blueandoblivious

[blueandoblivious]

something vindictive but ultimately harmless I do at work is that if you’re at my register and you’re rude to me and you pay with cash I am finding the most disgusting desolate fucked up unspeakable coin I can to give to you. oh you were mean to me? you’re getting the yucky nickel bitch

[blueandoblivious]

hold on something just happened

[blueandoblivious]

I definitely must’ve missed a lot of Steven Universe bc how the heck did Lars went from “convenience store clerk to Captain Harlock”???

[blueandoblivious]

I love it when women tell me they just finalized their divorce. ESPECIALLY older women. The correct response is always “congratulations” and they always seem so pleasantly surprised, they just seem to light right up and talk about how happy they are, what their plans are, how well they’re doing. I’ve only ever met like 1 person who was upset to be divorced and it was a middle-aged dude. Second most exciting is young men. A 25 year old guy says he just got divorced and you go “congratulations” and he SMILES? You KNOW there’s a story. I love it. People should get divorced more

[blueandoblivious]

Using QR codes to link things in circumstances where it would be inconvenient to laboriously type in a url by hand are all well and good, practical, I see it. But now I get emails like "Here's our event! Scan the qr code to register!" with a jpeg of a flyer and no url in the email or on the image. Oh you want me to...hold up my phone to a computer screen to scan a jpeg email attachment to get to a website? Instead of you just linking it to me, in the email you have already sent me, that I am already looking at on my computer? That's what you want me to do? Are you sure?

[blueandoblivious]

[blueandoblivious]

For all my Dracula Daily folks who might not read 19th Century lit on the regular “making a hasty toilet” means like … “I freshened up quickly before dinner because I just spent hours and hours on a dusty road and feel kind of gross” not “I am telling you explicitly that I took a shit and was hasty about it”

[blueandoblivious]

hand-cranked vibrator

[blueandoblivious]

what the fuck

[blueandoblivious]

This is who is leading the NYC mayoral democratic primary rn

[blueandoblivious]

Went to take this picture of this insane bigfoot sex sign and only after opening my camera did i notice the entire flock of little chickens chilling in the dirt. life is good again

[blueandoblivious]

FALL DAMAGE SHOULD NOT EXIST IN REAL LIFE.

please sign the petition below

‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎

[blueandoblivious]

stoned and autistic at a party trying to make conversation: I find the comparative lifespan of organisms so interesting. Spiders are comparatively long lived animals. Female black widows can live up to 3 years but their male counterparts rarely live four months. Some tarantulas live upwards of 20 years. The longest lived spider was around 43 years old when she was cruelly assassinated by a parasitic wasp. Domestic rats have a lifespan comparable to female black widows. To put things into perspective, there are spiders that remember a pre-pandemic world but it is likely every rat on earth was born post-COVID. There could be a spider out there born when Reagan was in office.

[blueandoblivious]

i know her heart was in the right place but my mom wrote this in the funniest way possible

[blueandoblivious]

in bangkok my mom met a newlywed couple who were on their honeymoon with a third person, their gay best friend that they both like so much they took him along

[blueandoblivious]

Do you know what this site thought of Elon Musk before he started supporting Trump and gave that Nazi Salute?

Going how far back? Ten years ago, we didn't talk about him and nobody cared. He was not in the wider public consciousness. Those who knew who he was mostly thought "oh yeah he's that rich guy who wants to look smart" and nothing much else was said. I think his first bump in popularity was when he married Grimes, and then he was just the weird rich dude Grimes married. I did not know who Grimes was and still kinda don't. She had a Tumblr blog and then made some music and had a baby with a weird name and then vanished kinda post-divorce afaik.

Then I think maybe five years ago ish he sort of started showing up more as a sort of weaboo man-baby deal? Pictures of him in Les Mis cosplay, dressed as a furby, and showing off empty Diet Coke cans and a fake replica gun on his nightstand circulated.

My impression was that he was just like. If that creepy awkward guy in class who unironically does the Naruto run and thinks katanas are magic was spawned out of the ether with infinite money.

And then I think maybe after that was how stupid he is? That became public knowledge shortly after-like how the safety vests in some of his factories are in washed-out neutral colours cause he doesn't like neons. Or like... how he seemed to be giving off the impression that he was a genius inventor, despite not actually making anything or having any kind of education se can speak of? All I know is like. He was an owner with PayPal and then bought Tesla?

And simultaneously if I remember correctly he was kind of always about "if we don't let the nazis talk on twitter then we're basically á dictatorship" or whatever, banging on the free speech drum and going on about how jokes used to be funny, then bluffed about buying twitter and somehow got legally shoehorned into ponying up and actually doing it for WAY more than it was worth, almost immediately making it worse and tanking its value.

Now it seems kind of like an Emporer's clothes situation where everyone knows the Emporer is naked, but instead of getting embarrassed and covering up, the emperor just keeps doubling down harder. Meanwhile his whole entire ass is just. Out

[blueandoblivious]

The Jungle Book (1967)