blondallure - Tumblr blog

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Dolce & Gabbana “Secrets & Diamonds” Fall 2018 Ready-to-Wear Collection

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Starting fresh

okay, so, I've decided that this is going to be my diary. im posting this fully aware that not many are gonna read it, but I just kinda wanna publish my thoughts somewhere so I can process them a little. please if this triggers anyone just block my account don't report, I really need this.

so about a year ago I sort of unintentionally recovered from an undiagnosed eating disorder, but I have a feeling I might have developed a binge eating pattern instead. I've gained so much weight and I really hate how it makes me feel but I can't seem to totally get back into the way I used to eat when I was really skinny. I know I probably shouldnt want to get back to that cause it was pretty unhealthy, but I was so much prettier and I can't help but feel like I've failed. 

idk, I just wanna lose weight and look like that again, and I'm gonna try and use Tumblr to keep me accountable.

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i gotta say, nothing beats walking around in a bikini when you lost most of your weight. flaunting your body at a party and getting stares. being complimented every time you talk to someone new. floating around with delicate limbs and flowing, barely-there clothes, getting so much attention from a guy you end up making out by the end of the night, your body gorgeous and on display. a little dizzy from the alcohol hitting your empty stomach but used to it, powering through. feeling light and airy as you play water polo, scoring all the points yourself because the rest of your team is having a hard time moving around in the water, smiling and pretty and thin. truly powerful and happy with yourself, in control and showing it. nothing beats that.

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mirror, mirror

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Regressing: an inevitable failure

re·gress

(rĭ-grĕs′)

v. re·gressed, re·gress·ing, re·gress·es

v.intr.

1. To return to a previous, usually worse or less developed state

because honestly, who hasn’t ever felt as though something great has slipped from their grasp, something that used to be the very thing they valued above all else. 

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