bleedforsatan - Tumblr blog

[bleedforsatan]

havent posted on here in forever, the platform is dead. some of the people on grew up with are dead. and i feel alone most of the time. im constantly think about how to improve my living situation and make more money, and get more out of life. but when will i actually begin to enjoy it ? did my friends who passed away get to enjoy their lives ? i also feel incapable of falling in love, I have only truly ever loved one person and i still think and dream about them all the time. i do believe in a higher power but i think the idea of soul mates is a lie. but if i did ever have one i think it wouldve been her. but i was to dumb and arrogant to realize it at the time. to dumb to realize i was the luckiest guy and that i was emotionally hurting someone who was kind and caring. she did the best for herself by leaving. but ive never been able to feel like that about anyone again. ive never loved anyone more than i care about myself, not like i did with her. I keep trying to force myself to fall for people but it just doesnt happen. i feel like a fraud just lying hoping that i will develop infatuation for anyone, instead of just lust or masked disinterest in someone.

#me #bleedforsatan

[bleedforsatan]

cut off all of this hair today. ill post pics later.

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I really want to quit school, for like at least a semester and just full on chase music as career. 

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This hair color combo is a must-try!

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A couple restored a school bus on this ...

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I really want to shoot some photos like this with someone

i cant go to heaven

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being in ur 20s really is like *looks in the mirror* so i guess this is the most attractive i’ll ever be :/

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I drank a shir load In order to make me social and it honestly made me less sociable . Incredibly fuvked up

[bleedforsatan]

I'm drunk and I miss you. That's what you wanted right ? Imagine we were both soul mates but we fucked it up . I'm stupid to think that I could've changed what your life was. I miss you. I fucking miss you. Hold me and tell me you love me . Wtf. I miss you . And I hate you at the same time . I care about you . I wish I didn't. I really wish I didn't. I miss you . I hate you . I'm drunk af rn . I just get very sad . I'm at a party and everyone is having a good time but I am thinking about u . I want something real. I miss having a connection with someone, as opposed to something meaningless, I miss you baby, I fucking hate u , I hate myself, I want something real

[bleedforsatan]

I'm drunk and I miss you. That's what you wanted right ? Imagine we were both soul mates but we fucked it up . I'm stupid to think that I could've changed what your life was. I miss you. I fucking miss you. Hold me and tell me you love me . Wtf. I miss you . And I hate you at the same time . I care about you . I wish I didn't. I really wish I didn't. I miss you . I hate you . I'm drunk af rn . I just get very sad . I'm at a party and everyone is having a good time but I am thinking about u . I want something real. I miss having a connection with someone, as opposed to something meaningless, I miss you baby, I fucking hate u , I hate myself, I want something real

[bleedforsatan]

When you’re a Pokémon Master that battles using a full team of Tangela. Comment a caption 😂. #pokemon #tangela #pokemonmaster #pokemonworld #pokemonart (at Viridian City Gym) https://www.instagram.com/p/ByGRcw6l_wM/?igshid=1szl5c219l7a3

[bleedforsatan]

I did not think I would miss you at all, I was thinking earlier today about how I would’ve stuck around if I knew about everything that was going to happen. I know I shouldn’t blame myself but I feel like I could’ve prevented it. that’s probably narcissistic of me to think that I could’ve had that kind of impact on you. I tried to offer you what I can, but I guess that wasn’t enough. I miss you. I hope you see this. I’m sorry I wanted to cut you off, it’s just I feel an attachment / connection to you, and I really dislike when I feel like that with someone, because I know its rare that i feel that way about anybody and I’ve seen in the past that I’ll even avoid my own self interest in order to please that person, I hope the best for you, you make me crazy and I hate it. whatever, I guess I don’t have to worry about it now that you’re gone. I think to myself what if I was this passionate about you when we were younger, I know I cared for you, but I didn’t think we would grow to become who we are. just don’t think that I wanted to cut you off because I don’t, I wanted to because I care too much. I miss you.