKEY T. 

The Act Like You Been There Before Award: Ashley I. You have been in paradise for 3 days. You are 27. You are hotter than 99% of the population. You aren't going to die alone, honey. 

Moment Of The Night: The preview for the upcoming season....”Do you have any Xanax?”......”wait a second you aren’t a virgin and you may be pregnant?” 

Couple Rankings: 

1. Tanner-Jade: A+

Anything with Jade gets an A+ from me. 

2. Ashley S-Dan: A

3. JJ-Tenley: B

Tenley. Is. Hot. 

JJ. Is. A. Douche. Bag. 

You know what happens when you put two and two together? GREATNESS. 

4. Kirk-Carly: C+

Honestly....they are boring.

5. Juelia-Jonathon: D+

Going nowhere. Fast. 

6. Jared-Ashley-Lauren: F

Ladies, answer this for me: since when is Jared so attractive?

7. Mikey T-Claire: F

The Only thing keeping this from an F- is my love for Claire. 

[bigdaddyscourt-blog]

Florida Man Pt. 35: Pull Up Your Pants

Florida Man Banned From Starbucks For LIFE: 

A man living in St. Petersburg, Florida says he has been banned from Starbucks for life because he called out customers who illegally parked in handicapped parking spaces.

This must be a sad day for the St. Petersburg man. If you are over the age of 35 and take a selfie outside of a Starbucks, it definitely means you can’t live a life without your daily Venti Dark Roast. 

Florida Man Robs House, Falls Asleep On Couch: 

A South Florida family says they came home to chicken bones and empty beer bottles on their kitchen floor and an unknown man sleeping on their couch.

The Palm Beach Post reports that Miller told deputies he went into the home because he needed a place to stay but refused to answer any other questions.

Miller was charged with burglary and theft. Records also showed an open warrant in Texas for burglary.

I find it hilarious how Florida and Texas usually go hand in hand. HOOK EM. 

Speaking of Texas, this story about a Texas Man shooting an armadillo but having the shot reflect off of the armadillo and hitting him in the fact is HILARIOUS. 

Florida Man’s Pants Defy Taser...

Steven Pizarro-Lopez, 36, was yelling over the price of beer around  6 a.m. Tuesday, then threw an unknown object at the 67-year-old clerk near the register. He hit the victim in the face, causing a bruise, the police report states.

If you’re 36 and yelling over the price of beer to a 67-year-old in a gas station around 6 A.M. on a Tuesday, you deserve everything bad that is going to happen you in the future. One of the main reasons I don't believe in God is because these pieces of shit still exist when good people die around the clock. 

The officer tried to tase Pizarro-Lopez once, but his clothes were too baggy. The officer tried again, but Pizarro-Lopez twisted his body around and grabbed the taser line, the officer said.

Florida Man Trying To Get Home To Virginia Tells Police He Is Impaired: 

Deputies about 2:35 a.m. July 11 reported a man later identified as Steven Nichols, 64, pulled in the parking lot of an abandoned building at Naco Road and North U.S. 1 north of Fort Pierce......

.....He said he went to the gym, then a bar in Stuart and quaffed “at least” three drinks. He said he was trying to get home to Virginia, which is approximately 800 miles away. He said he “needed to be here” and wanted to “detox himself mentally” before going home.

There’s a new GTL (Gym, Tan, Laundry) in Florida thanks to this Florida Man, but this one is GBQ (Gym, Bar, Quaff).

As Nichols, of Jensen Beach, took field sobriety exercises, he said, “There is no doubt that I am impaired.”

What Mr. Nichols didn’t realize at that moment was every other man in Florida was also impaired. No need to brag. 

Florida Man Hits 100-Year-Old Mother With Broom: 

I can only imagine the stories these two have about Florida Men and Women. 100 years of experience in Florida is something not a lot of people have. I would love to interview these two, in separate rooms, of course, about their time in Florida. 

[bigdaddyscourt-blog]

This Week In Gossip 7/27-8/2: Khloe Kardashian Is...Hot?

Meek Mill-Drake #BEEFALERT Update: 

Last week I touched upon the biggest hip hop beef in recent memory. Luckily for us, it continued into this week so I am back to recap: 

Out of nowhere Drake decided to drop this diss track:

“Is that a world tour or your girl's tour? I know that you gotta be a thug for her. This ain't what she meant. When she told you to open up more.” 

That same night, Meek Mill went on stage during his world tour his girls world tour and got booed by the 6 and all their woes (JOKES): 

At this point, a sane human being would have taken the loss and moved on, but not Meek. On Friday, he released a diss track and managed to make his loss bigger than it was before:

If you took the two minutes out of your life that you’ll never get back to listen to “Wanna Know” I hope you realized that he sampled WWE Undertakers theme song, which made me disrespect Meek even more after this whole debacle. 

Once you thought Meek couldn't take any more L’s, What-A-Burger chimed in on this whole dispute in a hilarious way: 

Although it looked like he couldn't add anything productive to this world any more, Meek did have one hilarious line in “Wanna Know:”

"You let Tip homie piss on you in a movie theater n****, we ain’t forget."

(TIP=Atlanta Rapper T.I.) 

TMZ did some great investigative work and gave us the story behind this pissing incident: 

Our sources say, it all went down in 2010, during a private screening of "Takers" on the Sony lot ... a movie in which Matt Dillon, Paul Walker, Chris Brown and T.I. all starred in.

Drake attended the screening and, 30 minutes in, jumped up screaming and ran out of the theater.

We're told a dispute erupted over who was sitting where ... apparently Drake and one of T.I.'s childhood friends got into it. The friend got pissed, and pissed on Drake.

We're told Drake ran out of the theater, screaming "motherf*****."

Chrissy Teigen Is A Dream: 

Chrissy, every man’s dream, posted this video on Insta this week: 

If I find my Chrissy Teigen I will die happy. 

Taylor Swift Is A Nice Person Or....:

Ms. Swift (soon to be Mrs. Harris) had a concert scheduled for October 13th at Minute Maid Park in Houston, Texas which is also the home of an MLB team the Houston Astros. This concert was scheduled a year ago or so when the Astros thought they had no chance of making the playoffs. Out of nowhere the Astros, who were the worst team in the MLB last year, became one of the better teams in baseball. They have a great chance of making the playoffs and would likely have to play a game at Minute Maid Park on the 13th of October. 

Taylor Swift, being the good ole country girl she is, accepted the move to September 9th. 

I hate to say this but did Taylor Swift just jinx the Astros Cinderella season? Will her and Houston have bad blood going forward (JOKES). 

Scott Disick Is Sad: 

Scott Disick got a harsh dose of reality Friday when he went solo to the wedding of a friend, and seemed to express regret over his breakup with Kourtney Kardashian.

Scott attended the wedding of J.J. Corsini in Santa Monica, and posted a pic of his seating card with the caption, 

"When u realize the grass isn't always greener"

Meanwhile, Kourtney has been quickly establishing herself as the #1 available MILF of the 21st century: 

Khloe Kardashian Is Divorced And Now The Hottest Kardashian Sister....Wait, What Did I Just Type?

Khloe’s anticipated Complex Magazine photos finally hit the market:

Every males reaction everywhere, specifically James Harden’s: 

Along with the hottest photos of Khloe Kardashian ever, she was interviewed by Complex. She included her thoughts on Kylie and Tyga: 

"I think at 16 I was probably f****** someone that was in their 20s, for sure," she admits. "I wouldn’t say I was even dating, probably just sleeping with them. But again Kylie is not a normal 17-year-old ... It’s a rare circumstance, so let’s treat this as a special case."

Wait a second. What do you mean you were “probably fucking someone that was in their 20s?” I usually don’t put limits on sex, but call me crazy I do live by the limit that is knowing your partners age before fucking them.

Media Take Out Weekly: 

The Best Stories, From The Best Gossip Website Known To Man...

According to MTO, MEEK MILL AND NICKI ARE DUNZO: 

MediaTakeOut.com told you guys yesterday that Nicki Minaj and Meek Mill are DUNZO . . . but that the pair will continue to PRETEND to be together for the remainder of their tour.

What a bold prediction....

MTO Claims Tyga Is Broke....:

We're not here to confirm Tyga's money problems. But he WAS SIGNED to Baby and CASH MONEY - who allegedly are known for ROBBING FOLK. Tyga is supposed to have DOZENS of care - so why is her driving Kylie's??

I would like to point you in the direction of the train wreck of grammar and spelling during the last sentence of that paragraph. MTO FOREVER. 

I know MTO likes to ignore facts and all, but this was the biggest head shaker of the week. Claiming somebody is broke because they are driving his GF’s car is beyond idiotic but hilarious. Never change, MTO, never change. 

[bigdaddyscourt-blog]

World Star Video Of The Week: You Ready To Die For That Pussy? I Am

Comments From A White 19-Year-Old Who Grew Up In the Suburbs On The Video Of The Week From The Least White Website:

Video: 

Best Moments: 

“They call me New York.”

Every person from New York loves to let you know they are from New York. ITs just in their blood. 

“I know who the fuck you are, Nigga. I know who the fuck you are, Nigga.” 

If you say a threatening statement twice it turns hilarious. Just an observation. 

“This my house. You see them pictures still here, It’s my momma, it’s my aunt. Nigga, everything in here is me, nigga,” 

First off, that is awful grammar out of this angry man. Second, it seems like everything in there is his except for the pussy. 

**Takes Off Shirt** “Six god.” 

Is he calling himself six god because he has a six pack? Or is he somehow from New York and Toronto?

**Climbs on top of bed to be at same hight as his enemy but is still shorter than him**

The tall dudes has the “I knew I should have just hit it and quit it” look on his face. 

“You prepared to die for that pussy? I am.”

“Fuck yo child, nigga. I’ll barry you and that motherfucker.” 

“This is an alpha male right here.” 

How are you an alpha male if you are standing in front of a man who just fucked your girl. Doesn’t make sense. 

Best Comments: 

True. 

LITTLE MAN SYNDROME. 

COMMENT OF THE NIGHT. 

[bigdaddyscourt-blog]

WTF News: Rick Pery Challenges Donald Trump To A Pull-Up Contest

Best Quotes: 

“Rick Perry told the billionaire businessman to put up or shut up on Wednesday.”

I love shit like this. This makes America great again. 

“Trump, who's currently leading polls of the 2016 Republican primary, told the Daily Mail on Wednesday that Perry lacks the "energy," the "brain power," and the "toughness" to be an effective president.”

Wait....Donald Trump leads the republican primary? Are you telling me we could potentially have a Donald Trump campaign for full year? PLEASE MAKE THIS HAPPEN. ITS COMEDIC GOLD. 

"Let's get a pull-up bar out there and let's see who can do the most pull-ups," Perry said, inciting a round of laughter and applause from the audience.”

Why not just have a dick measuring contest?

“Trump, who rarely declines an opportunity to bash his critics, has mocked Perry's gubernatorial record and questioned his intelligence. He said Perry should "have to take an IQ test" to qualify for the GOP primary debates, and that the former governor started wearing glasses "so people will think he's smart."”

Way too much testosterone in this Republican party. 

Thoughts: 

I’m not a big fan of politics, but I think I’m going to be all in on this election. From the “Make America Great Again” hats to another Bush potentially being in office, I’m excited for the comedy that is going to arise. 

Imagine Donald Trump giving a speech every day for three months. The sound bites are going to be amazing. The debates are going to be better. 

Do I want Donald Trump running this country? I don’t know. I have no political preference, but if the vote was based on entertainment I think Mr. Trump would have my vote.

[bigdaddyscourt-blog]

The Bachelorette Season Finale: I’m Coming For You

Similar to last weeks recap, I will be reviewing each part of the episode and then will give awards out at the end. 

Before we start I would just like to thank everyone who has read my recaps for this season. It has been fun and I appreciate everyone of you who have given me feedback or even read a paragraph or two. #BachNation Forever.

Chris Harrison Brings Us Together: 

I hope somebody tells Chris to chill with the overdramatic hype of each show/season. I’m sick and tired of hearing about each season being the “most talked about season in Bachelor history.” 

Question: Has a man ever went to one of these live Bachelor events by himself without a female? If not, I would love to volunteer to be the first one to accomplish that. 

Why? Well there were some ABSOLUTE SMOKE SHOWS in the crowd and I’d love to gaze at them in person pretending to have the balls to go up to talk to them but end up not saying a word to any of them. 

Nick Meets Kaitlyn’s Family: 

Kaitlyn’s father seems like the most down to earth, relaxed guy in the world. 

Confused to why Nick cared so much about Kaitlyn sharing that they had sex in Dublin. It’s 2015; people have sex before marriage. Get with the program.

I cringed so hard when Nick started crying in front of Kaitlyn’s mother. Act like you have been there before. 

Throughout his and her conversation I kept thinking to myself “is this what I am going to have to deal with before I marry someone?” I then proceeded to have an anxiety attack...

Shawn Meets Kaitlyn’s Family: 

Shawn just blows away Nick in every aspect: looks, being genuine, and most of all being a man. 

I think Kaitlyn’s sister wanted a little bit of Shawn by the end of that dinner....

Nick and Kaitlyns Final Date: 

Did anyone notice how Nick didn’t say thank you to the guy who drove him out to the boat? This was my final confirmation of Nick being the dick of all dicks. The small things matter....never forget that.

Somehow didn't realize Nicks occupation was a “software salesmen.” NOW it makes sense why he is so boring. 

Shawn And Kaitlyn’s Date: 

I, unfortunately, knew about Shawn winning around four weeks ago. One of my friends thought he was funny and spoiled the entire season. I sort of wish that wasn’t the case because that first half of the final date between Shawn and Kaitlyn was NOT a good sign for the future between the two of them. 

Low and behold, Shawn (an absolute #GAMER) turned it around. He wasn't going to blow it and he turned it up in the most important moment. 

Shawn’s Nose Job: 

Wait...that wasn't part of the show? Did I miss something? NO YOU DID NOT, but there has been rumors swirling that our prince in shining armor did do a little bit of enhancement. Just look at the photo above. Maybe it’s the angle, but I think Shawn did have a little bit of work done. 

Bachelorette Money Woes: 

Bringing them back to the Bachelor mansion? Really? ABC, couldn’t have taken them to a tropical island? Money must have been really short for this season. Maybe they are saving up for Amy Schumer or Khloe Kardashian....

Nicks Goodbye: 

Is it fair to say that Nick is the Buffalo Bills of the Bachelor franchise? (Come on, you know I needed to put at least one sports reference in the finale recap).

What does Nick do with the ring? Does he give it back or keep it? Things to ponder about when you are lying in bed and can’t reach your phone because it’s charging and the cord doesn't reach your bed....

I appreciated how Nick told Kaitlyn off. He actually managed to gain some respect from me. I have been waiting for somebody to call BS on Kaitlyns weak goodbyes and Nick took the bait. Unfortunately he went wide right....AGAIN: 

Shawn And Kaitlyn....

FINALLY! THEY CAN NOW GET DRUNK TOGETHER FOR ETERNITY. 

I thought it was incredibly corny when Shawn wrote out his speech beforehand, but it all worked out. 

Update on the two of them: A few weeks ago a friend of mine went to a bar (underaged....WHAT A BAD GIRL) in my local town in CT (where Shawn lives). Shawn was there, getting hammered as usual, but Kaitlyn wasn't. Their relationship seems strong and has a great future, but having your fiancee go out to a local bar with diggers surrounding him looking for his gold isn't a good look. Take of that what you will. 

After The Final Rose: 

It seemed like ABC told Chris Harrison “make this as awkward as possible.” From the awkward hug between Kaitlyn and Nick to Nick and Shawn talking, he succeeded. 

I know they have stylists helping them, but Kaitlyn and Shawn KILL THE FASHION GAME. 

BACHELOR IN PARADISE: 

This Sunday. 8 PM. I CAN’T WAIT. 

Yes, I will be recapping each and every BIP episode. STAY TUNNED. 

Awards: 

Quote Of The Night: “I got you something, it’s inside my bedroom.” 

Moment Of The Night: Chris asking Shawn and Nick to hug it out, and they both refused. 

ILL HUG BOTH OF YOU, ASHLEY S AND SYDNEY LEROUX. JUST LET ME KNOW THE TIME AND PLACE, ILL BE THERE. 

[bigdaddyscourt-blog]

Florida Man Pt. 34 (7/20-26): These Pretzels Are Making Me Thirsty

Florida Man Was Thirsty After Smoking Crack: 

Leaving behind a trail of jewels and juice boxes, a Greenacres man who led Palm Beach County Sheriff’s deputies on a two-hour chase while he burglarized homes had one request as they put him in handcuffs: He needed some water because he was “extremely thirsty from recently smoking crack,” according to the report.

I can’t say I’ve ever been on crack, but I have heard it makes you thirsty so I can’t blame this man. 

A home on the 4900 block of Canton Road — less than a mile north from where deputies lost sight of him — Howard went into an unoccupied home, took jewelry, a man’s shirt and refueled.

What. A. Dick. 

The owner of the home said she found three empty Capri Suns and a sweaty shirt scattered between her bedroom and her back porch, according to the report.

Florida Man Protests High Fares By Running Into Bus Head-First:

On July 18 around 11:35 a.m. the unknown man exited a bus at the Winter Haven Area Transit terminal. But, the passenger decided to travel to a different destination, police said. The driver told the man it would be another $2, and the rider “became extremely agitated,” police said.

Times must be tough for this Florida Man considering he’d rather run HEAD FIRST into the bus than pay $2 for a ride. 

Florida Man Threatens To Kill His Parents After Not Receiving HIs Organic Food: 

Max Michael Rosenberg, 28, was arguing with his father Saturday afternoon after he asked his father if he brought home organic food, and his father responded that he wouldn’t buy him food anymore, the police report states. The pair began pushing and shoving each other while arguing, according to police.

“If the police come, I’m going to kill everyone including myself,” he threatened, according to the report.

Aggressive Mr. Rosenberg. Aggressive. 

Rosenberg is the last name of my dentist if any of you wanted to know the name of my dentist, which I bet none of you did. 

Florida Woman Asks The Internet For Weed: 

Florida Man Robs A Walmart: 

A homeless man is locked up in Flagler County for using a pink baseball bat to steal over $300 in items from a Walmart.

As of 3pm Thursday, 56-year-old Kevin Leahy is held on $12,250 bond at Flagler County Jail on 2 felony charges of aggravated assault and grand theft as well as misdemeanor charges of resisting a merchant and illegal use of a shopping cart.

Yes, there is such thing as an illegal use of a shopping cart. Here is the exact bylaw if you were wondering. 

Florida Woman Chases Around A 5th Grade With Her Knife:

A woman chased a fifth-grade boy around a parking lot with a knife after he and her daughter got into an argument at the playground, police said.

[bigdaddyscourt-blog]

This Week In Gossip 7/20-26: What’s Beef?

Taylor Swift Vs. Katy Perry And Nicki Minaj:

Unless you were living under a rock this week, I’m sure all of you saw the #BEEFALERT between Nicki and Taylor. Here is a quick recap:

It all started with this: 

Two problems with Ms. Minaj: 

1. Nicki is being incredibly hypocritical. What is the first thing you think of when you hear the name, Nicki Minaj? Maybe it’s just that I’m a horny 19-year-old but I think of her butt, and I’m sure its the same for a lot of you. Nicki’s career has a lot to do with her massive, fake ass. Stop complaining about something that has made you a lot of money, Nicki. 

2. I hope Nicki doesn’t pride herself on being a feminist because her statement is the most anti-feminist thing I’ve seen in a while. Feminism prides itself on equality and thinking you are posted up against just woman trying to win video of the year is not equality. Taylor Swift is right here, stop pinning yourself against just woman. A man could have took your spot as well...

Then Katy Perry got involved: 

I had no idea that Bad Blood was about Katy Perry, but it only makes me like the song more.

I was a big fan of this #BEEF. Having three girls I have major crushes on go at it on Twitter was fun until Taylor Swift decided to apologize like a 17-year-old girl: 

Nothing ruins a #BEEF quicker than a half-hearted apology. Do you think if Twitter was around in the 90′s Biggie would have apologized for putting a hit out on Tupac? I don’t think so. 

MEEK MILL VS. DRAKE...NO HOLDS BARRED STEEL CAGE MATCH: 

After seeing his girlfriend start up some #BEEF, Meek decided to get in on the fun and sent out this tweet indicating he is still salty that Drake hit it first:

This sent Twitter into a craze, but Drake stayed silent for a bit. 

On Saturday, Drake released this diss track: 

Meek Mill responded with this: 

Reminder: Meek Mill has not won a Grammy OR worth $75 Million. Drake can say both of those things whether he wrote his lyrics or not. 

WINNER: DRAKE. 

Khloe Kardashian Has Finally Filed For Divorce: 

Khloe and Lamar both signed legal docs that will officially end their marriage. Court records show the documents were filed with the court Friday. All that's left is a judge's signature, and they're officially single.

Don’t worry, I thought they were divorced for the past couple of years too. I guess OJ’s daughter is full flight ahead on her relationship with James Harden (DON’T RUIN HIM KHLOE, PLEASE DON’T RUIN HIM). 

REMINDER: JLO IS 46 YEARS OLD: 

HOWWWWWWW. 

Kylie Jenner Has Graduated High School: 

Who. The. Hell. Graduates. High. School. In. The. Middle. Of. July?

The Kardashians proceeded to throw her a huge party and Khloe proceeded to give me a massive hardo as she twerked throughout it: 

I wonder what Kylie got on her SATs?

Kylie also celebrated her graduation by posting a selfie of her wearing a “Eat-Me-Out” shirt on Snapchat: 

My reaction?

Media Take Out Weekly: 

The best stories from the best site: 

Rather than ruining Hulk Hogan’s life, MTO had a very boring week...

Maybe this was just another heel move by the Hulkster to go back to his days as Hollywood Hulk....just a theory.