#{/TL;DR: Someone PLEASE get this man laid before he hurts himself any further}

[blindedguilt]

Some Momentary Thought Interludes about Leonard's Psychology and "Type"

//Doing a little meme I hope to post as I finish this ask and now that I actually think about it it's both EXTREMELY funny but also very intriguing how much Leonard just completely contradicts himself when it comes to figuring out his "type" - Like, if you're a sadistic little prick who gives him hell psychically and/or emotionally and think he's the most disgusting creature to ever walk this earth and will tell him up front? He's going to get into that eventually. But if you're just a genuine, sweet little ray of sunshine who brightens up the whole world and think no one is truly incapable of harm ever? He adores that too.

//It's a really interesting split between his "paraphilic brain"/his person as influenced and/or dictated by his mental illness and his actual person beneath all that who,,, well, is a simple everyday guy who wants the same as every other simple, everyday guy.

//There's one half of his functioning mind, that has a serious sado-masochistic spiral and almost... Hypersexual way of looking at things with the way they're warped? I remember talking with someone a long while back over the idea of "Does Leonard have hypersexuality as a disorder in itself (Or as part of his paraphilia with its neurological stem)? Or is it a result of his current circumstances?" //I decided on the latter, in that the hypersexuality is a result rather than a cause. I think it's nature is something that develops in his mind the deeper he spirals into his "longing" and the subsequent guilt and the more pent up he gets, till eventually even his very pain and guilt become warped into a form of masochism - and I see that as a very interesting sort of cycle between that hunger gradually growing to overtake all aspects of his mind the more he tries suppressing or otherwise ignoring them and how it leads to it snapping in on itself, and then worsening the burden he's put on it to the point the only viable thing left is to start treating that constant (The constant in this context being his guilt/shame) as some source of pleasure in its own right.

//It's like it eventually grows to where he starts getting almost some masochistic kick out of his own suffering as, beyond those impulses swallowing everything up in his mind and the snapping as the one potential way to keep him from being completely swallowed by misery, it's also like a way of comfort(? or release?) that his denial and guilt "means something" as opposed to just being repeated phrases and feelings of "What I did was wrong". If there's some way he can get pleasure off his suffering and feel good about it, he must be doing something right, isn't he?

//On the OTHER hand, there's the "Normal brain" which is essentially just that side of Leonard who's... Just a guy. And this side is simple, he wants someone he can care for (Though this can also veer into a blurry grey area if not being careful), but also knows how to care for themselves as in the case of a traditional companionship in the dark/medieval era, a man's partner/wife would often know the basics on taking care of the home and even the family trade because of just how common it was for the husband to not be around. The "Normal" Leonard primarily seeks/sought a form of trust and,,, all-around general companionship that was commonly and TRADITIONALLY thought of by any average guy as "Well a good marriage looks like this". //The ideal person Leonard would want (Putting age and gender aside) is someone who gives as much care and empathy towards his as he would give to them - even if he's not entirely sure he deserves it. *Cough* And if you'll pardon me saying this, that's a BIG reason in why i feel he's fallen for Seere (Or even part of why he's so intent on "Protecting him"), that Seere's just a little ray of sunshine who always worries for and cares about Leonard, regardless of how intimidating he may look or how much he absolutely does not want to hear it from him, of all people - at least at first.

//So in short, Leonard completely contradicts himself in that there is a part of him that gets contentment out of any possible reprimandment or reminders for his mistakes and actions as much as there is there a part that gets just as much from the complete opposite, telling him something along the lines of "No matter what, I still care and trust you", and that drives me absolutely insane.

//He's an interesting guy!!