biospark-is-cringe

[biospark-is-cringe]

Me: Okay, Outlook email on desktop. Time to change password

Outlook: Okie dokie! :D Sending you a confirmation number to your mobile app. :)

Me: Awesome, thanks

Me: Hmm, it’s not showing up in my app.

Outlook: That’s okay! You can click “I don’t have access to my app right now” :)

Me: Oh, okay, thanks!

Me: *click*

Outlook: Okay, so it looks like you don’t have access to the app right now! Would you like to confirm through the app instead? Or would you like me to send you a confirmation code?

Me: I just said I don’t- yeah, okay, sure. Send me a confirmation code.

Outlook: Okie-dokie! Sending you a confirmation code. It should show up soon in your app :)

Me: Okay so I just said I can’t access the app though

Outlook: Oh, that’s okay! :D Just click “confirm another way” :)

Me: ….okay

Me: *click*

Outlook: Awesome! So it looks like you don’t want to confirm using the app right now. Would you like to confirm by entering a number into your app, or would you like a confirmation code sent to your app?

Outlook: :)

Me:

Me: You know what. I’m just going to change my password on the app.

Outlook: Okay! :D

Me (on the mobile app): Okay so I’d like to change my password

Outlook (app version): Okay! :D Just sending a code to your app so you can confirm :)

Me: Okay but I’m already on the app.

Outlook: That’s okay! :D Just click “I DON’T have access to my app right now” :)

Me: I’m on the app. I’m literally- okay.

Me: *click*

Outlook: Cool! :D So you’ll need to enter this number into your app

Me: I’m not receiving these numbers on my app. None of these are showing up in my app. They aren’t showing up in my junk folder, they aren’t getting blocked, I’m just straight up not receiving them. How do I change my password WITHOUT USING THE APP TO CONFIRM

Outlook: Oh that’s easy-peasy! :D Just turn off two-factor authentication in your settings :)

Me: Okay

Outlook: :)

Me: *Turns off authentication*

Outlook: Awesome! :D Looks like you’ve turned off two-factor authentication :)

Me: ….yeah

Outlook: :)

Me:

Outlook: :)

Me:

Outlook: :)

Outlook: So if you just want to confirm that choice by entering this code into your app-

Me: OH MY GOD

Me: *deletes app, turns off phone*

Me (back on desktop): So I’d like to change my password

Outlook: Awesome! :D So if you just enter this number into your app-

Me: I cannot access the app

Outlook: Awesome! :D So if you’d prefer, we can send a code to your app-

Me: I cannot access the app

Outlook: Awesome! :D So if you can just enter this code from your app-

Me: I cannot access the app

Outlook: Oopsie-doopsie! :D Looks like there’s been a wee little whoopsie-daisy-doodle-doo verifying your account :) Now if you could just open your app-

Me: Ohhhhhhh my god

Outlook: Or download our authentication app

Me: Okay

Me: (downloads app)

Authentication app: Hi! :D

Me: Hi. I’d like to verify my desktop account.

Authentication app: Okie-dokie! :D Just log in with your email and password :)

Me: …Okay

Authentication app: Looks good to me! :D

Me: …….okay

Authentication app: :)

Me:

Authentication app: :) So what can I help you with?

Me:

Me: ….I would like. To verify my desktop account.

Authentication app: Okie-dokie! Just-

Me: I cannot access my app

Authentication app: That’s okay! :D

Me: ….okay

Authentication app: Yeah that’s what I’m here for :)

Me: okay

Authentication app: :)

Me:

Me: ….so how do I-

Authentication app: Just enter this number we sent to your authentication app-

Me: YOU ARE THE AUTHENTICATION APP

Me: YOU ARE SHOWING ME NOTHING

Authentication app: OH

Me: YEAH

Authentication app: Hmm yeah okay I see the problem

Me: DO YOU

Me: DO TOU REALLY

Authentication app: Yeah you need to confirm your account somewhere else to access me :)

Me: NO SHIT

Authentication app: Hey :( I’m only trying to help :(

Me: You’re right. Okay. I’m sorry.

Authentication app: It’s okay :)

Me: So where else can I confirm my account.

Authentication app: Oh that’s easy-peasy! :D Just open your mobile app and

Me: (slams my face directly into my desktop computer, crushing my skull and the motherboard at the exact same time and torpedoing us both directly to hell)

[biospark-is-cringe]

I think I may never be sad ever again. There is a statue entitled "Farewell to Orpheus" on my college campus. It's been there since 1968, created by a Prof. Frederic Littman that use to work at the university. It sits in the middle of a fountain, and the fountain is often full of litter. I have taken it upon myself to clean the litter out when I see it (the skimmers only come by once a week at max). But because of my style of dress, this means that bystanders see a twenty-something on their hands and knees at the edge of the fountain, sleeves rolled up, trying not to splash dirty water on their slacks while their briefcase and suit coat sit nearby. This is fine, usually. But today was Saturday Market, which means the twenty or so people in the area suddenly became hundreds. So, obviously, somebody stopped to ask what I was doing. "This," I gestured at the statue, "is Eurydice. She was the wife of Orpheus, the greatest storyteller in Greece. And this litter is disrespectful." Then, on a whim, I squinted up at them. "Do you know the story of Orpheus and Eurydice?" "No," they replied, shifting slightly to sit.

"Would you like to?"

"Sure!"

So I told them. I told them the story as I know it- and I've had a bit of practice. Orpheus, child of a wishing star, favorite of the messenger god, who had a hard-working, wonderful wife, Eurydice; his harp that could lull beasts to passivity, coax song from nymphs, and move mountains before him; and the men who, while he dreamed and composed, came to steal Eurydice away. I told of how she ran, and the water splashed up on my clothes. But I didn't care. I told of how the adder in the field bit her heel, and she died. I told of the Underworld- how Orpheus charmed the riverman, pacified Cerberus with a lullaby, and melted the hearts of the wise judges. I laughed as I remarked how lucky he was that it was winter- for Persephone was moved by his song where Hades was not. She convinced Hades to let Orpheus prove he was worthy of taking Eurydice. I tugged my coat back on, and said how Orpheus had to play and sing all the way out of the Underworld, without ever looking back to see if his beloved wife followed. And I told how, when he stopped for breath, he thought he heard her stumble and fall, and turned to help her up- but it was too late. I told the story four times after that, to four different groups, each larger than the last. And I must have cast a glance at the statue, something that said "I'm sorry, I miss you--" because when I finished my second to last retelling, a young boy piped up, perhaps seven or eight, and asked me a question that has made my day, and potentially my life: "Are you Orpheus?" I told the tale of the grieving bard so well, so convincingly, that in the eyes of a child I was telling not a story, but a memory. And while I laughed in the moment, with everyone else, I wept with gratitude and joy when I came home. This is more than I deserve, and I think I may never be sad again.

Here is the aforementioned statue, by the way.

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I've been doing a lot of thinking about my family and how I was treated as a child, and honestly, my father has never seemed more amazing in my eyes.

I used to love Luigi(Mario's brother) when I was little. Like, he was my favorite character ever, and I had multiple plushies of him. Didn't give a fuck about Mario, vaguely tolerated Peach, but I loved Luigi.

On my first day of kindergarten, my dad gave me the number for his work phone and said it was Luigi's phone number. "If anything happens at school, call Luigi."And not even twenty minutes into my first day, I was having a panic attack. So I went down to the principal's office and called "Luigi."

Now, at the time, my father was in a meeting with his manager and his supervisor, along with most of his coworkers. And when I called, he picked up before he even left the room.

And he put on a very awful Italian accent and said, "Itsa me, Luigi! Whatsa the matter?"In front of his boss and coworkers. Without telling them what was going on. So they were absolutely bewildered, and he carried on like they didn't even exist. He only explained what was happening after I had calmed down and hung up, to which most of them responded with "Aww, cute."

I continued to call him whenever I got upset at school, and eventually his coworkers got in on it. I distinctly remember one of them impersonating Toad. I don't know why I'm telling you this, I just thought it might make you smile :)

this is so delightful I love your Luigi dad

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Art is a sport

One common thing I see among artists who are just starting out is that they are very precious about their work -- ironically, way moreso than experienced artists. They need to get every line JUST right, because in their mind, getting that line just right is what stands between the piece being bad and it being good. I was like that too, for so long that I'm still struggling to catch up because of how it hampered my progress.

Being precious about every line is kind of like a track sprinter starting a run, but then restarting every time their foot lands in any slightly suboptimal way. This is comes off as silly, because we know that the "unit" of what they are doing is a sprint, and that they would make their greatest progress by finishing the full sprints, because that's how they train.

Well, similarly, the "unit" of art is a finished piece. What stands between the sprinter and the time they want isn't 1 individual step, but 1000 sprints. What stands between the beginner artist and making art they like the look of isn't that 1 line, but, i'm sorry to say, 1000 pieces.

Taking note of any mistakes you made afterwards is something done by both the experienced artist and experienced sprinter -- this is healthy and helps you improve. But you can do that later, after you're done.

That line is good enough.

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until nintendo buys a major studio, squeezes a mediocre live-service game of them, then burns it down with mass layoffs, I think they’re actually pretty alright

i mean, I’m not a die hard fan of theirs, but I feel like they could be doing things a lot worse than “game expensive”

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i’m losing my mind

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Context is important! Pole and sex work are inextricably linked, but there are distinctions between them. Strippers made this hobby what it is, and taught me what I know, and while I haven’t lived that life, I’m honoured to stand on their shoulders.

I hear Patreon has cool stuff

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via @swatercolor [insta]

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I am actually so serious I think it really messes with a childs creativity and joy to tell them to never make a mary sue OC. Like that unbridaled form of joy where you make a self insert OC who super cool and everyone loves them and they have every superpower in the world SHOULD be something a kid makes, it nourishes their ability to create things for fun and not be stifled by "oh but what if my character is too overpowered and cringey...". whatever

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i love being obsessed with awful people characters like omg he is soooo cute when he lies and schemes to get his way 😍😍😍

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Speaking as the father of a soon-to-be toddler, I have come to believe this is profoundly true. You can never truly be independent, you cannot meet all of your needs by yourself.

Learn from the child, and ask for help. Cry if you need to.

I hate the sound of babies crying, but I can't hate a baby. They've been here for like five minutes and approach this situation with an unhesitant attitude of "my needs are unmet and I am going to make it everybody's problem", and I respect that.

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Sure, tumblr's dying, but that's no surprise. So are you.

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“average person eats 3 spiders a year” factoid actualy just statistical error. average person eats 0 spiders per year. Spiders Georg, who lives in cave & eats over 10,000 each day, is an outlier adn should not have been counted

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biggest reason i make so many flop posts on here is because everything i do reeks of the desperation to make a popular tumblr post. this is deliberate, because it is what protects me from ACTUALLY making a popular tumblr post. so long as i crave it, tumblr fame will never find me. it is only when i turn away, and accept my fate of obscurity, that people will lay their eyes upon me. and it WILL be because i tripped and fell on my stupid face while i was turning

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The sheer diabolical genius of YouTube letting you skip ads just sank in for me.

Google is an advertising company, the main way YouTube makes money is by serving you ads. So why include a feature that lets people reduce the amount of advertising they see?

One key issue for advertisers is making sure that people actually see and interact with your ads. What's to stop people from just muting and tuning everything out?

Perhaps you could give some incentive to pay attention to the screen. Like a button to press after a set period of time, rewarding the audience with a shorter ad break.

This has the added bonus of masquerading as a courtesy, as a service to the audience rather than what it truly is.

Diabolical.

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