Interest survey for my residents!! I really like how I incorporated my door decorations as the background. My first floor meeting starts at 8:30 tonight and I’m all excited. I don’t think the fact that I just downed 2 cups of coffee has helped me either….Anyway, I have met 90% of my residents and they all seem happy and I don’t think I will be having much of any issue this year. Everyone says that Sophomore - Senior students aren’t fun and give you a hard time. I think that whomever made this statement is lying. They are only trouble when drunk or just plain jerks, and that’s not very often. However, this is just the very beginning, so I know there will be an issue here and there. Overall, the school year should be great. I have several athletes and I plan on making them feel special by hosting programs and making signs for them. I know I’m quite the ambitious fellow, so half the stuff I say might not actually happen, but it’s a great start by just thinking about it. All I have to do is plan and follow through. Wish me luck as the school year is about to officially start at 8:30pm tonight.
At thw time of this, I was strongly in denial that my co-worker wrote this about our friendship. When i brought this to her attention, she denied writing it, despite it fitting our situation. We became distant, still friends, but we stopped talking to each other once the year wrapped up. She’s doing great things and that’s all that matters. To “anon”, if you still have tumblr and are active, I hope you are doing well.
So one of my fellow RAs reallllly likes me and I think he's fantastic but I just want to be his friend. I've covertly told him this and that I don't want a relationship but I'm also a very flirty person and can't stop flirting back when he flirts with me. I know I'm sending him confusing signals and I know I'm being an awful person and friend. I don't really know what advice I'm asking you for, but I just kinda wanted to rant. If you have any thoughts or concerns, please voice them and help me.
Of course I can help! First off, do you like him? If so, then consider whether it’s worth getting into some sort of relationship with him. You could just be friends, as long you talk it out with him. If you would like more, talk to him. I mean, maybe something can be worked out. But from the looks of it, you want to maintain a healthy friendship and don’t want him to assume that you’re playing games with his heart. Has he openly expressed interest? Is there any way to clarify that he too may be a flirty person just as you are? Maybe he’s thinking that he’s giving you the wrong signals and it’s just 2 flirty people as a standstill wondering what the next move in the friendship will be.
Anyway, assuming the guy likes you, I recommend you overtly tell him that you can’t and don’t want to be more than friends. Tell him that you’re a natural flirt and that you hope your flirtiness isn’t throwing him off.
If he reacts with “I know you’re flirty and I thought we were just friends” (other anything of the sort) you’re in good hands.
However, there could be another situation in which he becomes upset and things may get awkward because he is now confused and has to realize that reality isn’t what it seems to be. In this case, assure him that everything will be fine. You can still hang out and be friends and staff, but it’s that you’re not ready for a commitment of any sort. It may take time for things to get back on the ball.
I’m sure your staff, just like mine, frowns upon having a inter-staff relationship unless the two can maturely be together. However, it would be better safe than sorry. Sounds like you two get along great as friends though. Don’t worry though! I know you can get this resolved. But communication of some sort is key. If you want him to know, a conversation is going to be brought up…or he may try to make a move and that’s when things may get more difficult for you.
Finally, you are NOT a terrible person because of this. Don’t put yourself down because of this. It’s alright. Plus, if the guy turns out to like you, he will understand that you weren’t being intentional with your flirtation. He’ll understand that it’s in YOUR nature to be that, so it’s something he is going to have to accept. Good luck and I hope you find something useful out of this.
Her replacment ended up being a close friend of mine. When i visited my home, We were able to catch up, reminisce about our RA days, and talk about how we’ve applied RA skills to our life. Very cool.
A third-year RA retired!!!! She has decided to focus on her bigger passion, her sorority. I’m so proud to be on staff with her. Her energy, amazing decorations/crafts, and advice were great. I was upset, but I’m happy that she’s following what she loves. I can’t hate on someone who is willing to drop a job to do what their heart wants. I support her and I can only look up from this encounter. However, the person who comes in has big shoes to fill and I look forward to helping them out, even if I’m only a first-year. We’re all in this together.
Many years later and I no longer aplogize. In fact, I tend to take the advice of this post and say “thank you.” I spent a lot of time checking myself that apologies are no longer habitual, more intentional, and less reactive. I’m on the flipside where I am now an employer who has a couple aplogizers on my staff. How the turns have tabled.
Some advice for if you have compulsive apologisers in your life.
Y'know, the kind of people, often but not always women, and often but not always people with abuse history, who apologise for talking, or for taking up space, or for basically existing, as though they’re afraid to breathe.
I’m one of those people, and I’m a lot better than I used to be, but my trajectory is not a straight line, and it’s still difficult.
I’ve known people who will respond with “Don’t apologise” and whilst the intention of that is good, it often doesn’t work the way people think. If you know them well, and they’re actively trying to break the compulsion, it may be useful, but I’d probably suggest talking about introducing that response if they think it might help them.
Because sometimes “don’t apologise” will prompt another apology, and will feel to them like something else they’ve done wrong, rather than a reminder that it’s okay for them to be speaking and taking up space.
So, I’d like to suggest a slight change in wording to “You don’t have to apologise”, or “Apology not required”, or similar. For me, at least, it acknowledges what’s happening, and telling them it’s ok for them to speak/etc, without telling them that the apology is something they’re wrong to be doing.