birbieheddon

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yeah man give him a little post-loving respect.

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Morris Graves (American, 1910-2001), Stoat, 1954. Ink on paper, 45.7 x 66.7 cm.

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The Sex Pistols

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Sid and his doll Lorna. - gift from johnny :D

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being cosmically "insignificant" doesnt even matter like its not important......... like literally lets enjoy a strawberry

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Spock has a side gig reviewing games based on Enterprise logs, but should he be doing this on the bridge?

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The Vulcan spiritual retreat EVERYONE is talking about

The quadrant is abuzz with news of a new relaxing retreat on Vulcan run by a man who claims to be the second coming of Sybok.

Sybok, the 23rd-century Vulcan leader of the v'tosh ka'tur cult (Vulcans without logic), was known to relieve people of deep emotional pain. He went missing when he commandeered the Enterprise to go find god. This new Sybok claims that Sybok’s katra has been floating on a higher plane of existence with god for the past hundred years but has now joined with him to share the secret of ascension.

Sybok’s Secret Special Spiritual Sanctuary is nestled in the foothills of Mount Selaya where Sybok’s will help you let go of your inner pain. “But don’t I need my pain,” you ask? Apparently not, according to Sybok, who wants you to share your pain with the group and gain strength from that sharing.

You’ll spend two weeks sweating in the Vulcan heat conducting guided meditative exercises with Sybok and bonding with your fellow initiates. Unlike other Vulcan meditation classes, here you’ll embrace your emotions so fear cannot stop you and undertake the greatest adventure of all time. You’ll also get a glossy certificate at the end of the course.

One initiate who was leaving just as we arrived proclaimed “Sybok has put me in touch with feelings I’ve always been afraid to express. It is as if a weight has been lifted from my heart!” shortly before he tripped backwards and fell down a flight of stairs.

Many on Vulcan may dismiss Sybok’s exercises as “a trippy mind meld” and that Sybok himself is just "a con man from the dodgy side of T'Paal City". But Sybok is keen to assure you of his credentials: “Sybok’s Secret Special Spiritual Sanctuary is the best meditative retreat you’ll ever experience. The Best! And I’ll stake my reputation on it. People come here and tell me, ‘wow, Sybok, you’ve given my life sooooo much happiness. It’s like I’m on drugs right now’ and I’ll reply that’s the Sybok promise.”

Unusual for a Federation citizen, Sybok is charging currency for his retreat. It costs a hefty 10 bars of gold-pressed latinum to secure a reservation on his course with a waiting list of around 2 years. This apparently is part of the process that to relieve yourself of your pain you must first relieve yourself of your worldly possessions (to Sybok specifically). It is unclear where this currency goes. However, Sybok has recently announced that he has been told by god that he needs a private starship to spread the message far and wide.

After he got out of an exclusive one-on-one meld with a young female initiate, we asked Sybok about the ascension mentioned in his brochure; “Oh our ascension is great. It’s, like, a wonderful experience. There’s nothing quite like it. All the other god-like beings are so jealous of our ascension. You’ve never seen an ascension to beautiful, it’s much better than Q’s. You’ll be so excited when you see it. What? How’d you get it? Well, you’ll find out. Yeah, you’ll find out. Wait and see.”

Whatever his detractors may think, it is clear Sybok is the hot new thing this side of Betazed. You can book your place by contacting Plomeekalife Interstellar Supplements of Vulcan Inc.

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Doctors hate this one weird trick!

With the massive arsenal of modern medicine available to our medical officers, it is little wonder why they are so indispensable on the frontier of exploration. There are millions of potential new viruses and ailments awaiting us on those strange new worlds and we count on our doctors and nurses in sickbay to protect us from them.

But it may surprise you to learn that all those advanced pharmaceuticals and medical scanners have long been rendered obsolete by your friendly transporter room operator. In 2365 the crew of the Lantree and the scientists on Gagarin IV were afflicted by a condition that rapidly advanced their aging. This condition was cured by using an individual's transporter pattern (or a sample of their DNA) from before they contracted the condition to restore them, via the transporter, to their healthy former selves. 

A similar method was used again in 2369 when several officers were de-aged to children. The transporter records were used to restore them to their healthy former selves before the accident.

So for over a decade, we’ve had the ability to “innoculate” someone by recording their transporter pattern and then use it as a medical “undo” for any ailment, injury or virus. Perhaps this could even undo death? And that’s perhaps the real reason why this technique is kept under wraps: not only would it render a huge portion of Starfleet and the broader medical profession redundant, but it constitutes eternal life and eternal youth. Are we ready for that?

Needless to say, raising the option with your doctor seems to generate a raised eyebrow and a distinct sense of irritation. After all, the last thing they want is to be serving under the transporter operator.

What do you think? Are doctors redundant? Should your transporter operator be free to adjust your DNA every time you break your leg? Let us know below.

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The guy

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I f*cking LOVE this story! Drew this all night long, my eyes are bleeding, but totally worth it :3

Niki Lauda & James Hunt

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I saw this DTIYS from @kchauu55 on TikTok and fell in love. Here is it in my style, I love my bug boy🪲

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I don't use tumblr a lot anymore but I'm full of appreciation my little Niki Lauda scans and translations vault is living on. Kinda thankful for anyone stumbling over it.

I translated half of his book "Das dritte Leben", hashtagged it as #DasDritteLeben, if anyone's seeking that out.

Long live Niki, complicated little bean, he gave me a lot of courage in life. I really am grateful for him. Never expected to give a f about men driving F1 cars, but I am wherever the cute vintage guys are.

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WELCOME TO STOAT SATURDAY

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Upcoming holonovel releases this month!

Catch the latest entertainment, available soon at your local holosuite!

Captain Proton Versus the Zombies of the Stratosphere!

Tom Paris’ latest instalment in his Captain Proton series has Proton face off against undead alien invaders who seek to swap their dying planet’s location for Earth’s warm orbit. It is down to you to stop them from throwing Earth away into the cold void of space with the power of atom bombs!

Vulcan Love Slave, Volume VII: T’Hot in Prison

Fresh off Ferenginar’s anonymous erotic presses, this latest tale from the Vulcan Love Slave series sees T’Hots thrown into a barbaric Breen prison where she must “bond” with her fellow female inmates to plan an escape. Can she distract the attention of the cold and mysterious Breen guards to allow her comrades in chains to melt away the ice walls of their cells with their physical activity? (Please note this programme may be restricted in some Starfleet holodecks; check before you download)

Human

The first Exocomp-written holonovel follows the crew of the all-Exocomp science ship Omortson who come across a derelict spaceship in an uncharted asteroid belt. The brave Exocomps mistakenly release a creature from stasis, a deadly and aggressive Human who starts to stalk and murder the crew within their own vessel. Can you survive and ensure the Human doesn’t escape the ship onto other worlds?

Sharknado Attack!

When a freak hurricane swamps San Francisco, thousands of sharks terrorize the waterlogged Starfleet Command. Pyblic Domayne HoloProductions previously became famous for adapting classic Human works like Dixon Hill, Sherlock Holmes, Beowulf and Shakespeare. With the recent craze for Human stories from the early 21st century they’ve been adapting that era’s golden classics such as Bubba Ho-Tep, 50 Shades of Grey, The Emoji Movie and Daddy Day Camp. Sharknado is celebrated as one of the great works of the era and this is the best adaptation of the work to date!

An Eye for a Golden Lady

Felix’s Secret Agent series continues as you are sent on a mission to retrieve the kidnapped daughter of the Japanese emperor. As you travel across ancient Earth in style, uncovering a vast criminal arms conspiracy, all our nuclear war is on the line! But you'll still find time to seduce the princess and sample the local martinis.

Photons Be Free: The Opera

The Doctor, from Voyager, has adapted his tale of photonic servitude for those more musically inclined. The 5-hour-long operatic masterpiece will have you singing along (autotuned if necessary) with the characters as you play an abused holographic slave to an evil crew. The locations are redesigned to be more abstract like stage dressing and, based on the quality of your performance, expect a round of applause for your performance!

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Translation of Story N. 4 "Magazinedrome: London Syndrome" from 8 beat gag's sixth volume.

more to come. probably.

(link to drive with the raw scans of volume 4-6 in notes)

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You won’t believe these alien kinks!

Vulcans

Rage rooms appeared on Vulcan a few years back as an option for those struggling with their control to let off some steam in private. What was unexpected was couples partaking together. Frequent use has been known to trigger early Ponn Far and the Vulcan government is looking to ban the practice.

Bynars

Threesomes are so kinky on Bynaus that it’s practically taboo to talk about them! But some insist on proving that three can be more than a crowd.

Klingons

Klingon culture is known for being martial and aggressive. So it may surprise you to learn that on the back allies of Qo’noS the big new kink is a bit of age play with a twist: gentle parenting. Even the most fearsome warriors need some careful chastisement.

Ferengi

Findom has been secretly popular on Ferenginar for some time, but did you know that 70% of it is also femdom? Handing your money over to a fe-male to control is a deviancy too far for most! But some just want a sugar mommy.

Romulans

On Romulus the predominant colour is grey. The buildings, the clothes, the people. Yet circulating on dark subspace are gigaquads of artworks from ancient Earth depicting erotic representations of colourful creatures known as “Tellytubbies”. Just erase your holosuite history of this "historic rule 34 content" before the Tal Shiar sees it.

Bajorans

Face sitting may seem universal, but the Bajorans have taken it in a unique direction. Let’s just say there is something other than a pair of lips they're aiming for, something ribbed for her pleasure…

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