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The Daddy Blues: Adjusting to Fatherhood
Becoming a father can be one of the most life changing experiences in a man’s life. Changes to the relationship with your woman, balancing work and family life, and learning to care for a newborn can be very challenging.
Most dads will feel stressed at times as they navigate sleepless nights and major changes in relationships and routines. For some men the reality of fatherhood can be overwhelming. Just like mums, dads can also become distressed. Recent research reports 1 in 10 new dads will experience depression during pregnancy or the postnatal year. So this is something that is so normal.
Looking after yourself, your relationship and your baby are an important part of making a healthy transition to fatherhood. So what are the common concerns new dads experience, and how can dads help themselves and their family manage the first 12 months?
From my own experience, the 3 most common concerns of new dads’ are:
1. Work and financial commitments.
Feeling the extra pressure as the family’s primary provider is quite normal, particularly when work arrangements offer little flexibility. In fact, financial pressure and supporting the family are to me the main source of stress.
Talking to your partner and employer about how to negotiate balance, especially in the early weeks can reduce expectations and pressure on you and help you to feel more relaxed. So its paramount that you do this.
Balancing work and family commitments can also be stressful for new dads.
There should be equilibrium in how you balance the time you spend at work and the time you spend with your baby. This can be a tricky balance but the focus should be on the quality, not the quantity, of time spent with your new baby and time spent at work one should outweigh the other you do not want to find yourself slacking at working and messing the source of income that puts food on the table, so there should be an equilibrium.
2. Sex is the other issue
At first the excitement of a new baby can strengthen a couple’s emotional connection. But as sleepless nights and the reality of parenting kicks in a couple’s intimate relationship can suffer. Childbirth and motherhood is a big change for your partner too! Getting your sexual relationship back on track may take some time. In the meantime, there are other ways to connect intimately with your partner. Show your affection through touch and communication. Kissing, cuddling and compliments are all great ways to let your partner know how you feel about her.
Helping around the house and with the baby is another great way to help your relationship. Giving your partner time-out can help provide a better environment for intimacy.
3. Adjusting to the baby
I’ll say one thing , being by your woman’s side as she carries the baby in her womb for 9 months is nothing compared to having the baby right there in front of you crying and solely dependent on you and it’s something that needs readjusting to
Understanding what your baby needs is a big concern for new dads. Like any new job the best way to gain skills and confidence is hands-on experience! So make the time to take the parenting reins. Bathing, settling, reading, changing nappies and playing are all great opportunities for dads to bond with their new baby. Smiling, singing and chatting with your baby will teach them important emotional and social skills well before they can comprehend a single word. One-on-one ‘daddy’ time can help build a strong father-infant connection and give mum a well-deserved break.
The End.
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