bjmegachurch

[bjmegachurch]

Eleven

Her family drank two-percent milk voraciously. They were so adamant about the consumption of milk that they depleted a gallon of the stuff per day.

On a typical weekday, David Jr. opened the fridge first. His routine breakfast consisted of one cold glass of milk and one cold glass of chocolate breakfast supplement, made with, you guessed it, milk. Elizabeth would grab the handle for a glass of her own. Ann and Sue-Ann would each pitch in a glass in their respective names and John would take it home with another two glasses. Now, all added up, that’s an average (and really, more of a minimum) of seven glasses of milk a day. That combined with John’s tendency to sip on milk throughout the day, David Jr.’s to have yet another glass upon his return, and Ann’s tendency to splash white in her cooking led to the inevitable result of the family going through a gallon of cow’s milk a day. And that was just on the weekdays. For Friday and Saturday, David Sr. would be back in town and add a glass or two to the tally himself. David Jr. would often have some athletic event that he thought necessitated yet another glass of milk. The Johnson family was practically leaking two percent.

This resulted in a predictable vicious cycle. The family needs milk, the family drinks milk, the family needs more milk, and so and so forth. The weekly trip to the local bulk supermarket was guaranteed to include seven or eight gallons of cream. David Jr. felt strong as he carried them.

Ann sat at the counter with a cold one in front of her. It was her second of the day, which was uncommon. It was unusually refreshing in its whiteness. Ann stared into it and felt herself getting lost.

The dairy was so creamy and pure. Thick, but not too thick, but just thick enough to drown in. Since her brother had passed, Ann had thought about drowning herself, and not just once in a glass of milk. It was better to drink it than to die in it, she told herself, and relied on this glass for a small amount of relief. The milk, as it always did, willingly obliged.

She had told her youngest children about the change of church venues. Much to her surprise, they didn’t seem to care.

“Okay,” said John. He got back to his work as if nothing had happened. Only Sue-Ann was curious enough to question her.

“Why?” she asked.

“Because Pop said so.” Replied Ann.

Sue-Ann thought about it for a moment before moving on.

“Okay,” said Sue-Ann, and got back to work.

Ann remained in the classroom as a mother not realizing her children were only seeing her as a teacher. She had yet to change her own hat for the day.

Before she could switch to teacher mode, she needed a refreshment. Now the glass lay empty before her. She felt she was the same.

[bjmegachurch]

Ten

It was a peaceful morning back at the house. David Sr. was gone on business and Ann was driving back from school. John lay in bed, contemplating the events of the past month. One event stood out above the rest, and John felt guilty it was the not the death of his uncle. Something still bothered him about hearing his father’s conversation with his older brother. Those final words, “At least he isn’t gay”, stung John in the heart. David Jr., in various fits of teenage rage, had called John gay before. Somehow, the name calling sat better with John than his father’s comments.

Sue-Ann was waking as well. With sleepy eyes she flitted around her older sister’s now empty room pretending it all to be hers. She practically danced around their shared space. She imagined herself a fairy-tale princess surrounded by singing birds and happy animals. She did this nearly every weekday morning.

The younger two children were homeschooled by Ann, in an effort to protect them from the world. Her older children, so it appeared, had already been corrupted. So, she invested heavier into the younger generation’s education. Ann was not a teacher. At times, she had been an administrator and even a journalist, but never a teacher. Like all determined mothers fighting for the future of their children, she did not let that stop her. The Lord had provided a bounty of safe, healthy, and Christian educational resources for the homeschooled believer. The two youngest children couldn’t know it then, but they were growing up in an echo chamber.

Like everyone in an echo chamber, they would not have cared even if they had known. That’s why people continue to exist in these chambers – it is a great deal of fun to never have your views challenged. Sue-Ann and John, as far as they could tell, enjoyed rather unchallenged lives.

John was the first downstairs; Sue-Ann soon followed. David Jr. and Elizabeth may have been older, but John and Sue-Ann were more responsible. No chocolate milk and bananas for these two; John and Sue-Ann would prepare something much heartier. They had a good system going between them. John was usually downstairs first, so he would turn on the oven for frozen biscuits. Sue-Ann, undeniably more talented in the culinary arts, would soon follow to prepare the bacon and eggs. When Sue-Ann came downstairs, she was always greeted with a warm hug.

“Good morning, sister.”

“Good morning, brother.”

Nobody made them do this. They genuinely loved another, as they supposed siblings should. This was the exact opposite of the older pair, which probably explains why Ann preferred to invest in the younger.

They enjoyed their breakfast without anything in particular on their minds. John finished his tall glass of cold milk with a sigh of satisfaction.

“Thanks for the eggs and bacon, sister.”

“Thank you for the biscuits, brother.”

They each rinsed their dishes and placed them in the machine. They left the kitchen cleaner than they found it.

It was time for school. Just because teacher wasn’t home yet didn’t mean first period wasn’t starting. John sat down at his desk and opened his Bible. Sue-Ann sat at the kid’s computer to begin one of her modules. It was another day in paradise.

They were excited to see their mother’s car pulling into the driveway. Ann parked and waited a few minutes before exiting. Her two younger children loved the church way more than her older ones. She did not think this would be easy news to share.

[bjmegachurch]

Nine

It was a dewy Friday morning in the southern states of America. First period rapidly approached as David Jr. trudged around the house like a zombie. He had woken up late and didn’t want breakfast.

“You need something more than chocolate milk,” Ann complained, herself preparing for the day. David did not care. If they didn’t want him to drink Instant Breakfast, why did they have it in the house? David asked Ann this in her bathroom while she put on her make-up.

“It’s for me, David,” she said, “You need something healthier. Go eat a banana.”

David sleepily obliged. But before he could leave Elizabeth, also awaiting a ride to school, entered the already cramped bathroom. She didn’t have any business here, but she did enjoy watching her brother get in trouble.

“Move.” He said.

“No.” She responded. Check and mate.

Ann wasn’t bothered by this. In fact, this worked out wonderfully for her. She had been meaning to talk to her children anyway. Change was afoot.

“Let your brother through, Elizabeth, but not yet,” said Ann, without looking. She finished her mascara and turned to them both.

“We need to talk.”

“I’m too tired,” said her son.

“Then be quiet,” said Ann, “Your father and I have not told you about this yet, but we are leaving the church.” That was all Ann said. There was a moment of silent confusion before her children answered.

“What are you talking about?” asked David, genuinely confused.

“We aren’t even at church,” said Elizabeth, wondering where her cell phone was.

“David, Elizabeth,” said Ann, already exasperated, “We are not going to attend the same church anymore. We are going to go one more time this Sunday. You will say good-bye to your friends and then we are going to go somewhere else.”

The confusion deepened within her offspring.

“Say goodbye?” asked Elizabeth. “We aren’t going to see them again?”

“Some of them, you will,” answered Ann, “but most of them, you will not.”

David Jr. and Elizabeth let the statement marinate for a few moments. It was too early to comprehend it all. In their young lives, they had only been to one church. For all they knew, there really was only one church. It was the church down the street on the corner. It was the church that their grandad (whom they called Pop) lead. It was the church, as far as the children knew, that Pop owned.

They knew that old church as if it were their own home. The building was grandiose in classic Victorian style, complete with multiple tall steeples and stained glass from wall to wall. The walls were built by beautiful red brick and spotted with marble structures throughout. This holy building featured multiple stories and more rooms than the children could count. They treated the building like it was their playground and would spend countless Sunday afternoon hours running around it. Hell, David Jr. even had a birthday party there a few years ago, so he was the first to question the decision.

“Why?”

The question floated in the air for what seemed like an eternity. Finally, Ann answered.

“Because we don’t agree with the church.”

“I don’t get it,” said Elizabeth.

“Because the church broke the rules.”

“What rules?”

“The rules of being a church.”

David Jr. and Elizabeth were far from satisfied with that answer. David continued.

“But I thought Pop made the rules.”

“He does.”

“So, what rules did he break?”

“He didn’t.”

More silence. Now was Elizabeth’s turn.

“So, why are we leaving?”

“Because Pop said so. Because the church broke the rules.”

Ann was resolute to concede no more ground on this issue, but David Jr. pushed further.

“What rules are you talking about?”

Ann sighed. This was partially her fault, she supposed. If her children weren’t so sheltered, explaining the obvious sin of accepting homosexuality would be a breeze. As things were, a full explanation may open Pandora’s box of non-conservative sexuality, something she had thus far protected her children from. Ann certainly did not want that.

“You’re too young to understand.” Ann said, and that was final.

Nobody moved for a few moments. Elizabeth, not being able to take it anymore, left to find her cell phone. David Jr. remained behind while Ann finished up. She knew he would need time to process this.

“I don’t want to leave the church,” he said. “All my friends go to church, and I don’t want to leave them. If you don’t want to go to church anymore, then don’t. I’m going to keep going to church.”

Ann was proud of her son’s loyalty. Still, she could not have the subordination.

“I’m sorry, son, but that’s the way it is. You will make new friends soon, I promise.”

This was incomprehensible to David Jr. Why would he want new friends? The one’s he had were fine. David bowed his head lower and spoke in anger.

“I don’t want new friends! I’m not going to have new friends! I don’t care what you do, I’m not going anywhere!”

With that, David Jr. went somewhere. He ate his banana and sulked the entire ride to school. Ann dropped her two eldest children off on time, sure that this would be the easiest part of her morning. Now for the difficult part – telling John and Sue-Ann.

[bjmegachurch]

Eight

Death is hard on the entire family. Ann’s father, John Sr., the preacher, was not immune. He was a short man with strict faith and an even stricter interpretation of the scriptures. While he felt despair at the loss of his son, what he had learned in seminary could not be ignored. His son, while living a life of sin, committed the greatest sin by taking his own life. John Sr. knew that the scriptures were clear on this point. He suppressed his emotions, believing them to be devils in and of themselves, and spoke only of the scriptures. It was a defense mechanism, but not one that John Sr. was aware of.

John Sr., owing that he was an influential preacher, was asked to speak at the funeral, so he did.

“My son,” he said, “Lived a life of sin. The Bible tells us that the fruit of sin is death, and my son is evidence of this truth. Turn your life to God, people, and avoid the same demise that my son could not.”

Most of the congregation agreed, although the widow and company collectively rolled their eyes. They were not right about everything, but they were right about this: for the father of the deceased, that was pretty harsh.

John Sr. thought nothing of it. In his mind, this was simply the way things were. Whether John liked it or not, his son was burning in hell right now. There was always the chance the deceased had accepted Christ as his Lord and Savior earlier in his life and was therefore allowed a free pass into the kingdom of heaven. This was something John Sr. prayed was true. In his heart of hearts, he believed that it wasn’t.

John Sr. returned from Charleston changed as the family was changed. He returned to his church, or his “flock”, as he called them, a changed preacher. His son had drowned in the waves of sin, but John Sr. stayed true to the Word.

A few weeks passed by without incident. John Sr. gave his sermons as he always did, perhaps even more fiery than before. On a weekday afternoon, while attending to internal church affairs, John Sr. received an unexpected visit from a local deacon, Fred Johnson. He welcomed Fred at his desk as he did all church guests. Fred was there to deliver some news.

“As you know, John, times are always changing.” Fred began.

“Of course, it is God’s will,” said John.

“With new days come new understandings and interpretations of scripture. You’ve preached on the matter yourself. Every generation necessitates their own interpretation of the Word.”

John, in his usual genial way, said, “I cannot argue with you, friend.”

“That’s what I’ve come to talk to you about, John,” said Fred, “It’s about interpretation. There is a growing acceptance of all sorts of people in the church these days, John. We are reaching a point where lifestyles are said to clash with the religion itself, and lines have been drawn in the sand.”

John Sr. was sure that he understood.

“If you are referring to the recent discussion of the church’s stance on homosexuality,” John began, “Then you must know that I support the Bible on this matter, as I do on all matters. Homosexuality is a carnal and abhorrent sin. I stand with the Bible on this matter, and I know you stand with me.”

Fred sighed. He was afraid John would react like this.

“John… On behalf of the church, I cannot agree with you.”

Fred continued to explain his point. He explained how the church had to evolve with its congregation. He explained how the Biblical interpretation of homosexuality isn’t consistent with modern experience. Fred explained all this, but John Sr. was barely listening. John Sr. was a quiet man in his personal and professional dealings. He took the news quietly, all the while contemplating what this meant. When Fred finished explaining, he looked to John Sr. for some sort of confirmation, or really anything other than a resignation. Unfortunately for Fred, he got the latter.

“I understand your decision,” said John, “but I can only abide by the Word. And the Scripture is very clear on this subject – homosexuality is a sin. If the church chooses to ignore Scripture, then I will have to pray about my future with the church.”

Fred nodded and understood that the prayers were not needed. John Sr. already knew what he was going to do.

One month after his son’s funeral, John Sr. left his church over theological disagreements. When he left, he brought a large portion of his flock with him. That flock included Ann and her family, who loved listening to John Sr. preach.

[bjmegachurch]

Seven

John felt a sudden spasm in his chest. It wasn’t that his uncle had died; that hurt too, but this pain was more personal. He felt as vulnerable as if he had been attacked. Unsure of why he felt this way, he shrugged it off. This was a painful time, after all.

The family spent the evening and next morning mourning with Ann. There were times when she wanted everyone to be near her and there were times when she wanted to be alone. David Sr. and the children did not dare do anything to upset her and would schedule their travel preparations during periods when Ann wanted to be alone. David Sr. was packing for two and making sure the children stayed on task. They were driving to Charleston on Monday afternoon and staying till at least Tuesday for the funeral. There was much to be done.

Sue-Ann was the most empathetic of the children. She felt her mother’s pain and would spend the most time with her on the couch. It was an effort, though valiant, that proved inconsequential. The heartbreak of losing her younger brother was too much for Ann to bare.

Things proceeded as they had to and, before they knew it, they were in Charleston, a town forever associated with death. There is a colonial cemetery in the middle of Charleston that is said to be haunted. Anything that has been around for that long is bound to see gratuitous amounts of death and to therefore have ghosts. Ann’s brother was just another notch on Charleston’s belt.

On Tuesday, the widow arrived late, drunk, and with a date. David Jr. could not understand the fuss. When he saw his aunt, he saw a lady who used to pick him up from school with his uncle. She was a massage therapist and would walk on David’s back during family vacations. David Sr. told his son not to speak with her, but David Jr. would not listen. A family reception followed the large funeral, where memories and keepsakes were exchanged. David Jr.’s widowed-aunt gave him a pair of his uncle’s shorts.

“Hey,” she said, with a sway that David Jr. could not yet recognize, “take these, buddy. He, he would’ve wanted you to have them.” The widow plopped down next to David Jr., who had been sitting alone. The shorts she gave him were too large for David Jr., but this did not deter him in the least.

“Cool!” said David, “These are the best!”

“Great,” she said, with a smile, “I’m glad something good came out of this.”

David did not and, indeed, could not understand what she meant. He stared off in silence, wrestling with the immutability of death. This was his first experience with the phenomena. The permanence of it was just sinking in.

Before they went back home, David Jr. saw his parents fighting with his uncle’s widow in the yard. All parties raised their voices and Ann left the engagement in tears. When David asked his father what happened, he answered, “Nothing. Family matters.” Family matters always seem to exclude certain family members.

They returned home in the same quiet fashion that they had left it. Ann spoke very little over the next few weeks, only when she absolutely needed to. John and David Jr. soon got back to fighting over the downstairs television. Elizabeth got back to her cell phone and Sue-Ann turned her gaze to the Lord. David Sr. went back to work and the world moved on. The world moved on for everyone, except for Ann. She was stuck with that loss for a long, long time.

[bjmegachurch]

Six

David Jr. had a limited understanding of cause and effect. In his mind it stood to reason that he had sinned the night before, and that God says there is punishment for sin. After David sinned, his uncle committed suicide. David therefore thought that his masturbation and his uncle’s death were somehow entangled. However limited his intelligence may have been, he knew it absurd to think that his masturbation directly killed his uncle, but he could not shake the feeling the two events were somehow connected.

His uncle used to pick him up from school in his Jeep and drive around with the top down. His uncle used to teach him how to body board. His uncle used to show him music that Ann and David Sr. would not let him listen to. This was David’s first encounter with death in his still young life. It’s unfortunate that the event coincided with his first time being caught with his hands down his pants. The two events became inextricable in David’s mind, though he never quite worked out how. The fact that he couldn’t work out exactly how his sin caused his uncle’s death only made it worse.

When David Sr. approached his son that afternoon, he approached a young man steeped in guilt, though he did not know it. It had been a tough day for David Sr. as well. Although he was never close with his wife’s brother, he respected him for who he was and for what he meant to Ann. Seeing her in pain like that nearly broke him.

David Sr. knocked on his son’s door, the same door that used to belong to his brother.

“It’s your father,” he said, and then opened the door, “I’m coming in.”

David Jr. never looked forward to these types of conversations and was not wont to start them. He lay prostrate and motionless as his father entered, only able to utter a grunt in response.

“We need to talk. Sit up now, look at me. There’s going to be a funeral on Tuesday. We are all going.”

“But I don’t want…,” David started, before his father could stop him.

“We are all going, that’s that,” said David Sr., “Your mother is in a lot of pain right now. We need to support her.”

“Yes, sir,” David sighed.

“Good. As for what happened last night,” this was the part that David Jr. feared.

“As for what happened last night…” David Sr. repeated, as if losing his train of thought. He sighed. This was not what David Jr. expected.

“As for what happened last night,” he began again, “You shouldn’t be looking fat naked women on the internet. It’s a sin and the Bible says it’s wrong. I know lust is a powerful temptation, but you have to resist. Do you understand?”

“Yes, sir,” David said, head low, “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, son. Just… you have to resist, okay? Just don’t do it again.”

“Yes, sir,” said David Jr. He knew this day was too solemn for push backs and arguments. David Sr. could not stand it when his son spoke back to him. David Jr. wouldn’t dream of doing it now.

“Good. Now go downstairs and comfort your mother. She needs us right now.”

“Yes, sir.” David said again. He gave his father a hug.

“I love you, son.”

“I love you, too.”

David Jr. ran downstairs to comfort his mother. David Sr. stayed behind for a moment, but just a moment, alone. He was exhausted. Between the funeral, having to call off work, getting the family to another state, and comforting Ann, there wasn’t much time to breathe and have a moment to himself. Again, he sighed.

“Well,” he said to himself, “At least he isn’t gay.”

David Sr. found some amusing comfort in this thought and had a chuckle as he stood up. He brushed himself off and went back downstairs. Shortly after, the boy’s bathroom door opened, and John exited. The walls were thin, and he could not help but hear every word of their conversation. And beyond.

[bjmegachurch]

Five

In his sleep, David Jr. was visited by a demon. It was a demon he recognized because he had seen it before.  It stood at the edge of his bed and stared at him, just like it always did. It didn’t move, speak, or make any sound at all. It just stood at the edge of the bed and stared. The demon’s eyes glowed, but not with rage or fire. They just glowed as they stayed on David. David could never move because it paralyzed him with fear.

This demon came to David’s bedside from time to time. It first started when David was nine years old. His grandfather, the preacher, delivered a fiery sermon about the demons of hell. That particular sermon struck young, nine-years-old David with fear and morbid curiosity. That night, he imagined what a demon might look like until one appeared. That same demon had visited David periodically since then, just as it did on the night that David used his parent’s computer. The demon was always the same. Never moving. Just watching.

David hated those dreams. He awoke that morning not as well rested as he had hoped.

The family tradition on Sundays involved cinnamon rolls and church. On a normal Sunday, David Jr. would smell the cinnamon rolls either before or as he was waking up. There was no such smell that morning. Things in the house were oddly still and quiet, though David paid no attention. He relieved himself in the boy’s bathroom and, quite unlike last night, clunkily made his way down the stairs, almost as if to ensure that everyone heard him. He heard David Sr speaking in hushed tones as he made his way down the stairs.

“Good morning,” David Jr. said without looking as he passed into the living room. He should have looked before he said anything.

Curled up in her usual spot, Ann sat in an unusual position. It took David a moment to make out what she was doing. She was hunched over her knees and heaving. She wouldn’t look up and she was sobbing. David stopped frozen in his tracks. Something was wrong.

“Oh, no,” David thought, “The family computer.”

“What’s wrong?” he said, as he took a seat on the couch next to David Sr., who was sat next to Ann and comforting her.

Ann continued to sob wordlessly. David had never seen his mother so upset.

“Something horrible happened last night,” said David Sr., head low. David Jr. was sure the jig was up. David Jr., now heavy with guilt, was sure that his mother was crying about his sinfulness. Unless you grow up in a religious household, it’s difficult to accurately describe the exact flavor of guilt that comes with sinning and being caught. Most sins are carnal, and most carnal things feel great, so when you grow up in a system where sin feels great, it leaves one in a constant battle between body and spirit. There’s no balance to it whatsoever.

Ann was picking up steam as she sobbed. David could see that she was heartbroken by his actions. He knew he had to come clean.

“I’m sorry,” David Jr. said, “It was me. I looked up the naked women on your computer. I’m sorry. I didn’t think I was hurting anyone.”

David Jr. began to whimper. For the briefest of moments, Ann’s pain receded as she looked to her son.

“What?”, she asked, as confused as someone could possibly be.

“You did what?”, David Sr. chimed in, apparently unaware of the transgression.

With those reactions, now everyone was confused. Ann began to sob again. David Jr. looked to his father, who continued to comfort her.

“Your uncle died last night. They think he committed suicide.”

At the sound of those unfortunate facts, Ann wailed again. David Sr. held her closer.

“We’ll talk about this later. Please, give your mother some space.”

The last thing David Jr. wanted was space, but his mother was in too much pain. Her younger brother was dead. David Jr., feeling more alone than ever before, apologized and went upstairs. He got under his covers and cried until he fell back asleep, this time unbothered by the demon. He didn’t leave his bed till that afternoon when David Sr. came up to get him.

[bjmegachurch]

Four

David slid into the computer room like Tom Cruise in a diamond heist. The stakes felt just as high to him too.

There were two computers in the aptly named room: one for the adults and one for the children. David always did his deeds on the kid’s computer. Aside from it being the computer set aside for him, the kid’s computer was preferred because it was tucked away in a corner. This gave the user a few moments to close whatever tabs they have up whenever someone entered the room. These moments were critical to David.

The parent’s computer was too daunting a machine for these types of searches. Everything about it was larger and more intimidating. The chair in which one sat to pilot this machine was large and had many levers. The mouse, one’s navigational tool for cyber space, was strangely shaped and did not move. The keyboard was contoured, and the monitor could be seen from the dining room. It would never be the choice for David to search for “hanky-panky” on (a search term that he actually did use once), unless of course he was sure that he was alone.

David Jr. pushed kid’s computer’s power button and hoped that nobody would hear it boot up. He did not move for several minutes while the machine warmed itself up and was sure to click off the speakers before they could make a sound.

He could hear more gunshots still across the house, coming the living room. Confident he was alone; David opened the internet.

But what’s this now? Why isn’t is working? David checked both sides of the computer and behind it. Everything looked plugged in. So why wasn’t the internet working? David got down on his knees and began to search the back of the tower underneath the table. Surely, he thought, something would be flashing, unplugged, or both. He nearly bumped his head when John entered the room.

“What are you doing?” John asked. He was genuinely curious. Despite David’s general animosity towards him, John was still interested in what his older brother was up to. It’s all part of the Stockholm Syndrome inherent to large families.

David’s heart jumped at the interruption. He came up from under the table angry but still managing a whisper.

“I’m trying to fix the internet! Why are you here?” David asked the question as an accusation.

“But why? Dad sent you to your room.” John, like he often did with David, ignored this interrogation.

“Do you really think I care, brother?”, they both knew this first question was rhetorical, “Did anyone else hear me?”

“I don’t think so.”

“Good! Then help me with this computer.”

“Why?”

“Because the internet isn’t working!”

“Why do you need the internet?”

“So I can use it to talk to my friends.”

“Oh. On Club Penguin?” John asked.

Club Penguin was a popular multiplayer online game that John and Sue-Ann spent countless hours playing. It was a shared server where one could interact with other customizable penguin avatars from all over the world. All the kids their age had an account. There may have been some pedophiles on there as well.

“No, that shit is for kids. I’m on instant messenger. Do you know how to fix it?”

John relented. He took the mouse, checked on a few settings, and shrugged his shoulders.

“I don’t know. Try restarting it.”

“I don’t have time for that.”

“Well try it on mom and dad’s computer.”

“They don’t have instant messenger on there.”

John was beginning to wonder what was going on in The Patriot. He got up and began to leave.

“They won’t care. I play Club Penguin on there all the time. Here, I’ll even close the door, so they won’t see you down here.”

John quietly closed the door as he left. He was a better brother than David deserved. David was left with a decision he didn’t expect to make that evening. Was it time to try and get away with looking for pornography on mom and dad’s computer? David’s hormonal rage made this less of a choice and more of an inevitability.

He peeked out the door and the coast was indeed clear. He crept to his parent’s computer and turned it on. Even the power button seemed more… powerful.

“Internet’s probably just not working here either,” David thought to himself, “if it doesn’t work then I’ll just go back upstairs and think about it instead.”

David was still so novice in the dark arts that he could get off with a palm full of saliva and his imagination. Ah, to be young again.

With the speakers off, his parent’s computer booted. True to its image, it was a superior machine. The internet itself was lightning fast, but no where near as fast as David. The entire storm had come and passed in a matter of minutes, and shortly after, David snuck back upstairs. Shortly after that, he drifted off into sleep, quite satisfied with having gotten away with it once again.

[bjmegachurch]

Three

David went up to his room.

The house itself was two stories with a basement. Some may call that three stories, but not David Sr.

“Half of the basement is unfinished,” he’d say, “so I’d hardly call that a story.”

As things were, David Jr. made his way to the top story where the children slept. The upstairs was not evenly divided. Elizabeth and Sue-Ann shared a room with a door in between. That is to say, Sue-Ann lived in Elizabeth’s large closet. It had plenty of space to be its own room, no doubt, it’s just that Sue-Ann had to open Elizabeth’s door and walk past Elizabeth’s bed in order to get to her own door. So it wasn’t so much her room as it was a room inside of Elizabeth’s room. However they classified it, they shared a bathroom as well.

The boys had their own bathroom as well as their own rooms. To the right of the stairs, but to the left of the broom closet, was John’s room. It was arguably the largest of the rooms, although it wouldn’t be if Sue-Ann didn’t exist. It featured a large closet, where everyone in the family kept something.

David passed by his sisters’ joint room on his left, John’s room on his right, and then the shared bathroom on his left, to enter his room, again on the right. Aside from Sue-Ann’s closet room, David Jr.’s room was the smallest of the four. Things weren’t always that way. In fact, David’s life had been much more spacious just a year earlier when John’s room was David’s.

It was the room David grew up in. He knew it better than anyone, still. The thing about David’s old room, now John’s room, was that it had roof access. And with that roof access came the unique ability to sneak out of the house. David Jr. would exploit this loophole by exiting the window, crawling across the roof, and sliding down the basketball pole. He was able to do this quite successfully for about six months, and he did often. Then, one night, while he was down the street at Chris Craddock’s house, rain hit before David could get back home. He found the basketball pole much more difficult to climb during a thunderstorm. He had to knock on the front door at 2 am to get back in, upsetting and angering both Ann and David Sr. That’s how David lost his large room privileges, as David Sr. called them.

David didn’t mind his new, smaller room that he now called home. Sure, it was John’s old room, but it was his now. His roof access had been removed, but at least his new room was attached to the attic. The attic was filled with all sorts of family history and seasonal decorations. That’s one thing that the kids always loved about their house – all the family history it came with.

David Sr. had grown up in this house. His parents had purchased it before his birth, and David Sr. had purchased it back from them before John was born. He would tell the kids stories about running around, chasing his own sisters upstairs. David Jr. liked the story about trying to burrow a hole between the two rooms for the purposes of sibling espionage. David Sr. grew up in David Jr.’s old room, the room that John now sleeps in. David Jr. now slept in his uncle’s old room. That was part of what he liked about his new, smaller room. His uncle was a cool guy. David wanted to be a cool guy, too.

David laid on his bed and watched his fan spin by while the family enjoyed The Patriot downstairs. David didn’t mind being relegated to his room because he didn’t plan to stay there long. You see, when the whole family was in the living room, that meant the rest of the house was unoccupied. When the rest of the house was unoccupied, that meant David could get away with stuff. Specifically, David wanted to get away with stuff in a room on the other side of the house from the living room, that of the computer room. There sat an enormous power, that of the family computer.

Whenever he could, David would sneak away to the family computer. He had just discovered the side of the internet where the naked women were, and he had not yet been caught. He would be soon, though. How couldn’t he be? He knew how to type “Naked Sex Picture”, but he didn’t yet know how to clear his history. He had no clue how to delete his cookies. He couldn’t even spell ‘incognito’. He was an amateur venturing out into a vicious wilderness that he knew nothing about. And yet, he did it as often as he could. And, like most law breakers, he was bound to get caught.

David Jr. wasn’t worried about getting caught tonight, though. They we’re watching The Patriot. Everyone loves that movie, especially David Sr. There wasn’t a chance they were leaving the couch till it was over, which, by David Sr.’s estimation (he was familiar with the film himself) was about another hour and a half. David laid on his bed for about five minutes, just enough silence to make his family totally forget about him. When enough time had passed, he crept to the edge of the stairs. He could hear a fight scene blaring in the living room.

“Because I,” said Mel Gibson, “Am The Patriot.” More gunshots followed.

“Perfect timing,” David thought.

Under the auditory guise of explosive patriotism, David descended the stairs, one step at a time. He knew what he was doing because he had done this before. The first ten stairs won’t creak; stairs eleven, fourteen, and fifteen do. You must step over them if you don’t want to get caught, and David Sr. certainly did not want to get caught.

Like a horny, pubescent ballerina, David practically glided down the last few stairs in silence. He stuck the landing as a cannon fired on the television. He quickly turned the corner and headed in the opposite direction of the living room, taking soft and practiced steps. No one heard a thing, not even John. John did, however, see David Jr. as he turned the corner.

“Where’s he going?” John wondered.

[bjmegachurch]

Two

          David Sr saw dinner as yet another rousing success. All the plates were cleared and not a single morsel of lettuce was left. That’s a good thing, you know. There are starving children in Africa, after all.

           After all the dishes were done, courtesy of the boys tonight, the girls tomorrow night, and so an and so forth, the family moved to the living room for a family movie night. The spaces were not themselves assigned but they were generally stuck to and respected. Ann was adamant in defending her territory near the lamp. It was impossible to her that anyone else should even consider sitting there, and an insult when they actually did it.

           “Where am I going to sit if you are sitting there?”, she’d say, “That is my spot!”

           Naturally, David Sr occupied the couch with her. He never sat right next to her, though; always opposite. Ann needed the space to kick her legs up, another necessity, and Sue Ann needed the space to sit under her father’s arm. She liked to sit directly in between the two, gauging each of their reactions to what was happening on the screen before actually reacting herself.

           On the east facing walls sat two chairs. One was quite comfortable for television viewing and the other was not. It was all a matter of angle – one chair had the optimal viewing angle, the other the worst possible viewing angle. John occupied the former while Elizabeth played with her cell phone in the latter. This, of course, was before the days of scrolling. David assumed she was texting friends and generally being important; the truth is, she was harnessing her skills at “Snake”, an pixel block game found in rudimentary cellular devices. She had really become quite good at it.

           David Jr preferred the floor for his television viewing experience. There were just so many different ways to lay. He was a fidgety one and would change positions four or five times an episode, where as his mother seemed to remain motionless all day long during those SVU marathons.

           “What are we going to watch tonight?” David Jr asked. There was something in his tone that always sounded mocking and oddly disrespectful to the senior David. He perceived this inquiry to be a threat, but Elizabeth interjected before he could admonish his son.

           “I don’t care what it is. I’m not going to watch.”

           “Do you think I care about you not caring?”

           Elizabeth smirked at David Jr from behind her Nokia. This, apparently, was nothing but friendly fire. David Sr did not perceive it as such.

           “David don’t speak to your sister that way. Apologize, now.”

           “What? I was just kidding.”

           “Don’t talk back to me.”

           “Listen to your father, David,” this argument was aggravating Ann’s migraine, “And apologize to your sister.”

           “Fine,” David relented, “I’m sorry… that I don’t care about you.”

           “David!”

           “And that I said it! I’m sorry that I said it. There, are ya happy now?”

           Everyone looked to Elizabeth for a response.

           “Yeah. Whatever.”

           David Sr. had yet to be satisfied.

           “Watch it, young man. You are on thin ice tonight.”

           David Jr., still facing the television, pantomimed his father repeating yet another cliché. When he was finished, he did what he knew he must.

           “Yes, sir.”

           “Thank you. The Patriot is on TNT. That’s what we are watching.”

           The Patriot was, in David Sr’s mind, a special treat for the family. It was the only R-rated film noble enough in its intentions to show to the children. In treating the children, he felt quite satisfied with himself as he changed the channel. He looked down to his right to his beautiful daughter Sue Ann. She looked back to him with soft, loving eyes that were always accepting, always approving. She was grateful for this treat. He looked to his wife already asleep on the other side of the couch. Wow. How did she fall asleep so fast? David knew that she, too, would be happy with The Patriot, as it was easy to sleep through. He looked to his left. There sat his youngest son eager to see some R-rated, all-American violence. John knew the plot, but he was not any the less excited for it.

           Then David looked to his two eldest children. Elizabeth, apparently not interested, remained uninterested. David Sr. didn’t take that personally. Elizabeth wasn’t much interested in anything that wasn’t boys or make-up. He looked to his son, who he was sure would love such a bloody treat. He was disappointed to find resentment in a face that very much resembled his own.

           “The Patriot?! Again?!” David Jr. complained.

           “Everybody else is okay with it. Just keep quiet and watch the movie.”

           “I don’t want to watch it again for the millionth time! We watch this every other weekend!”

           “David, we are watching the movie and that is final! One more word out of you and you can spend movie night in your room.”

           “I’m going to my room then!”

           “Fine! Go to your room!”

           “Fine!”

           David Jr. got up. All this arguing aroused Ann as well, and she was not happy about it.

           “Can you please keep quiet?! I’m trying to sleep!”

           “Now you’ve upset your mother…”

           “I’m going, I’m going… Sorry, mom.”

           To everyone’s relief (except for Elizabeth, who simply did not care) David Jr. set off for his room upstairs. Finally, they could enjoy The Patriot in peace.

           “Finally,” David Jr. thought, “Some space.”

[bjmegachurch]

One

It was the same Saturday night that David had lived so many times before. It was yet another family movie night, probably David’s least favorite type of night. This meant no going across the street to Alex’s house to play video games and eat ice cream. This meant no going over to Scotty’s house for a sleepover with the soccer team. This meant no phone calls from Kelsey just to “say hello”.

Instead, David’s night would start with a family dinner, promptly at 6 p.m. If anyone were late, David Sr. was sure to start with out them. David Sr. ran his household as if they were the practice squad for the Navy football team. No lateness, talkback, or anything less than maximum effort could ever be tolerated.

Before dinner could begin, thanks had to be given as a family, hand-in-hand. David Sr. would start the prayer, “God the Father, we thank Thee for Thine love, and through Thine love, for these blessings you have bestowed upon us. We thank Thee for Thy bounty and pray that it nourishes our souls and bodies.” Then, switching scripts, David Sr. would give his daily gratitude report. “Today I am grateful for Sean White, who helped me out by picking up the kids.” Then, right on cue, David Sr. would squeeze the soft little hand to his left, that belonging to his youngest, and arguably most loved daughter Sue Ann. Sue Ann’s prayer would usually go something along the lines of: “Today I am grateful for the Bible because of Jesus.” Then she’d pass the buck to her older and probably less loved sister Elizabeth, who would say “I am thankful for my new phone because it is so much fun.” The circle continued.

Ann, David’s mother, was next and would normally say something quiet, but tense, along the lines of “I am thankful for my headache medicine because it makes the pain go away.” David’s younger brother John was always ready for his turn next. He spoke the most out of any member of the family and could easily outtalk the rest of them put together. He had a lot of ideas the way the young, the bright-eyed, and the innocent always do, and he was always thankful for some book or something dull like that. Finally, the prayer circle would reach David, who only wanted to eat.

“I am thankful for the food on my plate.”

David went to grab his fork, but David Sr. refused to let go of his hand, still held in prayer. Instead, he gave a tight squeeze and was sure to make some eye contact. David, realizing his mistake, corrected his error.

“Amen.”

“You aren’t allowed to say that again!” Ann was tired of David’s insolence. How hard is it, really, to come up with one thing you are grateful for besides the food directly in front of you? David knew what he was doing – he knew he wasn’t supposed to skate by the prayer circle with another lazily lobbed up article of gratitude. And yet, he persisted.

“It’s what I’m grateful for.” David replied.

“You were grateful for the food last night.” Said Sue Ann.

“You can’t say the same thing twice.” Said John.

“Why not? It’s true. I really am grateful for this-”

David Sr. had had enough.

“You can’t say that again because those are the rules! You can’t just keep saying that you’re thankful for the food because that isn’t the point of the gratitude!”

“You’re missing the point of being grateful!” Sue Ann emphasized. David Sr. was proud of her.

“The point,” said Ann, “is to search your day for something more meaningful than just the food on your plate.”

“But I really am grateful for these potatoes-”

“-Say something else or nobody eats!” Ann meant business tonight. Elizabeth couldn’t take it any longer.

“Just say you’re like thankful for roads or something!”

“I’m thankful for roads? You want me to say I’m thankful for roads?”

“I don’t know! Ugh! They take you places, don’t they? You should be grateful for that.”

David Jr., who truly, when he thought about it, was grateful for roads, was currently relishing in the opportunity to throw this prayer circle so far off track.

“That’s not the point either, Elizabeth,” David Sr. said, “the point is to think of something specific and meaningful to you. Son, if you will, please – tell us what you’re thankful for.”

David Jr., overcome by hunger, finally relented.

“Okay, sorry. Today I’m thankful for having a good day.”

John and Sue Ann caught him red handed.

“You said that one two nights ago!”

“That isn’t specific enough!”

“Nobody can eat until David tells us what he’s thankful for!”

And so another Saturday night dinner began the same way so many dinners had begun before it. The argument would soon give way to hunger for food that was sorely in need of salt and a microwave.