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bigjuice34 · 11 months ago

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Would love to hear yalls thoughts on this 🥹

Private Affair (Year One)

Chapter 7

A/N: Hello! I'm so sorry for being MIA. Life is just a lot… so, to make it up to y'all for waiting so long for an update, here is the longest chapter I've written for this story yet. I kind of love her and worked really hard, so I hope you love her too. As always, please leave me your thoughts and comments. I love reading what y'all think! 🥹🫶�� Hope you enjoy

Word Count: 10.1k

There was plenty of chatter from where cadets roamed the fields below the citadel, enjoying their downtime during another warm and sunny day, but Freya wasn’t one of them. Instead, she was alone, perched on top of one of the massive boulders as she studied her notes from that morning’s Battle Brief.

It was early September, marking almost a month and a half in the Riders Quadrant and just under three weeks until Threshing. Freya was to have her final Gym class the following day before all cadets began their practice runs on the Gauntlet. She succeeded in all of her sparring matches thus far, including when she was against Nova the week prior, which was the closest matchup Freya experienced apart from when she fought Xaden. The two girls laughed it off and even practiced sparring in the courtyard that evening since Nova wanted Freya to show her a particular move used when they sparred. According to the list Xaden discovered of each match already set, she expected to spar with Amber Mavis. Freya wasn’t concerned about that matchup, though.

However, with Gauntlet training right around the corner, followed by Presentation Day and Threshing, Freya spent the days leading up until then prioritizing her schoolwork and helping other Marked Ones with sparring and studying.

“See you later, Freya,” a female voice said, making Freya jump slightly before looking at the source. It was Amira who spoke to her. She walked with Heidi, another marked one Freya had been helping in secret. Freya smiled at the two girls as they waved and continued toward the stairs leading up to the citadel.

Freya let her gaze fall back to her notes, trying to understand every detail about what they’d gone over during Battle Brief. There were details of the military efforts coming from an outpost near the border of Poromiel that just wasn’t adding up. She knew Navarre tended to cover up any disputes with Poromiel; the Tyrrish Rebellion taught her that much, but now there’d been attacks along the border seemingly by Gryphon riders.

If there was anything Freya learned during the rebellion, it was how nothing is as it seems. Freya’s parents and Caden did everything they could to keep her away from what they were doing, but that didn’t mean she didn’t still snoop. She knew there were shady happenings Navarre turned a blind eye to, but she didn’t know the extent of it. Freya’s family had alliances in Poromiel. She had nothing against the Gryphon riders. How these attacks were discussed during Battle Brief made Freya wonder if they were truly getting every detail. There wasn’t a single doubt in her mind that was the case, but she wanted to know more.

“It just doesn’t make sense,” Freya murmured as she continued scanning over her notes. In the distance, the bell tower tolled, indicating the start of a new hour, and she knew she’d have to wrap up her studying session very soon. She sighed and began gathering her notes to put back into her rucksack; however, the wind picked up and threatened to blow her notes away. “No!”

Freya quickly slammed her hands down against the boulder, preventing any of her notes from flying off. Based on the gasps and groans people nearby made, she knew not everyone was as lucky as her in securing their things.

Pieces of parchment breezed past her, followed by cadets chasing after them, and Freya couldn’t help but chuckle as she securely put her things away. With one final glance around the top of the boulder to make sure she had everything, Freya put on her rucksack and then began shimmying to the side so she could hop down. She was almost at the edge when the breeze picked up again, and blew her loose hair around. Then, she noticed another piece of parchment blow past her. Not thinking anything of it, Freya watched the parchment go by but didn’t see anyone trying to retrieve it. The wind blew again, but this time in the opposite direction it had been going, and Freya watched with wide eyes as the parchment miraculously fluttered back in her direction.

Then it clicked, and Freya shook her head before reaching out to grab the note, knowing a certain someone was controlling the wind. She unfolded the parchment and smiled when she saw familiar handwriting scribbled on it.

Meet me at our spot Nathan

Freya couldn’t keep herself from smiling widely. She and Nathan had been getting to know each other a lot better over the weeks that had passed. They’d meet up after curfew multiple times a week, spending hours talking and getting to know one another. They even made it a habit to meet up in private almost every day, though briefly, when Freya was on her way to the Healers Quadrant for her duty of helping with injured cadets, which was where she needed to go.

“Is that a note from your secret admirer?” A voice asked, startling Freya. A gasp left her mouth as she frantically looked over the side of the rock for its source, only to see Garrick smirking up at her.

“Gods, Garrick,” she groaned as she stuffed the letter into her pocket. “You scared me.”

“That was the point,” Garrick chuckled in response, then held his left hand up for her to hold onto. “Come on, I’ll help you down.”

“I climbed up here. I can get down on my own.”

“I know you can, but I’m trying to make your life easier.”

Freya rolled her eyes but didn’t argue. The boulder was at least three, maybe four feet taller than she was, and although Freya was sure she would’ve been fine to leap down from it, she appreciated the assistance.

Without another word, Freya took Garrick’s hand before leaning forward and putting her left hand on his shoulder. Garrick put his right hand on Freya’s ribs, then slowly and gently lowered her to the ground. The action was similar to what he’d done for her many times since they were kids when Freya would climb trees and think she could jump down from the branches without getting hurt.

“Thank you,” Freya said as she let go of Garrick and stepped back, then glanced at the boulder. “I guess that could’ve been bad if I jumped down and twisted my ankle or something.”

“No kidding,” Garrick chuckled. “I don’t think even Xaden and I would be able to deal with how miserable you’d be if you got hurt before Gauntlet training.”

“I think I’d be insufferable.”

The two laughed, then Garrick smirked as he nodded toward the parchment sticking out of Freya’s pocket.

“So, was I right? Do you have a secret admirer?”

Freya’s eyes widened, and she could feel the blush burning across her cheeks as she quickly looked away from her friend and nervously began fiddling with the bottom of her French braid.

“No,” she stated, still avoiding eye contact. “It’s just a note from a friend.”

“Ah,” Garrick responded. “And is this friend a wingleader that can control the wind?”

Freya scoffed.

“How did you know that?”

“Come on, Fray. You’re one of the people I know best. I’ve seen how you get whenever he’s around. You’ve been sneaking out a lot lately to meet up with him.”

“Again, I ask how you know that?” Freya questioned, shaking her head.

“You’re not the only one who sneaks out after curfew to see someone,” Garrick replied with a wink. “So, tell me about him. I want to know more about the guy I may have to fight if he ever hurts you.”

“It’s not like that,” she explained, chuckling and shaking her head. “Nothing has happened between us if that’s what you’re implying. We get along and I just really enjoy his company. I mean, yeah, I guess I’m attracted to him and want to be around him, but it’s complicated.”

“How so?”

“Well, he’s our wingleader. It’s a bad look on him and me to have any relationship, even if we’re just friends. Not to mention that I have a rebellion relic.”

“Woah, wait,” Garrick said, looking unimpressed suddenly. “Has he made you feel you have to sneak around because he doesn’t want to be associated with a rebellion kid?”

“No!” Freya stressed. “That’s not it at all. He doesn’t treat me any differently because of that whatsoever. It’s just that our relics already bring so much unwanted attention to ourselves. Nathan and I, we’re still getting to know each other. Privately. The fact that I have my relic and he’s a wingleader means people are always watching. He is in a position to screw me over, but, I trust him not to, Garrick. I really do.”

“I’ll be honest, I still have my suspicions about him. But I just want you to be happy.”

“Thank you, Garrick. I appreciate it. But also, nothing has happened between me and Nathan. Maybe nothing will. I do like him, though. I can’t deny that.”

“I have to ask,” Garrick started. “And please don’t think I’m prying or anything. But what about you and Xaden? I know the two of you, you know, before being relocated and, well, I won’t share what he’s told me, but you still mean a lot to him. You always will. You’re his best friend. But you know what I mean, this is a different situation.”

Freya sighed, feeling a tug at her heart.

“Xaden is part of what makes everything with Nathan feel more complicated,” she whispered. “Even though nothing has happened between Nathan and me, as time goes on, I hope something will. I like him a lot. But with that, I’m always thinking about Xaden. And that’s not fair to either of them. I don’t want to feel conflicted while thinking about either of them, but I do. Gods, Xaden is betrothed. He’ll never be mine, yet I feel guilty about falling for anyone else but him. To me, it’s always been him. But, things have changed. We grew up and three years apart doesn't mean everything can go back to how it once was.”

“Can’t say it’s a situation I’d want to be in if I were you. But, Freya, you got to do what’s best for you. Your happiness matters. Only you can decide what you want and if you need time to figure it out, that’s ok too.”

“I just don’t want to hurt either of them or myself while doing so. I know I haven’t done anything wrong. I’m not in a relationship with either of them. But, I care about them both. And I just know that even if anything happened with Nathan, Xaden wouldn’t like it.”

“Well, no, I don’t think he’d be too thrilled,” Garrick responded. “But at the end of the day, he’s going to have to accept that he’s in a situation that hurts you too. It’s not fair for him to assume you’ll just wait for him, either.”

Freya nodded.

“I want to introduce Nathan to you and Xaden properly,” she told him. “Nathan knows what the two of you mean to me and he’s starting to feel really important too. But, I don’t blame you and Xaden for being weary of him either.”

“Given his position, I can’t help but feel I couldn’t fully trust him. Honestly, I’m surprised you do. You were always the most skeptical of the three of us regarding people who don’t know us. I will say that you seem to be more open to new people than you were three years ago. However, there’s no way they didn’t warn anyone in a leadership position about the rebellion kids coming into the Quadrant and by warning, I mean drag our names through the dirt. That being said, you’ve always had the best judge of character too. It seems Nathan’s given you a good reason if you trust him.”

“He has. And he respects that because of my relic, my experience here is very different from his and most people's. I don’t expect you to like him right away, but I think he deserves a chance.”

Garrick nodded.

“I understand,” he replied. “Just be careful, Fray. He’s a wingleader, after all. He may seem fine to you, but I can’t imagine a situation where he wouldn’t turn his back on us because of who our families are. Like when all of us marked ones met up that first night weeks ago, I could’ve sworn I saw him out after curfew before we all met under the tree and thought he’d interfere if he found us. Maybe it wasn’t him, though. But could you imagine if that happened?”

“Oh! Um,” Freya stammered, her eyes widening.

“What is it?”

“Nothing!”

“Freya,” Garrick said, his tone becoming firmer. “What aren’t you telling me?”

Freya sighed.

“Nathan knows about our meetings,” she admitted, dropping her gaze as guilt took over. “He… he was with me that first night and saw everyone gathering.”

“And you didn’t say anything? Do you not realize how much danger that puts all of us in?”

“Of course I do, Garrick! I didn’t plan for it to happen, it just did. I was talking with him and intended to pretend I was returning to the dorms before meeting with everyone. I didn’t realize how long we’d been talking and we were still together when you and Xaden, then everyone else walked by. I told him what we were doing and that it was my idea. I was ready to take the fall for everyone if he told our secret, but he didn’t. I will still take that fall if I need to. I would never put my own in danger on purpose and if it becomes an issue, I will deal with it.”

Garrick exhaled, then stressfully pushed his hand through his hair.

“Xaden is going to be pissed,” he stated.

“I know,” Freya sighed. “But, please, you can’t tell him. I have to be the one to let him know. I was the one who created this mess.”

“I won’t say anything. But you need to tell him soon.”

“I will, I promise. But, I have to go to the Healers Quadrant before I’m late”

“Okay, would you like me to walk with you?” Garrick asked.

“No, I want to be alone and clear my mind a bit,” Freya told him. “Thank you, though. I’ll see you at dinner.”

“Alright, see you later. If you need anything, Fray, you can always talk to me about it.”

“I know. Thanks, Garrick.”

With that, Freya muttered a quick goodbye to her friend before heading on her way. She kept her head down as she walked to the doorway at the bottom of the stairs that led underground. Her thoughts were eating away at her and Freya wanted nothing more than to curl up and sleep instead of feeling the weight of the danger she could be putting the other rebellion kids in, but she couldn’t. She needed to get to the Healers Quadrant.

When she reached the doorway, Freya said a brief hello to Nova and Bennett as she noticed them coming down the stairs, but didn’t stop. Given the look on Nova’s face, as she went by, Freya knew Nova would ask her about what was going on later that evening. She appreciated that Nova cared, but Freya wasn’t sure she had it in her to tell Nova that Nathan was a big factor in how she was feeling.

Freya briskly made her way down the steps taking her to the underground tunnel and was met by the eeriness of being alone. Her footsteps echoed off the stone walls and an unexpected wave of dread soon washed over her; as if something bad was about to happen.

She picked up her pace, knowing the feeling would probably go away when she was no longer alone in a dingy tunnel. However, she didn’t get far before hearing the door she’d entered open followed by multiple footsteps sounding as they rushed down the stairs.

“You’re sure she went down here?” A female voice asked, making Freya’s heart pound as she glanced over her shoulder.

“Positive,” a male replied. “She’s not with Tavis anymore, this is the best window we’ve got.”

“Where’s Riorson?” A different male questioned. “Don’t need him or Tavis coming after us for killing their best friend.”

“They’re not going to know it was us,” the first male responded. “One less marked one, the better. Especially Tarlor. If she doesn’t make it to Threshing, someone else can bond the Green that Kaori was talking about.”

“What if the Green doesn’t want to bond with her? Just because it was her brother’s dragon doesn’t mean it’ll choose her.”

“Doesn’t matter, we’re already here.”

Freya’s mouth fell open in shock. She didn’t recognize any of the voices, but given the reason they were following her, she didn’t care to know either. Without a second thought, she stopped, brought her knee up to her chest, swiftly removed Caden’s dagger from her boot, and kept going.

The tunnel was long, but Freya was nearing the halfway mark. She was sure she could outrun whoever was pursuing her and get to the Healers Quadrant, but part of her wanted to see what they’d do because there was no way Freya was going down without a fight.

She could still hear them going down the stairs and knew she’d be in their line of sight soon, but before Freya could devise a solid plan of what to do next, a hand reached out to grab her left arm and pulled her toward them.

Freya immediately raised her right hand, ready to slash with the dagger she gripped, but the person was fast. It wasn’t until a second later when her back was suddenly pressed against the wall, with the person’s right hand covering her mouth and their left hand pinning her wrist against the wall to prevent her from attacking, that Freya realized it was Nathan.

An amused smirk formed on Nathan’s lips as he glanced at the dagger before letting go of Freya’s wrist and bringing his pointer finger to his mouth, silently telling her to keep quiet. Freya nodded before Nathan removed his other hand from her mouth and glanced over his shoulder. She followed his gaze but couldn’t see beyond the bit of stone wall that stuck out like a pillar, keeping her hidden. Then, Nathan stepped into the middle of the tunnel and faced where Freya had just come from.

Down the hall, Freya could hear the others still coming down the stairs, but soon their chatter and footsteps stopped abruptly.

“Shit, it’s a wingleader,” one of the boys muttered, but Freya heard him as clear as day. She was sure that was because Nathan was using his signet so he could hear them better himself.

“Is there a reason you’re down here, cadets?” Nathan asked authoritatively, a tone Freya hadn’t seen him speak with since Conscription Day. “I’m pretty sure none of you were injured today, nor do you have Healer duty.”

“Oh, um,” the girl stammered. “We were just exploring!”

“Is that so? Well, if I’m not mistaken, first-years don’t have permission to be in other Quadrants unless injured or required to be there. So, I suggest the three of you ‘explore’ elsewhere unless you want me to bring this issue to your Squad Leaders or anyone above them.”

“Yes, of course,” the second boy responded. “We’ll be on our way.”

Freya listened as the three retreated up the stairs and let herself release a breath she didn’t realize she was holding. Nathan didn’t move from where he stood, keeping his eyes on the end of the tunnel and not looking away until they heard the door open and close again.

“You’re good,” Nathan stated, then looked toward Freya again.

“Thanks,” she said, then tucked the dagger back into her boot.

“It was no problem. You seemed to be ready even if I didn’t intervene.”

“Yeah, it feels like I have got to be ready to defend myself at all times. What are you doing down here, though?”

“We were supposed to meet,” Nathan reminded her while chuckling. “Did you forget?”

“Right,” Freya groaned, then smacked her hand to her forehead. “Sorry. I know, I got your note not that long ago, but it did slip my mind. I was talking to Garrick before coming here.”

“And how was that?”

“Not great.”

“I see,” he replied. “Well, why don’t I walk you to the Healers and you can talk to me about it? If you want to, of course.”

Freya nodded.

“I’d like that,” she told him with a smile, then they started walking together. “I guess there’s no point in not being upfront about it, but, Garrick knows that you know about us marked ones meeting up after curfew.”

“Ah. Going out on a limb here and guess he wasn’t too thrilled about it?”

“Solid guess.”

Nathan observed Freya as she sighed and continued looking at the ground ahead of them, not making eye contact.

“Freya,” he started. “Your secret is safe with me. I know it’s hard to just take my word for that without seeing any proof, but I mean it. I, I wouldn’t betray you like that.”

Freya smiled at his reassuring words and glanced up at him.

“I don’t think you would,” she assured him. “And I appreciate you saying that. It’s just that I know Xaden won’t be as open to trusting you as I am.”

“And Xaden’s thoughts and opinions are important to you.”

Freya sighed.

“They are. He’s one of the most important people in my life. But, I can’t let myself constantly feel like I need his approval and validation. I care about what he has to say, but I’m my own person. That’s why I need to be the one to tell him that you know about the marked ones meeting. Any issues he has, he can take up with me.”

Nathan nodded as she spoke and Freya didn’t miss his very subtle smile.

“Understandable,” he replied and was about to continue, but stopped when a door opened from ahead. They were almost at the Healers Quadrant, it made sense for them not to be alone for much longer. Freya assumed it was a healer, but then a woman with deep auburn hair wearing a cream-coloured tunic stepped into their line of sight. Then the scribe glanced in their direction. Freya recognized her and didn’t miss how Nathan smiled seeing his sister. “Gem.”

“Nate!” Gemma greeted happily, then embraced her older brother before pulling away, smiling at him too. “How’re things?”

“They’re good.”

“And Nova?”

“Still kicking ass,” Nathan chuckled. He then glanced at Freya, who’d slightly stepped to the side. She didn’t want to interrupt the two siblings.

“I’m glad,” Gemma responded. “I wrote to Mom and Dad the other day, I’m sure I’ll hear back from them soon. You should do the same.”

Nathan sighed.

“I know, I’ve been meaning to. But you know how hectic it gets for the riders.”

“So I’ve heard,” she said, then glanced at Freya too. “You’re Freya, right?”

“Uh, yes, I am,” Freya replied, feeling caught off guard which made Gemma chuckle.

“My name is Gemma. I’ve heard a lot about you.”

“You have?”

“Yes,” Gemma explained. “I always catch up with Urvi whenever I’m in the Healers Quadrant, she said you were helping out in there now. I’ve seen you there a few times now. But, I’ve heard your name quite a bit, too.”

“I see,” Freya responded, feeling a sense of dread. “I’m assuming most of what you’ve heard about me is because of my family.”

“I mean, some of what I’ve heard about you has to do with that, sure. But, the most I’ve heard has come from my brother. Nathan speaks very highly of you.”

“Is that so?”

Freya couldn’t hide her smirk as she glanced up at Nathan again and saw a smile tugging at his lips while he avoided making eye contact with her. The gesture didn’t go unnoticed by Gemma, who also smiled.

“It is,” she answered. “It’s not every day I hear about someone cracking through Nathan’s hard exterior. He must really like you.”

“Gemma,” Nathan warned, narrowing his gaze at his sister.

No more words were exchanged, but Freya watched as the two siblings silently communicated. After a moment, Gemma smirked, then moved her gaze back to Freya.

“Well, I should get going. It was lovely to meet you and put a face to the name, Freya. I’m sure I’ll see you around the Healers. And Nate, it wouldn’t kill you to visit more.”

Nathan sighed again.

“I know. Things are pretty busy with Gauntlet and Threshing coming up for the first years.”

“Of course, wingleader,” Gemma teased, making Nathan roll his eyes. “We’ll talk soon. It was nice meeting you, Freya. Goodbye, you two.”

“Bye, Gemma,” Freya replied with a smile.

“See you, Gem,” Nathan said, then nodded toward his sister as she went, waiting until her footsteps disappeared and a door closed. Once he was sure it was just him and Freya again, Nathan turned to the cadet and smirked. “So.”

“So,” Freya repeated, staring right back. She felt like he was challenging her in a way, but refused to give in to his game. “I guess I should be going, Urvi is probably wondering where I am.”

Nathan’s smirk fell.

“Right. I guess I’ll be seeing you.”

“Yeah, I’ll see you around.”

With that, Freya turned and started walking away. She knew there was more Nathan wanted to say, but was unsure if he would. Freya also knew he wanted to plan to meet after curfew again like they’d been doing for the past few weeks. But, like he told Gemma, he’d gotten busy and it’d been a few days since they met privately during the night. Not that Freya held that against him or anything either, he was a wingleader after all. But, she didn’t want to come across as annoying by asking him to meet in secret again and being shut down because of his other duties. She wanted him to be the one to ask.

“Freya, wait,” Nathan spoke up and Freya stopped before slowly turning to face him again.

“Yes?” She asked, trying to read his solemn expression. Although she felt he might mention meeting again that night, Freya still wasn’t prepared for what he would say.

“Meet me outside after curfew tonight.”

“In our other spot in the fields?”

“Outside of the dorms,” he corrected. “I want to bring you up to my room.”

“Oh,” Freya responded, feeling a warm blush washing her cheeks. She quickly looked to the ground, hoping Nathan wouldn’t see. “What if someone sees us?”

“They won’t.”

“Nathan-.”

“They won’t, Freya,” Nathan reassured as he stopped towards Freya, then gently grabbed her chin and brought her gaze back up to meet his again. “I promise.”

“Ok,” Freya whispered, then nodded as he tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “I’ll be there.”

“Perfect. Same time as usual. I’ll see you then.”

“Yeah, see you later.”

This time it was Nathan who turned and Freya watching as he went. She blinked a couple of times before exhaling and then turning to get to the Healers Quadrant. After a few steps, she rounded a corner and jumped when she saw a familiar face there waiting for her.

“Oh, my, Urvi, you scared me,” Freya said, placing a hand over her now-pounding heart as she looked at her healer friend with wide eyes. “You listened to that entire conversation, didn’t you?”

“Sure did,” Urvi replied, then grabbed Freya’s hand excitedly and pulled as she started leading them to the infirmary doors. “And you’re going to have to tell me everything about you and Mr. Wingleader.”

~*~

That night, Freya lay awake in her bunk waiting for the right time to make her post-curfew escape. She was getting impatient as the thrilling idea of what the night could bring captured her imagination. Although she convinced herself that Nathan wanting her to go to his room may not mean anything, she had a gut feeling it did. And that feeling intrigued Freya.

After dinner, when she returned to the barracks to act like she was preparing for bed with all the other girls on her floor, Freya mentioned what was happening to Nova. Naturally, Nova teased Freya about the secret rendezvous she’d been having with her brother, nonetheless, Nova was supportive of Freya and Nathan becoming closer. It killed Freya not knowing what Nova and Nathan may have said when she was the topic of conversation, though.

After growing impatient and anxious, Freya decided to sneak out earlier than planned. The dorms were ridiculously hot with it being the dead of summer and she felt she’d suffocate if she didn’t get some fresh air soon. So, she quietly sat up and prepared for her escape.

After pulling on her tight long-sleeved shirt, Freya noticed Nova wasn’t lying in her bunk as she swiftly tied up her boots and grabbed her cloak without bringing any attention to herself. She knew Nova was sneaking out after curfew too, but didn’t know why. Bennett was with her and the two of them had been a bit odd by completely changing the subject when Freya asked what they were up to, but she tried not to worry about it. She finished getting dressed, before fading into the shadows and making her way outside.

The courtyard was quiet; peaceful even, as Freya crept along the citadel's walls and tried to remain hidden. She had no intention of wandering far since she knew she’d be meeting Nathan soon, still, she continued toward the stairs that led to the fields below. Once she neared the steps, she stopped and took a breather as she leaned against the wall, remaining covered by the darkness.

For the first time in weeks, Freya let herself relax while alone. Being on constant edge, worried about others plotting against her and her helping the other marked ones in secret, was exhausting. She was beginning to feel the toll that was taking. However, she couldn’t let others know what she was feeling. Not with Gauntlet training approaching. Freya had to stay on top of her game if she planned on making it past Threshing.

“What a mess,” she whispered then closed her eyes. However, her moment of solace was short-lived when a small pebble hit her foot. It seemed as if someone had accidentally kicked it and was lurking nearby. Immediately, Freya pushed off the wall and faced the way the rock came from. She was met by pure dark emptiness but had a gut feeling that wasn’t the case and instinctively reached for her boot to retrieve Caden’s dagger, feeling annoyed this was the second time she had to do that in one day.

“No need,” a familiar voice spoke from in front of Freya, making her instantly relax and willing to let her guard down. Xaden chuckled before stepping into the dim moonlight. “It’s just me.”

“You scared the shit out of me,” Freya replied, immediately standing up straight again since she knew she no longer needed the dagger. “What are you doing out lurking in the shadows, hm?”

“I lurk in the shadows every night. I know you do most nights too, so I’m not surprised you’re out here. Is everything alright, though? I didn’t see you much today.”

“Yeah, I’m alright. Just needed some fresh air.”

“You and me both,” Xaden replied, then awkwardly reached up to scratch the back of his head before he let his gaze fall to the ground. “I’m going to walk around for a bit, would you like to get some fresh air together?”

Freya’s heart immediately felt heavy. Over the past couple of weeks, she and Xaden had barely spent any time together that was just them. It’d always been them and Garrick, in class surrounded by others, or them with other marked ones while training or secretly meeting. Sure, they talked each day, but it was obvious that Xaden wanted to talk to Freya on a deeper scale, just the two of them, which scared her. However, she felt guilty at the same time even though she knew that if she gave in to what Xaden wanted to discuss, one or both of them would probably end up hurt to some degree.

“I miss you, Freya.”

“I miss you too,” the words left Freya’s mouth before she could even think about what she was saying. But, she meant them. She missed him and their old life a lot.

Xaden nodded and stepped closer to her until hardly any space was left between them. His fingers brushed where Freya’s were gripping her cloak and when she didn’t move them away, he linked their hands together.

“We should talk,” Xaden spoke softly as he ran his thumbs over Freya’s knuckles. “About us.”

“Xaden, don’t,” Freya pleaded. “There is no us. Not in the way I know you want to discuss. There never will be.”

“And yet, here we are. Alone. We always seem to find our way back to one another. Are you going to say no part of you thinks about what we once had and what it could be? I know you feel the same way I do.”

“Of course I do. But Xaden, that still doesn’t change the fact that you’re engaged to be married to someone else. Once Threshing is over, I already know that if we both make it out alive you’ll ask for my help to get you off the grounds undetected so you can see her. And we both know I will help because I am loyal to you as your best friend, which makes it fucking selfish and cruel of you to take the feelings you know I have for you and try to use them to get something you want when I’ve told you being with you in such a way hurts too much. I’m not going to be the second choice.”

Freya pulled her hands away from Xaden and stepped back, hoping that would resonate with him. Hurt flashed through Xaden’s eyes, but it quickly disappeared as he nodded in acceptance.

“I understand,” he spoke softly. “I’ve never wanted you to feel that way, Fern. You’re one of the most important people in my life. If… if I had more say in the matter, maybe things would be different.”

“You could call off the betrothal,” Freya replied fast, without even thinking. Her eyes widened at her abruptness.

“Freya, we both know this was a political agreement between my family and hers. This betrothment was made when we were kids. I can’t change that. Cat turns twenty next year, the least I can do is give her a chance. It’s what my father would’ve wanted.”

“I know and I’m not arguing that. I just- I wasn't thinking. I’m sorry. And you’re right. I’ve never told you this, but that night of the party announcing the allegiance through betrothal, Fen pulled me aside to discuss it in a way.”

“He did?” Xaden asked. “What did he say?”

“That you loved me,” she answered, while Xaden observed her with interest. “He knew that I loved you too, but also how that love was always meant to be platonic. We were put on this earth together to be friends, Xaden. Nothing more. What happened when we were seventeen shouldn’t have happened.”

Xaden stayed silent, then spoke quietly, almost in a whisper.

“Do you regret it happening?”

Freya took a deep breath.

“No, I don’t. And I don’t regret what happened under that tree our first night here either. But it can’t happen again.”

“Ok,” Xaden agreed. “I’m sorry for the pain I’ve caused you, Fern. I’m just selfish, especially when it comes to you. No one will ever be good enough for you. You’re one of the greatest things this world has to offer and I’m so incredibly lucky to have you in my life.”

“I could say the same,” Freya smiled. “Like Caden always used to say and Garrick now always says about us, we’re a package deal. You don’t get one of us without the other.”

“Caden and Garrick know that better than anyone. Poor guys.”

The two best friends laughed, feeling good about their conversation.

Freya shook her head, still smiling, then jumped at the sound of the clock tower tolling in the distance, remembering she had somewhere to be. “Oh, shit, I have to go.”

“Meeting someone?” Xaden casually asked, to which Freya nodded. “Do I know them?”

“Xaden-,” Freya started but was cut off by Xaden’s chuckling again then walked toward the stairs again, becoming less visible in the shadows.

“I’m just messing with you. I’ll be down in the fields if you decide you want better company.”

Freya rolled her eyes.

“Goodnight, Xaden.”

“Goodnight, Freya.”

After one last smirk, Xaden was gone and Freya exhaled before shaking her head again. She didn’t have time to continue processing what she and Xaden discussed so she pushed the thoughts aside and headed back through the courtyard toward the dorms. Nathan was waiting for her.

Freya swiftly made her way past where her fellow first years resided without being detected, but when she reached the dorms, she froze. Nathan hadn’t explained where to go from there.

However, as if on cue, the wind picked up around her, creating a gentle breeze that made her hair dance around her head. Freya knew she wasn’t alone anymore.

“Your party tricks are becoming less impressive the more you use them on me,” Freya said to the darkness she faced, then heard a familiar chuckle behind her. She quickly turned to face where the sound came from.

“Oh, making a breeze is nothing,” Nathan said, then stepped into a small patch of dim moonlight. Freya tried subtly taking in his black clothing, including a tight-fitted t-shirt that emphasized his muscular arms and torso. Based on the smirk Nathan met her with once she made eye contact again, Freya knew she hadn’t been so subtle. “There’s a lot more I can do. The air isn’t an element that should be underestimated.”

Freya raised an eyebrow while she crossed her arms and stepped forward, challenging him.

“Disastrous wind storm capabilities?”

“You have no idea.”

Nathan’s gaze never left Freya’s and before she could respond, the air around them went cold and the wind aggressively picked up. A gasp left Freya’s mouth as she felt an invisible force begin to push her. Had she not known Nathan was an air-wielder, she’d be at a loss for words.

Freya glanced at a nearby bush and the loose pebbles that littered the ground beneath it that were miraculously undisturbed by the wind Nathan was creating. Only she was affected by the attack.

She locked eyes with him again, trying to remain stoic as her hair whipped around and it felt like she could easily be blown away, literally.

“You’re showing off,” Freya said, making Nathan smirk again before the wind started lifting her off the ground. Freya yelped as she frantically tried to grab something that would prevent her from levitating, but it was useless. “Nathan!”

The gust of wind lifted Freya’s legs so that she floated horizontally as she went higher and higher into the air. Once she was about 10 feet off the ground, the wind disappeared completely and she was left freefalling toward the hard earth below. Freya didn’t have it in her to yell, nor did she have the time. Instead, she closed her eyes and braced herself for impact.

She didn’t think Nathan would let her hit the ground and figured he’d stop her with the air in some way. But instead of another invisible force breaking her fall, Freya landed perfectly bridal style in Nathan’s arms while he looked at her like it was nothing to just catch her from such a height.

Freya blinked at him with wide eyes, speechless.

“How was that for a party trick?” Nathan asked, grinning.

“You know,” Freya started, then inhaled deeply to calm her pounding heart. “For a wingleader who could get in a lot of trouble if caught doing a stunt like that with not only a first year but a marked one after curfew, that was pretty impressive.”

“Thanks, I try,” Nathan replied then set Freya down, still grinning. “Hello, Freya.”

“Hello, Nathan,” Freya said, finding his smile infectious as it made her do the same. “How long have you been out here? I hope I didn’t make you wait long.”

“I’ve been out for some time, roaming around until it was time to meet. I wasn’t worried about waiting. You’ve been out for some time too, I saw.”

Freya went stiff.

“W-were you watching me?”

“No, nothing like that,” Nathan assured.

“Then what were you doing?” She asked skeptically. “How’d you know I was already out here?”

Nathan sighed and ran a hand over his face.

“I was out with Foghar, my bonded dragon. As I was returning, I saw Riorson sneaking out of the first-year barracks before following after someone. I quickly realized who he went after was you.”

“Oh. Did you listen to our conversation?”

“No,” he stated firmly. “I wasn’t close enough to hear what the two of you discussed unless I used the wind and had no intention to eavesdrop on your private conversation. You did look briefly upset while you were talking, though.”

“Yeah,” Freya started. “Given how complex mine and Xaden’s relationship is, that tends to happen.”

“You two really have known each other forever, huh? I know you’ve mentioned it before, but still.”

“Our entire lives. It’s a lot to explain.”

“Understandable,” Nathan replied. “He seems to be an important person to you, though. I can respect that. It makes sense that the two of you would butt heads sometimes.”

“He is important to me regardless of how often he gets on my nerves,” Freya nodded, then smirked, “But I didn’t think you wanted to meet this late so we could talk about Xaden.”

Nathan laughed.

“You’re right, I didn’t. The coast is clear, shall we go up to my room?”

“Lead the way.”

Freya stepped forward but stopped when Nathan didn’t move and looked at him questionably. Nathan quirked an eyebrow.

“Oh, did you think we were taking the stairs?” He asked with an amused expression.

“I swear, if you pull some wind bullshit again,” Freya warned, making Nathan chuckle again.

“I’m kidding, follow me.”

“Good. I like my feet on the ground, thanks.”

“Then I think you might be in the wrong quadrant,” Nathan quipped.

“Not everyone had the choice of what quadrant they ended up in,” Freya bit right back, making him grimace.

“Right, uh, well, this way.”

Freya smiled to herself as she followed after him, enjoying the way she made him squirm.

The pair entered the dorms without issue, but Freya kept close to Nathan in case they crossed paths with unwanted company. They stealthily made their way up a set of stairs to the top floor, where a dark hallway met them. Freya could just barely make out the figure of other doorways to bedrooms as they passed them, and soon enough, they were standing in front of the last door on the right. Given how Nathan stopped at it and the door’s lock clicked open without him even touching it, Freya knew they arrived at his room.

Once inside, a single dim mage light near a desk in the far left corner of the room barely illuminated the rest of the space. Freya could see the shape of the various furniture around like a wardrobe, bed and what seemed to be a painting on the wall, but couldn’t discern any of the details that made the room Nathan’s. She couldn’t tell what colour of sheets draped the bed, what items were sprawled over his desk, the image that was framed on the wall or what contents were poking out of and sitting on top of the wardrobe. Apart from the small vicinity around the mage light, including the window behind it that only showed the darkness from outside, Freya was essentially walking into the room blindly. Metaphorically and physically.

She hated it.

However, Freya understood how someone's bedroom was a place of solace. It was a somewhere that whoever inhabited the space, could retreat to for quiet and privacy. Somewhere safe. Living in the barracks for a month and a half with so many other cadets had her craving for a place of solitude she could go to after a long day of classes and training. She knew that she would be weary about who she let into her space had her and Nathan’s roles been reversed.

Despite wishing she could see the characteristics that made Nathan’s room that safe space for him, she understood that him even welcoming her into his room at all spoke volumes about how he trusted her even to be there at all. Maybe one day soon, she’d be able to properly observe those features.

Nathan remained silent as he took off his cloak, placed it over the chair that was near the desk, then stepped toward the bed and sat down. Freya didn’t need the room to be properly lit to know that he was looking at her expectantly to join him, so she did.

Since Nathan was sitting at the end of the bed and closer to the floating mage light, Freya opted to sit closer to the pillows, leaving a safe distance between them and using her cloak as a barrier, holding it on her lap. Still, though, she lifted her right leg and turned so that she’d be facing him.

“So,” Nathan said, finally breaking the silence.

“So,” Freya repeated before lifting her gaze to meet his, noticing how his golden brown eyes seemed to sparkle in the dim lighting. Nathan observed her too, his eyes looking over every inch of her face as if trying to memorize every little detail. “You said you wanted to talk. Are we going to do that, or are you just going to stare at me?”

Nathan chuckled and shook his head.

“Sorry, it’s just- your eyes, Freya. They’re stunning.”

Freya couldn't help the blush burning at her cheeks, wondering if he’d noticed how she studied his eyes too, then quickly looked away.

“Thank you. I’ve been told my eyes are my most beautiful feature.”

“I wouldn’t say the most beautiful,” Nathan replied. “Certainly one of your most beautiful features, yes. But there’s more to your beauty than just that.”

Freya’s gaze snapped back to him and had the room not been so shadowy, she was sure he’d be able to see how beat red her face had become.

“So, uh,” Freya started, clearing her throat as she desperately tried to change the subject. “What did you want to talk about it?”

“Well, to put it simply, you.”

“Me?”

“Yes, you,” Nathan chuckled. “As I’ve said before, you fascinate me, Freya. You’re one of the most captivating people I’ve ever met.”

Freya blushed again before replying. “Oh, uh, well, what would you like to know? I assure you that I’m not that interesting.”

“I find that hard to believe. I want to know as much as you’re willing to share. But, firstly, you were pretty bothered earlier with Tavis knowing that I knew about you and the other marked ones meeting as a group. Did you get the chance to talk to Riorson about it?”

Freya exhaled while dropping her gaze to where she fiddled with the fabric of her cloak between her fingers, then shook her head.

“No, not yet. It’s just, hard. Everything with Xaden is hard.”

Silence fell over them as Nathan observed Freya and she kept her gaze lowered.

“Would you like to talk about it?” Nathan asked after a moment.

Freya looked at him again, then blinked, considering his offer. She’d never had a strong friendship compared to what she had with Xaden and Garrick. Since they were a trio and she adored both of her boys, Xaden wasn’t a topic she’d go to Garrick to discuss. Before the rebellion, she’d talk to Caden about her complicated relationship with Xaden. He was the first to know of Freya and Xaden’s relationship evolving into more, but he never provided his opinion. Instead, he listened to his sister and gave meaningful advice, reminding her that she and Xaden would always be tethered regardless of what happened between them. Despite at times being cryptic with his words, Freya always felt better after talking to Caden. His insight was what she needed when her conflicted feelings mixed with the chaos that was beginning around them.

As she looked at Nathan, she initially felt defensive. She didn’t want to talk about her relationship with Xaden with someone who knew nothing about what they’d been through. But then she felt something that since their first meeting had only gotten stronger. It was his genuineness. Not only did Freya feel like she could trust Nathan, he became someone she wanted to confide in. She felt safe with him.

Slowly, Freya nodded.

“Xaden was my first love,” she stated quietly. “And I still have a lot of love for him, but things have changed. We’ve both changed and have grown up. There was a time in my life when it felt like Xaden was the centre of the universe. In my eyes, he could do no wrong. But, he has. Xaden’s hurt me and I know I’ve hurt him too. That doesn’t mean I wouldn’t die for him, though. My parents and Xaden’s father always said we were part of one another. You couldn’t get one of us without the other. Gods, even my brother said the same thing and they were all right. When I was 17 and we were together, I didn’t realize how much that caused things to change between us. At the time, it seemed like it was right, that it was meant to happen. But now, I don’t know anymore. Xaden and I know each other better than anyone else, but, with being reunited after three years apart, it’s not the same. We’re forming different relationships and growing, but I just can’t let go of the past.”

Nathan’s expression was unreadable.

“What do you mean, exactly?”

“I can’t help but compare the new relationships I’m forming to what I wanted with Xaden. I can’t keep myself from wondering if anyone will ever know me like he does. Or if I’ll ever allow someone to know me on such a personal level. For a long time, I was convinced I wouldn’t. But being here, and meeting the people I have has made me think differently. You’re a big part of that. I feel like I can trust you and that… that you care. You say that I fascinate you, Nathan, but you do the same to me. I like being around you. You give me a sense of ease and peace, which I haven’t allowed myself to find in other people. I’m slowly learning that these significant relationships I’m forming don’t need to be compared to Xaden. They don’t coincide and that’s ok. Sure, you may not view me as anything more than an annoying first-year or a marked one who can’t be trusted, but, I-I like you, Nathan. And that could be meaningless for you to hear, but for me, it’s everything.”

Nathan hung onto every word Freya said and watched as she held his gaze, internally considering if she had shared too much.

“You’re a lot more than that to me.”

Freya’s heart was pounding and Nathan’s voice sounded distant, like an echo she couldn’t fully understand. She hadn’t meant to lay everything out for Nathan, but, once again, her emotions took over. It was scary, but she meant it. However, she still had nagging thoughts that revolved entirely around Xaden and what he might think. Freya knew he was skeptical about Nathan, rightfully so, but she hoped Xaden would be willing to work past that for her sake.

It was all a lot for her to think about, making her stiffen.

Along with Freya’s pounding heart, her mind was racing; distracting her from the present. So when Nathan spoke up again, this time clearer, his voice made her jump.

“Freya, come back to me,” he spoke softly and gently cupped her cheek with his palm. His eyes scanned hers for a split second, watching as they softened upon holding his gaze, and then he smiled. “I thought I was losing you for a second.”

Freya’s eyebrows furrowed at Nathan’s choice of words. What did he mean about losing her? Did she zone out?

However, when she took a deep breath and felt tightness in her chest, Freya realized she was panicking. An attack she hadn’t experienced severely since her parents and Caden were executed, suddenly triggered. It pissed her off.

But as Freya mindlessly leaned against Nathan’s hand, she let herself relax. She wasn’t in imminent danger and all those things racing through her mind could be addressed at another time. All she needed to do was focus on Nathan.

The two of them sat in silence again just looking at each other. No words were exchanged and they didn’t need to be. They both felt content. Freya hoped that feeling would remain and her anxiety didn’t creep back on her. She was naive to think it had gone away so fast.

“May I try something?” Nathan asked after a few moments passed. Freya’s expression became unsure. “But I need you to promise me you’ll say no if you don’t want me to. If you say stop, I will listen.”

Realization dawned on Freya as she saw Nathan glance at her lips, then back to her eyes. He was going to kiss her.

“Nathan,” Freya said, suddenly feeling that nagging again, but she felt something else too. Desire. She wanted to kiss him despite her brain telling her not to and decided to push those thoughts away. “Fuck it.”

Freya leaned forward, closing the small gap between her and Nathan as she crashed her lips against his.

At first, the kiss was soft but soon deepened as Nathan’s hand slid to the back of Freya’s head, gently gripping her hair while his arm snaked around her waist and brought her closer. Before Freya knew it, she was swinging her left leg up and over his lap so she’d be straddling him, not breaking away from the kiss once.

Nathan’s hands started roaming her body. One hand moved to grip her ass while the other slid under her shirt, wandering close to one of her breasts, but opted to rest on her ribs instead. Freya’s left hand tangled into Nathan’s hair at the back of his head, while her right hand cupped the side of his neck. They continued making out, moaning together as Nathan leaned back onto the mattress slowly, bringing Freya with him.

The only noise that filled the room was their pants, moans and the sound of them kissing. They were so caught up in each other, sweat prickling their brows as their want to remove clothing grew more, that they didn’t notice Freya’s cloak sliding off the bed and onto the floor with a thump, making them both jump and pull back from one another.

“What was that?” Nathan asked breathlessly.

“My cloak,” Freya responded, also trying to catch her breath “There’s a dagger in the pocket.”

“Not surprising,” Nathan chuckled, then reached up to gently tuck some of Freya’s hair behind her ear. “You are so beautiful.”

Freya smiled, blushing again as she glanced down at the floor where her cloak lay in a heap, the dagger in her pocket sticking out slightly. Because of the dim lighting, she could barely make out the small X.R. initials engraved on the handle, but seeing them made her freeze.

It was a dagger Xaden had given her and suddenly Freya felt a wave of guilt wash over her.

She didn’t understand why she felt guilty, she’d done nothing wrong. But, she knew Xaden would be upset if he found out she fraternized with their wingleader in a not-so-platonic way. It was a ridiculous thing for her to worry about, but she didn’t want to hurt her best friend. He couldn’t know it happened.

“I have to go,” Freya muttered, then quickly scrambled off Nathan. Her chest was tight again and her heart was pounding.

She was panicking. Why was she panicking?

“Wait, what?” Nathan questioned as he sat up and got off the bed after her. “Why?”

“I just do. This- you’re my wingleader and Xaden-.”

“So this is about Xaden?”

Nathan sounded hurt, and his voice felt like a dagger plummeting into Freya’s heart.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, tears pricking her eyes. “I have to go.”

Freya picked her cloak up off the floor and rushed for the door.

“Freya, wait,” Nathan pleaded from behind her, but Freya didn’t bother looking back as she navigated her way down the dark hallway toward the stairs.

Everything was dark and it was difficult for her to make her way down the steps without falling, but, she still managed to do it.

Freya knew the sound of footsteps following her was Nathan, the way he continued calling her name was evidence of that, but she didn’t care. She wasn’t stopping and didn’t care if anyone heard them either. She just needed to get back to the barracks.

Once at the bottom of the stairs, Freya turned and went down the other hall she remembered leading to the courtyard. She felt a breeze of fresh air, letting her know she was going the right way. Soon enough, she was back outside.

After pausing briefly upon noticing she was in the courtyard again, Freya kept close to the wall so she could remain unseen, but only made it a few steps before a familiar voice spoke up.

“Freya?” Xaden asked from behind her, making Freya stop and turn to face him. “Are you alright? You seem upset.”

“Yeah, uhm, I’m fine,” Freya lied, taking a deep breath. Xaden’s expression showed that he didn’t believe her. “I am, really. I just want to go to bed, Xaden.”

Xaden went to respond, but before he could, footsteps approached and Nathan rounded a corner.

“Freya,” Nathan said, then stopped once he saw the other two.

“What’re you doing here?” Xaden snapped and turned to face Nathan, stepping toward him.

“I could ask you the same thing, first-year.”

Xaden scoffed, then took another step toward Nathan, but couldn’t go any further because Freya rushed over to stand between them.

“Xaden, stop,” Freya said firmly. “Don’t make a scene.”

Xaden stopped and looked at her, relaxing until he glanced at Nathan again and tensed when he realized what happened.

“You were with him, weren’t you? Gods, Freya, the wingleader? Of all people!? You can’t trust him, do you not understand that?”

“You don’t get to choose who I can and can’t trust!”

“Well clearly you need me to,” Xaden stressed, shaking his head. “This could put us all in danger and I guess you’re incapable of realizing that. You’re smarter than this.”

“Oh, don’t you berate me, Xaden,” Freya replied seething. “You are not Caden or my parents. You don’t get to scold me for something you think is wrong, I’m a fucking adult. And don’t talk down on me either. I know the risks of what we’ve been doing and how careful I need to be with who I trust.”

“Really? Because it sure doesn’t seem like it if one of those people is a fucking wingleader! What would you do if he found out?”

Xaden didn’t have to say he was referring to all the marked ones meeting together for Freya to know what he meant. With a deep breath, she answered.

“He knows.”

“What?” Xaden asked, shocked.

“He knows,” Freya repeated. “The first night we all met, Nathan saw. He hasn’t told anyone and I trust he won’t, Xaden. If he does, I will deal with it. But please give him a chance. For me.”

Xaden blinked at her disbelievingly, but that disbelief soon turned into a look of betrayal. Gone was Freya’s best friend. Standing before her was the cold, unapproachable son of the rebellion leader everyone made him out to be.

“Xaden-.”

He didn’t respond. Instead, he met Freya’s gaze once more then turned and started walking away.

Freya stepped after him but stopped and glanced at where Nathan was still standing. Tears welled in her eyes and she quickly shook her head.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, then took off after Xaden and disappeared into the darkness.

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bigjuice34 · 1 year ago