blacked-out-bottled-up-thoughts

[blacked-out-bottled-up-thoughts]

do you think

she'd notice

if

i

never

bloomed

again?

[blacked-out-bottled-up-thoughts]

considering deleting everything and restarting life. i keep getting caught up in webs of spiders like the stupid ugly little fly that i am. i wonder if someday ill restart and will stop being hurt? probably not. i figure i must... somehow be the issue. i love and trust in people despite time and time again being broken in ways ive been told by professionals are... downright ungodly. i trust. and believe. and broken promises go from once a month down to weekly... to daily. to hourly. broken. broken. maybe im just a toy. but if im just a toy, cutting ties with the people that have used me ragged... would be better. id rather be hurt daily by a different stranger in a more unstable life than feel this unlovable shade of grey from people that actually mean something to me. im certain i sound insane. feel free to ignore me, reader.

[blacked-out-bottled-up-thoughts]

it's just me, my ailment, and the extended Liminality OST this lonely christmas.

[blacked-out-bottled-up-thoughts]

i no longer feel alive.