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~If you would like to support me, check out my redbubble and society6 stores! You can also buy me a ko-fi! Thanks for your support!~

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Treasure of Magic - Released

As none of you may know, I’ve entered the Morrowind Madness Competition hosted by DarkElfGuy. Unfortunately nothing for round one was entered due to the hurricane knocking out power for about a week and the preparation for said hurricane eating up the week before. But finally, for round two a mod has been made!

Jesus christ, no! God no! But yes. That’s the Egg Vent Helmet, one of 95 items brought into Morrowind with my mod. The theme was Mages & Dwemer. I think I only heard the Mages part but there’s actually quite a few Dwemer items so there. There’s a lot to say about this mod. You can check it out at https://www.nexusmods.com/morrowind/mods/45251/?

A major thing I want to say is thank you to all the modders who made their resources open to the public. Mod wouldn’t have been done without them and that kind of spirit is exactly what help makes modding great. But yeah, I’ll make some post detailing my game design and thoughts on the mod along with other info.

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Secret Lore: Hermaeus Chapter XI - War, Drama-Spun

When the world was still new, Hermaeus Mora settled for even the smallest bit of insights. He'd bargain away territory to hear about how that nasty boy, Aeron, down the dirt road rejected little Katla's invitiation to the Mud and Pumpkin Jamboree. 

How quickly Katla became a dremora owning Fuck-Priest wielding spells unknown to her kin  and turned the humble village of Stonepeck into a sunken cavern of taint. But man oh man did Hermaeus Mora spent nights with a cup of snowberry tea, his radio turned to Kyne's latest "Boys Have Dog Breath" pop single, dressed in his comfiest pjs reading the diary of a romantically distressed little girl.

“This Aeron boy, his lack of awareness is an offense moooooooost punishable. Perhaps I’ll send a Seeker to educate the lad. Oh but this turmoil entices me! I must have Katla update the book!”

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Secret Lore: Hermaeus Chapter VX - Forsaken Potential

Hermaeus Mora's tentacular potential for pleasing the human form died out quickly when the Telvanni realized how much he was willing to give out for new books and secrets. Many of his tentacles possess eyes and their perpetual state of lubrication meant prostate exams could be done painlessly and efficiently. To the Prince of Peeping he had peeped too far and the sexual form of humanoids was poisoned into an image of walking things that possessed various holes of bad stink.

To some this is fetish fuel but to me this is legitimate lore that needs to be respected and applied to most high level Telvanni magelords you encounter in the series.

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There are more Falmer than people in Skyrim. One of two things are gonna happen. One, they all come out like a horde of apocalyptic cockroaches and bring about a 200 year war of Nord vs. Falmer that’ll lead to scenes of blood and glory triggering the Heavy Metal age of Nords. Naturally that leads to the Second Empire of Man.

Or two, there’s so many Falmer that when they all come out from the underground the surface collapses from lack of support leading to a literal Landfall. There’s many ways to make Skyrim 2, Todd, and the choice...is yours.

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Caretakers of the Emperor

By Sicilian Oravarian

[In 3E 389 the wicked mage, Jagar Tharn, ensnared Uriel Septim VII’s form onto his own and sent the Emperor to Oblivion. While the prison was of Jagar Tharn’s design, it was vulnerable yet to the influence of Princes who dominated the realm. This text documents the meeting of the unholy royalty and their concerns of what to do to their new guest.]

“Give me his asshole.” Molag Bal grabbed one of his servants and sent their head into pieces against his table. “There is much to do with a Septim but a little reminder of the forces he has mingled and barter with is in order first.”

LET’S KILL HIM! It’d be so easy just bash Bash BASH his skull in! COME ON! Just do it!

Mehrunes Dagon was never raised properly and thus didn’t know how to quote his words. Peryite’s many claws rapped against the chair his serpentine form curled around. The chaos and cacophony of these meetings always riled him up and it came to be expected that every few meetings he would explode into insanity much like his kin.

“Order, I say, order!” He chimed. Peryite rested his head as his temper fumed.

“Give me that royal ass! Aren’t you sickened by the violating hands of mortals slithering into our realm and taking our servants? I say we violate them back.” The Prince who said this needs no identification. He turned over to the woman quietly scrying far across the table. “And what are you up to, Azura? You secretive bitch!”

Hermaeus Mora slithered by, his casual negligence of his tentacles and their proximity to bodies giving Molag Bal a much arousing shiver.

“Vivec?” He cried out in desperate want.

Azura burst into laughter.

“Your lover is still struggling to maintain power in his faux temples. Don’t worry, I’m quite certain you and him shall see each other again.”

“I’ll rape you! I’ll rape all of you!”

“Order! Nothing gets done if everyone is just shouting what they want!”

“You’re shouting you want order.” Azura said as her second self spoke whispers upon dying sun rays to her servants far away.

“Yes, but what I want is best for all.” Peryite hissed.

“Azura.” Groaned out Mora. “Perhaps you and I shall discuss Morrowind. I have schedules with a certain part of it, if all works out accordingly. Shall we see if there’s any conflicts….or rather,” His voice dragged into a malevolent growl. “How far you intend to influence it.”

The sudden stink of wet swine and carcass invaded the room and all but Malacath quivered at the intense rancid mist only a Prince of dying animals could marinate and concoct.

“Morrowind, we speak? What business have any of you with it?” Hircine said.

“Far more than a mere hunt.” Mora replied.

“Technically you want Solstheim, idiot.” Azura said. “Keep that filthy isle. It’ll make a great dumping ground for your hogs and dogs. So please tell them to stop defecating on the meeting floor!”

Malacath rose out his seat and slammed his hand against the table.

“Stop oppressing his personality!!”

Sanguine’s mind found its way through the intoxicated fog.

“We should think of how to care for the Emperor. Uriel knows the pleasures of life and beyond, let’s at least be gracious hosts for a while.”

“If it’s sustenance he needs…” Namira gracefully but with quick purpose uncurtained her left breast, revealing a mushroom infested rot lump quivering with the release of new age pus, “…let’s give him a taste. They say in strife a man may find his star.”

Sanguine’s cheeks ballooned with a torrent of vomit, only withdrawn with hesitation and reminders of his drinks the night before.

Throw my lands into CHAOS! THE EMPIRE IS DESTINED TO FALL AS ARE ALL THINGS! I refuse to rest until we usurp the throne and GIVE ME WHAT IS MINE!!

A xivali risked it and whispered into the ear of his lord, reminding him of their meddlings in Nirn and the long term benefits. Suddenly the disappearance of Uriel Septim VII seemed to work just perfectly.

I WITHDRAW MY DEMANDS. PROCEED AS YOU WISH. I AM PLEASED.

The moving flow of stars left Azura’s eyes as she snapped to Dagon.

“What does that mean? What are you scheming?”

NOTHING. STATEMENTS WITHDRAWN FROM I. ONLY APATHY TOWARDS THIS MADNESS.

“Bullshit!” Azura screamed. “You monkey-looking maniac, what are your plans? Give them to me!”

Molag folded his arms and chuckled heartily.

“You plot too? I’ve got my eyes and servants on your vampiric hordes!”

“I’ll have my vampiric hordes on your servants as well.”

“Fucker dick! I’ll have a little surprise for your boyfriend.”

“Taking a male form are we?”

“Now why would I want to make you insecure?”

“God….damn…” Sanguine muttered through his pants. “The banter…”

Meridia hummed to herself as the outline of her form danced through many colors and lights. Peryite had used them to comfort his mind until he realize there was no pattern to them after spending half an hour thinking there was. It only swelled his stress. The maiden of lights just watched as others spoke, keeping note on Mehrunes Dagon and his sudden satisfaction.

Clavicus Vile had spent the whole meeting uttering conflicting information to pin the Princes against each other but none had cared to listen. Despite Sanguine’s invitation to a meeting afterparty, Vile proceeded back to his realm to listen to music and ponder if he had lost his touch.

“Why do you all fret so wearily?” Yawned out Mephala. “Is it not enough the Empire has been deceived by a falsehood, a falsehood that this Jagar Tharn will be unable to keep up? He’s a sneak with no knowledge of how to rule. With patience we shall see the Empire tear itself apart.”

“Death to evil!” Yelled out a paladin as he leapt upon the center of the table. “By the Nine I see all the vileness of all the worlds at conference! You fools! You merely line your heads for an execution!”

“ENOUGH!!!” Peryite shrieked as he slid onto the table, wrapped himself around the paladin and vomited cancerous surges down his throat. The paladin’s body erupted piece by piece into blood plops and infested meats.

“Whoa ho ho! Sick!” Molag Bal laughed as he pulled up to the edge of his seat.

For Sanguine this was hilarious but with the upset caused by Namira’s prior exhibition, it was the last straw. He later stood in a two foot hill of his own upheave.

“Boethiah doesn’t even bother showing up but she sends her pranks!” Peryite shouted. “ORDER I DECLARE! BAGAWK! ORDER!!” He span his head wildly in circles as Meridia slid over to talk to Dagon, as Namira began to produce lewd and putrid juices while darkness overwhelmed her among the vomit - which pile of vomit is up to you - while Nocturnal stood as she did since the beginning and waited for the ramblings and initial madness to exhaust itself to only incredibly irritating levels. She could exert her status and speak truths of the void but that cannot be withered in use. Namira knew of Nocturnal’s presence, which stirred her lewdness in the first place.

“Shut the fuck up!” Azura yelled as she hurled an ebony moon AND a star at the dragon. Peryite’s temporary fray into insanity had already expended itself in the taking of a life so he took the blunt damage as a reminder to maintain himself and returned to his seat. He left the tumor vomit corpse as punishment.

"What takes Nocturnal so long?" asked Azura.

Molag Bal whipped out his menacing rod and smiled as the narrative was now forced to use unpleasant innuendos.

“Yeah, where is she? I wouldn’t mind a threesome with you and her.”

Sheogorather blurred his form as his torso leaned in 45 degrees to the cloaked and despicably fragrant Prince of Nightmares. The blur was to hide or perhaps make notice of his legs remaining strictly upright. Lips popped in and out in a bubble fashion about Vaermina’s head, whispering plots. She took heed of each as she held her sharp chin in thought.

“Tell me your voices on this, Mad Prince. Nightmares for one long stayed in Oblivion will only seem like the anxieties of one in a crime ridden village. Horror awaits in memories of a world far kinder growing more distant away.”

Sheogorath nodded before jerking his neck abruptly and collapsing on the ground. A Sheogorath from within the corpse emerged, ripping through the carcass as if it were paper. The mouths around Vaermina’s head whispered in fear as they beheld the display. The new Sheogorath stepped out of his corpse like a man at last ready to attend the ball. He rolled the corpse into a paper ball and tossed it to the side. The mouths parted, allowing a silent one in the back to fly onto the featureless jaw of the Mad Prince, cracking a growing smile as it glided through the air.

“Old ideas scrapped, Vaermina!” His golden eyes sharpened. “This dream business has a lot more potential than what those deviled eggs over there are cooking up! I say, why torture the man any further? Give him pleasant sanity from these wonderful waters.”

“Help the Emperor? You’ve intrigued me before, I thought you’d be pleased with another Pelagius.”

“Bitch, please.” He chuckled. “Pelagius is more than one Pelagius as far as he and I are concerned. Besides, the Septim’s head is already a festival. The Divines speak to him, what’s another friendly voice? That Tharn lad has given us gold here. In the Septim’s time of need he will find new loyalty in wondrous dreams, loyalty that will carry over once he returns to Mundus.”

Vaermina’s brow jolted to join the wrinkles above.

“You speak of others but what are you concocting, Sheogorath?”

“A new kind of future for Tamriel. I say we proceed with Love, shall we?”

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Elder Scrolls: Legends

From the company that still doesn’t know how to make a proper RPG after 20 years, a new game with a completely new genre they’ve had zero to barely any experience with: ELDERY SCROLLSU LEGENDUS!

Though to be honest, it’s only being published by Bethesda Softworks. Dire Wolf Digital is the one making the game and they’ve at least had a bit of experience with card games. So will Legends be fun? Sure, why not? Will it be bad? Sure, why not? I just despise a lot of what the game ultimately is.

https://legends.bethesda.net/world/races?locale=en

Check that out. Quality of the art? Nice. Is it a good style for TES? No. They’re sticking to safe traditional fantasy designs that don’t gleam with any semblance of TES. Only the Argonian has some distinction and to be fair, they’ve changed so much and had so much detail to them throughout Bethesda’s 20 years so they better at least get them right. But everything else? The equivalent of Magic: The Gathering.

You could show this stuff to people and ask them where it’s from. Observe their mind in action as you watch the intangible hand of their mentality flick wildly over a field of fantasy settings and references, diving desperately into whatever thought or memory feels like it would give them an immediate answer because woe upon them, they know no certainty except that saying a word will have them shortly corrected or an opportunity for conjecture gambling and the short endorphin rush a victory from risk will bring is at hand.

So yeah, it’s following a lot of safe paths in terms of art. The artists are great, I just think it relies heavily on resembling MtG a lot. Instead of seeing an Argonian crouching in the shaking spike-sided bushes of Rainchrome Bushes in Black Marsh….he’s just on top of some building somewhere with a rope ready to steal. Okay. Who’s he stealing from? Where is he? And no, writing “Daggerfall Thief” isn’t enough. Show me, through detail, where he is and what he aims to do. We get enough implications of things through lore, show me specifically what this Argonian intends to do. You know, just make it interesting and not just someone drawing the equivalent of a modded Skyrim screenshot that used an animation poser. These cards need to be a lot more than Argonian On Roof. Angry Orc on Battlefield. Battlemage in Cave. Don't let your cards just be fancier versions of Skyrim's loading screen models.

Look at the Dunmer woman in the Race section, and yes, I said Dunmer. I know, mass marketing appeal is necessary so no fancy words (like Dunmer) to scare off Joe Schmoe but mass marketing appeal is what got us a Nord, a white Breton, and Tauriel in every ESO cinematic. Lizards? Gold skinned elves? Olive skinned Imperials? Fuck how Dunmer actually look! This one is animu kawaii!

Don’t get me started on the unappealing, generic fantasy game writing the site has.

“Strength seeks victory through might. You want to attack the enemy head-on, cutting them down before they can use their fancy tricks. Strength actions are ideal for smashing enemies and clearing the way for bruisers.“

I hate stuff like this because it reduces everything to this idiotic simplicity that appeals to no one.

“ -you can always cast a spell, equip a weapon, or conjure an Atronach to even the odds.“

Stuff like this always makes me feel like I’m supposed to be some hungry animal crazed by battle and seeking whatever will bring me closer to the meal I’ve deemed “Victory”. I’m not some gamer bro who needs all the cheevos he can get before I turn around and fuck my girlfriend for the highest score. This stuff can be written with more flavor. Let me try:

“Clearing enemy lines and demanding strategy against its simple but inarguable might, Strength threatens to overwhelm the battlefield and create new necessities for your foes. Throw your fire-knowledge and speak your toxic words, but when a mountain walks hope your intelligence tells you to surrender and your word-craft sculpts an appealing treaty.”

NOW we have some flavor. Gives you a better feel of things huh? Or does smash and bruise really communicate how you want your players to feel? I know they’re trying to explain things as simply as possible but when it doesn’t really cover what your game does and it doesn’t grab anyone’s interest, you’ve already failed.

“The Dark Elf homeland of Morrowind has been invaded many times over the millennia. This history of conflict has transformed the Dunmer into hardened warriors.“

Let’s forget House Hlaalu, the magelords of Telvanni, their necromancy-fueled religion, the rise of the Tribunal, their worship of the Daedra, the insectuous (I really like this word) hive that is Vvardenfell. They’ve been invaded a lot and now they’re used to it! Go ahead and get an Imperial and draw them standing behind “Oblivion Screenshot # 37″, it just doesn’t feel like TES and it makes me worried how insistent Zenimax and Bethesda are with thinning the series out.

Game might be fun though, for a bit. ESO was fun for a bit. I’m still here playing the mainline games though and ESO sits in the dust. I don’t know. Maybe this just isn’t for me though it’s free and I’ll likely try it out. Maybe some of the 4 people reading this will like it. But there’s my two septims about it.

(Hyuk hyuk, I said two septims! I’m so fucking hilarious. Kill me. Hard.)

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So let me start off by saying I like Balmora Expansion a lot (Psst. Install my patch to fix the waterfall). It doesn’t destroy my game in any significant way and it makes Balmora feel like an actual damn city. Sure, maybe you don’t need magical archery stores or a bath house or a furniture store or a bank or even more pubs or...you know what? Fuck fun in general! But check this out.

Welcome to Second Life. I mean a vampire’s house. Wait, a vampire’s house in the middle of the second largest city in Vvardenfell in a country known for slaughtering vampires so hard that they can only live in distant tombs and ruins, both of which fill their lungs with the weighted ash of the long dead? Forget it. There’s techno music playing. (You think I’m fucking kidding too.)

Now there’s a dreamboat. I assume he’s the owner of this nightclub. Serving up delicious-

Sure. I’m a slut for alchemy. I accept this. It’s not an actual apparatus but I’m sure it does something.

Care to sssssample the platter? Only the freshest strapped skulls and moon sugar bowls for our perverted guests. I’m serious. Eat that moon sugar, you’ll need it for what comes later.

Looks like Darkone is a chuckle fuck. Only book he ever read was Bad Jokes By Sheogorath Who Wrote This On His Most Off Day In All History. But you know what? I’m a fan of cheesy. I’m a fan of that old generic gothic, hypersex, drug-and-bones cliche. I might see what this is all about.

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This is the face of a man who nostril whistles while he sleeps.

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“Never disturb two lovers you heinous jackal. Every sand left in my wife’s emptying head is another second closer to a blade between your balls.”

Welcome to Morrowind.

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Some people look good no matter what they wear. I’m one of those people. You. You are not. Next time shop at House Gucci you crank ass bitches.

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Balmora Expansion Waterfall Patch

http://www.nexusmods.com/morrowind/mods/44070/?

I’ve had Ash Vampires lunge at me with lightning speed. I’ve listened to glitched out distorted vampire screams in Daggerfall. I ate at an Arby’s one time. I’ve dealt with some scary ass shit but nothing scares me more than the waterfall outside Balmora in Balmora Expansion. At the 5% volume - and I am dead fucking serious - it will hurt your ears. At a normal volume like 40% or 50% you’re halfway deaf and you might actually have a case for suing whoever the hell decided that waterfall sound was a good idea. It’s horrifying and for some it will destroy any potential fun you might have with this mod.

So I replaced the banshee waterfall sound with a normal vanilla waterfall sound. I had to quadruple check on all the Morrowind modding sites just to make sure because I could not believe NO ONE uploaded a patch for this. IIRC Balmora Expansion has been around since 2006. There’s a 2010 version of BE but it only mentions changing the type of waterfall, not the sound. I live in a world of non ear-rape now. Not risking checking it out anymore.

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Extended Daedric Scrolls

http://www.nexusmods.com/morrowind/mods/44215/?

Technically my fifth or so mod, it’s the second one up for the public. Over 80 scrolls in Morrowind simply say “WOE UPON YOU” or some other repeated phrase. Which is disappointing when you spend so much time looking at town signs and banners, religious symbols, and letters so you can manually learn the Daedric Alphabet. So I fixed that. Thanks to WanderingDeadEye for reminding me of this issue with Morrowind.