birthof-vnx

[birthof-vnx]

honestly life is fun rn i love life nothings wrong nothing is bad

[birthof-vnx]

honestly life is so weird rn.

i’m not too sure if i’m happy.

why do i feel happy when im with people,

but when i’m alone,

everything hurts.

it’s so fucking weird and i don’t know what to do.

how do i make myself happier?

i thought they made me happier.

i don’t want to hurt them.

i love them so fucking much.

but i dont know if i was ready for this.

i shouldn’t have did this to them.

i feel so bad.

[birthof-vnx]

i don’t even know what to think right now.

he hurt me so bad and i feel like i can’t express how bad he ripped my heart out.

i don’t love him anymore but he’s brought all my pain back.

everything that took me years to forget about.

everything that i moved on from.

i wish i can restart my life.

i wish that i could’ve never met this man.

i love her now.

she’s all i could ever dream for.

but i feel like im going to ruin everything.

i always become too much and i don’t know how to not be too much.

i really want everything to work out but somehow i always do something.

i don’t want to hurt her.

i love her a lot.

i love her so much i’m so scared to hurt her.

what do i do?

i don’t know what to say or to do anymore.

i think that i need to just give up.

i want to give up.

she says i’m all she wants,

but when i’m gone she’ll realize that it’s for the better.

i always do something i regret.

i wish i wasn’t myself.

i wish i was trapped in this terrible flesh suit.

[birthof-vnx]

i will never be good enough.

í apparently hurt everyone i’m around.

i am manipulative, i am a liar, im a toxic person, im weird, im too much to be around.

these things are who i am defined as.

i can’t escape them as much as i wish i could.

i wish i could erase my past and rewrite my future.

i wish i realized sooner.

it stings and bleeds so much.

i can’t stop it from gushing and gushing more.

the pain i feel is indescribably the worst thing ive ever felt.

i wish he realized my bleeding sooner.

he wasn’t the one to bandage my wound;

i thought he would care enough to at least.

they came along and helped but at what cost.

the price of healing me always means the person has to hurt.

why do i always bring pain?

is it fate that i bring others harm.

that’s who i am i guess.

people don’t deserve someone like that.

people would be better off without pain;

me.

[birthof-vnx]

i’m struggling dude i have nobody and idk how long i can take this shit dude i’m going fucking insane

[birthof-vnx]

help i’m so awkward help me

[birthof-vnx]

holy shit.

recently he won’t leave my head.

everyone but the person i have has been in my head.

what is this feeling i feel?

he’s in my dreams constantly, giving me this hope that he’s finally here,

until i wake up.

i daydream about him,

until i snap out of it.

i just want need to be someone else.

i just want to look at their pretty face one more time.

fuck you

you’ve devoured my thoughts and my mind completely.

maybe one day you’ll figure this out; my emotions.

until then, i will keep writing these.

i know you’re here.

please.

[birthof-vnx]

god fucking hell

why couldn’t i do it? why couldn’t i let go?

was it because i am too naive?

is it because i’m scared of being alone?

alone.

god hell i rather cry then be alone

i lost so much weight,

yet i still don’t feel good.

i’m trying to get into college,

yet it still doesn’t feel like enough.

i am constantly reminded of him.

the old vintage smell lingers in my mind.

his green eyes i can still remember to this day,

oh god how those eyes looked at me

is a feeling i will never get over.

that feeling will never be replaced.

get over yourself. he’s happy.

“you’re my friend”

is all that lingers in my mind.

i miss when we were more.

i miss you.

i miss you.

[birthof-vnx]

christmas is so draining

here i am with no gifts.

no family to celebrate with,

we don’t even have a tree.

i’m so lost

i wish i could feel the holiday spirit.

i wish i could be one of those people who post big hauls on their stories

i feel like crying

why am i such a burden

maybe dying would be easier

then i dont have to face the reality

then i won’t be constantly disappointed

[birthof-vnx]

why can’t i put my horrid lustful thoughts away.

why do i think about the missed opportunities so much?

i remember when he tried to kiss me.

fuck i’ll never forget it.

i want his beautiful lips on me so bad.

i miss the way those doe eyes looked so lustful and hungry for more.

maybe one day i’ll see those again.

why can’t i just let them go?

everyday i long for them more and more.

please my beautiful boy, come back to me.

i miss you so dearly.

your porcelain skin and fragile frame made you so easy to protect and claim as mines.

i think about the sweet nothings you used to whisper in my ears and how it made my body explode with light.

you’re something i can’t replace.

i know you can see these doll.

just know that i think about you all the time

[birthof-vnx]

i hate my drunk mom.

one minute she’s happy

another shes screaming about how she’ll never love me

i hate the random serotonin bursts

then the crashouts that come with those.

why can’t she just be normal.

she could’ve even pick me up without almost crashing the car.

hitting a curb.

why does my mother have to be like this.

kill me

i’ll never go with her again.

[birthof-vnx]

everything on my body feels wrong.

what is this feeling?

please let me know what this feeling means.

why do i have these thoughts running through my head.

i try to make them go away but my mind just comes back to you.

i want your everything.

fuck i can’t stop thinking about it.

jesus christ lord i’m going to explode i hate being a teenager.

[birthof-vnx]

i am so lost.

i read these words for hours, these stories that i wish were me. i realized how depressed my life was.

no friends.

unhealthy relationship.

when will i give up? when will i finally be enough for someone.

these feelings.

the attraction i have never felt before.

i crave that love; maybe lust over anything right now.

i would give my all to be wanted.

when will someone love me?

when will they notice me?

all i want is you after all.

why can’t you see that?

[birthof-vnx]

everything is so weird.

i feel so numb.

i wake up, and i just exist.

theres no thoughts inside of my brain, i look around wondering if anything im watching is real.

paranoid constantly, feeling like someone is behind me.

this feelings of emptiness. how do you love someone when you cant even love yourself? when i look at them, my eyes fill with pity knowing that i cannot hold on much longer.

preparing myself for the ache and hurt that this is going to bring.

can i love anyone?

why

why why

everyday i carry this terrible sorrow. i am not ever happy but instead i just carry this weight on my shoulders because i have no idea what i am going to do with my life

im so fucked.

[birthof-vnx]

i hate my lifeeeee why am i heeeerreeeee

[birthof-vnx]

dude like seriously what is my life??

like i am not happy whatsoever.. i fight with my partner constantly and idk how to stop it. i constantly try to fix things but, it never seems like its enough.

i hate it.

why me why me

literally i have like 0$ constantly amd its frustrating bc i CANNOT get a job. i just cant.

everything is wrong

[birthof-vnx]

why why why why cant i just go to college already and fucking just start a whole new life with people i actually like