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bleufrost-archive · 4 years ago

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hey! I saw you were taking requests , I was wondering how Loki would help his partner suffering through chronic pain? I suffer with fibromyalgia and Loki is a massive comfort character , thank you so much ❤️

Immeasurable | Loki x reader

a/n: hey sweetheart! ok, so i was doing some research and spoke to my friend who also has fibromayalgia, and this ended up being a little angstier than i intended. I hope that's ok, but please let me know if you want something that's just fluff all the way through and ill be more than happy to write that for you 🖤

warnings: a bit of angst/self doubt, melted ice cream

The whole night was spent in pain. You'd wake up, try in vain to rub away some of the discomfort, try to go back to sleep, and then repeat. By the time morning hit, you were still exhausted and it felt like there was nothing that would change that.

Deciding it best to stay in your room, you politely ask F.R.I.D.A.Y to let Tony know you would be out again today. He knew about the pain that often plagued you, and he knew that there was very little you could do about it. It wasn't your fault, and the treatments you normally used could only ease it slightly. You were in this one for the long haul, but hopefully this particularly bad feeling would ease soon.

Gathering with the team to eat was never one of the most coveted moments of the day for Loki. Oftentimes he much preferred to skip it. The one thing that always called him to the table though, was you. So when he arrived this morning to find your seat empty, he immediately began to worry.

When Tony spoke, alarms went off in his head.

"Alright team, today is gonna be another training day. Gotta keep sharp for any more...visitors." Tony gives him a somewhat-playful look and continues.

"We're doing another group exercise today. Since we're all here, I'm going to start teaming you all up!" All here? Clearly not everyone is here, so why was he acting as though someone very valuable wasn't missing entirely?

He claps his hands together and rubs them in excitement.

"Capsicle, I'm putting you with Point Break-"

"Stark, I believe you've miscounted." The team looks around, but ultimately decides to ignore him. Tony chuckles at the interruption, a small sign of anxiety flashing before his face that quickly vanishes.

"Nope! Definitely did not." He returns to giving out teams, but Loki was now even more concerned and ready to argue.

"It seems a cruel joke to ignore the absence of a member of the team you claim to care so deeply for." Loki tries to sound unconcerned. He desperately plays at nonchalance and wants everyone to believe that he's only bringing you up to make Tony's life harder.

They see right through it though. The two of you were nearly inseparable. Even trying to appear like he didn't care about where you were was...laughable.

"Alright, Reindeer Games, you clearly want a partner. You're with our dearly missed little teammate. It's not gonna be glamorous, but you're right. They're on the team and everyone needs to participate. " Tony grabs a water and a pint of ice cream from the freezer, tossing them to Loki and shrugging.

"What..?" How could they be partners if one of the duo wasn't here?

"Go on upstairs. I'm sure you're needed." Loki nods, still confused but more than eager to see you. Right as he reaches the doorway, Tony shouts one last thing at him.

"Hey, no funny business!"

You had wanted to get up and grab a drink for the last thirty minutes. Tony was great, but remembering some important things just wasn't on his list of strengths.

So, when you hear a knock at the door, you're desperately hoping it's the forgetful billionaire who owns the damn building.

"You can come in!" Loki opens the door slowly, a little nervous. For what, he's not sure.

When you see him, your heart drops. In your eyes, you were never as strong as the other members of your team, never quite as fast or resilient. Loki had never looked down upon you though. He never made you feel less than the rest. Giving him a reason to do so...that hurt you.

"What are you doing here?" The words come out strained, a new blossoming of pain joining the dull ache that already existed in your muscles.

Loki notices immediately and moves forward, just enough to let you know that he's there, but not enough to make you feel trapped.

"You're hurt? Who hurt you?" You try not to let anything show, to be strong and not ruin the image you hope he has in his head of you. But you can't.

"I'm okay." Once again, the words barely make it out. Loki steps forward again, face marred with a look of hurt and confusion.

"I am not blind."

You know you can't hide it. For as strong as you try to be, this was just something you couldn't always toughen up and push away. Deep down, you know that no one could. It was nothing to be ashamed of, and yet here you were, still scared of letting one of the only people who knew pain as well as you did in.

Looking back to Loki, you recognize the concern. There's no judgement or signs of cruelty. He just wants to know what's happening to you. Finally, you decide to tell him. Just...in a second.

Right now, something a little more pressing rises to your attention. You were still incredibly thirsty, and the effort to stay awake all morning had you feeling exhausted and dehydrated. Looking to the bottle, you point sheepishly.

"Can I have that?"

Loki watches you carefully, but gives you the water immediately. He places a little pint of ice cream on the nightstand before leaning down to get even closer to you.

With shaky hands, you bring it up to drink. His own palm rests against your raised one in an attempt to steady your shaking form. The fact that he didn't take it from you to hold it himself meant so much. You could do it, you just needed a little help.

"Tell me what's hurting you...please." His eyes plead with you, and although he would never force you to say or do anything, you know in that moment that you can't keep this to yourself any longer. Not from him. You place the bottle down and sigh.

Recognizing that you're preparing to share something difficult with him, Loki lifts his hand to gently stroke your cheek. You instantly lean into his palm.

"Okay. But first, can you please hold me?" Your eyes are watery as you speak, beginning to let down the facade. He’s going to know soon. There's no point in hiding.

Loki doesn't even respond. On any given day, he'd do absolutely anything you asked of him without question. On days when you clearly weren't okay...well he was willing to go above and beyond if it meant providing you with any comfort he could.

He climbs on to bed, gently wrapping his arms around you. You can tell he's afraid of hurting you. It warms your heart, but it also stings.

You're not fragile. You're not some weak little kid. Still, the feeling of him against you is too comforting to deny.

"Sometimes…" not wanting to lie, you revise your statement.

"Most times, I experience a lot of pain in my body. It changes every once in a while, but it never really goes away." Loki's eyes appear confused, guarded in a way that tells you he's unsure of how to respond. You give him a moment, and he finally decides he needs more information.

"Why?" His eyes scan your body, searching for any sign of injury. Anything that could be causing the obvious pain you're experiencing.

"It could be a mix of things. Genetics, stress, bad luck?" You shrug and try to smile a little, hoping that the last one could lighten the mood. It didn't.

"How do we stop it from hurting you? What can I do to help?" He looks so eager, as though you could tell him that you needed all of the infinity stones and twenty planets in order to take just the smallest amount of hurt away and he'd happily do it. The intensity with which he looks at you tells you that it isn't far off, if off at all.

You shake your head. He rises a little, just enough to lock eyes with you and attempt to tell you just how much he wanted to stop you from experiencing any discomfort. It couldn't be stopped though. You knew that.

"Please let me help." His fingers come up to stroke your cheek again, looking for any further contact he could get with you. It makes it hurt even more when you have to crush his hopes.

"There's nothing you can do, Loki. There's no cure or quick fix. I have to live with it."

It's like he barely hears you, rejecting your response before you can even really give it.

"No. No, there must be something we can do." He's so adamant about it, and as much as you appreciate his dedication, you've been through this before. Too many times to count.

"There’s not!" It's hardly a yell, more a frustrated little cry than anything. You didn't mean to get upset, but everything just felt like too much and you needed it to stop. Still, you regret losing your temper immediately.

Prepared to apologize, you look at Loki with tears in your eyes. What you see in him translates a million things to you, but one stands out more than any other: he wasn't looking for an apology. He didn't even seem to think one was necessary. Instead, he looks upset with himself.

"Why didn't you tell me about this sooner?" The question is valid. You both had shared so much with each other...this one just seemed to never have the right time. That's what you tell yourself anyways. What you end up telling Loki...well, it's the truth.

"I didn't want you to think I was weak. Everyone else already knows and I see the way they look at me. They think I'm some glass doll ready to shatter at any moment. I'm not!" Tears slip past your eyes and you can feel the beginnings of a new type of pain. Your heart hurt intensely now, having never shared those thoughts with anyone before.

Loki hugs you to him, kissing your forehead and holding you close.

"You're right. You're not made of glass. I need you to know that not one of those people looks down upon you. I've spent time with each of them, mostly unwillingly, but they all think the world of you." You shake your head. He couldn't be telling the truth, right?

"Furthermore, I want to apologize."

You pull back, questioning Loki.

"I told you, it isn't anyone's fault. You don't have to be sorry."

"No, as much as I hate that you're in pain, that's not what I mean. I want to apologize for making you think, even for a second, that you had to hide this from me. That you thought something like this would make me see you as less than you truly are. Your strength is immeasurable, and knowing that you remain so courageous and ready to help others when you experience this so often…well, how could I not be in awe of you?"

Kissing your forehead again, Loki settles down beside you. He lets you absorb his words, feeling the stiffness in your body alleviate slightly as you lay against him.

You didn't know what you expected when you finally told Loki. Honestly, you weren't entirely sure you ever planned to. This, though, was more understanding than you ever imagined.

"Thank you." Looking up, you can see the tiny smile form on his lips.

"For what, darling?" His fingers brush against your shoulder, hoping that the continued stimulus would take your mind off the consistent negative feeling at least a little.

"For understanding. And for being here." Your own fingers play with his shirt, feeling the soft material and taking comfort in his existence beside you.

"Thank you for allowing me to." Loki leans down, careful not to make any jarring movements. Kissing you gently, he smiles as you giggle against him.

"Now what's so funny, little one?" Your head shakes in embarrassment, but you still look over his shoulder as much as possible, trying to get a glimpse of the nightstand.

"You're going to think I'm crazy, but I saw you bring in ice cream and I've kind of been thinking about it a little this whole time." When he looks at you, shocked and more than a little taken off guard, you laugh even more.

"I find your dedication to it both very confusing and wildly impressive." He joins you in laughing, his joyful chuckle vibrating through his chest and making you smile in content.

Suddenly, your body grows tired again. A deep wave of fatigue hits you and you don't try to hide how it affects you. You don't have to, not with Loki. Not anymore.

Loki immediately grabs the container from the table. He opens it, brows scrunching as he takes in the goopy, melted mess.

You watch in fascination as his hand turns a deep blue, frosting the ice cream once more. He was pretty damn great.

"There. Not quite the same as it was, but hopefully good enough." Taking it from his hands and placing a bit in your mouth, you smile.

"It's perfect." Loki kisses you, humming happily.

"That you are." He licks his lips and nods his head in approval. "That tastes quite good."

You take another spoonful and give it to him, happily sharing one of your favorite treats while you both settle in to talk and watch something.

Hours later, you're still struggling to sleep. Loki watches as the sun sets, covering the room in a vast darkness. He hates the way your body tenses against him, the way he can't just take every last piece of hurt away from you. In that moment, he remembers all the times that he had felt pained in life. Decades flash before his eyes, until finally he lands on a memory from his youth, and he gets an idea.

Lifting his hand, Loki brings little fireworks to life. The colors dance across his fingertips, and when your eyes open after a particularly uncomfortable wave, you can't pull them away.

He watches, enchanted by the way the sparks of light reach your eyes. While your focus remains on the beauty his magic creates, his mind is only filled with how breathtaking you are.

It doesn't stop the pain, but it definitely does make going through it a little easier.

That's how it goes from then on. Most days you feel okay enough to keep fighting, but on the days that you don't, he's there. The treat may change from ice cream, to cookies, and one day a huge stack of candy that Loki seems far too giddy to try. Sometimes you watch movies, other times he reads to you instead. A lot of things change about the way you two learn to live with your pain, but one thing stays the same. You never have to go through it alone again.

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