bloody-hells-bells - Tumblr blog

[bloody-hells-bells]

Wagwan. It's ya boi again with another life update. Possibly the last? (not in an i'm gonna kill myself way dw)

I finished uni. I graduate in a couple weeks. I managed, somehow, to achieve first class honours in Politics and IR. It still hasn't really sunk in yet - I feel like on graduation day it's all gonna hit me like 'shit... I did it'. I never thought I'd manage a first class classification, I always aimed for 2:1 but the right things fell into place at the right time I guess.

I'm going to miss uni. Scratch that - I'm going to miss my friends, a lot. The hardest part about moving back home is knowing that I'm not going to be able to see them nearly as often. I can't explain it, but when you find people you fuck with, it hurts like a dagger in the chest when you know you have to leave them. I'll still try and see them when I can, but Glasgow is a long way from the West Midlands.

I have a Job! A Proper Job! I start as a Supply Chain Analyst on Monday, and it feels like my first step into the adult world. I'm excited, and a little bit scared. Such is life when you step into the unknown I guess.

I have a girlfriend, we have been going out for a year and a half. I cannot express how much I love this woman. She is honestly the light of my life and I can't wait to (hopefully) spend the rest of my life with her.

Life seems to be moving fast for me right now, and while I am anxious and possibly a little bit scared about the unknown, I am excited about the future for the first time in what seems like a long time.

When I look back on my life, now being 22, I find myself wanting to give some advice to my younger self at different points, albeit not groundbreaking, as it all turned out pretty ok in the end I guess.

Dear 10 year old me: Being bullied wasn't your fault. For better or for worse other kids pick on other kids' weaknesses, and your stammer is one of those. As hard as it may seem, do not take it personally, your stammer may be a part of you but you are more than your stammer, and it will get better. Similarly, try not to lash out at those who do mock, it is tempting but doing so reinforces the notion that your stammer defines you. Also, be nice to Mrs Dodd, she is a good teacher and only wants the best for you. She knows her stuff and working with her rather than against her will be more beneficial, trust me.

Dear 13 year old me: Do not let your self worth be defined by girls, no matter what anyone says. You are a fine lad, but do not be desperate as affection =/= happiness. Do not be scared because of your stammer, you will get more comfortable with it. Enjoy these carefree years.

Dear 16 year old me: Do not be scared to break up with people if they are not right for you, no matter the situation. Do not take maths at A level, save yourself. Go to Strathclyde. Things will come good, I promise.

Take Care,

James

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i do be happy again

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Some nights all I think about is you

Late Nights

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Hope is a dangerous thing, Hope can drive a man insane

Red

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all i did today was thinking about you while you probably didn’t even think about me once

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I had a dream that you were mine,

I’ve had that dream a thousand times...

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me_irl

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Caught somewhere between, “I shouldn’t care” and why does it hurt so much?

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Meirl

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She’s just another girl...

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I need some sleep It can’t go on like this I tried counting sheep But there’s one I always miss

Everyone says I’m getting down too low Everyone says you just gotta let it go You just gotta let it go You just gotta let it go

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Don’t talk to me I fall in love easily x

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I really do miss what we almost had.