A list of things Niffty has hidden in Alastor's creepy bayou
☸ A large hang in there kitty poster that appears on a different tree every day
☸ A suspiciously heavy bucket covered in corrupt Blues Clues stickers. If you open it, you can hear the ocean.
☸ 3 semi-dead bodies
☸ 8 very-dead bodies
☸ Half of a human arm. Not a demon arm. A human arm.
☸ A bag of 'emergency cheese' that Alastor replaces ever week or so, as Niffty has no concept of time or space.
☸ Most of her boyfriends since the summer of '55. You can sometimes see them shambling through the mist. Terry is Alastor's favorite.
☸ 44 live alligators, given to Alastor as a birthday father's day bayou-warming present on a random Thursday in September, over 4 months after he moved in.
☸ Angel's cell phone, based on his camera roll. Alastor's not sure what's on it, but Niffty screamed MESSY when he asked.
☸ A fully functioning 2019 Honda ATV with a custom paint job detailing some extraordinarily graphic BDSM that she got from a 'bad boy'
☸ ATV bad boy's right foot
☸ Charlie's hair brush shows up a few times every week, along with her right slipper. Neither of them know why. She's allowed to come in and get them at her leisure.
light: when i was talking to ryuzaki he--oh by the way ryuzaki ive been saying "he" but what do you prefer
L: interesting. do you think this could be relevant to the kira case, yagami-kun?
light: no, just curious.
light: (is this a trap? would kira care about something like masculinity? no... kira is a paragon of justice. he would never misgender someone.)
L: maybe yagami-kun thinks that a name and a face are not enough. does he think kira may also need a gender?
light: interesting theory. is that why you don't have pronouns in your bio, ryuzaki?
light: (ive got him. the other officers will never respect him if they find out L is a transphobe! wait, they're cops. damn it. has this all been for nothing?)
L: ive actually taken the liberty of making fake pronoun pins for everyone in the squad, to ensure your security. here, yagami-kun. or should i say... yagami-chan.
light: neopronouns?! (do i give off nya/nyam/nyaself vibes? or is this another clever ruse? he still hasn't even told me his own pronouns...)
ryuk: hey, light. don't forget about the deal. the shinigami eyes would let you see anyone's pronouns at a glance.
light: (forget it! im not giving up half my life just to they/them ryuzaki!)
L: id just like to flag for the audience that im aware this is a stupid bit but don't worry it's over now
Every death note character is either dressed like a depressed workaholic father of 2 with an office job who has to go on a magical journey to discover the true meaning of Christmas or like they're desperate to be the most fuckable person at the goth club