blindedguilt - Tumblr blog

[blindedguilt]

Omg there's gonna be a Leonard visual novel? Ahhh please link this id love to support it!

Also you have an alt account with Leonard art 👀👀👀👀

//No idea if that bit at the end is a solid "i know what you are" or a "this you?" bit but just in case, i do!! i will refrain from posting it here (For privacy, though when you find it you should be able to clock it like "THIS IS THE BITCH" immediately anyways lol) if you would like it i can give it to you through DMs (unfortunately tumblr doesnt allow private answering to anon asks :( if i could i would...) but please dont feel pressured at all to come out!!! i enjoy chatting with you, anon *pats*

//But to answer your question, yes!! Technically it's already out though its currently only available in Japanese. I will say I have spoken with the writer though, and I'm very happy to say they've expressed interest in helping me make an English patch :3<! Once I'm done with playing the game for myself (I'm about halfway at the moment, I think? ;0) I'll hopefully start work. I've been playing with a friend and already have a few scenes (roughly, more or less) translated.

//Anyways, I'll put the links to both the trial and full version at the end of the post so they're easier to find vs. just sandwiching between my rambles about the VN!! because BOY is it good, this was made for leonard fans BY leonard fans and its SHOWS AAAAAAAAAA

//More under the cut~ (I'll be rambling about this for a w h i l e)

So the game is called Onaplus, and lemme just post my TL of its official Booth description for you before i try summing it up myself:

Play Time: About 5 hours Routes: 2 Endings: 4~5 Stills: None This is a visual novel game where you can - or can not - enjoy a "Psuedo-Romance" with various versions of Leonard from before he formed his pact, DOD1, DOD2, and LoV. The game is mostly linear; only a few choices on your path outside of the 4~5 different endings. You are the protagonist, a woman who travels through four different "Times" with Seere at your side. You can enjoy the story as it's nature changes between two vastly different routes; choose to spend a sweet and heartfelt time with Leonard, or take part in a good measure of slapstick comedy instead. Includes a number headcanoned details, otakuisms, and out-of-character gags. A game for those who believe no man is beyond forgiveness...

That's pretty much it!! I dunno how much I'll spoil by saying it, but it was NOT KIDDING when it said the main two routes (The more serious N-Route, standing for "Not Shotacon Route" and the gag S-Route, standing for "Shotacon Jerking Off in the Backwoods Route") were different.

I'll keep what I know limited, but I've completely finished the S-Route (much to my dismay, IT WAS SO GOOODDDD I DIDNT WANT IT TO END) and have JUST started the N-Route, so I'm looking forward to what's in store!! I dunno what the "5" stands for though in five endings, unless the N-Route has one I'm unaware of... 👀 but a quick breakdown

Where the N-Route is a very genuine, heartfelt ""Love letter"" to Leonard from his fans being like "We care about you!!! youre such a lovable guy!!!! please take care of yourself!!!!" and essentially plays as an "I can fix him" game, the gag "S-Route" ramps Leonard's "Shotaconness" up to an ABSURD degree to the point one or two scenes were complete "had me completely red in the face, unable to look at the screen"-level wreckage. one scene in particular around the DOD2 mark also made my heart DROP but im not saying what happened or what it is :)))) S-Route Ending A was also extremely difficult to TL because i had to search a few things up and do........ research............ to find suitable english-audience alternatives. it had me GAGGED ngl, but i would never do it again........... i'm turning red just thinking about it now dsjfhkshvwkslahsdfhj (the endings are so good though, and there was ANOTHER thing in Ending A that had me "!!!!!!! yippee!!!!!!" but that's another story.)

I've only finished the endings of the S-Route right now, but some of them were surprisingly (And welcomingly so!) heartfelt for what was 96% a gag route :0!

AND THEN THE PROTAGONISTSSSSSS okay so i was NOT expecting a little "heehee, we made leonard psuedo-dating sim" VN TO HAVE PROTAGONISTS THAT ARE LITERALLY LIKE A HYPERFIXATION FOR ME RIGHT NOW????? trust me when i say these are NOT typical "blank-slate-self-insert" protags their characterisation is so strong and entertaining i was HEARTBROKEN finishing the s-route because it meant saying goodbye to its protagonist more than anything, i literally have made ship fanart of them together i ADORE them so much and i need them in my life...... lately ive thinking about hdcing names for them i love them....

N-MC is so SWEEEEEEEETTT she's a lot more "Expectable" for a "Romantic" visual novel (At least for now... who knows, she might be hiding a dark secret of some kind though im like... more than half sure she's innocent? RIGHT????) and is just a little sweetheart whose dedicated her life to helping others as her parents always wished!!!! she has a ✨tragic anime backstory✨ and for leonard fans is THE embodiment of looking at this sad sack of shit and being like "Oh my god, he's so miserable, i just want him to be happy :((( i can fix him......." her relationship with seere is so SWEETTTT too it makes me melt, she's the one he NEEDS and im just aakshskhsdkvhsdkfh...... though honestly even if its 9/10 unintentional listening to the way she talks about seere sometimes has me like "hmmMMMMMM..... perhaps youre more of a shotacon than s-mc........" ("ara ara, seere-kun~" has become my new tagline for her, i admit..... you seem a bit too taken with him buddy...)

BUT THEN S-MC, I ADORE HERRRRRRRR me and a bud have been playing it together and their design for her has become like the unofficial one i literally use/WILL use no other for my own doodles and that is a FACT. how do i explain her... the game calls her "Caim-like", basically, but that's not enough. you see, S-MC is an over-exploited, sleep-deprived, brash, violent, porn-addicted shotacon (+possible femcel) otaku who's main goal in life is to find a decent person to get married to and whose only reason for living is to keep indulging in her PG (and not PG) fiction. she's more than eager to beat the shit out of anyone at the first opportunity (which she does) and wax poetic about her favourite games (which she does) and UNLIKE """N-MC oneesan""" and their (Unintentional) far-too-friendly comments towards seere S-MC spends makes it her GOAL to ensure nothing happens to the kid despite her annoyance with him, who is far too innocent for his own good dsfkvjhsfdkhvsdfj

The VN is written by the very talented Pixiv fanfic writer Kyon, whose works I would VERY much recommend checking out if you can read Japanese and are a fan of Leonard (They are my GO-TO for Leonard content, just talking with them was such an honour i was like "uUUWAUAaaaAUUGHhhHHhgaaghgH" they do his characterisation so good and they understand the tragedy and facets of what makes him compelling so well and im just UGHHHHHHH THEYRE SO GOOD ANON YOU ARE IN GOOD HANDS WITH THEM WRITING THIS, CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH!!!!!)

Interestingly enough, they did write a whole fucking novel on Leonard's past and life leading up Ending D and do reference part of that in this VN!! Albeit not heavily, though reading the preview on Pixiv I saw it was like "AYYYYYE" so I would recommend it if you can read it ;0 i hope to buy the full thing soon....

Also, I was actually skeptical of this going into it but Kyon is SO good with their writing they did write a Faerie x Leonard Modern AU smut fic I'm now also hoping to get the full version of well... do you know how good something has to be for me not ONLY to spend money on it, but to go from SKEPTICAL "this isn't my thing and i dunno why i'm even reading it" to "I need to read the rest of this NOW GET HIS ASS" i truly marvel at their talent and im so happy at the chance to work with them im.............

The illustrations were done by the also VERY popular Suiden, who you might recognise if you spend any time on Leonard's Pixiv tag in general!!! I admit, I kind of expected more as far as the quality of their contributions to the VN were concerned, but honestly, the character sprites are so charming in their own little VN way (Leonard's DOD2 sprite i ADORE) and i was so excited to see both recognisable artists i adore in there, I don't really have any major complaints so far outside the fact i sincerely wish there was a 1.3 leonard....... ONAPLUS 2 LETS MAKE IT HAPPEN‼️💥👏👏

Oh, and I also learned a LOT about LoV and its system through this game (and how much injustice they did leonard in the sequel, jesus fuck...) which was apparently all thanks to Haruoka's help advising everyone on the LoV bits (Though whether that stands for just gameplay or actual lore, i have no idea.... yet)!! You may also recognise some of the nice Leonard art they have on their Pixiv if you've dug through the tag as deep as I have lmao

it could happen

... Anyways, that SHOULD be enough rambling from me!! If you have anymore questions, do lemme know because this VN is my LIFE right now all I can ever think about is playing it and I'm literally going to be so sad when it's time to put it up......

If you think you'd like to check it out for yourself, please do check out the trial version!! You can get it free on Kyon's Booth and I think you SHOULD be able to just G-Translate your way through the N-Route with minimal confusion just based off of how clear I remember it, and the S-Route should be roughly understandable as well but uses a LOT more slang and "catechisms" with its spelling than N-Route, so you might have a couple more difficulties translating it if you use a machine.

The full version is a psychical disc copy that sells for 500 JPY (3.24 USD/3.05 EUR, i believe) and you CAN buy it through a proxy site like Buyee like I did!! Ofc that will include packing and shipping costs, so you might actually expect it to come up to around 20 USD as it did for me :,) perhaps the real pain though comes in how long you have to wait for it to actually arrive (just under a month for me)

But if you're a Leonard fan? Speaking as the self-proclaimed head of the church of ona, it is so worth it. ive never been so utterly enamoured and in love with a game, its kinda starting to concern me...

Either way!! It will still be a while till an English patch comes out since I've been very busy with work and unable to play it :(

I recommend you try it for yourself!!!

And please do refrain from posting screenshots of the game if you decide to play it (at request of the creators), you can quote it but if it's on a public platform like Tumblr or Twitter or anywhere outside of DMs, please no screenshots!!

Here's a link to the trial version (Free)

And if you like that enough...

Here's the full version!! (500 JPY)

...If you can, please give this your full support!! I very much don't think you'll be disappointed, especially as a Leonard fan~

As far as the English patch goes, I dunno how much I should share out of respect for the creators at the time other than

i plan to start working on it

But I am DETERMINED to finish this translation, i dunno how it might even be spread (Whether it will just stay a small-scale thing spread through the wings of tumblr dms or also posted on the authors booth) but either way!!!

This will be my first time working on a videogame, and if I'm allowed to say this in confidence, I'm 100% certain this will be my best translation yet. :3 perhaps better than even magnitude negative, im REALLY liking the way this is looking right now, even by the rough drafts.... i really only give my all for leonard i've realised, but that's not an issue for me <3

Anyways, anon, if you ever play it please do send some thoughts about it if you're willing (To either blog~)!!! and any questions, please ask!!! i'm so excited to see more people talking about this, thank you anon!!!!

[blindedguilt]

I ship Caim and Inuart because Caim seems like he can be a bit of a softie (in his own way) when it comes to him and Caim and Leonard because toxic yaoi

//REALLLLLLLL godbless anon

//Cainuart is probably the best this fandom is going to get in terms of the "Ship something that's not Kaian" challenge (And don't get me wrong, I ADORE that ship!!! ...but there's more u could do if u aren't a coward 😈) though I'll be honest, it's never REALLY struck a chord with me?? I don't dislike it and it IS cute, but I have trouble getting interested as great of an idea as it is (THE WHOLE DYNAMIC AS FAR AS THEY'RE CONCERNED AS KIDS IS SO????? Arranged Marriage Fiancé x Arranged Marriage Fiancee's Brother is so...... but considering how lukewarm i am on inuarts character as a whole mainly with his role in the plot which is odd, he used to be my favourite lol i think that's why I'm not TOO invested despite the ship itself being really good

//AND THE SWORD FIGHTS!!!!!!;!;;;

//BUT ON THAT SAME NOTE ITS PROBABLY BECAUSE (and im realising this JUST as im typing this) I GENUINELY JUST WANT MORE FUCKED UP SHIPS IN THIS FANBASE

//like i want evil, fucked up shit!!!! Drakengard is all ABOUT evil fucked up people and their evil fucked up bonds together!!!!!! i dont want to back out at the last second and say "it all led up to them being wholesome, in the end!!! in this dark world, they at least have each other 😀" NO!!!!!!

//I WANT ""RELATIONSHIPS"" THAT ARE EVERY BIT AS EVIL AND FUCKED UP AS THE WORLD, THEIR CIRCUMSTANCES, AND THE PEOPLE THEMSELVES

//THEY WILL UNHEALTHILY PROJECT ONTO EACH OTHER

//THEY WILL HURT, MAIM AND ABUSE EACH OTHER (??? or one will, unless we're talking about 1.3 which hoohoohoo boy!!!!! hoohoohoo boy fuckinh babey!!!!!!!)

//THEY WILL FUCK WITH EXTREMELY, EXTREMELY DUBIOUS CONSENT ON BOTH ENDS THEY DO IT AS A FORM OF SELF-HARM (in the form of "Hates them and themself so much they think they deserve it and/or might as well accept it as karmic punishment" and "Hates them and themself so much for the idea of getting attached (and at the same time hating the fact the other can't reciprocate at all as much as they hate the concept that they would) the least they can do is make that their problem in the only way that benefits him, too")

//ill be honest, it might as well be noncon at a certain point but I've been having revelations lately that i dont have to care!!!! and i don't!!!!!!! I COULD TALK ABOUT THEM AND HOW ENDLESSLY TOXIC THEY ARE AND HOW THEY HAVE ENDLESS POSSIBILITY TO MAKE EACH OTHER BETTER BUT BECAUSE THEY DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT ABOUT THEMSELVES WORKS AND WHAT DOESN'T THEY ONLY CARE ABOUT DRAGGING THE OTHER DOWN THEIR PIT OF ISSUES INSTEAD FOREVEEERRRRRR i may be on ic hiatus but anon!!!! please tell me about the toxic yaoisms forever i am OBSESSED and ALWAYS willing to hear i love them

//AND I HATE THE DRAKENGARD FANBASE FOR NOT HAVING MORE EVIL, FUCKED UP SHIPS IN GENERAL I DON'T WANT JUST BORING VANILLA WITH A HINT OF "QUIRKY" CHARACTERISATION I WANT DEPRAVITY AND SELF-HARM AND EVILNESS GRAAAAHGGGGGGGJHHHHHHHHHHHHH RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

//HATE HATE HATE FUCK FUCK FUCK‼️‼️‼️‼️

//also anon i apologise if u were the one who sent the one ic ask!!! I'm not currently doing ic asks at the moment but I will save it, just for you <3

[blindedguilt]

You seem like the kinda person that would make a shrine website for leonard and I love that <3

//ANON TY OMGGGGGGGGG

//I meant to get to this when it was posted but the squeal i sqeulled when i saw it I SHOULD TOTALLY DO THAT FJDJDNDNCJSKSK

//i made an alt that's pretty much just sharing pictures of him and like a million BLOGS already but a website??? hmmmm....

//I don't know much about HTML or CSS (ccs???) In general (Pathetic for my age, I know) but I WANT TO NOW SO BADDDDD OMG

//i know spacehey is a pretty good place to start.... they have ppl who are REALLY talented so maybe I can run a Leonard fan-blog there???? But omggggg it's SUCH an amazing thought he deserves it sm I love you anon and I love this idea THANK YOUUUUU fhdjsndbcjsksns QWQ❤️💖💗💞💘💗❣️💕🩷💝💗💕💓‼️ if i ever do I'll have to share it on this blog and my alt ficjdndnd honestly such a wonderful idea................... putting that up with my Drakengard confessions blog idea since!!!! Fellow Leonard fans need a place to go (and i NEED to find some to talk to since a lot exist!!!! But very few will willingly come out the woodwork for obvious reasons unfortunately as I've learned :( its hard out there for us) I've considered a lot of things INCLUDING a server but unfortunately i suck with those so im like "nope" lol

//plus he has his own dating sim i should hopefully be playing soon, and unfortunately while screenshots aren't allowed (Quotes are though!!!) I'd LOVE to make a review on it, I played the trial half-ironically thinking it'd be moderately funny since the premise was so insane, BUT OH MY GODDDDDD the non-gag route is actually REALLY sweet im not even kidding hhhhh

//I love this little hermit so much <3 wonderful suggestion anon and I'm so honoured u would think that fhdjsndbcjsksns

[blindedguilt]

[ Hi ! Did Leonard like to do art ? For example, drawing, sculpting ? If he *did,* did he try to continue with art even after establishing his pact with the faerie, even to the *smallest* degree considering his blindness ? ]

//Hi! First of all I apologise for taking so long on this, beyond just being in a slump this ask may be cursed as I've attempted it literally three different times and EACH time it ended up getting deleted for different reasons (Mobile app decided to delete my reply after changing tabs for a SECOND, computer decided to update while I was away in the middle of answering and then I accidentally closed of the tab 😭) so as much as I love the question I admit I had to fight to answer it and this answer might be shorter than I wanted it to be :,) my apologies!!!!! but anyways

//Given that Leonard seems to have come from humble startings in life, just going off the bat, I don't think many forms of art or even "hobbies" as we would consider them today were available to him, like drawing for example :( and while he might be crafty (I mean the guy built a whole house just so he could fuck off to the forest...) when the time calls for it, he ironically doesn't strike me as the type to be too willingly artistic.

//That said, I do have a few ideas of little things he may or may not have done in his younger years that could be considered that way! I dunno if you'd count his training as the kind of art you were looking for as I like to think he grew up in a smithing family and was expected to continue that legacy on until The Hermitting™ (also my explanation for why Tower's Rebuke is so..... Strange) but again, it was less of a hobby and more of a trained skill, so...

//Going off that, however, Leonard absolutely sucked at it growing up, but after committing to the bit in his teenage years in order to not let his family and village down, he became decently good at it! Not a god at metal-smithing or forging or anything, but definitely good enough to make the amenities people needed to live comfortably. :) After he hermitted himself for what I headcanon as being around six years and then was struck with blindness right after, he's VERY limited in what he can do both because of his rusty memory and lack of sight keeping him from "recalling the motions". Even so, I like to think he's capable of at least a few basic tasks like honing and refurbishing if he really puts his mind to it.

//Additionally, and this is a small thing, but as far as simple recreational things go, I like to think he widdled a bit as a kid too. Just sitting and widdling little shapes and figures from any particularly nice wood he found, and then keeping up with that whenever he found a rare moment of free time as a hermit (Though there were ALWAYS things to do, so it wasn't often). Similarly it's a lot more aimless "Fiddling with wood and a knife" now that he's blind, but he finds it a bit calming, if not meditational just to keep himself doing something when his mind tends to wander. :)

//He was pretty skilled at it, and it saved him a lot of sanity when he was living by himself in the woods.

//All in all? He's a very hands on person, able to do a LOT of handiwork, but as far as actual artistic hobbies go, he's kind of lacking. Even in Leonard's mind, he views the idea of "hobbies" themselves more as activities for the rich, and it's not something he thinks he can afford his own busy self most the time.

[blindedguilt]

While I do think there's something to the blind character saying "you're beautiful," considering everything those two have got going on, I just can't see Leonard saying that to Caim, eyesight or no

[blindedguilt]

[Hello ! ^_^ do you think Leonard likes cats ?]

//Good question! I'd say he's more of a dog person overall but is certainly charmed by them (Just not their claws and tendency to scratch). I honestly don't think given his personality and background as a forest hermit that there'd be many, if any animals he doesn't like. :) Whether it's cats or dogs, I'm sure another big appeal for them would be the company they provide, too!! //That said, he's certainly not against killing them and turning them into a stew, when necessary.

[blindedguilt]

It's been quiet for some time, Leonard had noticed — not unlike the time he spent in the forest. It left him feeling some way he couldn't exactly tell. Was it unease? Possible loneliness? Either one was a feeling he hadn't expected to come back in such a way, but similarly, again, it had dug up a familiar memory of the forest...

Having finished tending to the small bonfire where he sat, Leonard's shoulders dropped and his head leaned back. For the first time since his pact — since meeting Seere — he wished he could be relieved of his blindness if only to confirm he wasn't alone as he thought he was.

The bonfire's warmth kept him comfortable, at least, as did the hope of the momentary thought that echoed throughout his mind: Time would tell.

//So this isn't an easy decision, but after a couple weeks of mulling it over, I've decided to put this blog into semi-permanent hiatus - basically, if things change either with the state of the RPC or my motivation to write I'll be more than eager to return, though it does seem unlikely.

//Things have been quiet lately, and it's of course by no means anyone's fault for being quiet!! (I can't blame them, life and Tumblr bullshit have taken a toll on a large portion of the RPC as a whole lately) But in the end, I think it had more of an effect on my motivation to write than even I expected. I tried for the past year or so to "Get back on my feet", as even now I deeply miss Leonard and being able to write him, but evidentially, I haven't gotten very far QwQ

//That said!! While this could be it for this blog, if anyone wants to discuss plans for plotting or even just chatting over Discord (At the end of the post), lemme know! One of the hardest things about the choice to leave this blog behind is definitely the loss of community that comes with it, there were a lot of people who followed me and that I briefly spoke to these past months who I don't want to cut off a potential friendship with just because of my own personal circumstances!

//And going onto that topic, I won't be shutting down or removing any current drafts or asks in my inbox in the event I ever magically DO get motivation to write again or something changes, and of course, that in turn means the blog itself will be staying as well!! You might have guessed, it goes without saying that this blog and the interactions on it mean a great deal not to just me, but (At least I hope!!) some of you. It's also a bit of why I wanted to "wrap up" the blog with the in-character piece at the top, even given my issues with writing (I may add to it to make it feel more "complete", given I kinda don't like how half-assed it feels currently), it just didn't feel fair to go for what could be forever without letting him speak his final piece. :,)

//I won't spend too long waxing out all the sentimentals, but I've stated over and over how when I first made this blog, I really wasn't expecting it to last much more than a couple weeks before moving onto another character. It's kind of impossible for me to state just how much this blog and all the experiences on it mean to me personally and the impact it's left, both personally, as I mentioned before, but also in my enjoyment and love for Drakengard 1 and 2 and Leonard's character specifically! Being able to dive into his mind and find someone I can put together so easy with such a well-constructed tragedy, it's not much of an overstatement to say that ironically, being able to play and put my own mind and problems away for one I not only cared to look into, but one I could more easily pick apart and explain the actions of while being layered enough and having enough facets to make it interesting. Leonard in a lot of ways was and is a sort of second life for me, but in a way I didn't have to deal with the burden of having a psychical body or firsthand perspective! lmao

//And not to be sounding all overdramatic or anything but as I said, it's letting go of not just what feels sort of like a little hideout or small part of me I like to nurture and keep from falling into rot, but this blog is some of the most fun I've had in a horribly otherwise busy, yes, but very mundane outside life. It's sort of pathetic to admit, but I mean it in the best way I can when I say I haven't really gotten so emotionally engaged with anything in a long time. Just the small interactions and memorable snippets from this blog, both from long-standing partners, people who fell off, or even people I just spoke to once and then never again still play over in my head and definitely spark a lot of joy when I really need it! I'll be honest, there's not one day that goes by where I don't think of at least one interaction I've had here. I remember my pain at being in a different timezone and always falling behind the drama before I went to the US and could finally catch up. To update on that: I'm not doing too well in the US in all honesty, but I'm doing my best to get on my feet and making progress!! One of the first things I always did in difficult situations was, unironically, use this blog to reference some old posts and memes to laugh and think about all the new connections, subplots, and jokes that were going to be shared.

//I guess the final point I'd like to make is a short one, but a major argument I had against shutting down when the thought first entered my mind, and the hardest part of all this is the loss of potentiality. I had a lot planned for Leonard, both things that I actively wanted to do and just general questions of "What kind of people will he meet with next? What will he think of them, and how long will they get to develop with each other?" The thought both of meeting new people and the interactions that could be shared with them, as well as all the different interactions and shenanigans that I thought might be in store when the DOD RPC came back was a major motivator in why I kept trying to fight my writer's block, and why I even kept this blog going for the past year with barely any activity to speak of. Even going on Discord, as you might imagine, can be limiting in its setup compared to just being able to search and see who's out there via tumblr - and joining communities can be quite an issue being a Leonard mun, specifically!!

//But either way, I'll be sure to find my way around it one way or another, and hopefully, by some divine miracle, I'll just end up back at this blog anyways!! Again, the chances are slim, but I'm really holding out here dskhffkdbhdkh

//I think that should be it based off what I wanted to say, Leonard's left nice and comfy at his campfire, and it's getting late so with ALL that said, if we've spoken or never have before (ESPECIALLY if we never have, I like to believe you followed for a reason so I'd love to speak to you so we can get to know each other better, plot, or just chat!!), please consider following me on Discord!! I'm usually on there, and always happy to talk (Unless I'm on Do not Disturb, but that's hardly ever lol):

//My discord is: barnabism

//Anyways, I apologise for the downer announcement, but this has been wracking my brain for the past few days so I'm at least glad just to get the hard part over with. :,)

//Thank you all for over two years of writing!! Please don't be afraid to reach out, and as always, if you have any questions, please ask!! ^^

[blindedguilt]

man if I saw an elf nobody would be able to stop me

[blindedguilt]

"You better not be Leonard in Shepherd's Glen when I get there"

My guilt-stricken ass:

[blindedguilt]

//It's Laum's birthday today!! Happy birthday to Leonard's youngest brother~ I'm busy now, but hopefully tonight I can squeeze in a few doodles. Asks are welcome, though I do have three other things on my list so while I'll try to respond quickly, it might end up being a bit jagged! //Either way, happy birthday to our sweet boy and do wish him all the best!!! 🎉

[blindedguilt]

"........."

The hermit does not appreciate this accusation (But he'll try and keep from looking too anxious — or irritated — regardless).

[blindedguilt]

Some Momentary Thought Interludes about Leonard's Psychology and "Type"

//Doing a little meme I hope to post as I finish this ask and now that I actually think about it it's both EXTREMELY funny but also very intriguing how much Leonard just completely contradicts himself when it comes to figuring out his "type" - Like, if you're a sadistic little prick who gives him hell psychically and/or emotionally and think he's the most disgusting creature to ever walk this earth and will tell him up front? He's going to get into that eventually. But if you're just a genuine, sweet little ray of sunshine who brightens up the whole world and think no one is truly incapable of harm ever? He adores that too.

//It's a really interesting split between his "paraphilic brain"/his person as influenced and/or dictated by his mental illness and his actual person beneath all that who,,, well, is a simple everyday guy who wants the same as every other simple, everyday guy.

//There's one half of his functioning mind, that has a serious sado-masochistic spiral and almost... Hypersexual way of looking at things with the way they're warped? I remember talking with someone a long while back over the idea of "Does Leonard have hypersexuality as a disorder in itself (Or as part of his paraphilia with its neurological stem)? Or is it a result of his current circumstances?" //I decided on the latter, in that the hypersexuality is a result rather than a cause. I think it's nature is something that develops in his mind the deeper he spirals into his "longing" and the subsequent guilt and the more pent up he gets, till eventually even his very pain and guilt become warped into a form of masochism - and I see that as a very interesting sort of cycle between that hunger gradually growing to overtake all aspects of his mind the more he tries suppressing or otherwise ignoring them and how it leads to it snapping in on itself, and then worsening the burden he's put on it to the point the only viable thing left is to start treating that constant (The constant in this context being his guilt/shame) as some source of pleasure in its own right.

//It's like it eventually grows to where he starts getting almost some masochistic kick out of his own suffering as, beyond those impulses swallowing everything up in his mind and the snapping as the one potential way to keep him from being completely swallowed by misery, it's also like a way of comfort(? or release?) that his denial and guilt "means something" as opposed to just being repeated phrases and feelings of "What I did was wrong". If there's some way he can get pleasure off his suffering and feel good about it, he must be doing something right, isn't he?

//On the OTHER hand, there's the "Normal brain" which is essentially just that side of Leonard who's... Just a guy. And this side is simple, he wants someone he can care for (Though this can also veer into a blurry grey area if not being careful), but also knows how to care for themselves as in the case of a traditional companionship in the dark/medieval era, a man's partner/wife would often know the basics on taking care of the home and even the family trade because of just how common it was for the husband to not be around. The "Normal" Leonard primarily seeks/sought a form of trust and,,, all-around general companionship that was commonly and TRADITIONALLY thought of by any average guy as "Well a good marriage looks like this". //The ideal person Leonard would want (Putting age and gender aside) is someone who gives as much care and empathy towards his as he would give to them - even if he's not entirely sure he deserves it. *Cough* And if you'll pardon me saying this, that's a BIG reason in why i feel he's fallen for Seere (Or even part of why he's so intent on "Protecting him"), that Seere's just a little ray of sunshine who always worries for and cares about Leonard, regardless of how intimidating he may look or how much he absolutely does not want to hear it from him, of all people - at least at first.

//So in short, Leonard completely contradicts himself in that there is a part of him that gets contentment out of any possible reprimandment or reminders for his mistakes and actions as much as there is there a part that gets just as much from the complete opposite, telling him something along the lines of "No matter what, I still care and trust you", and that drives me absolutely insane.

//He's an interesting guy!!

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These shot into my brain like a bolt of lightning

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the drakendoodles :)

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//All the Elden Ring blogs in existence reblogging my last rb less than 2 minutes after i posted it...

//HELLO????????

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remember that this is always a slow time for the rpc. as we get deeper into the holiday season, remember that people are finishing classes and taking big tests. they're slammed at work or taking on extra jobs to pay the bills. people are stressed about money or family, figuring out flights or trips, dreading the colder weather, struggling to put food on the table. some people are experiencing more dark outside than light, which might mess their schedule up a bit. some deal with seasonal depression during these months.

when your dash is slower and quieter this time of year, and when less people are liking your posts or sending memes, it doesn't mean the community is dying or we're all headed for the end times. i understand that less interactions or less support might be discouraging, especially when some of us are already dealing with the doom and gloom of darker, colder months and the stress of the holiday season... but please don't turn around and scold people for their inactivity or their lack of enthusiasm. don't get fatalistic about the fate of this community and declare it prematurely dead. this period of time always happens every year. now is not the time for unfair expectations. now is the time for kindness, generosity, understanding, encouragement, and love. now is the time for "take your time with replies," and "talk to me if you need anything. i'm here for you."